REUNION OF THE HEARTS BOOK 2

KABANATA 12

"Can you do me a favor?" biglang napaawang ng hindi sinasadya ang aking bibig at nagdalawang-isip kung sasagot ba ako o mananatiling tahimik na lang. Ngunit bago pa man ako makapagsalita ay nagsalita siyang muli. "The moment you enter inside that elevator, please, don't look back. And don't ask me why, just don't. At kapag nakaalis ka na sa lugar na ito ay wag na wag ka nang babalik pa dahil kapag bumalik ka pa. Hinding-hindi mo magugustuhan ang gagawin ko kapag nakita kitang muli."

Ang huling mga salitang iyon.

Fuck! Bakit hindi ko agad naalala ang mga sinabi niya noong huli kaming makita?

"Bakit ka pa bumalik? I thought we already clear things out, the moment you enter the elevator?" malamig at punong puno ng hinanakit na kaniyang sambit dahilan upang mapakagat ako ng aking pang-ibabang labi.

I actually didn't mean to come back here in the Philippines because of him. I came here because of my ailing father, and of course for work. Wala siya sa mga reason ko kung bakit ako bumalik, kaya wala rin akong rason para mag-explain sa kaniya dahil, sino ba siya? He is just a part of my past. And he will always remain in there.

"I didn't came back for you, Tris. And never on earth would I come back for you. Okay?" walang pasubaling sagot ko na siyang ikinatigil niya. "Also, I don't have any reason to explain myself to you. Who are you, anyway?" dugtong ko pa. Seryoso ang aking mga mata habang nakatitig sa kaniya.

Nakita ko naman agad ang pagsilay ng isang ngisi sa kaniyang mga labi. It wasn't a genuine grin, but an emotionless one.

"You've really changed," he stated. I did not know if it was some kind of a compliment or not.

"I do, Tris. I really do." I said confidently which made him grin more widen.

"Yeah, that's also the other reason why I followed you. Remember my last sentence before you left me that day?" agad naman akong naalerto nang banggitin niya ulit ang bagay na iyon.

What is he planning to do?

"I already told you that I didn't came back because of you, Tris. So why bother?" I said as my heart throb in a sudden.

Alam kong hindi ko magugustuhan ang kaniyang susunod na mga sasabihin.

"I don't care if who's the reason why you came back. All I want to do is to get what I always wanted. And that is to do my revenge on you," he said with full of determination written on his face.

Hindi agad ako nakapagsalita dahil sa salitang binitawan niya. Ano ba ang sinasabi niya? He wanted revenge? For what? For hurting him? The hell? Ikakasal na siya, tapos heto na naman kami? Gaganti siya dahil lang sa pang-iiwan ko sa kaniya dati? How pathetic? Hindi ba siya titigil?

Ayaw ko nang masangkot pa sa kahit na anong problema nang kasama siya. Ayaw ko nang madali muli ang pangalan ko dahil sa kaniya. At mas lalong ayaw ko nang gumulo ang buhay ko nang dahil ulit sa kahibangan niya.

Tama na ang nangyari sa amin dati. Tama na ang lahat ng sakit.

"Hindi pa ba sapat sa iyo na nawala ang anak ko? Hindi pa ba sapat ang lahat ng sakit at paghihirap na naranasan ko nang dahil lang sa pagmamahal ko sa iyo?" hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti ng mapait. Ang sakit lang. Sa dinami raming sakit at paghihirap ang naranasan ko dahil sa kaniya, ay magagawa niya pang maghiganti dahil lang sa isang napakababaw na dahilan. "Why are you so selfish?" dugtong ko pa.

Agad naman siyang napatawa ng pagak. Na para bang nagjojoke lang ako sa mga sinabi ko.

"Really? Selfish, Keish? Came from you?" para naman akong nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig dahil sa sinabi niya. "Hindi lang naman ikaw ang nasaktan, Keish. Hindi lang ikaw ang nawalan, at mas lalong hindi lang ikaw ang nahirapan. I tried to do everything just to make you stay and just be with me until we both healed and stay together until the rest of our lives," he stated which made me shut. "Nagsakripisyo rin naman ako, Keish. But you just cared on your own sacrifices, your own pain, grief and suffering. You're the selfish one. You never cared about me, about my feelings. Sobrang sakit nang mawala ang anak natin nang wala man lang akong nagawa, but it is more painful that you left me there hanging just because you wanted to heal on your own while I am here, being more f****d up and miserable," punong puno ng hinanakit ang kaniyang boses. Para bang ipinapasa niya lahat sa akin ang sakit na kaniyang nararamdaman na itinago niya sa mahabang panahon.

Sa bawat bigkas niya sa mga salitang iyon ay pabigat ng pabigat. Every words he spill out from his mouth make marks in my heart. Totoo, I never knew his pain, because I am busy with mine. I never realize his sorrow, his burden. Everything he went through all these years.

I bit my lower lip because of the sudden realization.

Wow, ang lakas pala talaga ng loob ko na magbitaw ng ganung salita while I am also the selfish one. Not just him.

I thought I really changed, pero tanga pa rin pala talaga ako.

Maybe he is right. I am being selfish too. I never realize that he sacrificed too, that he also in grief and suffer in silence. But, what can I do? Sobrang hirap naman kasi ng sitwasyon naming iyon to the point na halos maubos na ako, eh maiisip ko pa iyon? It never crossed my mind. Goodness! Bakit ba sa dinami raming pinagdaanan namin noon, akala ko tapos na. Akala ko, okay na. Pero hindi pa pala. We just escaped it. At ngayon, sa pagbabalik ng nakaraan pa rin ang bagsak naming dalawa.

Totoo nga ang sabi nila, you can never escape those things undone. Babalik at babalik pa rin iyon. Kahit saan ka man magtungo, kahit na anong gawin mo. Just like the saying, past will repeat itself.

I took a deep breath. Siguro nga, kailangan ko rin magsorry at pagsisihan lahat ng kamalian ko. Maybe, I should be fair to him, too. Para sa ganun ay makalaya na kami sa lahat ng sakit ng nakaraan namin. Maybe this is the perfect time to let go of the pain, the burdens we are carrying, and the hatred we kept in our heart after all these years. Because, maybe this is also the other reason why we can't get out from the past and moved on. We have to forgive each other, and of course, to start a new.

"I am sorry, if it never crossed my mind. I didn't realize your pain and suffering. I am sorry for leaving you hanging, f****d up and miserable." I said very sorry. I really meant it. "I am sorry for being selfish. For being unfair. I am sorry for neglecting you ever since our supposed to be child was lost. Siguro, kaya nagkrus muli ang landas natin, to make everything right, to forgive each other most especially ourselves. Tris, with all my heart. I forgive you, and I hope, you will forgive me too."

Walang halong kaplastikan akong ngumiti sa kaniya.

I saw how his face soften. And for the first time in four years, I saw his tears stream down his face again. Not because of pain, not because of grief, kundi dahil sa paggaan ng kaniyang kalooban. I know these things burden him for a long time. And now, I finally saw the freedom of burden inside him.

And just like him, gumaan rin ang pakiramdam ko.

Ang sarap pa lang magpatawad at patawarin ng walang halong peke at kaplastikan.

But right before he spoke to me, someone just interrupted us that make my heart clenched by a fist once more.

"Tris, lets go home." It was Erin. His new found woman, na sigurado akong hindi na siya papahirapan at sasaktan. Hindi katulad ng ginawa ko.

I smiled in both happiness and bitterness. Ngaayon ko lang narealize ulit ang sakit, dahil sa pag iwan ko sa kaniya. I never thought, that it will still affect me kahit na alam kong ako ang may kasalanan kung bakit nasa kamay na siya ngayon ng iba.

But really, kahit masakit makita siyang nasa piling na ng iba, I am still truly happy for him. I hope they end up together, and live their life happy and contented.