KABANATA 13
1593 Words
TRISTYN'S POV
Tama nga ang sabi nila, destiny is useless. Hindi totoo ang tadhana, because life is what you make it. Whatever your choice is. It is you who decide. Not the destiny you are talking about.
Sa hinaba ng panahong hindi kami nagkita o nagkausap man lang, akala ko, wala na talagang pag-asang bumalik siya at magkita kaming dalawa. I've always dream of having a heart to heart talk with her, about us, our past, about what happened to us. I wanted to clear things out between the two of us. Gusto kong maging maayos kami.
Honestly, after that heart breaking scene, I almost went crazy. Kahit sinabi ko na huwag na huwag na siyang babalik, I never meant it. It actually breaks my heart in a million pieces since I knew ro myself that I can't take it. I can't bare to lose her just like that. Sobrang dami na naming pinagdaanan, tapos ngayon, heto? Lalayo lang siya ng ganoon kadali to forget everything and heal her own self? I know I am being selfish most of the time, but it is just - i don't want to lose her.
Four years ago, before she ask me to let her go, I begged her parents to see her dahil pinagbawalan na nila akong makita siya simula noong makunan siya. I even kneeled in front of them so that they would let me. I even put down my ego, just to see her.
"Please, Tito Salvador, Tita Clem. I wanted to see Kieshana. I just wanted to talk to her po." I can't help but to kneel in front of them. My tears can't be hold anymore. "Parang awa niyo na, gusto ko lang po siyang makita at makausap..." humagulhol ako sa sobrang desperasyon.
Simula noong nakalabas na ng ospital si Keishana ay hindi niya na ako kinakausap. Well, hindi lang naman ako kundi pati na rin ang lahat. In other words, hindi talaga siya makausap. She's always staring at nothing but particular. Tulala, walang emosyon ang mga mata at laging umiiyak. Inilalayo rin ako ng mga magulang niya sa kaniya. They don't want me to see her. Halos itaboy ako ni TIta Clem, mailayo niya lang ako sa anak niya. At naiintindihan ko naman iyon.
But instead of giving up, I became more persistent. Hindi ako nagpadala sa kahinaan ko. I still pursued Keishana and her family. Alam ko naman kasing kasalanan ko ang lahat ng ito. Kung hindi lang ako nagpadala sa mga sinabi ni Sabrina, kung hindi lang sana ako naging duwag ay siguro ngayon malaya kaming dalawa. Malaya kong ipagsigawan sa buong mundo kung gaano ko siya kamahal.
And also, baka nabuhay pa ang magiging anak sana naming dalawa.
"Tris, you know how much trauma you brought to my daughter. Look at her now, hindi natin siya makausap ng maayos dahil sa nangyari. Masyadong masakit sa kaniya ang lahat ng ito, I hope you understand, Hijo. Bilang magulang ni Keish, mas nasasaktan kami para sa kaniya," napaiyak na rin si Tita Clem. I know she's hurting more than anyone. "Hindi ko hinangad na maging ganito ang mangyayari sa kaniya. If you were in my shoes, you'll understand if where I am coming from," matigas niyang sambit bago niya kami iniwan ni tito Salvador dito sa may sala ng kanilang bahay.
Kung nasasaktan man ngayon ang anak niya, alam kong mas nasasaktan siya para rito. And I understand that.
Pero nasasaktan rin naman ako. I am also suffering because of what happened to us, to our baby, and to our family. I am also in grief. I know some of them thought that I am useless, that I am a jerk. Yes, maybe I am like what they thought, but I know to myself that I am really totally not. I am more better than that.
I just do what I thought is the best thing to do. But what happened is beyond my expectations. I never thought it would end up like this and it became more worse than I thought. Yes, maybe my sister is warfreak but I never thought Sabrina is the same too. She's more worse than I expected.
Tito Salvador took a heavy breath before he taps me on my shoulder. "I am sorry, Tristyn. Gustuhin ko mang makausap mo ang anak ko, ay wala akong magagawa. My wife, her rules. I have nothing to do with this. Kahit ipilit mo, kahit magkampihan tayo, kung ayaw ng mag-ina ko ay wala na akong magagawa," he, then left me here alone.
For the ninth time, hindi ko pa rin siya makausap. Wala na akong iba pang paraan na naiisip pa para lang makausap ko siya, maliban sa isa.
Lander... Siya lang naman ang nakakalapit kay Keishana maliban kay Ann. Siya lang ang bukod tanging taong makakatulong sa akin.
Lander is my only choice. I need his help.
I know it is something unusual of me to seek help, lalo na sa taong hindi ko naman kaibigan o kaclose man lang, but this is the only choice I have. I need to lower down my pride just to see Keishana dahil mas mahalaga siya kaysa sa pride na meron ako.
~
"Sa lahat ng kagaguhang nagawa mo, sa tingin mo tutulungan kita? Eh, putangina ka pala, eh!" isang malaking suntok ang natamo ko muka kay Lander na siyang inaasahan ko nang gagawin niya.
But I didn't fight back. I know I deserve it, sa lahat ng nagawa ko ay kulang pa ito.
Hindi pa ako nakakarecover sa suntok niya nang kinwelyuhan niya agad ako. Nanlilisik ang mga mata niyang nakatitig sa akin dahil sa sobrang galit. Based on his looks, anytime soon, he'll gonna kill me to death.
"You don't deserve her, Tristyn Guevara. And she doesn't deserve someone like you as well! Keishana deserves a man who's more way better than you!" anger is evident on his voice. In every word he spill, emphasized the hatred he has towards me.
Masakit man sa pride, but I accepted it whole hearted. He's right, anyway. I know she deserves better than me, but I just can't let go of her. I love her so much that I could give her my life if I had to. Kung pwede ko nga lang palitan ang buhay na nawala sa amin ay ginawa ko na.
But I can't, cause it's not possible.
Life is so unfair for our supposed-to-be child. They doesn't deserve any of this. Napakagago ko kasi. Kasalanan ko ang lahat ng ito. Kung hindi lang ako naging tanga, uto-uto at bobo, hindi mangyayari sa amin ang ganito.
Isang suntok sa panga ulit ang iginawad niya sa akin. But still, I didn't fight back. Maybe because, I need this. I need to wake up in the f*****g truth para matauhan ako sa lahat. This may help me build my self again, and be a better person for her.
"Fight, Tristyn! Fight back!" he demanded, but I didn't do. I just can't.
Suntok at sipa sa tadyang ang ginawa niya para lang lumaban ako sa kaniya, but still. I'm not in the mood to fight back. Sa lahat ng nangyari, feeling ko ay wala na akong karapatan pa na lumaban pabalik.
I know I deserve this.
And I won't make any defenses just to fight back.
"Ano ba! Lumaban ka!" he screamed in anger. "Are you a f*****g coward now? Fight me!" he added as he hit me on my face.
But still, he get no response from me.
Sa kakasuntok niya ay parang gusto niya nang sirain ang mukha ko at lumpuhin ako, but when still get no response from me or any action to defend myself, ay huminto siya. Hingal na hingal na para bang nakipagkarera siya sa libo-libong kabayo.
"Kung pwede lang kitang patayin ay matagal ko nang ginawa, but I don't want to hurt the only woman I love," wika niya at agad na naupo sa tabi ko habang nakahilata na ako sa may sahig ng parking area, bugbog sarado ang mukha at wala nang lakas pa para tumayo. "Ang swerte mo nga dahil ikaw ang pinili niya, you're so lucky having the woman I longed for so long. Pero sinaktan mo lang siya. Ginawa mo siyang tanga! Do you know how much pain it brought me, seeing her f****d up and miserable? Sobrang sakit!" hindi ko alam kung bakit niya sinasabi sa akin ang lahat ng ito. But I guess, he is just telling me everything so that I am aware na hindi lang ako, o ang mga magulang ni Keish ang nasasaktan.
Also the person who secretly hoping to have the woman they loved for so long.
Ang gago ko nga talaga.
"But what can I do, Tris? It is you, who she loves. It is you, who's her world. And it is you, who she wants. While me? I'm just a rebound. The person she never see, she never wants, and she never loved."
"L-Lander...."
"But don't pity me, I don't need it. Especially when it came from you." Tumayo na agad siya at agad na inilahad ang kaniyang kamay sa akin. "Basta ipangako mo, huwag mo nang uulitin ang kagaguhan at katangahan mo. Dahil sa susunod na sasaktan mo ulit siya. Hinding hindi ko na siya hahayaang mapalapit pa ulit sa iyo. And I will do everything just to have her, Tris. I will make sure that I will own her heart and her soul."
I smiled and finally accept his hand to help me stand.
"May the best man win."
- Writer
