marry my sister

"Ang pangit mo! Papansin kana naman kay ivan" sumigaw ang babae ng malakas sakin, halos rinig ng mga kaklase ko sigaw niya, pumalibot sakin mga barkada nya na parang gusto nila akong durugin sa inis, sabay pa nito ang pagtaasan nila ng kilay saakin. Hindi lang yan ang naranasan ko noong high-school pako, Sabi ng mga matatanda ang sarap balikan ng pagkabata kung saan papasok lang tayo sa paaralan at ang problema lang natin ay ang mga assignments na pinapagawa. Pero, para saakin ito yung mga araw na ayaw kunang balikan, dahil ang araw nayun ay halos gusto kunang sumuko at mag pakamatay dahil sa mga salitang sinasabi sakin ng kaklase ko. In high-school hindi lang ako kikay o nerd kundi isa rin ako sa pagiging tanga at uhaw sa pagmamahal,I used to always think that whenever someone was near me, they either wanted to be my friend or liked me, but they were all the same. They would betray and hurt my feelings, stabbing my heart with hurtful words and making me feel like I was not even human. "Am I not a person? Is there something wrong with me? Have I done something wrong?" I used to ask myself these questions every time I prayed to god in the middle of the night. I thought that god had heard my prayer and would give me just one person to love and save me from this harsh reality. I had mistakenly thought that he understood and loved me for who I was, that I did not need to change anything to be worthy of his love. It is rather ironic that I used to wear red dresses and apply thick lipstick in school, only to be chastised by my teacher and ridiculed by my classmates, including him. I tried to stay positive and convinced myself that he actually found it amusing, as I had been scolded by my mother in the meantime. After each passing day, I was bullied even more because I had fallen in love with a person I couldn't be with. He was my first love, his name was Ivan. I wanted to live for him forever, as I believed we would never separate, that he was my one true love. He had always saved me from bullies and had always been by my side, through the good times and the bad. Despite all the hardships, I still felt a small spark of joy during my time in high school because of him. Pagkatapos namin mag high-school mas lalo pa lumaki ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya, halos siya na ang laman ng puso ko noong nag collage ako, hindi ko enexpect na same din pala kami ng nararamdaman sa isat isa. November 29, 2016 was my 18th birthday, and it was also the day he held my hand, the happiest day in my life. I gave my all for him, my first everything. I would do whatever he asked me to do, loving him even more with the sight of his smile. I wasn't stupid, but when it came to him, I couldn't think of anything other than making him happy. If that meant vaping and drinking alcohol against my better judgment, so be it. I would do anything to keep him happy and make him love me more. "Oh ano! ha! Hindi kana mag aaral, puro nalang kalandian inaatupag mo! Tingnan muyang score mo puro mababa" sigaw ni mama sakin, hindi nila naiintindihan nararamdaman ko dahil lagi nalang ang atensyon nila nasa kapatid ko. Ito lang naman hiling ko ang sumaya kahit unti, hindi porket may boyfriend ako hindi kuna pinapansin yang mga school works ko pero wala e. "Ma, hindi ko pinapabayaan mga gawain ko sa school." Hinarap ko si mama at sinagot ko sya ng harapan, bakas sa mukha nito ang pag kainis, i know that its wrong na sagot sagutin ko nalang magulang ko pero hindi nila naiintindihan. Lumapit si papa sa akin at hindi ko namalayang bumagsak ang malaking palad nito sa pisngi ko. "Yan naba natutunan mo!? Ha ang sumagot sagot sa nakakatanda?" Sabat ni papa. Hinawakan ko ang namumula kong pisngi habang pinipigilan kong umiyak sa harap nilang dalawa total hindi din naman sila maawa at mas lalo pa silang maiinis sakin. Tinalikuran ko sila at tumakbo papuntang kwarto, i was trembling and terrified on their stare na parang subrang laki ng kasalanan ko lahat ay ibinigay ko para makapasa. Unting saya lang ang naranasan ko pero bakit galit sila sakin? Ni minsan hindi ko ranas ang pagmamahal nila sakin, ni minsan hindi ako humungi ng subra. Naging tanga ako at bulag sa harapan nila, Why did I have to live this way? Months passed without me seeing the blossoming relationship between my sibling and Ivan. I was filled with anger and resentment again. Umupo ang kapatid ko sa sofa habang nasa harapan nya sila mama at papa "Ma, pa, buntis ako" pag amin ng kapatid ko kila papa, kita sa kanila ang gulat ngunit wala akong narinig na masasakit na salita na binitawan nila sa kapatid ko. Niyakap nila papa at mama ang kapatid ko na parang hindi malaking kasalan ang nagawa niya "ate, sorry nabuntis ako ni ivan" nabasag ko ang baso na hawak hawak ko sa gulat, halos mahimatay ako sa sinabi niya. "Hi...hindi mika! Hindi totoo yan! Mahal ako ni ivan hindi nya magagawa sakin yan mika!" Panginginig na sagot ko sa kapatid ko habang napaupo nalang malapit sa lamesa "Ano ba mira! Umayos kanga, buntis tong kapatid mo!" Pangingialam ni mama samin, sabay napaupo siya sa tabi ng kapatid ko sa sofa. Tumayo ako at tinitigan sila "Ma...!" Sinigawan ko si mama na parang nawala na ang respeto ko sa kanya "ma! Hindi muba narinig, nabuntis daw siya ni ivan, pero wala lang kayong reaction! Alam nyo ba na mangyayari to!? Alam nyo ba na nag lalandian yang dalawa!" Dagdag kupa, walang reaction si mama at papa, hindi man sila sumagot ngunit kita sa mukha nila na alam nila ang totoo "bwesit! Ma, pa! Kung hindi nyo man ako tanggap bilang anak nyo sana sinabi niyo! Hindi yung para akong tanga dito na ginagawa yung lahat para masulyapan at mapansin nyo man lang ako. Para ako ta...tanga na uhaw na uhaw sa pagmamahal dito, tao din ako." My voice cracked as i open my feelings towards them "sa..sana sinabi nyo diba" napa hawak ako sa noo ko at tinatakpan mata ko ng luluha na ito. "Alamin mo yang sinasabi mo mira! Matanda kana dapat intindihin mo sarili mo! Bwesit kang bata ka, hindi paba sapat na pinakain at pina-aral ka namin. Yung ibang bata dyan wala nang makain tapos mag gaganyan kapa!" Pasigaw na sagot ni mama sa akin habang hinahawakan ang likuran ng kapatid ko. "Sana nga di nyo nalang ako pinanganak!" Sumagot ako sa kanya at tumakbo pa alis sa bahay. That was the moment I realized that even my own family could betray me, that they lied as if hurting others was their hobby. Mas malala pa sila sa hayop. This pain deep within me would never go away and it would serve as a constant reminder of my humiliation until I grew old. I strived to study hard and escape my home, forgetting the terrible things I had experienced. Work had become my obsession and I no longer had time to pay attention to the world around me, spending every waking moment dedicated to my job. I was the secretary for a popular makeup company, with the company known for its quality products that even celebrities endorsed. However, I myself had not tried the products as I had stopped my own makeup routine since breaking up with Ivan, believing that it would not suit my unattractive face. Sunday non kaya naisipan ko mag mall para man lang bumili ako ng libro, may nadaanan akong isang store sa mall na nag bibinta ng product namin at nakita ko ang isang babae na nagrereklamo sa stuff about sa product nayun, nakakaawa na yung babae kasi nakayuko na dahil maraming tumitingin sa kanila. nilapitan ko sila "Excuse me ma'am? Ano pong problema?" I ask. "Ito kasing babae nato I was asking her about the benefits of this product, but she couldn't give me an answer." "Sorry ma'am bago lang po kasi ako dito e" sumagot ang babae habang naka yuko "Let me explain about this product, The benefits of this skincare product are that it removes dark spots from the skin and evens out the skin tone, making it feel smoother and lightening the complexion. After using the product for five minutes, it feels refreshing and soothing on the skin and it also lightens the skin. With this makeup product, it enhances the beauty of the face, making it more vibrant and covering even just one spot quickly and also it improved your dull or blemished skin, hiding imperfections, accentuating or enhancing certain features, and giving a more vibrant or confident look." Pag papaliwanag ko sa babae, kita sa kanya ang pagkamangha at pumalakpak panga ito. "Sure kaba dito? Pano mo alam mga benefits nito?" Tanong nya saakin habang napatingin sa dala dala nyang skincare and make up. "ahaha, guma...gumagamit po kasi ako niyan, tinitingnan kopo muna yung benefits nila bago kopo sya subukan and maganda po talaga siya sa balat natin "sagot ko, ayaw kong malaman nila na secretary ako ng products nayan baka ano pa sabihin nila e. "sus parang hindi ka naman gumagamit nito" ani pa niya, so ano ibig mo sabihin? na pangit ako ganon? tsk Maya maya lang ay binili ng babae ang product and umalis na ako para bumili ng libro, halos nga lumaki yung mata ko ng nakita ko na subrang dami ng mga libro at puro bago, hindi katulad dati na unti lang. Sinimulan kuna mamulot at madaming mga book na nagandahan ako kaya binili ko nalang din halos sampo nga nabili ko e. Habang tinitignan kopa ang ibang libro ay may lalaking matangkad ang biglang lumapit sakin "Hey miss, how much is this book?" tanong nito habang inabot sakin yung libro, shocks mukha ba akong tindera ng libro, kaloka to naka dress nanga yung tao e. "Excuse me, hindi po ako yung tindera PO sir" sagot ko sakanya, humingi ito ng sorry sakin at tumakbo sa kasama nya sabay siksik sa likod nito, nahiya ata sya HAHA. Tumingin ako sa kasama nya na mas matangkad pa sa kanya siguro 6'2 sya, hindi ko alam na may mga bata pa palang mahilig sa libro.