Her Saviour

Chapter 7: The feeling

Rin woke to her alarm ringing at 7 am. She sat on her bed still under the blanket and rubbed her eyes. She still felt sleepy even though she slept almost ten hours because of the sleeping pill. She dragged herself out of the bed and into the bathroom for a shower. She got out of her clothes and stepped into the shower. She turned on the shower and adjusted it to the temperature she wanted. As the hot water fell on her body, it awoke her. She took her time in the shower. It made her feel warm – warmer and soothing than anyone made her feel. As she got out of the shower, she let out a sigh.

She thought, “When should I do it? Everything is meaningless. As I stay alive, every minute and every second hurts. It would be better to die than live like this”. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked at her reflection in the mirror.

As she kept staring at her reflection, she thought, “I look so ugly. I should die. I have no place here. I do not belong here”. She wiped away her tears and turned away from the mirror. She dried her hair and got into her clothes. She wore an aqua tank top that complemented her eyes and denim light blue mom jeans. She wore a cream-colored cardigan on top of it.

Then she went to the kitchen and started getting breakfast ready. She toasted four slices of bread and on a frying pan, cooked two eggs. After she was done, she plated it and called out to her father.

“Dad, breakfast is ready”.

“Okay I am coming”, her father replied.

They ate their breakfast in silence.

As they ate, Rin was thinking of planning her death carefully today. “Okay, I will go to that place and plan everything so that it can be carried out without any mistake. I guess I will get there early today.” She checked the time, it was already 9 am. She hurriedly finished her breakfast and went to her room to pack her stuff.

She got her car keys and shouted bye to her father and left the house.

She got into her car and checked if she had cigarettes to know if she needed to stop by the shop. She had some. So she decided to drive straight towards the place. As she drove, probably due to her decision to plan everything to end it, it calmed her.

“Probably ending everything is the answer for me”, she thought.

She reached the place around 9:30 am. She got out of her car and lit a cigarette. As she inhaled the smoke, something caught her eyes. It was a cherry blossom tree. It was beautiful. Even though she came here yesterday, she did not notice it until right now. As she continued looking at the beautiful tree, she could not help but feel that just like the cherry blossoms she will also disappear and wither away soon.

She started planning her death in her head.

“So first, I need to choose a time, a place and a date for the “accident”. First I have to search for a place. A place where a car accident could happen and the fact that it was planned cannot be assumed. How do I find it? I cannot search on my phone nor ask anyone”. She let out a muffled sigh.

She felt a gaze on her. As she looked around, there was a car a little further from hers. Outside the car, leaning on it was a guy. Their eyes met for a brief second before he turned away. He had a lighted cigarette in his hand. For some unknown reason, her heart skipped a beat. Even though she did not know him and he was far away, it felt like she had known him for so long. Something about him made her feel warm and it made her heart feel better.

She quickly turned her gaze away from him. Her heart was still beating fast. She mentally scolded herself that it was not the right time for it. She remembered what she was planning to do. She could not be distracted by this. However, she could not help but wonder why she felt so warm and what about the guy was so familiar.

She threw her cigarette and checked the time. It was 9:50 am. “s**t I might be late for class”, she thought and got into her car. As she started driving to the college, she stole a glance at the guy. He was smiling. His smile was so bright and genuine that Rin felt a tear roll down her cheek.

The tear fell because Rin somehow felt that guy was a light. A light that will never come into her life. A light that she has given up on because there was only darkness in her life. With this, she wanted to forget this encounter. She wanted to forget the warm feeling that he made her feel. This was all worthless since she had decided to end it. A sad, empty and lonely feeling overwhelmed her as she drove out of his sight with the thought that she will never see him again.

She reached the college parking and searched for a parking space. After she found it, she parked her car and got out of it. She walked towards her first class; English Literature. She reached the class and picked the same seat as yesterday. After sitting down, she watched out of the window with a heavy feeling. Maybe somewhere inside her, she wanted that light in her life.

As if on cue, someone sat near her. As she looked at the seat beside her, the same guy from the morning was sitting there. Rin could not move and her eyes were fixed on the guy. He looked at her, flashed a beautiful smile, and said, "Hey, I am Haru."

At this moment Rin felt extremely warm and a smile made its way to her face.

She replied, "Hi, I am Rin."