Her Saviour

Chapter 20: The last day?

Rin’s Point of View

She felt lifeless. She stayed in the bathtub, still hugging her knees. With every second that was passing by, her desire to die grew a lot. One of the things that a person with borderline personality disorder experiences is impulsiveness. Due to this, at this moment she decided to end everything. However, she decided to do it later. Deep inside, she had doubts but she was not going to change her decision due to her stubbornness.

Just then, Haru’s face and his smile flashed in her mind. As soon as this happened, Rin became sad. She had just met Haru but he still felt like home.

“Let me feel like I am home before I die. I will ask to meet him today. It will be like a goodbye. After that, I will carry out my plan. I guess I will visit that place near the stream before it” she thought.

She checked the time it was 5 am. She wanted a smoke. She did not care whether she got caught smoking. She opened the bathroom window and lit her cigarette. She inhaled the smoke and exhaled her life away. After she was done, she was in the mood for a bubble bath. She was convinced it would be her last. So she got the water ready and poured the bubble bath solution into the bathtub. She undressed and waited a little while. Then when the bubbles were all set, she got into the bath.

She lit another cigarette. She felt like all the heaviness she was feeling after she woke up vanished away. She felt refreshed and better. She decided that the end was the best. However, as she said before she wanted to meet Haru before she ended it.

She checked the time. It was nearly 6 am. She stayed in the bath for a little more while and then got out of it. She showered to rinse the bubbles. She got into her bathrobe and opened the bathroom door. She entered her bedroom and walked over to her wardrobe.

She took out clean black underwear and a black bra. She took off her bathrobe and wore it. After that, she searched through her clothes and decided on black leggings and a large black hoodie. She applied the cream on her face and wore the clothes she decided on.

She sat on the chair facing the dressing mirror. The moment she saw her reflection, she was disgusted by it. She ignored her reflection and picked up the hairbrush. She also put the wire of the hairdryer in the plug and switched it on. She dried her hair while also brushing it.

She usually tied her hair in either a ponytail or a low one. However today, she felt like letting it down. She got up from the chair and picked up her bag. She put her phone, her car keys, her books, and her earphones into it. Then she left the room to go start cooking in the kitchen.

She wanted to cook for her father since it would be the last meal she would cook for him. She started by doing some dishes that were left from yesterday and then started on the meal. When she was almost done, she heard her father coming into the kitchen. She looked up to him and greeted him with a “Good morning”. He greeted her back.

She told him to wash up soon because breakfast was going to be ready soon. He nodded and left the room.

After she got everything ready, she ate some cereal herself. When she was done, she went back into her room to get her bag. Just as she was about to leave, her father saw her.

“Going to college?” He asked.

“Yes dad”, she replied.

He nodded and waved.

She looked at her father one more time and left.

She walked towards her car while taking out her car keys. She checked if she had some cigarettes left. She had only one. She checked if she had some money. After confirming that she had some, she zipped the bag and got into the car. She started her car. Before she started driving, she checked the time. It was 8 am. Classes did not start until 10 am. She did not want to attend classes but she did not have any other way to ask Haru to meet her at the isolated place. Since she had some time before it, she went to buy a pack of cigarettes and headed to the isolated place.

The place was the first time where she had seen Haru. She thought, “It would be nice if that was the last place we meet before I die. I am not going to tell him that I am planning it. However, I would feel bad if I die without meeting him. Although I do not know how he will react when he hears that I have died, I hope it does not affect him much. It would be nice if he would remember me.”

She got out of her car and lighted a cigarette. She noticed the cherry blossom tree. It was in bloom. She walked towards it and gazed at the beautiful tree. One blossom fell on her face and the realization hit her. The realization that it is only short-lived. That beauty is temporary. The blossoms were going to fall soon. Rin thought it would be wonderful to die with the cherry blossom petals.

Rin did not know how much time was passing by and how many cigarettes she had lighted until she checked the time. It was 9:45 am. She quickly smoked the one in her hand and got into her car. She drove to the college parking and parked her car in an open parking space. She got out of the car with her bag and started walked towards her class.

She sort of felt anxious and nervous when she enacted a scene in her head trying to ask Haru to meet her after his class was over.

"So much for being nervous when I am going to die later," she thought.

She reached her class and the second she stepped into the room, her eyes searched for Haru. Her eyes lit up when she found him sitting where he did yesterday. He had not noticed her at the moment. She walked towards him slowly and stood near him. To Rin, Haru looked lost in his thoughts.

She faked a cough to get his attention. It did its trick. Haru looked up from his phone and was surprised to see Rin there. He quickly recovered and smiled at her.

Rin also smiled at Haru and said, “Hi Haru”

Haru replied, “Hey”.

Rin went to sit beside him. There was some time left before the lecturer came into the class. During this time, Rin mustered up the courage to ask Haru to meet her later.

“Haru? Are you free later?”

Haru replied, “Later as in when?”

Rin spoke, “After your classes get over”

Haru looked like he was thinking hard. “Um, will it take long?” he finally asked.

Rin replied, “Nope. Not much. I just wanted to thank you for yesterday with a smoke at the same place as yesterday.”

She watched as Haru smiled. He spoke, "Sure Rin. After classes are over right? I will be there. Can you wait at that place? My last class gets over at 2 pm. I will be there as soon as I can."

She smiled at him and said, "Okay. Thank you, Haru."

Haru replied, “No problem.”

As soon as he said that, the lecturer came into the class and started the lecture.

Rin took out her note book but diverted her attention outside the window. She sort of felt at peace and she was starting to like this feeling.

“It’s okay Rin. It is just until later today and everything will be fine.” She thought to herself.