Her Saviour

Chapter 21: A miracle?

Rin’s Point Of View

She wanted the time to pass by fast. One of the reasons for it was because she wanted to spend some time with Haru. Another one was because she wanted to die soon. Her plan was to ask Haru to come to meet her later during the first class she had with him. Then she was going to bunk. She wanted to go to the place she discovered last time. She had been alone for a while but she wanted to be alone for some time before she dies.

Middle of the lecture, she had the urge to look at Haru. So she slowly sneaked a peek at him. She did not expect what happened. When she sneaked a glance at him, Haru was looking at her. He had a gorgeous smile and was looking at her as if she was the only woman in the world for him. She felt her cheeks burning. She was absolutely sure that she was blushing like a tomato and she did not have the courage to face him. She diverted her gaze outside the window.

However, she still felt Haru’s gaze on her. With every second she was becoming redder. She quickly picked up her pen and wrote some notes in order to distract herself. She was relieved when she succeeded. The time of the rest of the class went by pretty fast. When the class ended, Haru spoke to Rin.

“I guess I will see you later. Bye Rin.” He said it with a smile.

Rin smiled back and replied, “Okay Haru. See you.”

Rin watched Haru walk out of the class. Rin started walking out of the class as soon as Haru was out of her sight. She walked directly towards the college gate. Her purpose in coming to college was fulfilled; it was only to ask Haru. She speed-walked towards her car and got in.

She started her car and drove out of the parking and into the road. She was going to drive towards the place she had found yesterday near the river. Before that, she stopped at a convenience store for another pack of cigarettes and ice cream. She did not want to eat junk food or a proper meal today. Ice cream would suffice. Then she drove for an hour and a half to that place. It was peaceful.

Sun rays were seeping through the large tree branches with the sound of the river and the birds were chirping. It was not how she had expected to spend her last day but she did not have any complaints. In fact, since it was so peaceful she actually loved it. With no humans nearby, she felt at ease. There was no anxiety building up inside her nor was there any heaviness in her chest.

“Maybe this is why people chose suicide. When you know that everything will be over soon, everything feels peaceful with no worries.” She thought.

She recalled the time when her Psychologist told her about Borderline Personality Disorder. She remembered her saying that it needed intensive therapy throughout her life. It was going to be a part of her and that she had to learn to live with it. Before she was diagnosed with it, whatever happened to her she just smiled through it. She made herself get used to it, whether it was maturing at an early age or battling negligence. Without emotional support, she put everything on herself. When she learned that with Borderline Personality Disorder, it is essential to have a support system, she gave up. She did not have a support system and at this point, building a new one would take a lot of time and effort. She did not have a lot of time and effort for it and at this point, a support system seemed useless.

She had distanced herself from most of the social norms. She distanced herself from so-called social relationships such as friends and relatives and from fulfilling those social obligations. She did not want to jump back into the “normal” world.

She walked to the big rock just above the river and leaned on it. She took out a cigarette and lighted it. She inhaled the smoke and looked at the trees. The sun rays were seeping through the branches but it was not blinding bright because the trees were thick.  She then looked at the river and had an idea. She slowly walked to the riverbank, being careful not to trip over the pebbles. She took off her shoes and her socks and then rolled her leggings up till her knees. She slowly put her feet into the river. She found a sturdy rock and sat on it. Her legs were still in the river. The river was not extremely clean but it was not dirty either. However, Rin did not care. She just liked the feeling of her legs in the cool water.

If something unexpected happened and she fell into the river, she would drown. Rin did not learn how to swim. She did not care if she drowns. However, she still wanted to meet Haru before she dies. She lit another cigarette. She played a song from her phone but remembered that her earphones were in her bag. She stood up and went to get her earphones.

She came back with it and sat on the same spot. She put on her earphones and played a song. It was “Heart like yours” by Willamette Stone.

“Breathe deep, breathe clear

Know that I’m here, know that I’m here

Waiting

Stay strong, stay gold

You don’t have to fear, you don’t have to fear

Waiting”

She sang in a low voice. The sound of the river was louder than her voice but she continued singing the whole song.

“How could a heart like yours ever love a heart like mine?

How could I live before? “

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

After the song ended, she checked the time. It was 12: 50 pm.

“I need to reach back at 2 pm.” She muttered and hurriedly walked back to her car.

She started her car and drove to the isolated place where she will be meeting Haru. She drove faster than she did when she drove to the place near the river. And because of that, she reached the place at exactly 2 pm. Even though she did not run, she felt breathless. She got out of her car and leaned on it. Since it was only 2:02 pm, Haru would have just started packing up.  

She lighted a cigarette in the meantime and waited for Haru. Two minutes passed and then ten minutes. Haru was nowhere to be seen. Rin decided to wait for a while thinking that maybe Haru was caught up in some work. Soon, it was 3 pm and Haru still did not show up. By this time, Rin was starting to feel worried and anxious at the same time. She hoped Haru was fine.

She debated whether she should go to college and check about Haru but she realized she did not know which class he had from 1 pm to 2 pm. She lighted a cigarette in frustration. She was not mad that she was here alone but she was worried about him.

Rin waited until 6 pm. However, Haru still did not show up. She scolded herself for not asking for his mobile number.

By 7 pm, Rin had no other option than to go home. She drove back home and when she reached home, she went straight to her bedroom. She was hungry and tired. She was still worried about Haru. All she could do was hope that he was fine and that he would come to class tomorrow. She changed into some comfortable clothes and ate a sleeping pill. She got into her bed. Since she was tired, she fell asleep after about ten minutes.

With all of the worries about Haru, Rin had forgotten about her plan to die.