Benefits of a Broken Heart

Chapter 9 Reading The Signs

---Taylor's POV---

The past day has been overwhelmed with emotions. Finding out the only people I thought were friends actually hated me, broke my heart. I couldn't feel more crazy and alone. No wonder they never answered me back or pick up my calls. Do all my friends hate me? or just them? This makes me question everything.. but hearing what the girls said about me broke me down. I feel even more alone because when I told my family and they just think I can't do this by myself, so I feel like a failure on top of everything, making me want to go back.. But then here is this man I never imagined being the cheerleader and push I need and want to make me stay and push through. I'm just trying to figure this all out for myself, but now knowing I don't have to do it by myself, lifts a weight I didn't even know was on my shoulders. I don't know if I'm dreaming or being tricked when it comes to Austin, because I'm so afraid I'm going to awake from this fantasy to figure out I was just stupid when it comes to this incredibly sweet and handsome guy. Anything he does seems to turn me on and It's hard to switch it off.

I don't know if I should feel exhilarated right now like I am.. I think I should be mad.. yea mad.. The guy I seem to keep developing more and more feelings for is staring at me naked through my window, biting his lip, looking as if he is in a trance made by my tits.. and it looks like he likes what he sees but.. how long has he been staring at me in this window? I know I should care, but I really don't, he is the one guy that I would want to see me like this, he is the only guy making me feel pretty.. I can feel my heart racing not knowing how to move past this.. Do I say I'm mad or tell him I wanted him to see me? because what if he doesn't want anything with me? That would probably come off way too strong for his liking and I would probably have to leave, just so I didn't make him uncomfortable. As if he might think I will throw myself at him every chance I get.

I slip on my ripped jean shorts with my belly sweatshirt. That's it, besides the joint I have rolled in my sweater pocket, the sweatshirt is a dark rusty color and one of my favorites. Since I'm dressed and ready.. I'm hungry now, so I leave the room to maybe go get myself something to eat because I don't have the energy to make anything. I get out of the room as I instantly make eye contact with a nervous-looking Austin. He looks scared to talk to me, but like I said, I don't want to scare him off or make him feel like he can't do what he wants in his own place. I mean come on, he is letting me stay here, not the other way around.. and by the apparent shock and embaressment, he didn't mean to see me like that.. So that is probably just my fault for not covering the obvious window.

He jumps up with his hands up in surrender as I do the same, before saying to him "I'm sorry for not even thinking about closing the window, I can be an i***t sometimes.. But if you don't feel comfortable with me here, I understand." I try to explain to him first as his mouth drops open. "You're apologizing to me?" he asks in shock as I nervously nod. He shakes his head as he says, "No, I'm sorry for acting like such a creep and staring at you.. I was just.. caught up.. distracted by all of that.. and wasn't thinking.. I just don't want to make you uncomfortable with me."

"Well, I'm not uncomfortable around you at all.." I say to him as he quickly hugs me, catching me offguard at his affections. "I was so worried I freaked you out.. I swear I'm not a creep." he says to me as I take in his sandalwood scent, and comforting embrace. I shake my head and say to him. "I could never think that, you have been nothing but sweet to me this entire time.. Don't worry about it. I just hope I didn't scar you for life." I say playfully to him as I sit my head back to look up at him, but he doesn't let me go, he keeps his arms wrapped around my lower back.

"Scarred is the not the work I was thinking.. enticed.. yes.. mesmerized.. yes, but scarred, no.. I love your tattoos." He says to me before swallowing and adding, "And your piercings." I smirk at him as I say. "Did you see all of them?" he smiles as he shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know, tell me how many you have and I'll tell you if I saw them all." he says to me just as playfully. So without missing a beat, I reply, "Ok I have 9 tattoos and 10 piercings." I say to him as his eyes go wide.. "I definitely didn't see all of those, so we will have to discuss that further.. but the tattoos I did see, were beautiful."

"Thanks I drew them all.. but my friend did them for me." I say as he smiles and says, "Your friend is very talented.. but I would like to say that the art is only as beautiful as the canvas.. so in this case.. stunning." He says to me making my heart skip a hundred beats, I'll probably have a heart attack by the end of this. "You actually think I'm pretty?" I ask him as he scoffs at that question before looking deep into my eyes, "Pretty is and understatement.... Taylor.." he says to me as his phone starts to ring loudly. He groans out, having to let go of me to grab his phone. I smile at that as he looks at the screen, but so do I as I see it says Dad on the screen. He looks back and forth between me and the phone and reluctantly answers. "what's up Dad? He turns from me as I walk past him and into the kitchen trying to figure out if I should make something or just order.. I think I'm going to order food. But I want to smoke now that I'm done with putting away all my stuff. I open the patio door as I shut it behind me, trying to give Austin some privacy on the call.

I put the joint between my lips as I light the untouched end of it with the flame of his lighter that's sitting out here. I take a deep breath in getting a good sized hit. I lean over the railing, taking a look around at the city that surrounds us.. It's a nice part of town, and at least doesn't feel too busy right by us.. feels like we have some privacy. I blow out my hit as I take in another one, then hearing the door opening behind me, making my heart jump, knowing who it is. I let my hit out, trying to just act casual as I stood back up. I bring the joint up to my lips, taking another hit as my hand is gripped into his gently, pulling my hand up and to his lips, as he gets closer behind me. I lean into his chest, just melting into his broad frame that's holding me up like a crutch, as I look up to see his lips wrapping around the joint in our hands. I feel his hand wrap around my hip, rubbing it with his thumb, as I just stay in place, feeling his heart beat just as fast as mine is.

I let out my hit and when he lets go of my hand, I take another hit. Acting like this doesn't even faze me, even though this is probably one of the most exhilarating moments I have had with a guy I like.. one, just because he is so sexy... but two, I love how relaxing this is and wish this could be us.. everyday.

I lift my hand as he guides it to his mouth again. He sucks on the joint as I just stare at his kissable lips, taking in the smoke as I continue to gawk. I forget what I'm doing as he looks down at me smirking and saying, "You want another hit?" I nod and pull it in, feeling dumb with my articulate response. So I close my eyes, sucking in a deep hit as I stay lying on his chest until he asks me to stop.. I just wish he would tell me how he feels about me. He is giving me some signals that are making me think he might actually like me, but not sure.. I'm not good at reading the signs. I just want to know if I'm making things better or worse between us by doing what comes naturally to me when I'm with him. He spins me around by my hip in his hold, until I'm facing him.

My breath is hitched in my throat as I stare deep into his eyes. I feel like he might want to kiss me, by the look in his eyes, but he doesn't say anything, he keeps staring as I wait in anticipation for what's to come. He slowly inches in as if he is hesitant, making my heart do backflips as my breath is sucked right out of my lungs by his breathtaking eyes. I follow his lead, meeting him in the middle as our lips crash together like I never thought would ever actually happen. His grip tightens on my hip as his hand cups my cheek. He kisses my lips with a heat I have never experienced in my life and it is so sexy. That is until he breaks the kiss and says into my lips, "I'm sorry.. you are just so sexy." He says to me as I quickly respond. "Are you sorry?" He chuckles and shakes his head as he says softly. "I want to do it again." So I stand on my tippy-toes, pushing our lips back together as he tightens his grip around me, moaning into my lips. I run my hand through his hair and pulling him into my lips more as I close the little space between us.

Until the sounds of cheers, hoots and hollars can be heard, we break the kiss and look to see it's Noah and Tyler. I think are their names, cheering us on across the street. We laugh as Austin flips them the bird, then asks, "Tay, I'm starving, did you maybe want to order some food with me? and maybe we can just relax for a little bit." Austin asks in almost a whisper as I humm and nod. "I would love that." I respond making him smile. I feel his grip on my hand get tighter as he sucks in another hit then putting it out in the ash tray.