Benefits of a Broken Heart

Chapter 8 Realizing Feelings

---Austin's POV---

I sit out on the patio smoking until there is no more joint left to smoke. The whole time I'm out here I just observe Taylor running around her room and talking on the phone, the conversation looks tough, but breaking out of the chains of family structure for your own gain is something hard to do.. I haven't exactly done it just yet because my parents don't let me with everything I have going on.. with school and hockey.. but hopefully I can help her with her family issues for her.. or me.. am I doing this for me or her.. maybe both.

I walk in feeling a little hungry but it's not lunch time yet, so I'll wait for just a little bit before I order something because I can't make much for food, but I'm not about to ask her to do that. I hear a knocking on the door, so walking across the room as I open the door to see it's the guys. "Hey, thanks for leaving us there at the place this morning." I smile at them as I say spitefully, "Anytime."

Lewis glares at me as he rolls his eyes and says, "How's the new tool.. remotely cool or like the last creeper." I smile and say, "very cool and not what I expected at all.. ok I'll see you guys later." I say trying to shut the door as Lewis pushes past like the big bulky guy he is. "I got to meet this guy." He says as Noah and Tyler follow him into my place, making me internally groan at this. "How about instead of just letting yourselves in, you just wait until I'm ready to introduce you." They all look at me suspiciously. "Since when do you care if we meet your roommates? We have been the ones to help scare them off if anything." Noah spats knowingly, getting Lewis nodding as he stares at me.

"I don't want this one scared off." I state to Lewis as his eyebrows scrunch. We can hear the doors in the hallway opening and shutting making us quiet as we hear. "Hey Austin?... Oh hey guys.. um Austin, can you please help me out with the shower. I think it's stuck or I just don't know how to do it." Taylor sweetly asks in her shy tone as I notice she is holding just a towel over her body that's not hiding too much. I quickly turn around as I make my way to her. "Of course Tay, I'll show you.. It has always gotten a little stuck." I lead her to the bathroom as I notice the guys are in tow. I show her how to wiggle it open. She smiles at me then looks over my shoulder at I'm assuming my friends as she states. "Thanks Austin." She shuts the door as Lewis smacks my arm with his mouth completely ajar. "Your're banging Tay?!" He exclaims as I quickly turn around and hit him, while shushing him. "I'm not banging her.. she is my roommate." I say casually.

"How the hell did that happen? You told us you had a guy roommate." Tyler asks as I say, "My mother thought Taylor Jacobs was a guy's name and just assumed.. she has paid for 2 months and then showed up here.. we were both shocked to say the least, but I couldn't be happier about this arrangement." I say leading them away from the bathroom door. "No wonder you don't want to scare her off." Noah spats at me as the guys elbow each other, sending winks and snickers back and forth.

"Guys, stop, she is a good person who needed a place to stay and it ended up working out in my favor. Doesn't mean I'm going to take advantage of her in this time.. She trusts me and I want to keep it that way.. and if anything happens it will be because she wants to be like that with me, not because she is forced to. I won't take advantage of her." I state for them to know as Lewis spats, "Well, if your not doing anything about her and her stress that needs to be taken care of, then I will."

I shake my head as I say, "Lewis don't man." he laughs and asks me, "well are you going to man up and do it?" I let out a deep breath, rubbing the back of my neck nervously, before I shrug my shoulders, not knowing if I will actually have the guts to do this. "Well if you're not, then I am." He states as I groan out and shake my head at him. "You're not going to be over here harassing my new roomate whether you think she is hot or not."

"Come on man, help me out, she looks like untapped territory and believe me I can help her learn some fun new tricks you would love." He wiggles his eyebrows at me as I roll my eyes and punch his arm. "Shut up man.. she is different and doesn't deserve that and I won't let you hurt her." I say protectively over her as he gets a curious look on his face. "You like her don't you? You like the cute nerd?" I don't say anything in denial of or admitting my feelings, but I think they get the hint. Without me answering, I think has answered their questions. They stare at me for a moment as I lead them towards the front door.

"You should probably go before you make my new roommate nervous." I say to them as Lewis chuckles and nods, "You're lucky that we live right down the hall on the bottom floor.. see you soon." He says as our attention is brought back to the adorable soaking wet frame of Taylor behind me. The towel isn't leaving much to the imagination, as I watch the droplets of the water drip from her hair and down her chest. "Thanks again Austin.. are you guys leaving already?" She asks in the sweetest tone and Lewis is the one to answer. "Austin is kicking us out because he thinks we will make you nervous and want to leave." She scoffs at that and says, "It would take more than some guys hanging out to make me leave.. but he was just probably being his sweet-self and knowing it's been a rough couple days for me and he knows I have a long day tomorrow.. but if anything you guys can come back tonight and I can make all of us some dinner."

"Deal, we will be back for dinner.. see you then Tay.. see Tinman she is fine with us around.. see you soon big guy." Lewis states in a malicious tone followed by that grin that matches perfectly. He ruffles my hair as I hit his hand away. He laughs at me as they turn and leave, walking away from our place. I shut and lock the door behind them before turning around. "I'm sorry I probably should have asked you if it was alright to invite them over." she says softly looking almost ashamed as I quickly walked over to her saying. "It's fine.. they are my friends and have been for years, but.. you.. um.. you can't trust Lewis.. it's not right.. he will tell you what you want to hear.. to get what he wants.. and he has his sights on you." I try to explain nicely to her.

"Ok and what does he want?" She asks me suspiciously, knowing I know more that I'm obviously holding back. "He wants to.. get.. with you." I say stutering through my answers as she thinks about that and nods. "I don't know why that's so crazy to think a guy might actually want me or be attracted to me.. but thanks for that warning, I'll be sure to keep that in mind." she says a little sadly as she quickly turns around and heads into her room, shutting the door before I could try to explain further. I knock and she doesn't open the door, so I knock again before saying through the door, "Taylor that's not what I was meaning." she doesn't respond back, as I huff and walk back outside to sit outside on my chair.. that's where I go to think and clear my mind.

I don't know what to do.. Actually, that's a lie, I know what to do, but actually doing it is the problem. If I actually went for her I would find out either way if she liked me.. and if she doesnt then fine Lewis can go for her but if she does like me then I can tell Lewis to f*#k off and leave her alone. But the only way this would get solved is if I got the balls to say something to her, but I can't seem to get the guts to do that.

I don't want to mess this up for her, nor I.. If I screw this up she will probably leave, hurting her plans and ruining mine because I like her.. I'll admit it to myself in my head.. I like her. I don't get feelings for girls often by any means and to have these about her, scare me because I know they are hard to find.. But that doesn't mean she shares those same feelings and if she doesn't she could easily leave from being uncomfortable.. I don't want anyone to think that just because we are a guy and girl, that we can't live together.. So if she doesn't like me, then we are adults who can control our urges with each other.. I think.

I'm trying to not be so selfish about all of this.. I feel like I have to slow it down before I overwhelm her with my feelings.. but.. I just want to make her mine.. is that too much to ask.. maybe.. I just can't help being selfish with wanting her like this.. A woman has never intrigued me the way she has. I sit up with my elbows on my legs, holding my face in my hands. I let out a deep breath and looking up to see Taylor slipping her towel off and wrapping it around her hair.

My gaze trails down her tattoo-covered back, It's a huge fully blossomed tree with some birds in the tree.. It's beautiful and ends right above the small of her back and with her long hair I'm sure it completely covers it up. My gaze keeps going as I notice her plump bubble butt as she tries to decide what to wear in her closet. Her hands are on her hips as she shifts back and forth, giving me a better angle. I notice a couple of tattoos on her wrists and ankle. She looks like she might have some piercings too.. this girl has more to her than I ever knew.. it has all been covered up with silence and clothing. But believe me when I say I'm going to learn about her.. I want to know everything about her. My eyes pan across her hourglass figure that is attached to those thick thighs, that make me wonder how she can get all of that into her jeans.. it is yummy and a feast to behold. I feel myself drooling at the idea of that taste.

I get lost biting my bottom lip, thinking about her that I don't notice when she turned around, But she still has her hands on her hips, now glaring at me. My gaze is instantly locked in with hers, but I don't know what to say to her, because I want to feel bad, but she looks to good to ignore or feel bad about seeing. I bite my lip harder, terrified about how she will react to this. But my eyes can't help but to trail from her face to her at least D-cup breasts, that not only have the n*****s pierced, but tattooed as well.. never seen that, but with her olive colored skin it pops and looks amazing. They keep trailing over her creamy skin, to her pierced belly button and decorated little ring that barely hangs out. My gaze keeps trailing as she shuts the curtains on me breaking the trance I couldn't even look away from. Holy shit.. That was sexy and scary as hell.. F*#k I hope I didn't make her uncomfortable.. dammit.. I hope I haven't scared her away the day that I convinced her to stay.. dammit.. I'm such an i***t, blinded and dumbfounded by beauty.