Scarlet Hearts

I Won

“See you tomorrow” Jess waved at me as she dropped me off at my house

“Thank you for the ride, bye” I waved back, I watched her drive out of my street then I headed into my house, I turned the doorknob to confirm if someone was home and the door opened

“Shasha” I called to confirm if she was the one at home

“It’s me” my mum responded instead she walked out of the kitchen still wearing her scrub

“Why are you home early?” I asked

I barely see her because she works all day at a care home for the elderly, so she comes home really late and leaves very early in the morning. I mostly only get to see her on Sundays or when I stay up really late.

“I have my day off today,” she said biting on an apple

“Ok, I will be in my room,” I told her

“Did your sister tell you when she would be back?” She asked

“Nope,” I said quickly just as I was about to climb the stairs her words stopped me

“Why are you dressed like that” she spat out

I knew she was referring to my opened shirt buttons but it wasn’t like I was naked I had a white tank top inside but my mom never lets me wear them like that she claims that they are too revealing

“Why do you make it out like I am half-naked” I said

“I have told you time and time that it is too revealing”

“What exactly is revealing about this my collar bone, my arms are not even out” I snapped back at her

I was beginning to get irritated, we have gone over this issue repeatedly and we both never get to agree on it

“It is not that love, it's just your body type-” she stopped herself halfway like she knew it would hit the wrong nerve if she completed her statement

I already felt insecure about my body but at home where it was supposed to be like my safe space it doesn't feel any better. I was constantly reminded at every little chance especially my mum she is one of the reasons I have insecurities she nitpicked all my food choices and clothes and found fault in everything

“Do you know what Sasha wore out today?” I asked her if I was angry at this point

“Mini skirts and a bra literally because that top is too short to be even called a crop top” I replied myself

“But I wear one f*****g tank top and a whole shirt over it and it is an issue, f**k this” I added and stomped my way up the stairs and slam the door loudly behind me, I heard her yell something but I didn’t hear I know it was definitely about my language but I could care less, I took off the shirt with anger and threw it across the room “Today is not my day at all,” I said to myself. I lay on my bed slapped a pillow over my face and screamed into it. I really hated my day.

I stood up from my bed took a shower and completed my homework, what I hated was that tomorrow was another day of school I groaned internally when I remembered. When I was putting my books back in to bag pack I remembered the gifts Jess brought for me, I smiled as I took the boxes out I opened the chocolate box took one out unwrapped it, and popped it in my mouth, I let out a little moan when I tasted it when you taste luxury you would know it, it melted in my mouth the flavors all pouring down my throat, it’s taste was like nothing I have ever had.

Then I took the other box and opened it, I held the lingerie in my hand and cracked a smile I imagined myself in it and wondered if what Jess said was true, would I ever have the confidence to ever wear this I thought to myself but the words of my mom came rushing back to me so I just put it back in, closed it and tossed it under my bed, well I guess we would never find out.

My stomach started to rumble it was quite late and I hadn’t had dinner, I heard my mum call me a while back but I didn’t answer her.

I was already wearing my sleeping shorts and a bra top. On a normal day, I would throw a big tee shirt over it before heading downstairs but I decided to go down without it to get a reaction from my mom.

She was seated at the dining table with my sister. They had just finished eating, and when my mom noticed me she looked at me with a questionable look. She opened her mouth to say something but she decided to hold her tongue. I let out a little smirk. I guess I won this round.

“I thought you wouldn't?” my sister asked she just wanted to get a response from me but I did like I didn't hear her

“Can’t you say hello?” she said when I didn't answer her

“Because you are?” I eyed her

“Kayla, don’t be rude to your sister” my mom scolded

I decided to ignore both of them, I stood in front of Shasha and stretched to get my food to the table and the next thing Shasha said was “Get your belly out of my face”

“Not good enough for a comeback you know” I laughed at her

She rolled her eyes at me and said “I’m in such a good mood today I won’t let your bad energy get me”

“Your sister just got a modeling gig for a big magazine”

“It was during my shoot the owner walked in and said he loved my body and how built I was then boom I am doing the shoot” she squealed

“I'm so proud of you” I could see the spark in my mom's eye as she spoke to her, she looked at her with so much pride and content which somehow was a way of making me feel less.

“Good for you” I managed to say

“That's all you are going to say!” Sasha shouted

I ignored her and headed upstairs with my food. I wasn't in the right headspace to deal with her. I took a bite from the mac and cheese and it was really good no matter how mad I was with my mom. Her food is something I would never joke with, she rarely cooks for us because of how busy she is so I never miss a meal when she does.

I lay on my bed ready to go to bed and I started to replay everything that happened today and my mind was stuck on the fact that Jake spoke to me, he even smiled at me.

I have known him since I was six or so and I have never had a conversation with him, it is either he is picking on me or totally ignoring my existence but today all of a sudden he spoke to me. Something is definitely up that I can't wrap my head it.