Happy or not

 My bedroom was small but very comfortable. I woke up in my bed thinking about plans for my future. At the age of 18, I hardly knew anything about studies, terms, exams etc. In fact, I had not the slightest idea of any plans for my future profession. I looked at my shining Petrof Piano and realized I would not have succeeded in becoming a Music teacher. The only idea in my mind was to become a doctor, although I was not quite sure if it was mine or my mum's wish. So, let me start from the beginning! I completed primary and secondary school education in my birth town. Both my parents were factory workers and they, especially my ambitious father, raised me with just one advice i.e. to eat and study. I really did well, in fact, I was excellent at school, so they expected me to enroll at the university in the nearby city. However, the dilemma was weather to study Medicine or something else. Since I was a respectful child who always obeyed my parent’s principles, I decided to prepare my entrance test for the Faculty of Medicine, although I knew it was quite risky because of the small number of students required for that academic year. Anyway, I was determined to try. All my friends were free to go out and have fun while I was studying in the library. At least, I was ambitious to make a try. The day of the entrance test was a stress for all the students whose only hope was to become young doctors one day.  It was me and one of my classmates (who arrived with her mum) among the hundreds students waiting in front of the city hall. I remember I had butterflies in my stomach when I was led by a person toward my numbered seat inside the hall.  It was so full of students and I instantly knew that it would be difficult to succeed. However, I was seating still in my seat and what impressed me most at that moment was the music in the air. One of the most popular musicians at that time was singing his last song which was on the top of the list. They tried to relax us from that intense moment, I thought.  The test was difficult but I did it well. Unfortunately, I was not in the list of ninety students needed for that academic year. When my friend and me realized that we failed we knew that one door was closed but another was opened. I still remember the way we comforted each other while we were crying for the first serious failure in our lives. That summer was hot and pretty long for me. I wasn’t happy at all because I had not managed to enroll at the Faculty while all my best friends had. They even rented flats and found room-mates to live and study together. Consequently, they went on talking about that all the time, while I was silent and confused. I was such a modest girl at that time. I could do nothing but wait. Sudden, I decided to try studying Medicine in Belgrade. Fortunately, my parents supported me and almost instantly contacted my aunt (my father’s cousin) who lived there. In a few days we travelled by train and arrived in her small flat. I saw that kind middle-aged woman for the first time in my life and what I still remember is the moment when she offered us to help ourselves with some honey which was invaded by ants. Of course, I couldn’t even look at it while my dad was trying to put some of them away. It was so funny because we did not know how to refuse it. Later, we were on the way to the University. Belgrade was the capital of Yugoslavia. It was a big metropolitan city, and while I was walking down the city centre I asked myself if I could ever get used to it. Luckily or not, I was officially informed that the entrance test had been the day before and the other one is next year. Sorry Mum! – I thought. It was not my destiny to become a doctor. My father and me came back home two days later.   After so many plans and hesitations, I decided to become an English teacher like my best friends. Since two of my friends were enrolled in June, I had to take an exam in August that year. At the age of 18 it was a real stress for me again. My father organized my stay with my cousin in his flat while I was taking the exams. During that stay I even learned a Bulgarian recipe for a salty pancake (I still cook it regularly) which my cousin made it for me one morning.   Luckily, I passed the exams successfully. On one hand, I was happy, but on the other hand I had a serious job to rent a room and find someone to share it. However, it didn’t take long when I was offered to share a flat with some other students next door. I accepted the offer unwillingly because it was not easy to find a roommate. Anyway, at least I finally became a student officially at the end of the summer.                                 It was Sunday. I was preparing and packing my suitcases while Mum was reminding me of the things I might have forgotten. While she was sad, I was absolutely excited to start a new life, in a new city, on my own. In the meantime, dad was waiting to put the bags and suitcases in the car trunk and leave. Everyone was thrilled and impatient to make me comfortable in my new so called home. I remember my mum’s facial expression when she saw the room where I was supposed to start my student’s life. Actually, it was not clean enough to meet her expectations as the tidiest person in the whole world. For that purpose she stayed all day in order to clean it, at least to become an appropriate place to sleep in. I still remember the words when they left late that evening. “If I were you I would come back home right now! “ - she said. I just smiled and said them goodbye. The first night I could not close my eyes. Since I was alone in the room I started feeling sorry for me in that new space. I tortured myself to fall asleep in order to function properly the next day, i.e. the first day at the university. But, it was in veil. I got up in the morning a little bit happier to see the sun and its rays in my room. What is more, I even liked it because of that light (which promised life). When I entered the University that day I was surprised to see some familiar faces in it. I turned around to see and remember all the classrooms and the schedule of my lessons that semester. At that moment, a girl asked me about the department of literature because as she said she had been there for the first time. I started smiling and we both looked at each other smiling as if we had known each other for a long time. And that moment was the beginning of a long lasting friendship because she became my room-mate that evening and next four years as well. Actually, she became my best friend. Her name was Jasmine. She was Serbian, who did not succeed in enrolling at the Faculty of literature in her country. That’s why she came here for the first time in her life. We met each other accidentally but became as close as sisters. What I liked about her was her intelligent and outgoing personality. She was so communicative and amusing that she was soon accepted by all my friends and family in general. I was also welcomed in her family and relatives during holidays and vacations that we were looking forward to. The studies were hard at the beginning. However, step by step I was involved in the world of science and literature. The days were filled with lectures, new professors and colleagues, all in a new city totally different for me. Jasmine and I decided to spend the holidays in her birth town. That was the first time I had visited that part of Serbia. The journey by train was a real adventure. All the way we were looking through the window smiling and waving at the nature that was born in spring. We were both careless and excited to spend the holiday time together. The train was full of young people, traveling all around Europe. That was a time of freedom, happiness and adventures. No worries at all! We arrived at the train station at noon. It was totally new world for me. So many people in one place trying to find their way and got on their train first. There crowds of people everywhere, with happy facial expressions, dressed in their traditional clothes and singing their traditional music. It was so interesting for me and I realized that I liked the atmosphere at once. I thought I could live there. I liked their language, especially their musical accent. When we caught the bus to reach Jasmine’s house, I got the impression that I had been part of that society before. I felt happy and satisfied to be there and experience that entire atmosphere. The town was not very big. It was situated among hills and next to other small towns and towns. Houses were scattered everywhere and there were some blocks of flats in the centre. The people were so kind and hospitable; something I felt at the very first moment. Each house had a garden with an orchard full of fresh and tasty fruity trees. Not only did people grew fruit and vegetables, they also took care of poultry, different domestic birds such as c***s, hens, ducks and the most interesting for me big proud turkeys. Jasmine’s grandma, who I adored, called them by people’s names, which was so funny to me. She was an old woman but really hard working and diligent lady. She was lively and healthy woman who started the day with a cup of shlivovica (a kind of traditional brandy made of plums).  “That is the secret recipe for health“, she told me. I smiled and hugged her. We sat in the garden which was the place where we spent our time drinking coffee, eating fruit from the garden and gossiping. I was new in that town that looked like a small town, and everyone noticed me and tried to speak to me. I was proud to introduce myself as their guest, so everyone invited me for a cup of coffee in their home. I met a lot of friendly and simple people, I even remember their names and relations but one of them, just one of them entered my world immediately and forever touched my soul. The next morning the smell of fried eggs and bacon woke me up. I did not have the slightest idea of time. The singing of the birds reminded me of the place and time. I got up and dressed myself casually and went down the stairs. I went out in the garden which was bathing in the first sun rays. The smell of the air was magic, clean and pure. I breathed deeply and sat in the comfortable chair in order to listen to every sound and feel the smell of that beautiful spring morning.  I was so relaxed and content; However, I could not imagine at that moment what would happen and how I would feel the next morning. The silence was broken when everyone got up trying to satisfy the morning habits and moods.  We all gathered together around the table full of delicious homegrown food. Jasmine’s siblings, twins, were happy to have me as their guest and they did not hide the excitement. They were so sweet young kids, a brother and sister, at the age of ten. They were a happy family although their father passed away young. My friend Jasmine was particularly sociable person. I noticed that later in the evening when we went out in the café downtown. I felt rather uninterested in meeting new friends but I had to pretend that I was happy to meet all those new people who were so friendly and amusing that soon I realized how hospitable that place was. I turned around to observe every corner of the café when our eyes met for the first time which caused my heart beat so fast that I could not even took my breath.  He was standing by the bar and looking at me like everyone else who was interested to meet me as a new person in their modest small town. He was a tall and good-looking young man, with a beard that suited his handsome face. I could not take my eyes off him. Neither could he. Jasmine who noticed that moment took my hand and spontaneously approached me to introduce himself. When he caught my hand and came closer to me, I was so excited that I did not recognize my voice when I told him my name. Almost instantly, he said his, while he was looking straight into my eyes. In the meantime, Jasmine was trying to say something but none of us was listening to her. She started smiling and soon we both did the same. At that moment I found out what love at first sight meant, even though I had not believed that before. His black hair fell on his broad forehead, his eyebrows formed a perfect arch above his vivid black eyes, and his nose was straight, his jaw square and his mouth fleshy. He was of strong build, broad shoulders and muscular legs. I felt my legs kneel. When he offered me a drink, I did not hesitate at all.  We stayed late, talking to each other as we were alone in the café. Time passed quickly and we had to leave. He offered us to drive us back home which we accepted at once. I promised to see him the next day to spend it together. In fact, I was looking forward to seeing him again, so I could not close an eye all night long. The morning promised a sunny day. I got up early like an early bird, thinking about what clothes to wear. Jasmine’s mum was a little bit worried when I told her that I was going to spend the whole day with Mike. She did not feel comfortable about it. What if your mum calls? – she asked me anxiously. Do not worry!- I replied happily. She won’t – I thought. Two hours later I was in his car excited to visit one of the nearby tourist destinations. We arrived early and had time to enjoy the day together. There a lot of people who came to spend the weekend there. Kids were running and yelling around eating ice cream or pop corn. The restaurants were full of guests who were enjoying the early May sun rays. The whole place was magical although I was concentrated just on the man walking by my side. He was talking about sights, landmarks and healthy spas existing there like a tour guide since I had been there for the first time. There were a lot of souvenirs and he chose and bought two small red heart magnets with our names on them. When he handed them to me I felt his fingers touching my hand that caused my whole body trembling. He was aware of my state and gently closed body next to his and kissed me for the first time. My heart was beating like crazy. I was crazy in love with that man who was a stranger for me. I did not know anything about him. It did not matter – I thought. We spend the rest of the day like in a dream, having lunch together, smiling and walking around together, hand in hand. I did not want to think about anything else. That was a moment of happiness and nothing else mattered. Nothing else was important but the two of us. That is why I felt sadness when we sat in the car and drove back home.  We spent the rest of the holiday together, going out every day and every night without thinking how painful the distance between us would be. While I was preparing for the exams, I could not help remembering the beautiful moments I spent in Serbia. I tried to concentrate on the exams, but it was almost impossible. Actually, I was thinking about the time until  our next meeting. Mike, who was a soldier, was due to complete his military service by April, the following year. We had no choice but to write letters that we were looking forward to. My exam session was a fiasco. It was something my parents could not have forgiven me, especially my ambitious father. (Fortunately, I passed all my exams next session.) Love had filled every part of my young and beautiful thin body. I felt it in every minute of my life. I counted the days, hours and minutes until our next meeting. I spent my days waiting for the letters that arrived once or twice a month. I read and reread them carefully, trying to memorize every single word in them. Тhen, I wrote an answer right away hoping to get a letter from him again soon. It went on happening until winter slowly came and brought the unexpected changes in our lives. I thought how distance and time could be the enemies of a real love-story relationship. At least I thought it was true.  19