Blue Eyes I First Saw

Chapter 10

“I'm sorry for giving up. I'm— I'm sorry.” That's how a realization sank in me. Never decide whenever you're having an emotional breakdown.

The digital clock on my side table rang as it previewed the time on it's screen, it's six thirty in the morning.

A smile of little joy made my face brighten against the unlighted room. I made it until today, I'm still alive. I'm still alive!

With that smile and the huge bag under my eyes, I made my way to my closet to cover my cleaned bruises by my uniform and jacket. My fingers are like a prune as a result of having a shower for hours. 

I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. “Please. Let every positivity sink through me today. Please let me fix myself.”

As I opened my monolid eyes meeting the gaze of my dark bark colored irises. The uniform of Tokyo Metropolitan Kokusai High School I am wearing made me remember a thing.

The kid— the ghost from the forest. The sound of the clock rang in my room as it reached the exact time of seven. 

The light coming from the bright spring day of Japan outside pierced through my window creating various shapes of shadows from the things inside my room. Why do those look like they have eyes staring at me?

A gulp made its way on my throat as I thought of a sudden appearance of the ghost. I'm anxious.

As I made my way downstairs for breakfast, I heard the main door close just as I stepped on the living room's floor. My parents must have left for work without bidding any goodbyes to me— they never said goodbye to me and I got used to it.

Great. I'm alone. 

The silence is making me anxious, my steps create no sound like how it should be, like how my mother raised me to walk without leaving any sound. Raise to be graceful and smart but the latter seems impossible.

This life is tiring— shut it, Zyosei. “Positivity. Think positively.” I said to my inner self.

Instead of going to the kitchen— where the breakfast is, I let myself stand near the window where I can see our porch and front yard. There, I saw my parents having a conversation with a smile on their faces. They look happy, they even look perfect from here.

My father— Hiku, is grinning as he talks to my mother lovingly, he's perfect white teeth are even showing inside his pinkish thin lips surrounded with his trimmed mustache and beard. His almond dark bark colored eyes are shining with love while looking at my mother, combined with his roman nose and square jaw face. He's undeniably good looking and, unfortunately all I got from him is the color of our eyes, and his jet black straight hair. His build is well and manly, I envy his height to the point that I'm wishing his height DNA passed on me— which didn't or it just is not as dominant as my mother’s.

On the other hand, my mother— Cara, perceives me as a goddess. Her grecian beauty is hard to miss, thanks to my grecian grandfather. If I don't know my mother personally, I would think that she hasn't got pregnant and is still a maiden.

Her wavy black brown hair that I wish I had, her heart-shaped face, monolid eyes, sharp pointed nose and red cupid lips suits her unlike mine.

While my mother and father look like asian celebrities, their daughter— which is me, looks awful. I might have the same features of my mother but I don't carry it like she does. I even ruined every piece of it by inflicting my sickness in it.

Those monolid eyes are always damp with tears and are always sore and puffy. The sharp pointed nose is always runny of crying colds and the most horrible one is my supposedly perfect cupid lips— that is always chapped and bleeding— my tortured lips it is.

My parents walk down our front yard side by side before going outside the combined hard wood and metal gate. 

I'm now alone. My breathing became at ease like I achieved such freedom. Sitting on one of the white couches in the living room, I relaxed. 

The interior ambiance of the living room is peaceful having the white and nude colors giving it a modern house vibe as it is. A house that has a minimalist and modernized style but is full of disappointed scolds and unhappy dialogues of my parents like the words flew in every space the house has. 

As I rested my head on the backrest of the couch, my reverie became unconscious dragging me to an empty slumber. 

A headache woke me up from my fly-like sleep. This day is getting horrible. Flicking my eyes open, I saw a silhouette across the couch. I blinked again and it disappeared.

The ghost. My whole being became tense as fear rushed through me again. The silhouette isn't the ghost, is it?

Roaming my eyes around the deepest corner made me anxious so I got up and worked with my toes to survey.

The couch is empty, so is the rug and the coffee table, there's nothing sitting or unusual in it. The wide flat screen mirrors nothing. Bookshelves remain untouched. Everything is in white and nude so whatever it is can be seen easily with the brightness of the sun piercing through the glass wall. There's nothing aside from me and my shadow.

I took a deep breath and sighed. “Zyosei, think positively.” Saying it out loud helps me to calm down.

Then I felt like someone was staring at me. “Oh hell! Shut it!” I cursed that echoed and started to pace on the spot to the back and forth. I'm going crazy.

“Zyosei, relax. You're alone. You're alone.” I chanted as I made my way to the dining area where I found nothing.

I should distract myself— my stomach made a sound of a loud growl— right, my last supper was yesterday's breakfast.

My dull eyes scanned the room first before getting a dozen of Tako-Yaki and settled myself with a cup of green tea on the kitchen island. 

Food can distract me, yes.

Being sick somewhat helps me with my shape. I chuckled with the thought but it faded as my mind reminded me about the assessment at school later. 

Oh hell! 

A terrifying thought made me swallow my Tako-Yaki without chewing it.

What if I didn't pass? Or got a score lower than the passing— hell! What if I got the worst of zero?! My parents will surely freak out!

I sipped my green tea in the cup and placed it on the sink. Getting my satchel in my room upstairs in a hurry feels like I'm the hero named Flash.

After locking the gate, I began running up to the Shibuya station to ride a train. My nerves won't calm at this moment so I exercise my breathing while waiting. That didn't help me in any way.

Hell! Hell! Hell! If I just killed myself the last time, I wouldn't be here frustrated and procrastinating. 

The train stopped and I was one of those eager passengers to take a seat.

I placed my satchel on my lap with a rush and got my notebook for a scan. As the train started its fourteen minute ride to Tokyo, I busied myself reading my notes in Chemistry. 

I felt someone staring at me so I glanced up and roamed my eyes around but there was no one looking my way. The passengers are busy staring outside, some are talking with their phones, some are sleeping. What a busy day to start in Tokyo.

From the far side of the train, there's a boy slumped on his seat. He is wearing the male uniform of Tokyo Metropolitan Kokusai High School like the kid I knew and talked to in the forest. He may be one of my random school mates but he reminded me that I have a ghost to deal with.

Placing my notebook back on my satchel, I turned on my phone only to see that my time was running and the assessment would soon begin. It's one past eight, I have forty-four minutes more and distractions are everywhere.

I kept glancing at the student from afar but when our eyes met I panickly looked away.

What the hell, Zyosei.

Then my eyes stopped on a sophisticated woman in a formal coat that was staring at me as she kept on talking on her phone. The woman is seated in a confident posture parallel to me. She's a tourist, she's talking chinese and looks like a model of luxurious brands.

I consciously held my satchel and helped myself sit in a proper ladylike posture but in an embarrassed way. Her catlike eyes are examining me like I'm someone who can catch her attention. It's making me uncomfortable so I shifted my gaze to the man next to her— who is sleeping peacefully in his seat.

Placing my satchel on my back, I held the hem of my jacket tightly as I swallowed the lump on my throat. Gazes make me feel vulnerable and weak— which is true but, I don't want to get a pair of eyes on me. The lady across from me literally doesn't mind my uneasiness.

At last, the train stopped and I got back on my feet to run for Kokusai Koko. The busy street of Tokyo is always crowded as it is as people walk fastly for their destinations, while me on the other hand, is briskly walking— almost half running to have time to read and review while receiving the past lessons and readings on the road.

The aesthetic view of Tokyo city isn't hard to miss but, it distracts me from my reviewing so I kept my eyes straight on the road and walked endlessly, murmuring formulas and methods of Graham's Law— the effusion thing, and other key points for today's assessment.

If I am just as smart as my parents, I won't worry much about getting a score. They can surely pass without glancing at their notes, or my father can even make a maximum mistake of one even if he's asleep in class. My parent's combined DNA must have missed the intelligence part. 

“Molar mass!” I said it out loud as someone bumped on my aching shoulder accidentally.

“I'm sorry!” she shouted in an instant while running with her heels. 

Feeling the ache on my shoulder reminded me about my bruises and scratches. Now it all aches. I sighed.

How come my Monday turned out to be like this? I must be missing and unbreathing right now but here I am, stressing myself about a test— No. More likely stressing myself for the score that would make my parents freak out. 

I sighed again and cleared my thoughts. “To hell with the score.” I whispered to myself and slowed down my tracks. 

If I got zero, so be it. One zero on tests won't hurt so much, I think. Some asians actually just want to pass so why bother to be on the top— But then again, my parents. I grunt as their dialogues replay. 

The ghost appeared in my mind, making me halt on my track. His developing manly voice rang in my ears as if it's essential.

‘You remove the rope from your neck, and help me.’ That's what he said.

Help him? Is he going to get revenge on someone? Oh, hell no!

A horrified expression registered on my face as I think about it— wait. Is he following me? 

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