Her Broken Mind...

chapter 14

Eva giggled "I can't for long I've got other patients to you know" Jez pouted at her making her laugh. Eva and Jez talked for what felt like 5 minutes but was over an hour cuddled up on the bed when her pager beeped letting her know she was needed elsewhere. And she reluctantly hoped off the bed and disapeared to do some work as Jez settled down I creeped back into myself. Not long after Dr Black came in for his usual chat with me. We talked about lots of things including about why I felt I needed to create Jez. I told him that I needed people to want to pay attention to me. That just being me wasn't enough as time had already proven that. I got into the details of when I used to enjoy drama in school so I created my own character of who I wished I was. Of who I wanted to be but couldn't be. And she developed the rest herself as more whenever I was being her she started becoming her own creation just as much as my own original and I didn't feel like I was just a character anymore. I felt as though I was watching someone else entirely.

"But you know she's not really real right?" He asked and I looked at him "she's real to me. She's real to herself. Who are we to decide who is real and who isn't?"

He scribbled in his notes "can you control when she comes and goes?" He asked his voice tinged with concern. I looked at him studying his face and replied "I used to chose when to be her but now she comes out when she knows she's needed, I'm greatful"

The concern on his face was palpable "so if I wanted ti talk to Jez now could you get her to come out?" I thought for a moment and said "I could try?" He nodded and I reached into my mind to try to get Jez to come out and talk she wouldn't. I shook my head at him "she doesn't want to talk to you"

He looked disappointed and began to read through some of his older notes "ah I could try that" he came closer to me making me shift in my bed feeling uncomfortable. As he went to extend his hand to touch my leg like last time Jez came out she came flying out grabbing his hand and jumping up out the bed acting feral. She was pissed. "Cassie told you I don't want to talk to you and you pull that? Really!?!?" She was in his face and he was backed against the wall fear in his eyes. But that didn't stop her she gripped his testicles through his pants tightly. "Feel uncomfortable do you?" She asked her voice laced with venom. "This is how you make Cassie feel when your too close. I don't want to talk to you and you make her feel like this to get your way? You're no better than her own family" she spat her words at him and released as she walked away from him to the window breathing rapidly her anger was clear. "I'm sorry Jez" Dr Black said compassion in his voice. "But I need to speak with you it's to help Cassie" he kept his distance but she felt his eyes on her back as she spun around to face him he could see her rage as she shouted at him "no you just want to do your paperwork so you can say that Cassie's a nut bag on your poxy report and move on."

He held his hands up "No Jez your wrong I want to help Cassie. I want to help her know that she is strong and capable that she can be you without loosing herself in the process"

Jez looked at him and closed her eyes as she pinched the bridge of her nose exasperated and frustrated she grumbled "oh I see so you want to get rid if me?"

Looking at the ground he muttered "well yes but not because I dislike you but because Cassie needs to be whole again to get better"

Jez felt floored and conflicted. "But I'm helping Cassie, she needs me" that was the first time Jez had been shaken up.

She was in my box in my mind trying to pull me out to speak to Dr Black but I didn't want to come out I wanted Jez to make him go away I didn't want to lose her but she pulled me out and retreated back into the recesses of my mind lost in her own thoughts I cried out for her to come back. I was scared, I didn't want to be alone. "Cassie?" Dr Black asked as I backed up into the window feeling trapped. "Don't take Jez from me" I whimpered.