Sina Allen, Bea, at ang mga Anitu

ANITU EIGHT

B E A

Dumating ako sa bahay na unang nasilayan mula sa bintana ang taong inaasahan kong nandito. Tama nga ako ng hinala, sa kabila ng pagpunta ko ng mall at pagbagal ng kilos ko para lang hindi makauwi ng maaga ay nandito pa rin si Papa, hinihintay ako.

“Salamat, Manong,” matamlay kong wika habang pababa ng sasakyan.

Hindi pa man ako nakakapasok ay tumayo na si Papa, he welcomed me with open arms and wide smile. Niyakap ko rin naman siya bilang pagbati, nagmano ako sa kanilang dalawang ni Daddy na kasama niya sa sala saka siya nginitian. 

“Oh, anong problema Bea?” tanong ni Daddy. He must have noticed my bitter smile.

“Wala po, Dad. Napagod lang po ako, medyo busy po kasi. Uh…” I awkwardly glanced at Papa then glanced back at Daddy then told them, “I should go to my room na po.”

“You're going in your room? Are you not going to have a merienda? I bought you your favorite deep dish pizza,” Papa invited me as he was still wearing his forced smile.

Umiling-iling ako habang nakangiti ng manipis. “I'm fine, Papa. Nag-merienda na ako kanina. You can ask Manong Greg about that, he even fetch me in front of the mall,” tugon ko at yumuko bago humakbang paakyat ng hagdan.

Syempre nagsisinungaling lang ako. Pagpasok ko ng kwarto ko ay kaagad kong binuksan ang middle drawer ng study table ko na may lamang mga pagkain. I always have these stored for midnight snacks and in case na may sitwasyon na kagaya nito. Sa tuwing gusto kong iwasan si Papa.

“Bea? Siguro ka na ayaw mong kumain?” rinig kong tawag sa akin ni Mommy sa baba. I'm sure pinag-uusapan na naman nila akong tatlo and how much I am lying to them right now about having snacks outside. Alam kong alam nila kung ano ang ugali ko.

Binuksan ko ang pinto. “Yes, Mom. Pakitawag na lang ako kapag oras na ng hapunan,” ani ko. Hindi ko na narinig ang sagot ni Mommy. Silence means yes, ika nga ng marami kaya hindi na rin ako nangulit ay sinara na ang kwarto ko.

Nagbihis na ako tapos ay kinuha ulit ang pagkain ko bago ibinagsak ang sarili sa kama.

Ahh~ the atmosphere earlier between Allen and I was so perfect. So comfortable, fluffy, and heartwarming. Buti na nga lang at hindi niya ako tinanggihan kanina sa pag-aaya ko kasi kung nagkataon doble na ang badtrip ko today.

Kinuha ko ang librong binili ko. I wondered, I had talked a lot earlier. Thanks to this book I got the thoughts flowing out of my head, kasi kung nagkataon na wala kaming napag-usapan kanina palabas ng mall baka na baliw na ako sa awkward. I also did not expect that Allen would ask me. Siya pa ang nagsimula ng usapan namin. Very unexpected, but I am thankful.

Sana may next time pa…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Bea… Bea, hija… Bea, wake up… hapunan na…” Naalimpungatan ako nang marinig ko ang boses ni Mommy. Sunod na umalingawngaw sa tenga ko ay ang matinis na ingay ng pagbukas ng pinto. “Bea, gising na. Oras na para sa hapunan,” wika ng mahinahon at malambing na boses, saka iniyugyog ng bahagya ang balikat ko ng mga ilang beses.

“Mm?” Minulat ko ang mga mata ko at sumalubong dito ang nakakasilaw na dilaw na ilaw ng kwarto ko. Mom must have set it in a yellow light when she turned it on. “Anong oras na po?” tanong ko na kumukurap-kurap para sanayin ang mata ko sa liwanag.

“Alas siyete na. Kakain na tayo.”

“Ah. Sige po susunod na po ako.” Tumayo na si Mommy sa kama ko. Tapos ay narinig ko na ang ingay ng pagsara ng pinto.

“Aahh! Ang sarap ng tulog ko.” Bumangon na rin ako. Kumuha ng pantali ng buhok na nakasabit sa mini rack sa lamesa ko, at nagmamadali akong tumungo sa banyo para maghilamos. Mabilis lang naman saka ako lumabas ng kwarto.

“When will you tell her about the wedding? Does Brenda know about this too? Or you're just about to tell her as well?”

“Brenda knows about it already. But to tell it to Bea is another issue. She may not tell me but I already know that she has not forgiven me.”

“Hindi mo rin naman siya masisisi. Any child would hate to see their parents separated.”

Hindi pa man ako nakakababa ng hagdan ay rinig na rinig ko na kaagad ang boses nilang tatlo sa hapag-kainan. It will no longer surprise me anymore.

“Hey, Sweetie. Let’s eat,” bati sa akin ni Papa nang makita niya akong patungo ng kusina.

Tumango lang ako bilang sagot tapos ay umupo na. Kung hindi lang ako nagugutom baka hindi na rin ako bumaba para kumain.

“Bakit andito ka pa, Papa? Hindi ka ba hahanapin ng asawa mo sa bahay?”

“Bea,” wika ni Mommy.

“What?” I uttered in the most nonchalant way I can, “Nagtatanong lang naman ako. I don't want to cause trouble to Papa’s wife at baka isipin niya kung saan na lang pumupunta si Papa.” Since ganito rin naman ang ginawa ni Papa kay Mama noon. He rarely comes home and is always busy outside.

“Bea, you shouldn't talk that way to y–” Hindi na natapos ni Daddy ang sasabihin niya nang itinaas ni Papa ang kanyang kamay.

“It's fine,” aniya, “I understand your concern. Uh, Bea.”

“Uh-huh?”

“Do you perhaps want to visit your baby brother?”

“Baby brother?”

“Nanganak na si Stacy?” tanong ni Mommy.

Stacy. That hateful name of the mistress who broke my family. 

“Your wife was pregnant?” Hindi naman sa hindi ko alam ba buntis siya pero mas pipiliin ko na mag-kunwari na hindi ko alam ang tungkol dito dahil ayaw ko na muling maramdaman ang galit.

I will always hate her, but if I only harbor hate I feel like it's my loss. Feeling ko wala na akong oras para maging masaya pa.

“Yes. She just had her delivery yesterday. We are hoping for you to visit her in the hospital. I'm sure you will want to see your baby brother. I also told Brenda about him but since she's in Hawaii it would be difficult for her to visit. So, we only had a quick video call yesterday.”

Uminom muna ako ng tubig bago ako muling nagsalita. Nararamdaman ko na kasi ang pangingilid ng luha ko. “You want me to visit your son and your wife, Pa? Kailan po ba?” I calmly asked.

“If possible, tomorrow.” Kaya naman pala niya ako binisita, because he needs something from me. 

Papa does everything he could just to make me like his new wife. Even this. Kahit itong ginagawa niya ngayon ay alam kong paraan niya lang para palapitin kami sa isa’t isa.

“Tomorrow. I'm not sure. Medyo busy po kasi ako,” tugon ko.

“Can't you just make time? Andyan naman palagi ang pag-aaral mo. And it's not like you'll stay all day in the hospital,” Papa begged.

“Andyan naman palagi? Is that how you thought of us before?”

“Pardon?”

“Bea!” bulalas ni Mommy nang mapansin niya kaagad ang pagtalas ng dila ko.

I breathe in and out then said, “Biro lang po,” ngumiti ako, “Titingnan ko pa po Pa kung may oras ako. I will just text you if I can make time for you and your family.”

“O-Okay. I'm glad.”

Oh, please Papa. Don't be. Hindi naman talaga ako pupunta. Sinabi ko lang ‘yun para tigilan na niya ako.

“By the way,” wika na naman ulit ni Papa, “we are planning to held the Christening on September. We also hope you can attend, your family too.” Sabay akbay ni Papa kay Daddy.

“September? We have an upcoming event that month, my role is quite important so I'm not also sure. Titingnan ko na lang din Pa kung makakapunta ako.”

With my answer, the air in the dining table has become more awkward. Tumikhim si Mommy tapos nagmutawi ng, “She's the secretary in their class and organization so she's pretty busy these days.” Mommy awkwardly laughed.

“R-Really? Well… well… I heard you're a well known student in your school, and that everyone acknowledges you.”

That's old news, Papa. Matagal na ang balitang ‘yan. Gusto ko itong ibulalas pero ayaw kong maging masyadong bastos kay Papa. Even though I hate him he is still my father. Alam ko, gasgas na ang linyang iyan pero totoo rin naman kasi talaga.

“You're even the secretary in your organization. Why didn't you tell me about that? What's your next goal? President m?”

“Uh, I am not planning to climb higher. Besides, I am in my last year in senior high school, Papa. I'm leaving for college soon.” Don't tell me hindi niya rin alam ang tungkol dito.

“A-Ah, right. You're right,” Papa chuckled weakly, “Since you're the secretary you really have an important role. You can just text me in advance if you can attend the Christening, sweetie. Do whatever is comfortable for you.”

Well. Isn't it convenient to be a secretary? I can use this as a valid reason to ditch my father's invitation. I don't totally hate my father. Papa ko pa rin naman siya. But to see him with his new family is just heart wrenching, and I might hate their child for stealing what was once mine. At ayaw ko itong mangyari. I don't want to hate an innocent child kaya mas mabuti na ang umiwas.

Nang matapos na kaming mag-hapunan ay kaagad na akong tumayo para maglinis. Yup, hindi ako nag-walk-out o umalis man lang kaagad pagkatapos kong kumain. I held for so long para lang hindi ako maging bastos sa harap nilang tatlo. It was a relief when the topic went from me to Papa’s job, and then they talked about my cousins who are both working abroad. 

“Bea,” mahinang tawag sa akin ni Mommy habang inaayos ko ang mga pinggan. “ako na diyan, ihatid mo muna ang papa mo sa sasakyan niya.”

“Mom, he's a grown up who knows the way outside the house,” reklamo ko.

“Bea, minsan lang naman bumisita ang papa mo. At least, you can do this much. Hindi ba ang sabi ko sa’yo, you can be angry at him but you can never hate him.” Good thing I have Mommy to check my mentality. 

But it's too late, I guess I hate Papa already.”

“Bea.”

“Okay. Okay. Ihahatid na.”

Tumungo ako kaagad sa sala kung saan ay saktong tumayo na palabas ng bahay si Papa.

“Oh, Bea,” mutawi ni Daddy.

“I'm here para ihatid si Papa sa labas.” Napag-utusan ako ni Mommy.

“Really? Thank you, sweetie,” masayang batid ni Papa.

I forcibly lift the sides of my lips to smile. It's not like I am doing this in my own initiative.

“Sweetie,” banggit ni Papa noong malapit na kami sa sasakyan. Kasabay rin namin na lumabas si Manong Greg na nasa likod namin, “I really hope you can visit him tomorrow.”

Hindi ganun ka lawak ang front gate ng bahay nila Mommy. They have an average size garage na kasya ang at least dalawang sasakyan at maliit na hardin sa kaliwa.

“I'll go if I can, Pa,” tugon ko, “I will probably just call Manong Greg if I can go.”

“Thank you, Sweetie,” sabi niya bago pumasok sa sasakyan.

Hindi ko na hinintay na ibaba ni Manong Greg ang salamin ng sasakyan. Sa sandaling pumasok na si Papa ay kaagad na rin akong tumalikod at naglakad pabalik sa loob.

Baby brother, huh. Tama. Gustong-gusto ko na magkaroon ng kapatid na lalaki noon. Pero noon ‘yun. I don't think I can accept his son yet. I don't want to be someone who is full of hate na pati ang inosenteng bata ay idadamay ko. 

Hindi ako pupunta tomorrow. I am selfish, and so is my father's wish to see his new family.