Alternatives

Chapter 4:Friends Part Two

Oh. "Oh. You're coming too? That's great!"

"She came to invite me. She said you-" He cut off mid-sentence, coughed, and started again. "She said you already agreed. I'm surprised she didn't tell you. But then again, neither did I. It wasn't my intention to hide it", he finished, shrugging. It had honestly not occurred to him until now.

But you did hide it, for some reason. And so did she. Wait, do I care? I do care. Alina realized she felt, in fact, jealous. They were both her friends, and she had met them both first, and she was the one who introduced them to each other, and now they were conspiring behind her.

-slow down there, ten-year-old Alina. Let other people be friends, too. Life does not revolve around you.

No, and that's its biggest mistake. I'd be perfect as the center of the universe.

"Alright. Great. It'll be fun." she smiled at Erik, but he still looked suspicious. "Let me get dressed and everything, and we can go."

Finally, as Alina closed the door to her sort of room, she let out a breath and tried to think properly. Erik had the annoying habit of being perceptive and insightful in moments when she'd rather he didn't notice anything, and now she needed to think by herself without his prying eyes.

Alina knew exactly which dress she was going to wear as she dug through her tiny improvised closet because it was her only lightly-colored dress, and she usually wore it to occasions like this one when she was not around kids who might mess up her clothes with their adorable little destructive hands. It was beige with frilly sleeves and tiny embroidered poppies on the hem of the skirt; it had an all-around innocent, airy feel to it. It made her feel so fairy-like that she considered actually putting flowers in her hair and frolicking around through forests.

She realized, nothing was stopping me from putting flowers in my hair. Why not? It's not as if she had to be poised and sophisticated right now, and she just happened to have some flowers on her desk.

How did these get here? They were not even arranged in a bouquet, just daisies and violets and other tiny field flowers scattered around everywhere. Maybe she'd brought them in by accident, or the wind blew them in. Strange. Maybe those pesky kids did it; sometimes they fill my pockets with weird things that fall out once I take off my coat at home. But they were here, and they were in good shape – not too wilted or squished – so she decided to braid them in her hair while she took time to think.

Why did she get – uh, slightly upset – at this? Erik and Yana had been friends since they came here, and she had always been glad. She was still glad. Erik looked like he could use every friend he got, and frankly so could Alina, so she had been subtly nudging the two of them towards being more open and meeting people. Alina didn't wish to shut herself in and build a fence around her; her neuroses aside, she did like company and wanted to build a rich and colorful life now that she was here and free of her past limitations.

The self-assuring tirade did nothing for the fact she still felt strange.

It had to be something else, then. Would she be upset if Yana invited someone else, another friend or relative or even a suitor she hadn't met before, to introduce them to today? No, of course not, she'd be happy for her. Would she be upset if Erik came with another friend or a –

Oh, no.

She definitely would. But why? Because I like being around him, and I want him to pay attention to me. But he already did.

Yes, but I want him to enjoy spending time with me more than other people.

That was a horrifying prospect, so naturally, she decided to ignore it completely. Her hair was braided, and the flowers were woven through it in a sickeningly adorable fashion. She was probably done. Let's do this, you crazy woman, she tried to assure herself as she stepped out of the room.

"I'm ready. And looking like a meadow, might I add. Don't say anything. I like it."

For a moment he looked like he wanted to say something as his eyes widened slightly, and he stumbled a bit as he got up from his chair. Thankfully, Alina hoped, I have prevented it in time.

"You put those flowers in your hair."

He doesn't understand the concept of not saying anything. "Yes. I found them in my room. I think those b****y kids must have filled my pockets with them. Doesn't matter, I like it."

For a moment he looked like he once again wanted to say something but completely different because his look changed from surprise to annoyance. This time, though, he seemed to have learned the concept because he just shrugged and took his coat.

"We can go, then."

And so they did. Erik was extremely nervous. This is the first time he's going to visit someone like this since we came here, Alina realized. Even Yana mostly came to them, and mostly when Alina was home. Alina wondered if Erik had even seen the inside of her house since Pjotr was sick.

Yana greeted them at the door cheerfully, dressed in her best dress, with Pjotr playing happily behind her. The table behind her was full of colorful eggs with a small, elegant olive branch in the middle.

"Alina! Erik! You both came! You look great! Alina, you put flowers in your hair!" she laughed. "And a new dress!"

"Uh, thank you."

"Come in, everything is ready."

Erik was still, so tense one could shoot an arrow off of him, but Pjotr saw him and ran up to him, hugging his legs.

"Dzyadyushka!"

"He means 'uncle'", Yana explained. "He remembers you watching him when he was sick. Asks about you all the time."

"Uh…" He was still extremely nervous, but Alina could see the comment got to him. He kneeled to look at the kid, amused. His eyes are much less unsettling when he's happy. They might even be charming. "So, I'd say it's time I told you how that story ended, now that you're better."

"YES!"

Yana smiled at them. "Let's go sit while the men settle important things", she told Alina.

The meal itself was a little awkward, although thankfully short; the situation was unfamiliar and Erik would still much rather starve than eat with other people, but Piotr pestering him with questions and rants constantly gave him something to do, so he mostly had an excuse not to sit by the table. Afterward, Yana took out various cakes and pastries, and a small bottle of colorless liquid.

"I think you will like this." She took three tiny glasses and poured some into each, winking at Alina.

"Home, sweet home?" Alina grinned.

"Exactly."

She gave them the glasses and the two women drank it all immediately, Erik watching them and following slowly and carefully. Big mistake. The burn that Alina only felt for a split second, he felt for much longer, and the poor man started coughing violently.

"WHAT in the world did you give me?"

"Rakija. It cures everything, from a skinned knee to sorrow."

"I feel like it added to my list of problems, instead."

Yana laughed. "Yes, but the other problems look smaller now, no? Didn't you say you spend the holidays drinking and playing sad music?"

"I didn't mean drinking poison. Is this why your countries are constantly in wars?"

"No, the poison is often what keeps us from killing each other", Alina offered.

They spent the rest of the afternoon playing checkers and entertaining Pjotr. It was such a peaceful scene; Alina realized then that she couldn't have imagined it a few months ago, back when she knew nobody and felt scared and alone, and back when Erik looked like he would like to disappear into the nearest shadow whenever someone looked at him. For a moment they all looked like family.

ooo

"So, I've known you for a while now, but I still don't know much about you", Alina stated as they left Yana's house. They could both still feel the slight tingling of the strong drink Yana gave them; it was probably wise to take a walk and clear their heads. It was an unusually warm spring evening and Erik proposed they take a walk through a secluded part of the beach. It was unappealing and full of sharp rocks; no one wanted to come there. But Erik liked it. He enjoyed the wind howling around him and the eerie calls of the seagulls above him. Alina didn't mind climbing the rocks, and she enjoyed the strange atmosphere too. Erik noticed she would go for long walks whenever she had to think, which was why he had decided to show her this place.

"Yes."

"Well..." she looked at him expectantly.

"That's intentional." He continued walking with indifference, hoping she'd let it go.

"It's also unfair! I told you so much about me!"

"I listened." he even cared. Mostly. She did talk all the time.

"That's not the point!" Alina wasn't sure if she was amused or frustrated.

"What do you even want to know?" You don't want to know anything, trust me.

"I don't know. Just tell me something!"

"My name is Erik."

"That doesn't co-" she was frustrated.

"I was joking. Let me think."

Erik searched his memories for something he could offer her. Sadly, most of his memories were something he didn't wish for her to know and didn't even wish to think about, to be honest. He could tell her something insignificant. Or he could make up a story. But some part of him wanted to give her a taste of what it was like to be him, just to see how she would react. So he tried to recall something he thought might interest her.

"Alright. I'll answer one question."

"Can I pick one?" she lit up.

"No, I'll pick it. But you've asked me this before, so I'll answer now.

The strangest feeling I've ever felt was when I was much younger. I lived completely alone and talked to almost no one. It would sometimes get so dark and quiet that I would, well... I always had these thoughts, in my head, that weren't very pleasant; they were downright horrifying. But there were a few instances when I was younger when I'd be alone for so long, that I thought I heard them."

"You heard voices?" She didn't expect it, but she tried to handle the shock well. This is not the first time she'd heard something like this; the best thing to do when people confess something private, in her experience, was to take it calmly.

"Yes. I would withdraw into myself, and sometimes I didn't even talk to Antoinette even if she came, because I would... I can't explain it. I was afraid of what I might do. I didn't know what was real, but things that made no sense, apparitions, and voices, felt more real than the real things. It would last for several weeks at a time and then stop. I was completely trapped in my head, and I felt like I wasn't myself."

"That sounds... very frightening." Alina looked afraid, but Erik couldn't tell whether it was for him or of him.

"You're in no danger from me", he tried the more probable option, barely concealing the bitterness in his voice.

"No, I meant it sounds like it was very frightening for you. Were you scared?"

Oh. "Not all the time. Sometimes I didn't feel afraid at all. But some days I'd wake up, and I'd suddenly be terrified."

"Oh. I'm sorry. How did it pass?"

"On its own, I think. And when I... got away from some things. Over time, it got very rare, and then it stopped. It's been years since it happened."

"When was the last time?" Alina asked because she didn't want to offend him by asking a thousand other things even as she was, by her nature, insufferably curious.

"That would be enough questions", he said slowly.

"Oh. Alright. That's fair. Thank you for telling me this."

They walked in silence for a while. Alina was deep in thought after what was said, and Erik had no way of knowing how she was taking it. This was a horrible idea. I'm starting to regret ever telling her this.

"Do you think I'm a madman, now?" he asked, doing his best to sound nonchalant.

She frowned at him. "Huh? No."

"Even though I heard voices?"

"Listen, over the years I have met many people, mad and sane, and the more I meet, the less certain I am in the distinction between the two", she skipped around the cliffs carefully. The wind was salty, she noticed. Salty wind back home usually brought the smell of rosemary, but not here.

"Do madmen normally have these kinds of stories?"

"Some of them do", she shrugged.

"Oh."

"The difference is those poor people can't function to this day, and you can. That's rare, and I'm glad for you. If it happens again, will you tell me?"

Unlikely. "So you can put me in a hospital?"

"Have you met me?" She was downright offended now. "Do you think I'd just have you locked up? Against your will? Don't ever say that again."

"What would be the point then?"

"I don't know, maybe I could help you handle it. Or at least you can point your finger at something and ask me if it's real."

"You might get outnumbered in opinions in that case." But it's not such a terrible idea.

She laughed. "Ha! Good point. In any case, thank you for telling me. That does sound like a very strange feeling. If this was a competition, you'd win."

Erik shrugged. "Or I could just be possessed by the devil."

"Hardly. At least the devil would have given you something in return. Have you recently had, what, seven wishes fulfilled?" Alina stopped to pick up a small shell from the ground, inspecting it. Hello, friend. I didn't know you also lived here.

"Just one."

"Ooooooh!" Her face suddenly lit up. "What was it?"

"I think we agreed this was enough questions", Erik said. "What is that?"

"Oh, I don't know what they're called here. Back home we called them priljepci. They live their lives stuck to cliffs unless some adventurous kid decides to eat them", she said, showing it to him. She put the shell in her pocket, for good luck.

They'd reached the end of the road. Alina stopped to look into the distance, at the roaring sea around them. The sea reminded her of her mother's hometown. It was a different color there; a brilliant blue. This sea was a gray mess, the way the Adriatic Sea would get before a storm. She did like the gloomy atmosphere – it made her feel as if she was crossing over into some distant, long-lost realm. But she'd seen enough storms to automatically feel uneasy at the sight of the gray sea.

At least the seagulls are equally obnoxious wherever you go.

"I like eerie places like this", she said.

"So do I."

"But I think we should go back now. This feels like some ghostly deserted world, and I don't want to be in it for too long."

She turned around and walked back with Erik following behind her, toward the distant buildings and faint sounds of human beings.