Alternatives

Chapter 5:Monsters Part One

June 1894, Coney Island

Erik walked towards the house quickly, speeding through shortcuts. He had an idea, and it was far-fetched and unlikely, but the possibility of it however small made him jittery and nervous. He had to go on a very long walk to calm himself down and think about it. Lost in thought, he forgot about the time and the part of the island he was in, and now he was eager to escape this neighborhood as quickly and silently as possible. It was already very late, and he still had a lot of work to do before morning. With a lot on his mind, he forgot to watch his surroundings and barely noticed the man following closely behind him. By the time he became suspicious, it was already too late. He was stuck in an alley like a fool. He didn't even have his knife – he had forgotten it at home, on his working desk, because these things do happen sometimes. He tried to think of what to do. He couldn't believe this would happen to him, that he would manage to get caught by surprise like this. I let myself get lulled in this little safe bubble, I stopped looking over my shoulder, and now I'm in trouble. Goddammit.

Three of them came up ahead of him, and he realized quickly what was going on. Turning around, he noticed two more. They all had knives and brass knuckles. He saw one bat casually being carried, swinging lightly close to the ground. They were much too close for comfort now.

Trapped.

He couldn't take on five of them. He thought about the possibility of escaping. Not likely.

Who the hell needs money, anyway?

They gestured for him to take out his possessions, and he obeyed. He felt a familiar tingle of anger creeping up his spine but remained steady. He'd make up for his losses later, he'd make them pay, but first, he had to survive right now. They got closer, taunting him, amused by the freak; but he said nothing. It's not just that, he realized. They want this to escalate. They're bored, they need a fight, and the mask is making them curious. And we're all quite certain they'd win this one, so I can't give them the satisfaction. Erik bitterly thought to himself how proud Antoinette would be of his composure at that moment.

But then one of those idiots behind him smacked the back of his head, kicking the mask off, and it was all over.

Everything in his vision went black as Erik lost himself. He didn't know who hit first, he or they.

He kicked and hit and punched like a madman, everything passing by in a flurry. He felt someone's nose break under his fist and heard another one's sharp breath as he kicked him in the stomach.

But in the end, five armed people would always be stronger than one unarmed man.

It was the bat that decided. It was impossible to evade forever in such a tight space, although at least the man holding it didn't have enough space to swing it full force. Erik later considered himself lucky that the superstitious dimwits were too scared to hit his head, otherwise they would have easily split his skull and killed him.

Except for the one with the bat, who swung it half-force once at Erik's left temple, and it was enough to put him on the ground like a rag doll. Everything became a blur of boots, fists, and pain. They left him alive, but barely. It was over soon though, and they ran away, with that one brave young fellow spitting on the ground next to Erik as he left.

In case the message wasn't clear enough, he thought.

He lay on the ground unable to move and stared at the night sky until he lost consciousness.

ooo

Erik woke up to a blood-curdling scream that sounded familiar somehow. He could barely open his eyes and didn't want to know what would happen to him next, but the scream turned into even more familiar crying. Was this someone he knew? If so, he should let them know he was alive since he couldn't move, so he gave his best to open his eyes and focus-

Alina.

She went looking for me.

He had to be cursed. This was too much. A thought occurred to him that she might not even have recognized him without the mask and just started screaming at the scene she found. Now that he'd opened his eyes though, she knew who he was. He got ready for her to scream again when she'd realize just what had been her friend for the past several months. If there ever was a chance she'd... well, that chance was gone now.

She didn't scream again. Instead, she kneeled on the ground next to him, still crying with one hand over her mouth. It was a sad, sad sight. Once he wouldn't easily forget.

„What happened to you?"

Erik wanted to tell her he was born like this, but breathing was hard, and it would have ruined the theatrical delivery of distasteful jokes.

„Beat up", he managed.

„Is anything broken?" she asked, looking at him over, doing her best to compose herself. Now was not the time to cry, and she had to react quickly. She put her feelings aside and went into crisis control.

„Everything."

„Can you move?"

„Don't know."

She couldn't figure it out from just looking, seeing as he was covered in blood and bruises. She leaned over him, and he twitched when she got too close, but she didn't care. She took his left arm to inspect it. She was holding it, so gently he could barely feel it.

„Broken?" she looked him in the eyes. Something was very off about his eyes.

„No."

She tried to repeat that with his other arm, but as soon as she touched it a sharp jolt of pain burst through his shoulder and he screamed.

„Broken."

„Got it."

„Ribs, too", he offered helpfully, hoping she wouldn't poke at every single one to find out.

„Figured as much. Your breath is whistling. Legs?"

„No."

„Head?"

„Maybe."

She moved even closer now; her left hand reached out, and she moved his chin lightly toward her with her thumb. Erik felt dizzy, her face in front of him was blurry. The whole thing was so intensely uncomfortable that he almost passed out, but he still felt a tiny wish in the back of his head that she would keep her hand there a little longer.

„Your eyes can't focus. Probably a concussion. Come, I'll help you up. We're going home."

She put his good arm over her shoulders and lifted him slowly into a sitting position. Everything hurt. She got up slowly, and Erik had to lean on her because he couldn't count on his legs, but after a while, they were both standing.

Blood welled up in his mouth, and he spit it out. How graceful.

„Let's go."

They started walking slowly towards the house. It was, thankfully, very close, because Erik didn't know how long he could keep this up. He felt dizzy, the ground was spinning, and his legs were made of rubber.

And my face is made of nightmares, and it's inches away from hers.

To make matters worse, the strain of moving combined with concussion and blood loss made him slightly delirious, and he started rambling. The whole situation was so comically horrible, that he couldn't help but let out a few helpless, bitter, angry tears. He tried to explain it was unfair, and that she didn't have to do this, and that she should just leave him here because he felt so humiliated that he'd like to stay here on the ground, thank you very much.

„I'm sorry", she said. „This is horrible. You did nothing to deserve this. It'll get better."

He tried to tell her he was failing to see how it would get better because it never did.

„Because I'll take you home, and we'll patch up those cuts, and I'll give you something that'll make you sleep while I figure out how to set your shoulder right. And I'll take care of you until you're alright." Erik registered somewhere in the back of his mind how softly she was speaking and how she was straining to hold him up even though he was twice her size.

Why does this kind of thing happen to me? He wondered, and he was still talking out loud.

„I don't know. I'm sorry. But I'm here now, and I'll help you." Alina didn't know what to say. It was taking all of her mental strength to hold him up, talk to him, and not cry at the same time.

Why would she help me? She doesn't have to do this. Deep inside him, something screamed trying to stop him, but the torrent went on.

„I want to do this", she said quietly. „You're my friend."

Does she regret it now that she's seen it?

She stopped to look at him.

„No, I don't. Nothing will make me regret it. You're still the same to me. Remember that."

He didn't fully believe her, but he had no more questions for now.

They finally reached the house, and she led him to his bed to collapse into unconsciousness.

Sliding down the wall to sit on the floor next to his bed, Alina tried to compose herself to think. This was not over – Erik was still bleeding, hurt, his arm was broken and God knows what else was wrong with him. She would have to act quickly; she remembered where she found the doctor that cured Piotr's pneumonia, but she doubted he would still be in his office at this hour. Which meant she would have to go look for his house, talk him into coming, and probably pay him an impressive amount of money to get here, and then more to keep his mouth shut.

Casting a glance over at Erik's unconscious form, she decided it was a good time for her to take a moment to cry.

Alina couldn't tell how much of his face was hurt and how much was simply... like that, having never seen it before without the mask; she couldn't tell how bad his concussion was or if he had any other hidden wounds that would require immediate medical attention. She decided she would simply have to get a doctor immediately, through any means necessary, and hope Erik wouldn't wake up and panic while he was there. She had, luckily, remembered to pick up the mask from the ground and bring it with her; she was not eager to go back into that alley to find it, and she had a faint idea it would be quite bad if he woke up and didn't have it at all anymore.

Having taken a minute to sob to herself in silence, Alina got up, wiped her hands on her dress, and went straight for her coat. She took the money, and almost went out the door, but then changed her mind and went back to Erik's room.

„I'll be back soon", she whispered at him, reaching out to move a strand of hair from his forehead. He gave no sign that he heard her. She tiptoed out of the room and left, running through the dark streets for the second time that night.

Erik woke up with a splitting headache and a lot of other, unidentified aches. He had no idea how long he had been sleeping, but when he opened his eyes there was sunlight coming from the outside. He realized he could shift his head slightly, so he attempted to look around.

Alina was sleeping in an armchair next to him, with her mouth slightly open and a book on her lap. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. Hello again, old friend. Her hair was disheveled and the dark purple circles under her eyes were visible even as her eyes were closed.

Erik's left arm was relatively unhurt, so he lifted it to pat his head. His mask was still gone, but his head was partially covered in bandages. He felt a large bump on his left temple covered with a cushion of some soft cloth folded over several times. That's what the bandages were for, then. They were keeping the makeshift pillow in place. Not necessary from a medical standpoint, but a worthy improvisation. Moving his head a bit more, Erik noticed that every pillow in the house had been moved to form a fort under and around his head. Curious, he looked at Alina again. Did she do this herself? If so, why? Maybe she just wanted an excuse to cover his face at least partially but as he focused on the nightstand on his left, he noticed the mask on it. Nothing about this made sense.

It's a peace offering, he realized. He could choose to keep the bandages on or to switch them for the mask. Either way, he would get some dignity back. Clever. She's thought it through. But she hadn't realized he couldn't affix it anyway with this headache and only one good arm.

Right, my arm. This one was properly compressed with bandages and wooden sticks into what seemed to be an entire exoskeleton on his right shoulder. Someone else did this, someone, who knew what they were doing. The cuts and bruises on his body were also professionally stitched up but badly bandaged.

He was starting to piece it together when she woke up.

She stretched and rubbed her eyes in a very unladylike manner before looking at him. He tried smiling slightly at her, and she jolted up when she saw him awake, hurrying next to him.

„Hey. I'm so glad you're awake." The relief on her face was sincere.

„How long has it been?"

„Two days." She started talking, fast and nervous. „I wrapped up your head because you were jerking around, and I was afraid the shaking might make it worse. You couldn't wake up, and I got scared, so I called a doctor here. That was a hard one, I had to tear through half the island, and it cost us a lot. Anyway, he stitched you up and set your shoulder and said I had to wake you now and then to check you didn't fall into a coma. But you'll be fine. They missed your organs, and your skull is still whole. It's a concussion, though, and your ribs are broken, so you'll have to lie still for a while. I've been changing your bandages, too, so you probably won't get an infection." She said it all in one breath and stopped abruptly. „I think. Do you have a fever? Does anything burn?"

„My pride, but nothing else."

„I'm afraid I don't have a balm for that", she smiled.

„Never mind. You've done enough. More than I'd ever expected." Erik tried to clear his head to thank her properly. „You're a wonderful friend. Thank you."

She smiled so wide that the room suddenly got much lighter. „Anytime."

„And, I'm sorry you had to see all this." He gestured at his face. She narrowed her eyes at him.

„Your priorities are backward, you know."

„What do you mean?"

„Why would you apologize for that? You didn't choose any of this. Even if I was bothered, that'd be my problem, not yours."

„You're... not?" What?

„Oh, I'm bothered alright. I'm bothered that you could've died randomly after I saw you only hours before. I'm bothered that I had no way of finding you or even knowing something was wrong but lucky guesses and instincts. I'm bothered by seeing you half-dead on the ground with a broken arm and blood in your nose and mouth and half of your body turned purple. I didn't care in the slightest about your face, Erik, because of priorities. In that scene, your face is the least likely part to haunt me in my nightmares."

„Uh-huh."

„For the record, I don't care now, either. I brought you this thing- "She gestured at the mask, „And you can put it on if you like because I think it's every man's choice how covered he wants to be to feel comfortable. But I don't care, and even if I did, it would still be my problem to get over it and not yours."

He thought everything she said made perfect sense, except in another reality and not this one. She truly believed what she said, and the appeal of believing it washed over Erik like a soothing stream of warm water. Contradictory evidence was everywhere, but he decided to allow this comfortable illusion for now. After all, she did all this for him. And he was still much too dizzy and disoriented to bother proving that it was all a lie. So it would do.

„Are you crying-" Thank God she was smart enough not to finish that sentence. „Khm. I mean, are you hungry? I'll bring you some water and something to eat."

„Please."

„And some books to pass the time. For when your head clears", she offered.

„Great idea."

ooo

Time passes rather slowly while one is bedridden. Erik slept a lot but was insufferably bored when he was awake. He could barely move so possible activities were very limited. He was reading so many books that Alina eventually started bringing him newspapers and magazines.

„What happened? Do you remember?" she asked him after a few days, trying to appear casual.

Erik lifted his gaze from the newspaper article about some „entertainment park" to look at her.

„I was robbed. Five of them jumped me in an alley."

„And?"

„And they started toying with me because they wanted a fight. Some bored lowlifes. I didn't mean to do anything, but they went too far, and I lost my patience."

„Explain." he sighed.

„Well, I was already on edge from the start. One of them came up to me from behind and hit me on the head. The mask fell off. They got angrier and I went insane." Stop frowning, wretched woman. „They looked ready to kill me when they saw me, so I thought I'd rather kill them instead. You can see how that ended."

„So you started hitting first?"

Does it matter? „Maybe. I don't remember. But I don't think it made a difference. They just wanted an excuse."

She didn't fully believe him. Well, she was free to think about what she wanted.

„Alright, I suppose", she said. „I can't blame you even if you did. They deserved it. I'm just sad it all happened." She did blame him a little for not being careful, for almost losing him, but would never admit it to him in this beaten state. Erik refused to admit anything at all now that it was already done, and he was bedridden with broken ribs that made it hard to breathe.

Fair enough. He focused on the newspaper.

As days passed, Erik slowly learned to walk and breathe properly again. His ribs still hurt every time he took a breath, but it was becoming bearable. His arm was in a cast, so playing his violin was out of the question, but thankfully his dominant arm was left, so he could still write and draw at least.

He decided to buy a small palm pistol to defend himself - it seemed like a wise choice if he didn't want to die next time. He didn't know what compelled him to tell Alina he intended to do it, because he had a feeling she wouldn't like it.

She didn't like it in the slightest.

"I won't have something like this happen to me again", he told her.

"And that's the way to go about it?"

"Listen, Alina, I have to admit you're very good at making safe little bubbles around yourself, and you use the advantages you have well enough to avoid trouble. But not everyone is the same, and I, for one, am a goddamned magnet for trouble, and in nearly thirty years I've not learned how to avoid it."

She still didn't like it.

"Weapons are not trouble pacifiers! It's like putting out the fire by pouring vodka on it!"

"Well, maybe I'd prefer to pour vodka on the fire and burn us all instead of just me!"

"It's a horrible idea! We'll have enough money soon to move somewhere safer, and you'll just bring the trouble along by doing things like that!" Alina felt herself getting upset.

"In case you haven't noticed, I bring trouble along no matter where we go! If it wasn't for me, you'd already be living somewhere safer doing whatever you wanted to do!" With whomever, you wanted to be with instead. "Didn't you notice this before?"

Her expression turned from anger to alarm and, slowly, into sadness. Which, Erik thought, was much harder to deal with.

"Listen, I can understand where you're coming from. I have to admit if this happened to me, I'd want to get revenge and make them pay for it."

"I have no intention of going after them. Even if I wanted to, I don't know who they were, because I forgot their faces due to my head being nearly knocked off my shoulders."

She winced at the memory.

"What bothers me", she said, "is that you're somewhat..." she trailed off, feeling suddenly anxious. This would not be an easy conversation, she realized.

"Yes?" Say it already, damn it.

"Uh..." she furrowed her brow a little, trying to think of the right words.

"Alina, get yourself together and say it already." Erik had no time for the right words; he wanted sincere ones, even if they confirmed his worst fears. Which they probably would.

She was angry again, which was more bearable to both of them than when she was anxious.

"Fine", she straightened to look him in the eyes, "You're impulsive and aggressive at times, and your decision-making skills go right out the door whenever you're afraid. You just do whatever drastic thing you think will create enough commotion that you can escape. While I can very much relate, I'm afraid of what it will be like if you have something that deadly and efficient with you."

I probably deserved that, Erik thought. Hearing her say it still made him feel like someone had knocked him in the head again.

"Are you afraid of me?" For a moment he was too shocked to be angry; his voice broke as it came out him.

"Not like that."

"Like what, then?"

"I'm not afraid you'll do something to me, I'm just not sure what to think about your reactions towards most people. And yourself, to be honest."

"My reactions?"

"Yes. I'm not talking about you getting beaten up because I think you couldn't have deserved something like that no matter what. But I've noticed you interpret situations much more threatening than they are, and you react... accordingly, I suppose, but it escalates instead of calming down."

"And what do you know about threatening?" Erik's voice was back, but it came back as poison. He felt like he was being blamed for provoking people by simply existing. Anger crept up his spine demanding a sacrifice, although with years it had started demanding less and less.

"I know some." Alina was bitter now as well.

"Some? Do you think I know 'some'? Have you any idea who I am?" Stop now, i***t, reason pleaded, but he was just getting started. He raised his voice.

"Has Antoinette ever told you how we met? Because I'll tell you now, and you can judge for yourself how unreasonable I am. She found me when I was about sixteen, and you know where?"

She shook her head.

"In a goddamned cage, that's where! I was in a circus cage, chained and set as an attraction! People threw things at me for fun! Like some monstrous beast to look at from a safe distance!" Alina stared, wide-eyed and mortified. Erik pulled up the sleeve on his healthy arm with his teeth to show her. The pale, jagged scars she noticed on his wrist long ago extended all over his forearm, continuing past the elbow and under his shirt.

"That's how I got these! They spread to my back! There are whip marks too! They had enough time to fester in the nine years I was there! Have you ever looked at a whip up close and wondered what 'threatening' means? I would have died there if she hadn't stolen me from them like she was stealing a purse in some back alley! They thought I was a thing! Most people do!"

She stared at his forearm in silent horror. I may as well ruin it completely now. "So now that you know who I am you can take your reasonable negotiations to hell and let me take care of myself!"

As anger started to leave him, he realized what he just said. I think I better leave before she can kick me out herself, he pondered, but Alina had other plans. She was suddenly eerily calm and composed. The switch in her head was flipped – she was handling this as a professional in a crisis, not as a friend. Erik realized he probably deserved that too, but it still stung.

"Do you think that's who you are?" she asked.