Alternatives

Chapter 2:Goodbyes Part One

"Good day, Jean. I'm sorry you have to be here today."

She could see he was delighted by the small gift.

"It's not a problem, Madame. I enjoy the quiet for a change after all that ruckus we always get this time of year. It's not that bad. There's no one here but me and the Opera ghost", he laughed.

"You don't believe all that nonsense, do you? This opera is worse than a sewing circle."

"No Madame, I am a man of science and skepticism", he winked at her playfully.

"Good. I'll just take care of my business and leave."

"Go ahead, Madame."

She went up to her room and locked the door, taking off her gloves and hat.

"Erik, are you there?" she said to the empty room.

No one answered.

"I just came by to give you something. I'll leave it here on my table, but I can't stay here long or someone might come looking for me."

No one answered.

She walked up to the tiny table in the corner of the room, taking out a small package and letting it down with care.

"Here it is. Merry Christmas, Erik. These cookies are a present from me. Please stop stealing sweets from the manager's office. I'm not angry, so you can come out."

No one answered.

"Alright. I'll see you soon. Goodbye."

She stopped before unlocking the door to take a scarf out of her purse and wrap it around her neck. She'd never been caught in a lie, and she had no intention to start now.

As she left, a very thin figure emerged silently from the shadows and grabbed the small package, disappearing swiftly into the dark again.

She left the same way, nodding to the receptionist.

"Merry Christmas, Jean."

"Merry Christmas, Madame. Did you see the Opera Ghost?" he asked playfully.

"Not today. I suppose he wasn't in the mood for talking."

She stepped back into the cold snowy streets, shuddering. Meg was waiting for her back home. She picked up her pace. One cannot leave a child unattended for too long.

Several hundred kilometers to the east, Alina woke up with a mixture of dread and excitement.

What seemed to her like a horde of relatives arrived last night, and today she had to go and greet them all with her best dress and her best pleased-to-meet-you smile. It better be the best one. She was determined this year that she wouldn't tick anyone off, or let anyone tick her off. She wanted a peaceful family Christmas, and she was determined her foul mouth wouldn't get her in trouble this time.

She got dressed a little too slowly for the sake of prolonging the blessed peace and jumped a little when her sister entered the room, already dressed and proper.

"Alina, there you are! Come down already, everyone's here."

"Oh no." Not everyone at the same time. That was so much social interaction and etiquette all at once that she might faint. Or at least pretend to faint, if only to see mama's face.

"Well, you could have gotten up earlier."

Amelija was right, of course.

"Please refrain from sassing our elders while we're down there. Mama and Tata are doing their best, but you know how they get when they're pressed from all sides like this."

"Yes, yes, I know. I will. Unless they provoke me."

"Especially if they provoke you, Alina."

She rolled her eyes. Getting scolded by her younger sister made her severely annoyed every time, but Amelija was so good at keeping a cool head that Alina might benefit from following her example.

"Fine."

"And relax. Everyone's excited to see you. They brought presents. I have a present for you too, but you can't see it until Christmas day."

"I have one for you as well." She remembered the pair of hairpins wrapped neatly in her desk drawer.

"Let's go."

As they walked downstairs, Amelija suddenly turned to her and whispered.

"How long do you think until the first argument? I'm taking bets and cousin Jelka bet her gloves on Tata and uncle breaking the ice fighting about politics. Could you cause some minor ruckus early, so I win?" She flashed a brilliant smile, entering the room completely calm and graceful.

Alina was not so composed, and she had to stay a moment longer to let out a loud laugh in the hallway. She heard her mother speaking in the next room.

"What is it with her?"

"No idea, mama. She's gone mad. But at least she's in a good mood, no? Let her be."

Alina gathered herself swiftly and entered the room, still snickering slightly, ready to face the enormous, well-meaning, deafening horde.

The strangely controlled, anxious, manipulative woman left after talking through some details of the plan with Antoinette and drinking what seemed to be an entire gallon of strong coffee. She asked about Meg and sent her love, wishing she had more time to see her. It didn't escape Erik how tense she was the whole time. She let some of it show, but most of it poured out of her through small changes in the pitch of her voice, barely noticeable gestures, and the way her eyes darted around the room when she talked. She was unnerved by him but tried to hide it, going out of her way to show politeness and respect. He had to admit he appreciated the charade. She thought he was a creepy man, sure, but at least she was certain enough that he was a man to feel ashamed of it.

She acted similar to Antoinette when she was working in the Opera. Still herself, but with a strict professional cover on top. Erik could not discern how she felt about everything because she kept distracting him with words she thought would be the right ones to say.

Yet, he was sure she was genuine when she promised to help him. She looked straight into his eyes as she gave her speeches, and he could tell she truly believed the message behind them, even if the way she said it was carefully calculated to produce the desired effect. Her sincerity shook him a bit, and in the end, it was the sentiment that convinced him to cooperate more than the wrappings, although the wrappings were lovely.

We'll see.

The preparations took them quite some time. Alina had to get back to London because that's where she lives; she only came to Paris to see Antoinette for the winter holidays – as she was kind enough to explain to him, even though he never asked. That made sense since she didn't speak French, although Erik hadn't thought of it before. She said she'd take care of her business and pack up, and meet them the day before the ship sails out of Le Havre, in two weeks. For two weeks, Erik has been jittery and nervous. He didn't have much to pack up; most of his belongings were left at the Opera. Antoinette, seeing his misery, tried sneaking back in to get some of them, finding her way through the basements according to his instructions. She found only some clothes, some of his drawings, notes, and books.

„Have you perhaps seen my violin?" he asked tentatively, afraid of the answer.

The face she made immediately confirmed his fears to be true.

„I have seen... parts of a violin. Erik, I'm sorry."

He felt furious. „What kind of savage breaks a violin? What did the violin do to anybody?"

„A lot of good and valuable things are broken back there. It may have been an accident", she offered.

Something told him it wasn't an accident. She couldn't look directly at him.

Erik sighed, remembering his resolution not to make her life harder. „Thank you anyway."

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"Hello, Mrs. Bigley", Alina greeted with a smile as she entered her landlady's apartment. Her place was right above, and she often dropped by when she returned to say hello first.

"Hello, dear! You look better. How was your trip?" Mrs. Bigley was cleaning some peas in the kitchen, so Alina washed her hands and sat down with her to help. Mrs. Bigley had already seen the way Alina cooked, and while her food was perfectly edible, she was certain she would spend a lot more time daydreaming and chitchatting than cleaning the peas in the end. She decided not to comment on that.

"Good, good. I have some news", she took a breath. "I'm moving out of London in a few weeks. I talked with my aunt and we... came to the conclusion I should look for better prospects in life."

"Oh. That's sudden." Mrs. Bigley frowned.

"I'm sorry; I can pay another month's rent in advance. I won't inconvenience you."

"Where are you going?" Mrs. Bigley was sincerely concerned for her young friend's well-being but had to admit she wouldn't turn down a month's rent this time of year.

"Oh... Paris, I'm moving in with auntie Giry for now." She realized how reckless "I'm escaping to New York with a stranger" would sound to the old woman, and decided it would be better if she covered her tracks. "I... met someone, a man. Auntie introduced me to him", she offered. To be fair, it's not exactly a lie. "I, uh, I decided to listen to your advice."

"Oh, you did?" Mrs. Bigley cheered up. "Lovely! I knew you'd see reason and settle down one day, Alina."

"Ha, ha, yes. That's exactly what I'm doing", Alina laughed nervously, focusing on the peas.

Dear Mama,

I hope this letter finds you well. When you receive it, I will have already changed my address, and I'll send you the new one as soon as I can.

I'm going to America on what I suppose you could call an adventure. Please don't die of a heart attack when you read this. No, you can't stop me. I will be fine. I'm not going alone. Teta Giry's trusted friend is going as well, and he said he'd watch out for me. I will not die. I'm going to find some work and a place to stay. I have gathered some money and some letters of recommendation.

I've left my apartment secure and paid another month's rent until you decide what to do with it. I left the keys to Mr. Bigley. I've grown tired of my job and the constant fighting with people around me because as you may have noticed you can't get as much change done as you'd like if you're a young woman around here. I'm also trying to find my luck and my success because I don't want to spend my life living in your shadow or under your control. This whole situation feels rather restricting. I hope you can understand. I don't blame you for anything, and I hope you won't blame me.

Send my love to everyone.

Love,

Alina.

P.S. Don't tell Amelija that I stole her hairpins. I'll send her new ones from the Yankees.

It was good enough, Alina thought. She would have to give it to auntie Giry to send after she leaves, because if she gets it too soon that stubborn woman might just fly over to France on her proverbial broomstick and snatch her out of the sky to bring her home.

It was carefully constructed, although not entirely true. Alina had no idea who this "trusted friend" was, and he'd certainly said nothing remotely close to "watching over her". But she'd been lying to her mother for many, many years. It's not that Alina got better at it so much as that her mother had gotten used to it, and when Alina ran off somewhere with a stupid excuse she wouldn't flinch anymore because it had happened so many times. Alina was resourceful enough not to die on her own.

Her father was an entirely different story, which was why the letter was not addressed to him. I'm sure they'll figure it out amongst themselves, she thought. So will the others at the orphanage. Alina gave her supervisors a fair two-week notice before she left and also letters explaining how she dealt with the more peculiar children. She made an effort to soften their transition after she left as much as she could.

This letter was the last thing she had to do before she left, so she braided her hair, put on her coat and fur hat, and left her apartment. She tried her best to travel light, but the bag was still incredibly heavy, and her feet were slipping a little through the snow. She left the keys to Mr. and Mrs. Bigley as promised, wishing them goodbye, and headed straight on the train to Portsmouth, where a ship headed to Le Havre was waiting for her. She waved goodbye to London in her mind. I might miss this depressing place. I'll miss the depressing children, for sure. I'll miss my friends, though I've not made many of them. I'll miss the street cats. Damn, I might just miss them the most.

The ferry to Le Havre was boring as always. Alina tried reading to pass the time, sketching a little in her notebook, but it was no good. She couldn't focus. This trip has had her on edge for weeks, so much that she almost forgot her birthday.

She only remembered it two days prior, and it made her panic. She had not imagined her twenty-fifth birthday going like this. She had imagined it with pomp and circumstance and a large celebration. If she recalled back far enough, she used to imagine it with a husband and a bunch of little children. She thought it strange how, as she got older, she no longer wanted the things she once did want - or thought she should want. And now she was running away to the Wild West with a man she could not figure out for the life of her.

Sometimes I understand why my mother's always yelling.

She had decided to drown her anxiety by baking a cake, and some cookies, and singing „Happy Birthday" to herself like a madwoman, barely quietly enough to not attract attention from Mrs. Bigley downstairs. She drank some of the rum she intended to put in the cake and fell asleep giggling after the treats were done. Luckily, she woke up fine today, so she managed to clean up, pack up and get on the ferry without trouble.

Meanwhile, Antoinette and Erik had to take a carriage to Le Havre to get to the ship. The train was out of the question, but Antoinette managed to find a closed carriage with heavy curtains. They spent the trip in silence, and Antoinette decided it was best to leave Erik alone, seeing how anxious he seemed about what awaited him. She found then a small room close to the docks with a tiny kitchen and bathroom for one night and tipped the owner well. Erik had to wear a scarf over his mask over his face the entire time, and a hood over his head, because the gendarmes were everywhere. Thankfully, it was so cold that nobody noticed much of their surroundings. He put down his bag in the corner of the room, knowing full well he would have a long and completely sleepless night ahead of him when Antoinette hurried him back out.

„Alina is coming soon. Come, we're going to get her."

Antoinette sat on a bench far away from the crowd waiting for the ferry from Portsmouth to arrive, as Erik stood in the shadows leaning on the wall behind her. A crowd of people poured out, Alina among the last, tripping while carrying a very large travel bag. She wore a thick black coat and a Russian-style fur hat, with her hair underneath braided in one long side-braid. Antoinette waved at her, and she hurried toward the bench, as Erik sadly left his comfortable spot to join them. It would be sort of inconvenient if I just jumped out of the shadows right next to her.

Antoinette remarked, "You're very bad at traveling light, Alina."

"Don't I know it", she puffed. "I've been hauling this stupid bag since London."

"What do you even have in here?"

"Important things. Books and warm clothes. Pencils and paper. I cut it down, you know. But I can't leave these behind."

Antoinette lightly nudged Erik, "Perhaps you should let Erik help you. He won't mind."

She got annoyed glares from both of them in return.

"I can carry my this-"

"Quiet, dear. It's not a strength competition. Be reasonable."

Alina sighed, looking at Erik, who shrugged indifferently. "As you like."

She offered him the handle of her bag. "If it's not a problem. Thank you. My arms hurt."

It was heavy, he thought as he took it. Did she drag it from London? The silence felt strange as they walked back to the room, so Antoinette started a conversation, having little faith in the social skills of her two young friends.

„Which books?"

„Pardon me?"

„What kind of books did you bring, Alina?"

„Oh, fiction. To pass the time on the ship. I brought Austen, Twain, and Wilde. Poe. That kind of thing. Ones you can re-read without being bored."

„I do remember you liked Jane Austen."

„I blame her for giving me a romanticized view of England when I was a girl. I should have been reading Dickens instead, perhaps I would have made better life choices."

Antoinette laughed. „You should read Les Misérables. To make you less sad about leaving."

„Oh, I have. I found an English translation. It's here as well, just in case we get homesick."

„I wish you brought fewer books right now", Erik added behind them.

„Oh, sorry. But they're for you too. Reading is a good way to learn a language. Especially since you have me here to translate things if needed."

„I can read it. Speaking is a problem."

„Oh. Well, I can help with that as well."

„Are you certain I'll have time to speak next to you?"

She turned to give him an offended look while Antoinette laughed again next to her.

As they entered the small room, Alina looked around nervously. She took off her furry hat, revealing frizzy hair beneath it. She tried, to no avail, fixing it with her hands before giving up.

„I, uh, can we make some tea? I'm cold."

„Of course", Antoinette said, „Take off your coats, I'll heat some water." Erik decided this was a good time to excuse himself and go do something else. There were suddenly three of them, and it was making him uncomfortable – he started wondering if he could lock himself in the bathroom and sleep on the floor, for lack of a better option. But before he could say anything, Alina spoke again.

„I, uh, actually have an announcement. Yesterday was my birthday and I made some cakes, and I was hoping we could have them with tea, I mean if you both want, but I haven't celebrated it at all this year and I made these myself because I thought I'd treat you - " she turned red. „I mean, yes, there's cake. And sugar cookies. For everyone. That is all. That was the announcement."

„It's your birthday! Happy birthday!" Antoinette exclaimed. „Of course, we'll celebrate!"

„Happy birthday", Erik added, wondering if this meant he couldn't leave yet.

„Thank you both."

„How old are you now? Twenty-five?", Antoinette asked.

„Yes", she nodded. „It sounds so strange, I know. I thought I'd be more mature by now."

„You look younger", Erik offered, trying to be civil. She did look younger than she was; especially when she was blushing like that.

„Perhaps I'm already at an age where that's a good thing. How old are you, anyway, if I may ask?" She looked at him.

„You may, but I don't know. Less than thirty. Twenty-seven, perhaps." He could see she was curious, but she didn't ask any further, afraid she would offend him. Wise choice. It's a box she doesn't want to open. She gave him a small shrug.

„Perhaps it's better not to know. That way you can stay around twenty-seven for a decade."

He started smiling before he noticed it and decided that maybe he could have some tea.

Alina decided she could maybe get along with Erik. She couldn't at all figure out what he was like as a person, but it seemed to her like he wouldn't be boring, at least.

The ship would leave the next morning at dawn. Alina slept on the bed taking turns with Antoinette; both of them got only a few hours of sleep anyway. They passed the time playing cards and talking; Erik couldn't sleep at all and instead sat next to the window. This was the last night he would spend in France, and he could not wait to put the entire Atlantic Ocean between himself and this land.