Monstrous

8

            The thumping loud music, the alcohol rushing through my veins, the random girl who made herself comfortable in my lap. None of it could take my mind away from Autumn, it made me realize how unhappy I was at this party. Not too long ago, I used to thrive in this kind of environment, now it makes me miserable.

            “Get off..” I mumbled into the girl’s ear, she looked at me shocked as if I had said something to offend her. She wasn’t even talking to me but the person who sat next to us on the couch. The girl stood up rolling her eyes, I didn’t care to apologize knowing I had done nothing wrong. I stood up and brushed myself off. I was currently in Brooke’s living room, a bunch of people were either drinking, doing some form of drugs, or dancing with a drunken companion. My body was desperate from an escape, after downing my drink I threw the cup onto the ground and pushed through a crowd of people making my way towards the front door. The door was in my field of view and I was relieved knowing I wouldn’t have to waste another second here.

            “Hey-” A hand latched onto my jacket halting my movements, I started to become agitated with every moment I spent here. I looked over my shoulder to see who had come between me and finding peace and it was someone I didn’t care much for. 

            “So you’re just going to ignore me?-” Stella dropped her hand from my jacket and crossed her arms over her chest, I sighed deeply and shrugged my shoulders. I lacked the mental capacity to have a conversation with her.

            “Stella, I don’t want to talk to you especially after last night” The last thing I could do to Roxy was hurt her even more, the last thing I would ever do is hang around someone who violated her personal life. My jaw clenched, my energy began to drain and I just couldn’t deal with being around all these people. Without giving Stella another glance, I raced towards the front door, pulled it open, and escaped.

            “I’m sorry I just had to leave, I wasn’t really feeling it. Call me back when you get this..” I hung up the phone after leaving a voicemail for Adam. I hadn’t seen him at the party ever since he left to get drinks. The night was still early, it was only fifteen minutes past 8. The last thing I wanted to do was go home or hang out with my troublesome friends. As I walked through the chilly suburban streets, I found myself longing for warmth not the warmth of a hoodie or gloves. I wanted her. Autumn was poisoning my mind, I couldn’t get her out of my head or stop my body just longing for her. These emotions, these feelings were all things I didn’t know or how to control, Autumn should be the last person I’m falling for. 

                                                                        Autumn Marie Tyler 

            The diner was empty, I was always finding comfort in the diner. The fries, the milkshakes, the memories I made with friends over the last few weeks. This place was comforting. With these passing days I grew less sad and more excited to live a life. It made me wonder if I was fully healed after being broken from my sister’s death. I was scribbling into my journal, the thoughts and feelings, people I loved, people I hated, then there was Nile. Every single time I wrote his name, I couldn't find the words to put after. My moans echoed through my mind as I began to think about Nile, I thought about his smile, his laugh, I thought about his pain he could be hiding. How did I get myself into this mess with Nile?

            “Room for one more?” Speaking of the devil. His voice caused me to flinch out of my thoughts, I wondered if I was just hearing things until I looked up and he was actually standing there. A black hoodie that was topped with an oversized black and red flannel, black ripped jeans, and a pair of converse which made me grin gently to myself.

            “Y-yeah” I said motioning to the seat in front of me. Nile pushed the hoodie off his head and dropped down in the booth in front of mine. He had rejected my invitation so I was shocked to see him here, but I also smelled the liquor reeking off his body which meant I wasn’t his first choice.

            “What are you up to?” Nile asks, I slowly closed my journal and pushed it over to the side not forgetting the last time Nile had my journal in his possession. My fingers fiddled with the pen and I shrugged gently.

            “Just enjoying the quiet, journaling..” I responded, I didn’t have much to say. I guess I was still healing from his rejection. Nile nodded looking at me before scanning the empty diner.

            “Was Brooke’s party not good enough for you?” I couldn’t help myself but ask why he was here and not with his friends. Nile raised his hand up in the air signaling for a waitress before he turned back to me and shrugged gently.

            “I don’t know, it felt like I didn’t fit in over there, doing the same old s**t, partying and hooking up with random girls don’t excite me anymore..” Nile leaned back in the booth and tilted his head at me, as if he was trying to read my mind. 

            “You, Autumn Marie Tyler, have definitely caught my attention..” He was so cliche, it made me gag. My eyes rolled and I looked away from him, my lips formed a smirk and a small laugh emerged from me.

            “You like challenges Nile, I wouldn’t be surprised if you and your football clubhouse put a bet out to see who sleeps with me first, oh wait-” I looked back at Nile who shook his head at me not enjoying my small joke. I knew Nile wasn’t proud of his actions towards me in the past.

            “I didn’t mean to bring that up, I don’t know what to recall in our conversations..we don’t really have good memories with each other..” Nile looked back at me but he didn’t say a word, he took a deep sigh and tightened his jaw leaning forward onto the table that separated us.

                                                                              Maribeth Ross

            “What did the police say?” Asher asked me, my head was pounding and I was not in the mood to talk. After an intense check up my doctors released me, without my knowledge they called Asher, the divorce papers may have not settled yet. Thankfully me and the baby were fine, and they didn’t inform Asher. The police grilled me with questions and all I told them was that I was mugged and I didn’t see anyone because I was attacked from the back. I didn’t have the guts to report Markus, and he knew that. After all these years he still has power over me. Even after everything, I thought about the safety of my own children and Caroline. It had been years since I last heard from her, but I knew that she is okay and happy and that's all that matters. 

            “A whole lot of things Asher, can you just take me home please?” My head leaned against the car window and closed my eyes, I dreaded the thought of any kind of conversation. Markus left me with a few bruises, nothing more, maybe moving back to this town was a mistake.

            “The last thing Autumn needs to see is you beaten up like this, she’ll worry. I’ll just take you back to my place” Asher responded, Autumn did think I was in the city. He was right, the last thing I need is to have her worry when she has been in such a great place recently.

            “How is my little leaf doing?” Obviously not taking the hint that I wasn’t in the mood for conversation, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. My head lifted off the window and I turned to look at Asher.

            “If you actually took the time to see her and not focus so much of your energy on your little girlfriend you would know..” Asher took his eyes off the road for a few seconds to look at me before turning back. A soft scoff left his lips and his palms gripped onto the steering wheel. 

            “You try so hard to paint me as a bad father, hell maybe I am but you Maribeth are just as bad as me, maybe even worse. So get off your high horse and stop bringing up my girlfriend as a constant rebuttal. We are happy together and I’m not ashamed of that-” Hearing him talk about the same woman he cheated on me with made me nauseous, anger fueled my words. The car came to a slow stop at a sudden red light, it made Asher pull his hands off the steering wheel and rubbed over his face letting out a small sigh.

            “You cheated on your wife, the mother of your two kids, and yet you take so much f*****g pride in those shameful acts. You abandoned me, Autumn, our marriage-” Asher shook his head and dropped his palms from his face.

            “Our marriage was never a real one Maribeth, we got married in a run down church with two homeless people as our witnesses. We both know we stopped loving each other after Mariel died” All the memories from us getting eloped was ruined in a second by him. Memories were all that I had left of him, of the family that used to be so happy and loving. I hated myself for it because I still loved him, waking up in the morning seeing his half of the closet cleared out but his smell would still linger in the air and the bedsheets it all hurt me even more. 

            “You don’t love me anymore Asher? I get it the divorce is finalized, but you truly don’t have love for me anymore?” Asher smiled faintly and rested a hand onto my knee and rubbed it gently.

            “We’ve been together since high school Maribeth. I think it’s time for us to fully move on. Of course I will be there for Autumn, but we should just end things and focus on being parents to Autumn” I pulled my eyes away from Asher’s, I began to see red. My vision began to blur with tears and my cheeks heated up furiously. All he kept doing was breaking my heart more and more, and I let him do it. I pushed his hand off of me and grabbed a hold of my purse.

            “You know what you are right, I should focus on being a parent. Autumn is in a better place now but who is to say that she won’t spiral again” I pulled on the door handle, the sound of the car door opening alerted Asher who looked at me with wide eyes. 

            “I’m going to stay at a hotel. There should be one close by-” I stepped out of the car not wanting to be in his presence. He called out my name and I responded by slamming the door fiercely. I wanted a drink, it was my only coping mechanism, but with this growing human inside of me it prevented my only desire.

            I didn’t know where else to go, I went to the liquor store, bought a bottle and ordered a car to drop me off at the house of an old friend. The night came to settle in and I needed comfort. Maybe it was an inappropriate thing to do but I was out of options. My fists banged violently on the door and I rang the doorbell frantically before finally the door swung open.

            “Um, what are you doing here?” My eyes rolled and I brushed past Addison walking into her house. It’s crazy to think how we were all best friends in high school that were dumb enough to go through a pregnancy pact. 

            “Listen Addy, I don’t want to fight okay? And I don’t mean to be rude but I’m pregnant, I need someone to drink for me, and I can’t ask my fifteen year old..”  Addison who looked at me with wide eyes slowly shut the door and nodded her head. She was shocked to say the least, she motioned her arm out to the living room and I sighed deeply marching myself in that direction.

            Of course Addison had questions but she didn’t pester me quite yet. She grabbed a few freshly cut fruits from her kitchen for me to feast on, my attention was drawn to a picture of her family, Maddie and Adam were so big now. Addison took on the job to drink, once she settled me with my healthy snack and crashed down onto the couch, She looked at me with a serious expression.

            “Did Asher do that to you? She asked as I poured her a glass of tequila. I shook my head and Addison took a deep breath.

            “Jesus Christ Mari, you know I can’t handle strong liquors” She said exhaling, I smirked and shoved the glass into her hands. She has and always will be a wine woman.

            “Markus did and I’m pretty sure he knows it was us behind Caroline’s kidnapping..” Addison who was bringing the glass up to her lips and halted.

            “f**k, I’m going to need something stronger-” She responded in a faint voice as she stood up from the couch retreating back into the kitchen.

                                                                                Nile Cale

            We walked, in no particular direction. We didn’t hold any kind of conversation, we just stayed at each other's sides. The night was cold but comforting, it was moments like these where I regretted everything I had done to hurt her. Most of the time I didn’t know how to talk to her.

            “You knew Stella for a day and you liked her immediately, but when it came to me, it took you less than twenty-four hours to hate me. Why is that?” Autumn definitely knew how to approach someone with a burning question with no fear. The last thing I wanted to do was think back to a time where I was nothing but a self-centered prick, but she deserved answers.

            “I don’t know, maybe because you’re the first girl to actually not fall for my bullshit. You’re different..I can’t explain it” Autumn looked up at me and accepted that horrible response. Autumn was rendered silent after that and I had difficulty bringing up another topic of conversation. What was going on in that head of hers? It was so easy to talk with other people but with her I was at a loss for words.

            “Have you talked with Charlie or your mom?” Autumn finally broke the silence and brought her eyes to me. The fact that I hadn’t spoken to Charlie or my mom since I went down the rabbit hole made me feel like I wasn’t deserving of them. I couldn’t deny how much I missed Charlie.

            “No, but I will. Charlie really likes you..” I responded bringing a smile onto her lips, she shook her head and blushed down at her feet. Charlie did like Autumn, he was always so happy whenever he was around her.

            “I thought I would be horrible with kids, but Charlie is amazing. He is so sweet and kind, just like his brother-” She joked, playfully I nudged her shoulder causing her to let out a laugh. Charlie and I were completely different people.

            “He loves you, all he ever does is talk about you, how much you’re brave, how you’re this knight in shining armor ready to slay all the monsters-” Charlie’s imagination was wild, I’m glad he has a way to distract his mind from what's going on around him. Just thinking about him makes my heart ache, I wanted to hold him in my arms and never let him go.

            “Talking to him makes me excited..” I focused my attention on her and raised an eyebrow, she was smiling widely staring off.

            “Excited for what?” I asked her, Autumn looked back at me and bit her bottom lip barely able to contain her happiness and yet to reveal the source of her excitement.

            “My mom is pregnant, the situation between her and my dad isn’t ideal, but I can’t help but feel I get a second chance to be a good sibling..” I wanted to take in the news, but Autumn’s smile completely filled my mind. She had no idea how beautiful she was. Finding myself drowning in her gleam, I focused on the sidewalk ahead of us.

            “You were never a bad sibling Autumn, you aren’t a bad person either. Congratulations, to you and your family..” I responded by pulling myself from admiring Autumn. She thanked me, after that we were in silence once again.

            “Here, you’re cold-” I said, taking off my flannel. Me and Autumn inhabited a park which was dimly lit. We sat on a bench overlooking a grassy field filled with couples enjoying their dates. Autumn’s body would shiver every now and then, the cold was settling in on us, and I was raised to be somewhat of a gentleman. She looked at me with wide eyes, as if I was a completely different person.

            “If you’re waiting for me to drape it onto your shoulders it's not going to happen” I motioned my flannel over to her and she rolled her eyes and snatched it out of my hands. I leaned back against the bench and shoved my hands into the pocket of my hoodie.

            “I’m not that much of a cliche..” I spat watching Autumn slip on my flannel, I took in the pleasure of her wearing my clothes, she drowned in the fabric but still somehow it looked as if it was just made for her.

            “Thank you” She responded with a smirk on her lips. Autumn leaned over to her bag on the ground and ruffled through it until she found the object she was looking for.

            “Can I have your hand please?” Autumn held out her small palm, my head c****d to the side with confusion. I pulled out my hand and she immediately grabbed it and placed it on her thigh.

            “You weirdo, if you wanted to hold my hand you could’ve just asked” I retorted, Autumn scoffed and pulled off the cap of the pen she pulled out of her bag. The tip of the pen scribble across my skin for a few moments before Autumn finally released my hand. A few numbers were written across the back of my hand, I raised my eyebrow and looked at Autumn.

            “My number, if you ever just want to talk or-” Autumn had a hard time explaining herself, especially with the growing smile on my lips, she found it hard to speak. I wasn’t helping at all, but it was the first time I received a number in that manner and I could barely hold myself back from laughing.

            “You know what, it’s stupid. Just give me-” Autumn attempted to reach for my hand but I shoved it back into my pocket and shook my head at her. Autumn sighed deeply and settled back down on her end of the bench.

            “I’ll call you..” I responded, Autumn bit down on her bottom lip and her fingers fiddled with the pen. She was so clueless, it was almost adorable. Nonchalantly I slid across the bench closer to her, the fiddling stopped and she turned to look towards me. There was nothing I wanted in this world than to kiss her right now, to feel her lips warm up my frozen ones. 

            “It’s late, I should get home-” Breaking our intense gaze, Autumn bent down to pick her bag up from the ground before standing up. I followed right behind her in standing up and pulled my hands out of my pockets.

            “I’ll walk you home.” At my words Autumn took a step back and shook her head vigorously. She held up her hands and smiled faintly at me.

            “No it’s fine seriously, I can manage on my own. You should get home” The sudden desire to be left alone concerned me, I didn’t know if I made her uncomfortable or said something that rubbed her the wrong way. The last thing I wanted was to pester her even more so I took a step back and nodded,

            “Alright, Goodnight” I said, beginning to turn away from her but Autumn stopped me. Looking back at her I saw that she was conflicted, I saw the trouble in her eyes and it made her have the difficulty to form words,

            “I’m confused and scared, I’ve never been this way with anyone. So I don't know how to act or feel with someone I’m supposed to hate..” I wasn’t expecting Autumn to trust me or throw herself at me. All I wanted was to see the side of her that I refused to see when we first met.

            “I get it, and I don’t ever want you to feel uncomfortable around me ever again. I haven’t been a great person to you and I thought being a shitty person to you was fun and satisfying but karma came back to bite me in the ass because all I want is to be around you..” Too honest, way too f*****g honest. All of that wasn’t supposed to come out but I was tired of having to hold back the way I felt for her. I cleared my throat and looked away from her hoping she wouldn’t be weirded out by what I revealed to her.

            “Karma is a b***h huh?” Autumn asked playfully, pushing me away, my eyes rolled and I fought off a smirk. I brought my eyes back to her and she sighed deeply with a ridiculous grin on her lips.

            “See you at school tomorrow?” Autumn asked slowly backing away from me, I took the pleasure in watching her walk away, I nodded my head and waved her farewell.

            “I’ll call you!” I screamed to her in the distance, Her laugh echoed back to me and soon after she disappeared from view. Then I found my own way home, not to Adam’s house, but to my own treacherous hell.

                                                                                Autumn Marie Tyler

            I stripped myself of all clothing and made sure his flannel was the only thing I felt on my skin, it was so big on me, it felt like a blanket. I took in the scent of his cologne laced with m*******a, I would’ve hated it if it belonged to anyone else, but Nile was the only person able to pull it off. I would’ve invited him over, I wanted to be in his arms once more but I didn’t want to fully dedicate my feelings to Nile, It was hard because I was falling, really fast with no parachute.

            I was rolling around my bed waiting for Nile to call me. I got home two hours ago and I watched my phone anxiously waiting for it to light up with a phone number I had not saved yet to my phone. I felt like a fool, just watching the seconds tick by waiting for a guy to call me. 

            At last my phone rang, I jumped at the sound and snatched my phone off the pillow where it laid. Accepting the call, I pressed my phone to my ear eagerly and took deep breaths trying to calm my excitement.

            “Hello, Are you interested in a free couch? We are having an annual sale at-” The voice belonging to a woman spoke into the phone, maybe I was overreacting but furiously I hung up the call and placed my phone onto my stomach.  Is he not going to call me? If you told me in the beginning of the school year that I would be anxiously waiting for a phone call from Nile Cale, I would puke on the spot. He was so different from the image I first drew up in my head, I almost felt like a fool for having these feelings for him. I couldn't help but grin widely at the ceiling knowing he was in this bed less than 24 hours ago. When my phone rang again it took the grin off my phone and filled me with annoyance. I answered the call and pressed it firmly to my ear.

            “I don’t want a f*****g free couch” I spat into the phone, immediately I regretted my words. A faint chuckle tickled my ear and I gasped. 

            “Good thing I’m selling microwaves..” Nile joked, his voice sounded raspy and light. A part of me wishes that I invited him to stay the night once again. I sat up and pressed my hand over my mouth. f**k, there was no way I could come back from this. I already ruined my first phone call with Nile.

            “Sorry a stupid automated message came before you. I didn’t think you were going to call..” I responded, I bit the inside of my lip. Now that he was actually on the phone,I had no idea what to say to him. The line was quiet for a while before he spoke up.

            “I wasn’t to be completely honest, I didn’t want to come off as desperate, but then I couldn’t get you out of my mind” I fell back on my bed and took in his words. Through the flannel imagine myself being cuddled up in his arms.

            “What exactly am I to you?” I couldn’t help but ask him. I wish I could see his face so I could know what he was feeling or just get an idea. Nile let out a soft chuckle, I could only imagine that devilish grin. 

            “I’m still trying to figure that out” He responded, my fingers fiddled with the buttons of his flannel. I didn’t know if I should be annoyed with his answer or content. The line went silent after that and we just listened to each other’s light breathing. It was peaceful, well until he ruined it.

            “What exactly am I to you Autumn?” He asked with a stern voice, my teeth chewed on my bottom lip trying to form words to a question I didn’t know how to answer.

Author's note:

             Hey guys! It's been three months since I updated and honestly there is no excuse. I had another book that I was writing and it became two stressful for me to be writing two books at the same time, so I made a hard decision to put this story in the backseat. I truly and genuinely am sorry, I know I disappointed a lot of you guys by just dropping this story out of nowhere after promising frequent updates. I have every intention on finishing this book, and its my number one priority. I know it's been hard to trust my word when it comes to this series but please don't give up on me. I love the support and everything you guys have done for me as readers. Thank you SO MUCH for your patience and kindness, I really do appreciate it.