imperfect

As flashes of his memories appeared in his dreams, Varian jolted awake. His breathing was heavy, and he felt a little dizzy as he sat up in his bed. He sighed, slowing down his breathing as he realized it was only a nightmare. He glanced around the dark and empty room, biting his lip as he feared the unknown of the dark. He kept forgetting that his roommate liked complete darkness. However, Varian was scarred at a young age, which puts a mental blockage to ever getting past the fear. He laid in bed, pondering about his existence before he looked at the clock at his bedside. It brightly read five a.m. He sighed again, knowing he might as well get up now. He flickered on the lights as his roommate grumbled and put the blanket over his head. "Oh come on, Alec. It's time to get up!" Varian almost hummed with enthusiasm. He went to get ready to take a quick shower after making sure Alec gets out of bed. Alec and Varian have been roommates for almost a year now. They share the bedroom, since they have a smaller apartment. Neither one could afford a dorm that they wanted, so they found each other and lived together ever since. It's one of Varian's favorite stories to tell. As Varian was working his shift at his old job, a vintage Italian restaurant that later went out of business, he overheard Alec and one of Alec’s friends talking about needing somewhere to stay. Varian asked the two about it, and, sure enough, he got his way. "Ugh, fine. But don't expect me to be quick," Alec rolled out of bed, too tired to want to move. Varian grabbed his change of clothes and went into the bathroom. He turned on the water, making sure it wasn't too hot nor cold. He stripped down and began to hum softly as he also began to take his daily shower. He kept thinking back to his horrid dream, and each time he did, the tune seemed to be darker. Alec knocked on the door, shaking Varian out of his thoughts. "Hurry up in there, I got to get ready too, ya' know." "Okay!" Varian finished up, and grabbed a towel. He wrapped it around his waist and moved to the foggy mirror. He could just barely see his messy dark brown hair. He found a comb and began to brush the wildness that was his hair. As the fog began to leave the mirror, he could see clearer. He stared right into his own pale blue eyes. He looked at the mustache slowly growing on his face. He sighed, leaving it be as he brushed his teeth. After he did so, he went and put on his favorite light blue sweater on along with his black pants. He walked out and Alec practically shoved him out of the door. Varian sighed and began to work on a small breakfast for the two. It was his favorite time of the day. He loved cooking for them both, though Alec never seemed to care much for the food. Varian was barely a cook, but he still tried. Today’s trial and error: waffles. He found the pancake mix and got a cup of water. He read the directions as he finished out the steps. He got out the waffle maker that Alec’s best friend gave to them. He opened the box and smiled. “Time to break this,” he giggled to himself as he plugged it in and poured in the liquid. He shut the lid and watched the lights while he waited for the green one to glow up. He grabbed some plates, then checked the waffle maker again. Nothing. He went to get them forks. He glanced at the waffle maker. Once again, it was still the same red light. Varian stared at it for a few moments before Alec walked out with his typical black tee and jeans. He sat at the small table that was just next to the kitchen. He looked at Varian. “What are you ruining today, Varian?” he asked, staring at him as Varian looked at him with an optimistic smile. “Waffles,” he answered as the light turned green. He smiled brighter as he opened it, but instead of seeing the perfectly made waffle, he saw a sticky mess. He tilted his head. Alec chuckled. “Did you add that non-stick stuff to it?” “Oh, I forgot,” Varian mumbled as he hung his head low, scrapping the messy waffle out of the waffle maker. He stuck it on a plate. After he sprayed non-stick to it and poured in more liquid, he pressed the top on it and waited. Alec rolled his eyes. “Just give me the failed attempt. I’m gonna to run late if I keep waiting for you,” Alec got up and took the plate, sitting back down. Varian sighed. “Sorry it’s not perfect. I really thought that I-” “It’s perfectly fine. It’s still a waffle,” he paused, chuckling a bit as he continued, “one that is deformed.” “I can’t do anything right,” Varian pouted, not listening to what Alec had just mentioned. He watched as the light turned green. He opened it, and saw the perfect waffle that should’ve been for Alec was there. It was about to go on his plate, which made Varian a little disappointed in himself. He walked somberly next to Alec and sat down. Alec had one more bite left, and Varian had just started to eat his waffle. Alec jumped up and rushed to get his shoes after checking the time. “s**t-” he muttered under his breath, grabbing his bag and rushing out the door without saying another word. Varian mumbled a sad goodbye once Alec left for his first job. He finished his breakfast and cleaned up after the both of them. He did so as he hummed the tune from earlier, which unfortunately brought back up his terrifying dream. It was just so vivid. It was as if he really was reliving his past. Varian shook the thought out of his head. He shouldn’t let it affect him anymore. He rinsed the plates with warm water, trying to think of happy things. He glanced at the time, seeing it was a few minutes until he would need to leave for his own work. Just a few months ago, right after his birthday, he received an inheritance letter. It stated that Varian would receive the coffee shop his birth parents worked so hard on. Varian went to the small shop on a street corner, and absolutely fell in love with it. He quit the vintage Italian restaurant and worked harder on the coffee shop. He barely knew his birth parents, but he still wanted to make them proud. No matter who they were. Varian put on his usual bright smile as he put on his shoes and grabbed his car keys. He made sure he didn’t need anything else, then left. He skipped down the halls as some of his neighbors smiled and waved at him. He waved back and left the building. He went to his car and drove to The Sugar Bean. He listened to his happy playlist, ready to work. He unlocked the door and smelled the sweet smell of coffee. He took a deep breath as he turned on the lights and flipped the closed sign to say open. He went behind the counter, putting on his apron with his little name tag. He waited for some customers, and as he did so, he cleaned the tables and the counter, making sure they were spotless. He heard the little bell ring, and he turned to look at the door. “Good morning!” he exclaimed to the first customer. It was a short older woman. She was a regular. He simply smiled with a touch of laughter. “Oh come now, Varian, you know me,” she went to the counter. “I know, Miss Russo. You tell me everyday. How’s the kids?” He asked, making her usual. She simply shrugged. “You know, the same old things. Haven’t called and blame me for not making plans. What about you?” She tilted her head, walking to the pick up section of the counter. Varian gave her an exhale as he paused to think. “Things have been nice. Alec just got another job, so now he stays out most nights. It really helps with our money situation.” He served her iced latte. She nodded as a couple teens walked in and asked for job application. Miss Russo smiled and sipped her coffee as Varian smiled and nodded. “I shall get those,” he chuckled, walking into the back where all of the ingredients were. He grabbed a small stack of packets and looked at them. “Just fill these out and give them to me whenever you can.” “Will do,” one said as he took them, distributing the rest to his friends as they left. Miss Russo sat down in a nearby table. “They seem like nice kids,” her voice soft as she took another sip. She looked at Varian as she gasped suddenly. “What is it?” he asked before she said anything. “Don’t talk over a senior citizen,” she shot him a look, pausing for a moment, “but, I just thought of a really good idea for you.” “And that is…?” Varian asked as he glanced outside, seeing people glance at the coffee shop but walking past anyways. He looked back at Miss Russo with a small frown as she began to speak. “You should do a contest. Or...oh shoot,” she began confident, but muttered the rest. Varian tilted his head. “What?” he asked as another customer walked in and greeted them both. Varian nodded his head, along with muttering a small good morning to him. “Dammit, I forgot what it was called,” she stared at the table as she tried to remember. Her face was slightly scrunched as Varian made more coffee. He gave it to the customer and they left. Varian waved bye, but as he did so, Miss Russo stood up abruptly and threw her cup away. “I’ll come back when I remember,” she stared at the ground as she walked out of the building. He sighed, keeping positive as he had a small smile, cleaning her table. It was a slow business day. Barely anyone came, and when they did, it was just to check the place out. It was around three ish, and Varian saw the group of teenagers stroll on in. He smiled at them as they handed him the papers. “Ah, thank you. I’ll get back to you kiddos later,” he beamed at them. Most of them began to leave, but a few stayed to try out some drinks. After they did, they left and headed home. Varian sat at an empty table and began to look through the applications. He made two piles, one being potential employees, and the other being the ones who weren’t quite qualified. It was hard for him, considering he didn’t want to make anyone upset, but he was running a business. He was not supposed to have too much feeling in choosing who will work at his coffee shop, but he did. He sighed as he figured he would just ask Alec for help. The door swung open and in came Miss Russo with her book club. Varian smiled and got up to greet them. “Hello ladies,” he grinned at them as he went behind the corner. Miss Russo told them to pick a table to sit at as she would order for them. She turned back to Varian as one of the others called out. “Why do you get to talk to that cute young man?” The lady sat down with a pout on her face. Varian and Miss Russo giggled as she told Varian their order. Varian began to make their coffees as they were discussing their recently read book, Go Set A Watchman by Harper Lee. Varian overheard some of their discussion. “I hated this book,” one said with her arms crossed. She seemed pissed. The others rolled their eyes and sighed. “I thought it was pretty decent,” one uttered out, staring up at the ceiling, “Plus she made one prior to this one, ya’ know, To Kill A Mockingbird.” Varian finished their order and handed it to Miss Russo. She smiled and thanked him as she took the five drinks over to her friends. The elderly woman sat down, joining the conversation. Varian listened in and out. The young man began cleaning the counter, and glanced at his watch. It read 5:30 p.m. He wondered if Alec was going to be working late again or not, so he grabbed his phone and texted him. He waited and played a few games until he received a text simply saying, “Yes. I’ll be back around 10 or 11. Leave dinner out. I can reheat it.” He smiled a little, then looked back at the group of old ladies. They seemed like they had a good time. Varian wondered what it was like to have multiple friends. Varian began to daydream about it. What would they do? How did they meet? Sure, he considered Alec a friend, but he wasn’t entirely sure if they really were friends or just roommates. He would like to think Alec enjoyed his presence, but when he really thought about it, Alec never would laugh when Varian tried to be funny. And Alec wouldn’t tell Varian many jokes, which bothered him very much. He was snapped out of his thoughts when the door opened. Everyone, including Varian, looked at the door. “Hello,” the stranger said as he walked to the counter. He seemed to be around Varian’s age, around 19 or so. He stared at Varian until he spoke again. “I would like a job.” “O-okay,” Varian stuttered, somewhat confused and caught off guard. He went to grab a job application. The man just stood there, looking at the menu. Varian handed him the packet, but the man just continued to gaze at the menu. Varian glanced behind himself, as if he didn’t already know the menu by heart. The man looked at Varian, and Varian looked back a few seconds after. He simply smiled and gestured back to the papers in his hand. The other looked at it, then grabbed it. He looked back up at Varian, who was still beaming like an i***t. The stranger’s expression never changed. “I would like a coffee. Black,” he said as plainly as his order. Varian nodded awkwardly as he went and brewed the coffee. He hummed softly as the guy just glanced around, getting familiar with the place. As the coffee finished, Miss Russo’s book club got up. They thanked Varian for the coffees and left. Varian waved goodbye, handing the other male his coffee. Varian smiled, and wished him a good evening after he paid and left. Varian checked the time again. 6 o’clock. Around time to close. He began cleaning the place up as the tune from the morning entered his mind. Varian hummed as he finished up. He flipped the sign to say “closed” as he locked the door and got into his car. He took a moment to breathe, then he put his seat belt on and turned on the radio. He sang along and drove home. When he got to the building, he got out of his car and walked inside. He waved to some people, quietly saying a small hello before he got to his own apartment. He unlocked it and walked inside. He took a deep breath as he went to the kitchen. He looked through the pantry and the cupboards in search of a quick meal. He found one last pack of ramen, but instead of eating it, he left it on the counter and got ready for bed. Alec deserved food more than he did, since he actually works two shifts in one day. Varian took off his pants and laid in bed, keeping the lights on. He shut his eyes and rolled to his side. Suddenly, flashes of his nightmare appeared. He couldn’t stand having his eyes closed anymore. He forced them to open. He hadn’t felt like this in a few weeks, other than that dream. Just as things were getting better, they seemed to worsen. He got up and wandered over into the kitchen. He went to a small cabinet that had all kinds of medicine. He rummaged through it and finally found his sleeping pills. Alec bought them for him since he was sick and tired of hearing Varian waking up in the middle of the night, then later complaining how little sleep he got. Varian grabbed a small glass of water as he took a few pills and went back to his bed. Surely enough, after just a few minutes, the pills took effect and Varian fell asleep. It started with the same tune he has been humming all day, except not nearly as sweet. Everything was white, until color started to fade in. He seemed to be in a familiar place. It looked old and dirty, seeing as there was stains in the carpet and on the walls. He glanced down the hall, two doors on the right, and two doors on the left with one right across from Varian himself. One door, that seemed much more beaten up than the other four, was the one right across from him. He bit his lip as he heard his name being called both loudly and angrily. He tried to turn to see who it was, but was shoved violently into the room with the tattered door. He was smashed into four other younger boys, one being his brother. “Dammit Varian! You know what would happen if they caught you?” his brother, David, exclaimed, trying not to be too loud. All of a sudden, the door swung open. Men with strange faces were standing, staring at them. One pointed and ordered the others to grab them. Varian was the first one grabbed, and as he was being taken away, he saw an older man, glaring at him. It was the one who he grew up with, or in other words, his owner. Varian looked at the moldy carpet as he left the house. Then, it seemed he went back in time further, everything disappearing in white until the color came back in to reveal a different setting. It was David’s birthday. He was finally turning ten, but instead of the typical birthday party, it was just him, Varian, and their owner. They sat at an old oak table as the other boys were locked in a room, begging to get out. Varian himself was rather scared, as this was much closer to the beginning. He already lived this hell, so why is it happening again? The older man slammed his hands on the table and hit David. Varian wasn’t paying much attention to why he did it, he only focused on himself. He felt like he was next, but Varian’s captor rubbed his hair and left the table. David glared his brother down as he followed the male. Varian sighed, sitting there. He didn’t know what had happened. With a sudden slamming of a door, Varian quickly woke up. He heard keys being thrown on the counter and Alec’s sigh of relief. Varian sat up, but fell off of his bed. He stood and skipped to the kitchen. “Varian, why are you still up?” Alec asked as he opened the Ramen noodles and put them in a bowl. As Alec filled it with water, Varian responded. “I...uhm, I just woke up. I heard the door and--” “Sorry,” Alec interrupted as he shoved the bowl in the microwave, putting it in for three minutes. Varian nodded, looking at the ground. His stomach rumbled, making Varian hold it. He tried to make it stop, but it wouldn’t. Alec took notice. “You should probably eat something,” Alec never stopped looking at the microwave as he mumbled those words. “I’m fine. I don’t need food. It’s not like I’ve earned it or anything,” Varian muttered as he continued looking at the floor, glancing up at Alec for a split moment before looking back down. “You need food to survive. Therefore, you need to eat. I’m not about to look for another roommate.” “Aw, thanks Alec.” “What?” Alec asked, looking at Varian. Varian looked up with his stupid smile. Alec rolled his eyes as the microwave beeped. He took a fork and mixed it around, then put it back in for another three minutes. He looked at Varian again, but before he could say anything, Varian spoke quickly. “I guess it’s nothing,” his voice seemed happier than it was before. Alec smiled a little. “Well, we could split this. I kinda already had some food,” Alec stretched a bit as he looked at the microwave. Varian nodded as he went over to their small table and sat down. It felt nice to be served for once in his life. When the microwave beeped, Alec went over and grabbed the bowl from it and set it down to let it cool. He went to grab another bowl, then split the noodles as evenly as he could. Then, he added the flavor packet to both and gave Varian the bowl. Alec sat next to him, and the two begin eating. Once they finished up, they both went to bed. Varian was left playing on his phone until he fell asleep. Luckily, he didn't dream this time.