imperfect

Chapter two

The next morning, Varian woke up to see Alec had already left. He glanced at the time. He was thirty minutes late to opening The Sugar Bean. He ran out of bed, changed quickly, and sped out of the house, nearly forgetting his car keys. He got into his car, turning it on and driving as quickly as he could to get down to the coffee shop. He hopped out of his car and went to unlock the door as a small crowd of people were standing there. He opened it up and it seemed like it flooded, in Varian’s eyes. He was amazed, then flipped the ‘closed’ sign to say ‘open’ and rushed to get behind the counter to start taking orders.

The man from last night was one of the first few customers. He looked Varian with a smile, and seemed completely different from last night. He just didn’t seem like the same person.

“Good morning,” he began, looking at the menu, “um...I’ll have a black coffee.”

“Ah, I shall get that started for you,” Varian rushed as he was being pulled every which way. He was not used to so many people in his restaurant at once. He put the orders on the counter by the pick-up section and started on the man’s order. He stared the cup with the sharpie in hard. He never really had to do this. “Sir, may I have a name for your order?”

“You don’t remember me?” he chuckled, making Varian feel bad unintentionally.

“O-oh, I-I--uh” he started, but was cut off.

“It’s fine. I never did give you a name,” the stranger smiled sweetly at Varian.

“R-right,” Varian nervously laughed a little as he then asked, “anyways, your name?”

“Mitch.”

Varian nodded with a small smile, “Alright, a black coffee for Mitch. That’ll be three dollars.” Mitch gave him the money and Varian went right to work. He put the order, which didn’t take long, on the pick up order side of the counter. Mitch walked over and picked it up, still just as smiley as when he ordered it.

“Thank you,” he started, then paused, “Oh!” He reached in his satchel and pulled out the job application, “I nearly forgot.” Varian took it from him, looking at it. Mitch walked away with his order as Varian put the packet down somewhere else. He went to the next costumer. It was a much busier day than normal, which was strange, and he didn’t know what caused this to happen either. He just assumed his luck began to change.

Once the day was done, he went back home and looked around for some food. There was barely anything except for some mare ramen noodles that Alec had picked up. He sighed, letting his hunger take over him. He grabbed a pack and started to make them.

He suddenly had a flashback to his childhood. The yelling and screaming. The punishments, everything was rushing into his mind. It must’ve been triggered by the cheap noodles. Is this the real reason he didn’t want to eat?

He had to pause, feeling his breathing quicken as seconds go by. He hadn’t felt like this in a while, so why is he like this all of a sudden? He sank lower to the floor as his vision went fuzzy. He tried to do some breathing exercises, just like what his therapist would tell him. Breathe in four, hold seven, out eight. He could barely do it, so he got frustrated and quit. He attempted to stand back up, but felt his knees too weak. He tried the breathing exercise once more, though he kept failing.

His mind was spinning with so many thoughts. He tried getting up again but fell right back down. Varian put his hand on his chest, trying to feel his own heartbeat. It was going at the speed of light. He looked at the front door. Maybe if he could go to his neighbors for help, he would be fine, but it seemed like a mile to the door. In reality, the door was only a few feet away. He wanted to drag his limp body, until the door began to open. He shut his eyes tightly, fearing it was his abuser.

“V-varian?” another familiar voice filled Varian’s ears instead. He opened his eyes and saw Alec standing there, a clear plastic bag in his right hand as he ran over to his roommate. “Varian, are you okay? What happened?” Varian shook his head. He was going to be fine. Or was he? He needed to get out of his head. He looked at the floor. Alec sighed, grabbing the phone and quickly dialing for Varian’s therapist. When she picked up, Alec began talking. Varian couldn’t tell what he was saying as he started to pass out.

He woke up in his bed by the sound of an alarm. He opened his eyes, looking around. What had happened that night? What was going on with him lately? Alec looked at him.

“Oh, good, you’re up,” he went over, squatting in front of his bed to make eye contact with his roommate who was sitting up. “You have an appointment later today. Don’t worry, I spoke with the guy who’s resume was in your bag. He said he can cover for you. All you need to do is train him.” Alec stood up, leaving the room without another word. Varian took a deep breath in. He sat up, rubbing his eyes. He went over to his dresser and picked out an outfit. He went to the bathroom to take a shower, but it was already in use. He went back to his room and set the clothes on his bed. Varian later went to go make breakfast for the two. He looked for eggs, making sure they had them. He smiled, seeing as they did.

Once Varian finished making eggs for Alec, he set them on the table as Alec came out. He was wearing his work clothes. Varian gave him a smile, as if last night never happened. “Good morning. I made you eggs.”

Alec nodded, saying, “Thank you, Varian.” He began to eat, glancing at the clock, then back at his food. Varian was making eggs for himself.

Alec finished up in a rather short time. “Bye Varian. Thanks for the eggs.” He then left the apartment for work. It was just Varian now. He sighed as he finishing cooking. He put the eggs on a plate, grabbing a fork from the drawer underneath the counter. He then made his way to the table to sit down and eat. Once he was done, he put both of the plates in the sink before making his way to his room.

He grabbed his clothes, going to the shower. He stripped himself and started the water. He began to wonder about last night. What happened? There were so many things he had questions for, but the main one was why did Alec call his therapist? Varian shut off the water when he was done and got fully clothed. He checked the time, seeing he had ten minutes until the opening of The Sugar bean. He headed to his car. He didn’t wave nor smile to anyone as he walked past them. When he got to his car, he took another deep breath before going to his coffee shop.

He was tense when he saw only Mitch was waiting for him. He left his car and greeted his new employee.

“Good morning, Mitch. How are you today?” Varian faked a small smile as the door opened and he went inside. Mitch just followed him inside without much of a response.

“I’m pretty good. Are you okay? You don’t seem as cheery as yesterday,” Mitch timidly asked his new boss as he looked around.

“That’s good. Now, let’s get you in the outfit. You can just use mine since I won’t be here all day. So,” but before Varian could finish, Mitch spoke up.

“Should I flip the sign to say open, or no?”

“It’s fine like that. Just put on my apron and I’ll show you how things work.”

After an hour and a half of explaining, then re-explaining, Varian got a text from Alec telling him his appointment was going to be in twenty minutes. It would going to take fifteen to get there. He looked at the other.

“I have to go in five minutes, are you going to be okay?” His voice was shaky, but Mitch nodded with a grin.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I got it. If there’s an issue, I can talk to your roommate if you’re too busy.”

“Don’t bother him. Just call me, okay?”

“Okay.” And with that, Varian was off to his therapy appointment. He flipped the closed sign to say open. He sat in his car for a moment before he drove.

He parked in the only opened spot. He took a nice, long look at the building, remembering all the things he had experienced. His knees went a little weak at that moment, but he gained back control as he made his way in, putting his keys into his pocket. When he walked in, he went to the reception lady and told her he was there.

“Who are you here to see?” she asked, picking up the office phone to start calling the therapist.

“Jessica Jackson, please,” he began to play with his long sleeves as the lady typed away at the computer.

“She will see you in a moment. Have a seat.”

Varian went to sit down next to a teenage girl. She glanced at him, leaning the other way. It was the only other free chair, so it’s not like he tried to sit by her. She kept staring at him with judgemental eyes. He glanced down at the floor as he thought about all of the recent things that he had been experiencing. He looked up when the door opened, then saw it was just another patient leaving as the door closed. He looked back at the ground. A few minutes later, the door swung open and it had revealed a slightly taller lady with dark brown hair. Varian looked up, and there she was; there was Jessica. He stood up and walked over to her. She beamed brightly.

“Hey Varian! It’s been a while,” she commented as she shut the door and started to walk the long hall as Varian followed beside her. He simply nodded, looking around as he remembering the first time he went to her office. He was shaken up pretty badly, unable to speak. Good thing he came out of his shell, or this would be a rather different story.

The pair both walked into a room filled with memories as he sat down on the couch in front of the door. Jessica sat in the chair across from it, pulling out her laptop. She put it on her lap as she glanced at him. “How are you feeling today?”

“A little...weird,” he stated, looking at his feet as he leaned forward a little. She nodded, typing.

“Care to elaborate? Does it follow any words on our mood board?” She asked, glancing at the poster boards with all kinds of words to describe feelings. She looked back at him as soon as she saw his head move towards it.

“Uh…” he started before he found a word that he thought sounded like it would fit, “uneasy? Things have been going...interestingly.”

Jessica nodded as she continued to type. Once she was done, she looked at Varian. “Well, what’s been going on? How’s Alec? He sounded worried when he called.”

“Alec is fine. He’s probably just tired from working several jobs. Money has been tight lately,” Varian looked down as he began to blame himself for it. He shook his head, “but that’s not why he called. I had another attack.” Jessica seemed concerned. She went back to the laptop, keys clicking as she asked him to describe it. “Well, it started with me just thinking about,” he paused, “you know, before things got fuzzy. I started to breathe quickly and I fell down. I don’t really remember what else happened. I think I passed out,” he gazed at the ground as he began to remember the feeling. His heartbeat racing a bit as his head started to hurt.

Jessica didn’t notice as she kept typing. “Is this the only one since our last session?”

“Yes. I think so. I also had a dream about it the night before.”

She nodded, still on the laptop. “Well, you have come a long way, but it’s really not easy getting through that type of trauma. I mean, all of the abuse, it’s going to stay with your forever, as much as you try to get rid of it. Did you do the breathing exercises?”

“Yeah, I tried. I kept failing which only made it worse. But I still tried.” he mumbled as he took in a deep breath. She nodded, writing it all down in a digital notepad.

“Well, when that happens, you just have to keep trying. It’ll get better once you start to focus only on your breathing.” He sighed a little, agreeing with her. She continued, “what about other areas in your life? Let’s talk about that financial stress.” That ended up being the main topic.

Once that was all done, Varian began to go back to The Sugar Bean. He wanted to make sure everything was going well, and by the looks of it, they were.

When Varian pulled up to it, he saw that there was a long line. He beamed as he exited the car and went inside. He saw his new worker working fast. He quickly got ready and began to help out. The two worked efficiently without a word spoken to each other. Varian was making the coffee’s, and Mitch was working the cash register, and by the end of the day, the two were tuckered out.

Varian looked at Mitch once things slowed down, “Good work today.”

“Thank you. I’ve had a couple jobs being a barista. Plus I was trained with a good mentor,” the taller male laughed as he sunk deeper into the chair. Varian agreed.

“Yes, well, it’s really been a life saver. I had a,” he hesitated a bit, “doctor’s appointment.”

“Oh, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, just a few things here and there. I think it’s just from stress,” Varian stretched a bit as he glanced around. “Speaking of which, we should get this place cleaned up.” The two were excellent cleaners and finished soon after. Varian sighed, then remembered this morning.

“Hey, have you seen an older, short women? She might’ve asked where I was?”

“Uh, no, I did not. Why do you ask?”

“That’s weird. She’s a regular here. She’s always the first here. It was weird not seeing her here when I was training you.”

“That is weird. Maybe she just slept in? Or forgot, I mean, old people forget easily, you know?”

“Oh,” Varian said with a small, yet nervous smile, “yeah, I guess so. It’s still unlike her though. I shouldn’t get too worried about it anyways. She’ll probably show up tomorrow.” Mitch nodded.

“That’s the attitude to have. See you tomorrow? I kind of have some where else to be pretty soon.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow,” Varian gave him a smile as the taller male left the coffee shop. He let out a breath before he turned the sign and shut off the lights.

He got into his car and began to drive home. The street just before his turn had a stoplight, which of course had to be red. As Varian sat in the warm car, his thoughts began to think back. To stop himself from having another episode, he turned on the radio and flipped through the stations until he found one with music. When that didn’t work, he tried to think of positive things in his life. He was finally getting better at cooking; there’s a positive. Another would be he has someone else working at The Sugar Bean. When the light turned green, he drove quickly. He just wanted to be at home already.

When he finally did get home, he made food and just laid in bed. He tried to think back of positives. He had a roommate who cared. Another great positive in his eyes. However, the negatives seemed to swirl in his mind. They seemed to be like sharks, and they closed in one him. He grabbed his pillow and hugged it as he began to shake. He forced his eyes closed, and tried to force himself to sleep. Fortunately, he fell asleep. Unfortunately, he dreamt.