imperfect

Chapter Three

Varian woke up with the stench of mold filling his nostrils as he noticed he was no longer in his apartment. He looked around, his spine tingling as he got the chills. He was in the old house. White walls were everywhere, but no one could tell since there wasn’t much light. The sun was rising, and so was the fear of the abuser coming in and taking him just to abuse him once more. He carefully hid underneath the blanket as the door opened with a small creek sound. A very soft and gentle voice rang throughout the dimly lit room.

“Varian,” it said, “wake up. It’s your birthday.” Suddenly, Varian knew what was happening, and what was going to go down. He shook as his abuser forcefully grabbed him and took him out of the room. The stench was even worse outside of the bedroom than inside. Varian struggled, not wanting to be in the older man’s arms. He was thrown onto the couch. His face was hidden behind the blanket, and his eyes were glued shut. He felt the blanket being ripped away from him, then he felt the man trying to untangle him. He just kept crying no. Birthdays were always the worst.

“Get up now, you mangy mutt!” His abuser barked as he hit Varian with all his strength. The younger boy whined, opening his eyes to see the angry expression on his owner’s face. “You need to take a bath, anyways, you greasy pet.” The man spit at the boy, then went away from him, going to the makeshift bathtub, which was really just a sink. Varian followed, although he was more than terrified of what was to come.

“Can...Can I bathe myself this t...time?” Varian asked timidly as he stuttered out the words.

“Hell no. Now strip,” firmly stated the older man as he leaned against the kitchen counter, staring at the younger male. Varian nodded and complied, not wanting to get hit again. The abuser picked him up, smirking as he put him into the dirt-stained sink. “So soft,” he commented as he went to grab some soap. Varian had a shiver run up his spine as he glanced around his childhood home. He felt his stomach hurt as his owner started to lather the soap all over him.

The 11 year-old sat there as this creep washed him. He had tears start to stream down as he thought about his poor excuse for a life. He kept asking himself why it had to be him, and if he was ever going to get away. He didn’t believe he was to be saved, or that he deserved to be saved. Clearly, or else someone would’ve done something by now.

An unexpected sound came from the bedroom. It was a large thump, much like a body falling. There was whispers, and that’s when the man grew more angry. He went to yell at the other kids. That’s when Varian had the bright idea to leave. He got out of the kitchen sink and dropped down, slipping since he was wet. He grabbed his clothes and headed for the door. As he was about to open the worn out thing, his abuser put a hand over his mouth and picked him up. He went back to the sink. The dirty man slapped the young child across the face and went back to cleaning him with Varian whimpering as his face stung. That was the only, and last time, he would try to leave again. Then there was a beep, and things started to fade.

Varian woke up in a cold sweat. It was three in the morning, and it was clear he had been crying in his sleep. If it wasn’t for his loud snoring, Alec might’ve heard him. Varian sat up and hugged himself as he broke down completely. Everything was rushing back to his mind, faster than the days previous. He remembered the bloody beatings. He remembered the touching. He remembered the heartless love he received from his abuser. Broken promises, broken family bonds, everything. Everything was broken, and he feared he was the cause of it. He just sobbed heavily as he tried to stay quiet. He was reminded he wasn’t alone every time his roommate snores.

As the hours faded away, it seemed Varian had cried gallons of tears. He also suffered quite the headache, which was pounding harder and harder each time. He got up to go over to the kitchen to eat something and get some water. There was a floorboard that creaked as he stepped on it. He held his breath, then started to go over to the kitchen again as he grabbed a cup and got some of the sink water. He started to drink it as he heard the sleepy groans from his roommate in the other room. He tensed, just a bit, as he slurped away the rest of his drink. He set the cup down and checked the time. They were supposed to be up in ten minutes anyways.

Varian went over to Alec, shaking him gently. “Time to get up, Alec,” his somewhat broken voice muttered quietly as he went to turn on the lights. He then went to take his daily shower. Things were going to be okay from now on. They had to be.

Once the daily ritual of showering, changing, and eating, Alec ran off to his work. Varian cleaned up the morning fruit salad he had prepared, then, he was off to The Sugar Bean. He hummed to himself as he turned on his feel good music, so he was no longer upset about his past. It seemed to have been working, until when he got to The Sugar Bean.

He had gotten out of his car when Varian noticed Miss Russo was nowhere to be seen. It was odd, but maybe Mitch was right. Maybe she was just forgetting, or was sleeping in later today. He couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong, however. It was much like a sixth sense. He tried not to think about it, but it was burned into his mind.

The day went on, and Mitch came later in the afternoon. He jumped into action along with Varian, and the two seemed to have much joy. Then, later in the evening, they were tuckered out again. The crowds seemed as though they were getting larger and larger, which was something Varian couldn’t explain. It could be that while they were checking out the store from the outside, they told relatives. He always pondered what it would be like if he had a different childhood. Once lost in thought, Varian didn’t even notice the good news.

“Goodness gracious child, can’t even hear?” a familiar voice sprang out of seemingly nowhere, knocking Varian out of his thoughts.

“Oh! Miss Russo! Hey, how are you? What happened? You weren't here yesterday, or this morning so I--”

“Maybe if you let me answer a damn question then you can get a damn answer,” she spoke, rolling her eyes with a soft smile. She continued, “I’m doing fine. I actually got a call from Samantha, my oldest, who wanted me to come down. Can you believe that? I have to move to her. I told her ‘you know what? You can come to me.’ I’m old, I can’t move around too much, you know?”

“Oh, I guess. Is she coming down?”

“Oh yes. She’ll be down here Saturday. I’m taking her here, since she’s a coffee addict.”

“Oh, well that will be good for business. Would you like anything before we close up?” Varian asked as he went behind the counter.

“Oh, no, that’s okay. I just wanted to stop by. I figured you’d be worried. D’aw, such a cute little thing you are. More worried about me than my own children. They could learn a lot from you.”

Varian chuckled a bit, blushing slightly as he went back out from behind the counter. “Thank you, Miss Russo. You’re the closest to a mom than I will ever get.”

“Aw, I know, sweetheart. And you’re the closest to a worried son that I’ll ever get, hun.”

The two carried on conversation as Mitch just watched from afar. Varian seemed like he was enjoying himself, and it seemed the pain from his past was going drowning away from the laughter. Then, once it was getting rather late, Miss Russo left the two boys, and the two started to clean up. Once down, they exchanged goodbyes and Varian went to his car. He turned on the radio, and as he did so, he heard something bone-chilling.

“The man who had captured multiple boys, Evan Downsworth, is asking to be released on the fact that he has been good throughout his entire time in jail.” Varian sat there, tearing up. How could they just let him out because he’s good? He was put in there for keeping five little boys, and Varian was one of them. He turned off the radio before hearing anymore and went to drive back to his apartment. He called up his therapist, Jessica, to arrange an emergency appointment. He really needed it.

“Hello, this is Jessica Jackson. How may I help you?”

“I need an emergency meeting stat,” he spoke, very rushed as he was feeling more anxious than normal.

“Okay, how about first thing in the morning? Do some breathing exercises, and talk to Alec, okay?” She talked calmly as the male on the other end was freaking out.

“Okay...okay I can try...See you tomorrow...What time?”

“What time would be best for you?”

“Uh…” he paused to think, trying to calm down a bit as he did, “nine?”

“Nine it is. See you then, and remember, breathe. You’re okay.”

They ended the call, and Varian was so close to the apartment building, but it didn’t seem like it was close enough. He parked his car and fell on the wheel. He just cried, clearly not wanting his abuser to be free and walking on the streets for ‘good behavior’. What if he came after Varian? What if he came after David? What if he came after other children that don’t deserve the abuse? He wiped his eyes after getting a text from Alec, asking where he was. He got out of his car, locked it, and started into the building with his puffy eyes. The people he would pass daily gave him concerned looks, but no one asked if he was okay. In fact, most of them looked at him, then turned their heads to not see the sad scene in front of them.

Varian opened the door to his apartment, and Alec was trying to prepare dinner for the two of them. He looked at Varian, a small smile flashed before it went away. “Hey, Varian. Sit down. Dinner is almost ready.”

“Oh..okay,” he mumbled as he sat down, watching Alec cook. He wasn’t the best at cooking himself, but he seemed to be getting the hang of it. Varian went to grab a tissue, blowing his nose, then threw it away. As he went back to his seat, Alec put down a plate of food in front of him. It was a little hard to tell what it was, but it was mashed potatoes and green beans. They were put together. Alec made a plate or himself and sat with Varian.

“So,” he started, staring at his food, “I guess cooking really isn’t as easy as it seems.”

“Not at all,” Varian cracked a smile, laughing a bit. He started eating. It wasn’t too bad. “This is really good, Alec.”

“Thank you. I tried.”

“I appreciate it. How was work?”

“Boring,” Alec answered, shoveling food into his mouth. There was a pause as they were chewing, then, Varian spoke again.

“Why do you say that?”

“It’s not fun. I don’t get to spend all my time around coffee beans, like you. I wish I could,” he mumbled the last part, glancing at the door, then back at his meal in front of him.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Varian whispered.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that you’re one of the lucky ones.”

“I am not.”

“Yes you are. You have a whole business you get to run, and I have to answer to a boss I hate. I do it for the money, but--”

“I’m sorry,” Varian said again, then stood up and went to their room. Alec sighed, then kept eating his food.

“Why am I such a cry baby?” Varian asked himself as he laid in bed. He thought back to the radio. He began to believe he deserved it. Maybe he did. Maybe he didn’t. He thought back to all of his mistakes throughout his life. Everything he did wrong, and everything that would make this the outcome of his life. The door opened, and his roommate looked at him.

“Varian?” He shuffled into the room, sitting on the small bed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just misspoke. I apologize.”

“Thank you,” he sniffled a little, staring at the ground.

“How was your day?”

“It was pretty good. I mean, it wasn’t too bad. I just...um..found out that someone is getting out of jail for being good.”

Before Alec asked him anything, there was a long pause. “Was it..?”

“Yeah...he’s supposed to get out pretty soon, I think.”

“That’s horrible,” Alec said in disbelief. Varian nodded in agreement. They stayed like that for a little while before Alec stood up. “Are you going to see Jessica soon?”

“Yeah, nine tomorrow,” Varian replied as he stretched a bit.

“Okay. Get some rest.” Alec turned off the lights and went to his bed. Varian couldn't sleep. Instead, he played games on his phone throughout the night. He was so tired, but he just couldn’t do it again. Everything that has been happening made him feel like he just couldn’t. Once he saw the time, he sat up and went to wake up his roommate so he could get ready for work. Alec did the normal groaning, but Varian was too tired to deal with it. He shook him much more than normal. Alec sat up, staring at the smaller male in front of him. Then, Varian turned on the lights. He then flopped onto his bed as the other rumbled around the room.

Tiredness took over Varian, and he fell asleep. It was one of those weird dreams you have that you don’t remember once you woke up. The good thing was, it wasn’t a memory.