opia [h.s au]

Chapter 26

I have to admit, when I woke up this morning I was kinda expecting Harry to be gone.

Even though I didn't want to, I was prepared to the emptiness of his side of the bed in the cold sobering morning light. I kinda assumed, with a bitter heart, to spend an entire month or so without hearing any word from Harry, I was expecting him to go so radio silence I would start believing last night was just a dream.

What I didn't expected, however, was waking up to the smell of fresh coffee and pancakes that made my mouth water instantly, but not as much as the sight of Harry holding the big silver trail my parents gave to me when I moved here, balancing the most perfect breakfast in bed I've ever seen.

"Morning" He greets me with a coy smile, sitting at the edge of the bed to put the trail between us. "Hope you don't mind, I used your kitchen."

"Oh I don't mind at all" I wink, taking one of the cups of coffee and giving it a sip. Damn, this coffee is good! It's stronger than what I usually make but it tastes delicious.

Harry keeps looking at me with a shy smile dancing on his lips, his green eyes searching my face attentively before glancing down to his lap, his right hand fiddling with the watch on his left wrist. His tension is so palpable I could cut it with a knife.

I clean my throat, looking for something to say. Harry turns his gaze back to mine and for a moment we just look at each other and once again I feel like I'm lost in the shades of his forest green irises.

"So..." I start, my voice sounding a little hoarse all of the sudden "You were pretty wasted last night."

Harry nods. "I was."

Silence falls between the two of us again and I feel extremely uncomfortable. I knew he was going to regret coming here last night.

"I made you some tea but you passed out before you could taste it" I try to sound nonchalant, searching something neutral to say and ignoring how much my stomach is fluttering right now.

"Sorry about that" Harry looks away, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly and sighing. "Aren't you gonna eat?" He asks suddenly "Pancakes tastes better when they're still hot."

I nod, my hands trembling slightly as I take the silverware Harry brought and put a piece of the fluffy pancakes he has made in my mouth, chewing slowly.

Dear mother of god this tastes like f*****g heaven! I let out a loud "hmm", even rolling my eyes a little for how good it tastes.

"Did you like it?" Harry smiles coyly, watching as I take a second bite and I nod, smiling with my mouth closed.

"So how did you manage to do all that?" I ask Harry after inhaling all the pancakes he brought me, sipping the entire coffee and eating the papaya he cut in cubes "I mean, last time I checked, I definitely didn't have fruits in my kitchen. Or eggs. Or flour."

"I woke up a little earlier and ran to the market down street to buy everything I needed" Harry shrugs "Plus, a good breakfast is great for hangover."

I nod and now that I ate everything, Harry takes the silver tray back to the kitchen. As soon as he steps out of the bedroom, I let out a deep sigh. What is up with the strange mood between us?

Yesterday Harry was so vulnerable, I knew it wasn't going to last. Seems like I was right to think he just said all those things because he was drunk and probably horny, now that he is sober he is acting all weird. I hear he starting to wash the dirty dishes and it feels like he is using it as an excuse to stay away from me.

Maybe he is just buying some time before he can finally go away, like he thinks it's rude to crash on my place and bail first thing in the morning without even thanking me. Well, it wouldn't be the first time, my subconscious bite me in the ass but unfortunately, this time I have to agree with her.

At the same time I want to get off the bed, go to the kitchen and just tell Harry he can go, no hard feelings, the other part of myself wants him to stay and for once actually talk about the things that has been happening between the two of us. I want to solve this mystery that Harry is, but I'm afraid once I get to know him better there'll be no stepping back.

I'm already so hooked by him, I hate to admit it but after last night I woke up today with a light heart, feeling happier than I've felt in quite a long time and that's just because of Harry's words yesterday. Even though I was quiet, I feel so damn exposed right now, so vulnerable, 'cause without noticing I let a bit of my guard down last night.

I have no idea of how things will be between the two of us from now on, and I don't know what is worse - pretending it never happened or the possibility of him taking his words back. Don't think I'll be able to cope with it, and if Harry really go radio silence about last night, I think I'm gonna lose the little resolve I have in my heart.

No matter how tough or unpleasant this will be, I'll have to do it.

What if maybe he was so drunk he don't even remember anything? That's a possibility, considering he was really wasted and I don't know what he had to drink last night. I'll probably look like a desperate moron but well, screw it. I need to know.

I hear the tap being closed at the kitchen and suddenly jolt from the bed, almost running to the bathroom so I can pee and brush my teeth. I know when Harry comes back to my room the mood will be all awkward again, but I prefer to be awkward without having a morning breath to concern about.

When I go back to the bedroom, my hair now tied up in a messy bun, Harry is sitting on my bed, his legs crossed under his lean body - which must feel f*****g uncomfortable considering he is wearing those tight skinny jeans of his. At least he is barefoot so maybe he won't run for his life the moment I try to talk about last night.

Because I will.

I can't pretend it didn't happen, I need Harry to explain me some s**t before I lose my f*****g mind. If he doesn't want anything to do with me that's fine, but I need to know so I can move on. 

Guess it's better to start with a neutral subject just to try and ease the mood between us a little. "Thanks for the breakfast, it was amazing" I praise, giving him a coy smile.

"Oh, it was nothing" Harry grins but his face drops quickly "We need to talk about last night."

Ok, no neutral subject then.

"We do" I nod, walking towards the bed and sitting beside Harry "You remember everything?"

Harry nods, darting his eyes from mine again, seeming to be uncomfortable. He sucks his pouty lips inside of his mouth then wets them with his tongue and I watch how the movement makes his jaw and cheek bones even more prominent.

Fuck, this guy is a masterpiece.

I keep in silence, not knowing what to say. I had this improvised speech ready in my head but the moment Harry took the initiative to talk, the words I was planning to say were completely lost inside of my mind.

My heart is beating so fast inside of my chest I'm starting to feel a little dizzy with the blood pumping extra fast in my veins. Harry sighs and I raise my eyebrows, trying not to rush him but at the same time if he continue to linger I think I'm gonna pass out.

"I'm selfish" Harry finally breaks the silence, his eyes pinning on mine for a split second before he darts them again to look at some point next to my left shoulder "I'm narcissistic, egocentric and vain."

"Ok, I tend to make jokes with terrible timing and I'm lazy as f**k" I blurt out, actually hating to hear Harry being so negative about himself "What's your point here?"

Harry's lips turn up to the tiniest of grins before he sighs again, his green eyes searching for mine once more.

"My point is... I'm self-centered. And I only think about myself."

"Okay..." I frown, my mind rushing as much as my heart. I'm not liking the path Harry's is taking and now I don't know if I'm ready to have this conversation, think I want to go back to not knowing things, thank you very much.

"But it changed when I met you. I've was never capable of thinking in someone other than myself but lately you're all that I can think about." Okay, I'm back to being interested in this conversation. "And the idea of you being with another guy literally made me sick to my stomach. I've never felt so powerless, so f*****g frustrated, as I felt last night when I saw you walking through that door to meet with another person"

Oh, my heart. I try to keep a straight face but there's a little smile fighting it's way to my lips and I don't think I have enough willpower to ignore it.

"And that scares the s**t out of me" Harry sighs again and my little smile quivers "Because never in my entire life I felt so f*****g lost. That's why I've been acting like a lunatic, vanishing from time to time. That's why I ran from your bed that morning... I don't know how to deal with it."

"Harry, I-" I start to talk but Harry raises his hand, silently asking me to shut up.

"Please let me finish. I'm not good at sharing. m'trying really hard here" He looks at me with begging eyes and I nod, pretending to zip my mouth with my thumb and index finger. "I'm telling you this because I feel like I owe you some explanation, but bottom line is, I'm f****d up, B. I'm a terrible person."

"Don't say things like that, Harry, you're not terrible!" I blurt out before Harry could stop me again.

"I am, Billie. You don't know me." He shakes his head, rubbing the back of his neck and sighing heavily.

"I want to" I mutter, pinning my eyes on his "Please, let me. Last night you asked me to let you stay. You asked to be close. Now I'm asking you the same."

There's so much sadness behind his eyes that my heart shrinks with the sight and I just wanna hold him. There's a lot I don't know about him, but somehow I feel close, it's like my soul knows his from another lifetime.

Maybe I'm being sappy, romantic or just a little dumb, too naïve for my own good, but I feel like the moment I got a little closer to Harry, back in our one and only date, that was it for me, I was completely captured under his spell. And as much as I've tried to deny it, deep down I know that my heart found its home on him.

"I'm no good for you, B." Harry shakes his head, his gaze turning down to his lap again "I'll only hurt you, I can't be good for you, you deserve so much more than I have to give."

Oh here he comes with that bullshit again.

"Harry, listen to me" I reach for his hand and hold it, trying to ignore the little sparkles that run through my skin "Stop talking bullshit. I am the only person who can decide what is good and what is bad for me. M'Sorry, mate, that's not up to you."

Harry looks away from my eyes, rubbing his left arm in what seems like self-comfort. His face looks so tense, his jaw closed so sharp it could cut glass and damn, I could look at him all day. I would love to become an expert on Harry, learn how to read him, what to expect from him, how to act around him.

"Harry, stop" I raise my voice "Stop torturing yourself like that. I'm making a choice here - this is up to the both of us..." My voice goes quiet when I use all my courage to end the sentence the way I want to. "I want you."

Harry narrow his eyes, pressing his lips to a thin line and even like that he looks gorgeous. My heart is racing so much right now I feel little buds of sweat forming on my forehead and I think I might be experiencing a mild anxiety attack. I can't take Harry's silence anymore, I don't know how to deal with that.

He usually is so self-assured, so confident with his words and actions, it's strange to see him look so damn vulnerable, and to know that somehow he is feeling like that because of me, it's almost unbelievable.

"Why?" He suddenly asks and I can see all the self-hatred in his eyes, and it kills me to know that he feels that way about himself.

"Because you are you." I shrug, cupping his face with both my hands and forcing his eyes to pin on mine, and for a split second it's like the entire world crumbles around us.

It's just us, Billie and Harry and feels like nothing could divert my attention from his green gaze right now. I'm completely hypnotized.

A tiny little smile turns his lips up when he breaks eye contact just to look down to my lips, his pink tongue sneaking between his lips as he wet them.

"I'll ruin you" He mutters "You're so good, I'm addicted to you. Can't take you out of my mind."

"Ruin me, then. I'm sure it won't be nothing compared to how I'll feel if you walk through the door and never come back." Even I am surprised with how honest I'm being right now, how much I'm opening my heart for him to take.

Deep down in the back of my head all my alarms are going off, beaming loudly and telling me to crawl back to my shell of self protection but I ignore it as I lean closer to Harry.

"Maybe I should go and save you from yourself, you're clearing not making the right choice here." Harry chuckles with false humor but I can see the truth behind his eyes.

It makes me sad to know he thinks so little of himself.

"If you go..." I take a deep breath "I'll call Callum and kiss him right in front of you." Pinning my eyes to his, I try to keep my face straight as I watch a smirk slowly creeping into his face.

"You wouldn't." He chuckles, one of his hands slowly creeping to my neck.

"Try me. I'm a petty b***h when I need to." I roll my eyes and Harry chuckles.

"You won't need to" Harry mutter under his breath, closing the small distance between us and smashing his lips against mine.

My first reaction is to sigh, taking a deep breath in relief for finally be touching his lips again. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me while our lips molds to each other like two missing pieces of a puzzle.

Harry's tongue teases over my lips and I open my mouth, welcoming him in and he hums in approval, one of his hands still grabbing the back of my neck while the other creeps around my waist and he pulls me to his lap.

What began as a sweet, collected kiss quickly evolves to a frantic one and soon I'm a complete mess, shamelessly moaning inside of his mouth as he presses my body against his eagerly.

"I want you so bad" Harry mutters, breaking from the kiss and hovering his mouth over mine. "Every time I saw you and couldn't kiss you was like torture for me."

"Same" I whisper, crashing my lips against his one more time before finally breaking from it, feeling a little out of breath.

"No kissing Callum in front of me?" Harry raises his eyebrows but I know he is fighting a smile the same way I do.

"Only if I have to" I giggle and he frowns "If that's what it takes to make you kiss me again."

"You're crazy" Harry gives me a coy smile, taking a strand of my hair that has loosen from the bun and tucking it behind my ear. "You're f*****g crazy, you know that?"

Yeah, motherfucker. I think I actually am.

"Maybe I am but I don't f*****g care" I shrug "Right now I just want to be with you. I want to actually get to know you."

"Alright" Harry nods, smiling at me again "I'll make you a deal then"

What? I raise my eyebrows, getting off of his lap and standing up in front of him.

"What deal?"

"Let's forget about what happened" Harry stands too, his tall frame towering over me "Let's forget about that night at Sinner, and forget about the morning I freaked out I ran from your bed." He chuckles lightly "I want to focus only on the good stuff. I want us to learn more about each other."

"Can I still remember how cute you were last night, all jealous looking for Callum under my bed?" I giggle and Harry frowns for a bit before extending his hand for me.

"Fine. Do we have a deal?" He asks and I reach for his hand, a big ass smile cracking up my lips, so huge my cheeks actually hurt a little.

"Deal."