opia [h.s au]

Chapter 28

Did I just died in my sleep and wake up in heaven? Waking up to a sleeping Harry next to me feels like paradise and I can't believe in my luck.

I carefully sit on the bed, rubbing my eyes and yawning. Had a great night of sleep, and to my surprise I didn't had any kind of nightmares with the Demogorgon or the upside down.

Of course I can only thank Harry for that. His presence was so soothing, and I felt safe in his arms. Which is weird as f**k, once I never liked being held on my sleep. Actually, I always hated to share my bed with Sam, I like having all the space for myself so I can sleep with my limbs spread like I'm a f*****g starfish.

With a heavy sigh, I prepare to leave this bed and Harry behind so I can take a shower to go to work. s**t, for the first time in what feels like ages I actually don't want to work today, just wanna call in sick and spend the entire day with Harry.

Ugh, I'm disgustingly hooked.

And f*****g screwed.

My alarm goes off again and I'm quick to stop it, afraid of waking Harry up. He is sound asleep and I know for a fact that he has insomnia so the last thing I want is to wake him up before it's necessary.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I have no idea of what Harry does during the day. I know he is not working and that he does yoga, but other than that his routine is a complete mystery for me.

Well, there's nothing knew about that. Harry always has been a mystery but now more than ever I want to solve it.

Getting out of the bed, I take my go-to work clothes from the wardrobe so I can change into them in the bathroom after I shower. Usually I get ready in my room but I don't want to risk Harry waking up and busting me naked.

I mean, it won't be such news flash for him but I'm not ready for being seen naked. At first I thought Harry was only trying to sleep with me again, but then he actually stopped us making out affirming that he wants to take things slow.

This is such a change from how we were before, that frantic need to f**k, the eagerness we'd always had towards each other. But to be honest I'm kinda linking it.

Although I would love to be with Harry that way again, to be honest I'm a little afraid of him bailing on me again afterwards. I mean, we're in a totally different place right now but what if he suddenly loses his interest once he have it all?

Of course that's a risk I'll have to take some time in the future and damn, it probably won't be long, but I would like to be more sure about what do I mean for him.

Usually l wouldn't be so worried about this but there's no way I can deny it, at least not for myself, that I'm actually starting to grow some feelings for Harry and although that terrifies me, I'll try to keep him close as long as I can.

Fifteen minutes later I've showered and changed to my clothes, consisting on jeans, a loose t-shirt and a plaid shirt wrapped around my waist. Cute and practical, as always.

Back to my room, I try to make the least of noise possible while Harry still snores lightly all spread out in my bed. Think I'll just leave him note, saying he can stay as long as he needs.

I can't resist the urge to touch him when I'm placing the note next to his phone on the nightstand, so I lean over him holding my hair back and give him a gentle kiss in the forehead.

He smells so good, I hope my sheets will smell like him when I come back home.

All of the sudden, I feel a tight grip on my arm when Harry yanks me over the bed, his eyes still shut. He groans loudly, wrapping his legs and arms around my body like a sloth, pulling me under the covers and kissing the top of my head.

"Morning" I giggle as he squeezes me tighter and a little yelp escapes from my lips while Harry knocks the air out of my lungs with his bear hug.

"Mornin" He says in a hoarse voice, raspy and deep from his sleepy state "where are you going?"

"I have to work" Finally getting to free my arms from his grip, I wrap them around his torso, my face buried to his warm chest.

"No. Stay." Harry whines and my heart melts a little, he sounds like a little boy and it's too cute to bear.

"Wish I could, but today it's actually a very busy day at the producer, they need me there."

Harry mumbles something under his breath but I can make out his words exactly. All I understood was the words of I, you and more.

"What?"

"Nothin" He hugs me even tighter, now burying his face on the curve of my neck and pecking my skin with little kisses and nips "You smell so good" He hums and I shiver.

"Just took a shower" I giggle when he rubs his chin in my neck, which is scratchy with the little beard that is starting to raise. "Jeeh, you're very cuddly in the mornings, aren't you?"

"Not just cuddly, love" Harry's raspy voice drops a few tones and with a swift motion he grabs my waist and turns me around so my back is facing him.

He presses his obviously hard c**k in my bottom and I can't even disguise the little yelp that falls from my lips the minute I feel the friction. "Been dreaming about you all night" He groans, leaving slow open mouthed kisses in my neck.

What happened to the taking things slow thing?

I'm not complaining, though. I actually missed being tossed around like I'm a f*****g rag doll with no self-will.

"f**k" I hiss under my breath and can feel Harry's lips spreading in a smirk "Harry, I ne-"

"S'fine, B" His voice sounds playful but I can sense the little bit of frustration behind it "This is not taking things slow... And I really want to."

"Why?" The question falls from my lips before I could shut myself up.

Harry presses his hard bulge in my back again and inhales a sharp breath before continuing, his lips pressed against the shell of my ear. "It's the right thing to do... Although is hard as f**k" He groans, grabbing my hips and pulling me against his body "I want to do right this time... Want it to be special."

"W-why?" I ask again, squirming under his touch, my body acting out of its own will when I rub my butt against him and a little smirk play on my lips when he takes in a sharp, quivering breath. 

"Because it is special, B. You're special" Harry whispers, his raspy voice raising goosebumps in my skin but not as much as his words are making my heart beat faster "I don't wanna rush things this time. Are you okay with that?" He hovers his tongue over my ear, the hot breath tickling my skin.

Instead of using my words to answer him, I turn my body again, now facing him and pin my eyes on his, his green gaze engulfing me instantly "Totally okay" I whisper before crashing my lips against his.

~*~

Today I had to organize five changes of clothing for a very angry model in a range of twenty minutes only to discover that the son of a b***h lied about her size and everything went to s**t because there was no way she would fit in the clothes the brand sent to the studio, so the shooting was cancelled. All of that happened before lunch time.

But that wasn't the hardest thing I had to do today. The hardest thing was to leave a very cuddly Harry behind, with some wetness pooling between my legs and a s****l frustration so strong I couldn't even cross my legs the entire way here.

Now is about lunch time and I hate to admit that the idea of running to my apartment just to see if Harry is still there crossed my mind more than once.

But that's completely impractical and I am a very practical person.

Flushing down those idiotic thoughts, I take my bag and run downstairs - guess I'll just eat a sandwich from the deli across the street, a quick lunch will actually help me go back faster and put an end to this terrible work day.

However my plans goes to s**t the moment I step out of the building and almost trip over my own feet when I see the intensity that two brown eyes are staring at me.

"Gem? What are you doing here?" I run towards her, my arms open for a hug. "You're not supposed to be back for another week!"

"I know, I'm not here to work" Gem hugs me back "I'm here to have lunch with you."

"Really? Oh, f**k did we agreed to this and I forgot? I'm terrible with this stuff" I raise my eyebrows, trying to remember if we actually scheduled a lunch together.

"No, we didn't scheduled anything" Gem gives me a mouth closed smile "I just need to talk to you and I know how Mondays are usually a slow day, so..."

"Of course. Something happened?" My heart skips a beat with concern, my mind already creating a hundred of scenarios where Adam showed up again to Gem's apartment while she was alone. "Is it Adam?"

"No, actually... I need to know what is going on between you and my brother" She looks at me intently and I feel my cheeks flushing immediately "And don't you try to deny it, I know he spend the entire weekend at your place."

I open my mouth, but can't think of anything to say. Should I apologize? I mean, I know I did nothing wrong but I did hide from her the stuff that happened between Harry and I. Maybe there's some girl friends code where one cannot be involved with the other girl's brother?

"Hey, stop overthinking" Gem gives me a gentle smile, suddenly wrapping her arm around mine and pulling me slightly so we can start walking "I just want to understand what is happening and why Harry showed up this morning seeming happier than I ever saw him ever since he moved".

"He looked happy?" I blurt out before I could stop myself, my stomach doing a complete backflip all out of sudden. "Did he say something to you?"

"He said he went to your place Saturday night and that you two hooked up yesterday and just lost track of time and that's why he spent the night again." Gem rolls her eyes "But I know it's bullshit. I mean, I do believe he was at your place but not for a second I think that was a friendly thing. So you better start talking, now."

Sinking my teeth in my lower lip, I look around searching for a nice place for us to have lunch, trying to buy me some time. I wish Harry and I had talked about what the hell are we going to tell people about us.

I mean, there is no "us" yet, we are just getting to know each other better, there's a lot of s****l attraction going on as well but our main goal is to understand whatever the f**k there is between the two of us.

Of course we are not dating, neither of us wants to date, but we are obviously more than just friends. And I can't, for the life in me, deny how amazing it was to wake up next to him this morning, and how I had the best Sunday of my life just by hanging out with him.

If I stop to think about it, I can feel the fear crippling inside of my mind and heart, because I know I can't fall in love with Harry. I'm just some kind of adventure for him, maybe he is just too bored, maybe he wants the chase, I don't know.

At the same time I know for a fact that I won't be able to keep my distance from him right now, so I'm just trying to go with the flow and enjoy every moment I can have with him. Anyway, how do I say all of those things for his sister?

"So... Tell me" Gem demands as soon as we sit at a table in some Mexican restaurant around the corner of the producer "What the f**k is going on between you and my brother, and where is Callum?"

Jesus, I completely forgot about Callum.

I'm such a terrible person.

Taking a deep breath, I decide to just tell Gemma everything. For the next few minutes I'll pretend she's not Harry's sister and that I'm just telling her about some random guy I met a club. 

I tell her everything, even about the first time I met Harry at Sinner, when he gave me a fake name - which thanks to Gemma now I know Edward is his middle name so it was not so fake as I thought.

I rumble about how we connected at Dom's party a few months ago, then about the day Harry surprised me showing up at my apartment and cooking me dinner. When I start telling her about our date thing, I skip the part where he f****d the soul out of my body because frankly, if it was my brother I wouldn't want to know details about his s****l life.

After a few minutes, I already covered the entire month he went MIA, then how we run each other at the park, my dates with Callum and finally reach this weekend, when Harry showed up drunk as a lord searching for Callum under my bed.

"And... That's it, I think..." I take a big sip from my coke "Guess I told you everything. Now we're just trying to get to know each other better, whatever this may be." I shrug "Sorry for not telling you sooner, I just figured it might be awkward because it's your brother"

"I won't lie, it is kinda awkward" Gem gives me a coy smile "But on the other hand, I'm really happy you two connected so good. Harry needs someone like you in his life."

"Why?" Raising my eyebrows, I look to Gem intently, trying to read something behind her eyes but I really suck at this.

Gem takes a sip of her iced tea and I know she is trying to buy some time, thinking carefully about what she will say next. I let she take her time, don't want to rush things up, although the curiosity is eating me alive.

She sighs, reaching for my hand over the table and giving it a little comforting squeeze.

"There's a lot of thing you don't know about Harry" She finally speaks, slowly, as if choosing her words wisely "And some things I'd rather him to tell you about, it only concerns him and he has the right to decide when he is ready to share them. But since you two are trying to get to know each other better, and I know how my brother can me evasive and secretive sometimes, I'll give you the basics, ok?"

Oh my f**k, she sounds so serious, did Harry like murder someone and it's hiding here? Does he have a child? IS HE MARRIED?

"You're killing me with all this suspense, tell me already!" I blurt out, unable to stop myself.

Gem giggles a little but then her face falls, turning serious again with some hint of sadness that makes my stomach flutter around itself.

"I've already told you a little... Harry travels a lot, as you know. But the thing is, after two years he started feeling lonely. Harry may look like a guy who is all fun and games, he may look like someone who doesn't expect much from life, just living in the moment and things like that, but he actually is a very sensitive guy. And all those travels and meaningless human interactions he had completely backfired after a few years. He fell into a depression, and things got rough for him."

My mouth slang open and there's nothing I can do about it, my heart is actually completely still and I feel the sadness and concern crippling around my mind and feelings, it's like my blood suddenly went cold in my veins.

"The only way he find to cope with this feelings was drinking and doing drugs. I don't know if he could be called an addicted because he is not the kind of people who only think about getting hammered, but as the depression got worse, the most he drank. That's why he is here, that's why he moved in with me for a few months. So I could keep an eye on him, and make him company, while he treats himself."

"Which kind of treatment is he having?" I almost whisper, sinking my teeth on my bottom lip.

"He is on therapy, five times a week. He is also taking antidepressants and that's why he cannot drink. He needs to stay sober and let the medicine he is taking do its job."

Five times a week? Oh my f**k that's just too much! How someone could have so much to talk about, having like five hours of therapy a week? I can only imagine how difficult this must be for Harry, there's so much about him that I don't know yet and all this information Gem gave to me just raised a lot of questions to my running mind.

For how long he's feeling like that?

Did something happened to trigger the depression on him?

Does his parents know about it?

Which kind of drugs he used to cope?

I can only imagine how much pain Harry must have been feeling to reach a point where he had to use drugs and numb his mind, to shut it down completely. I never experienced something like that, so much pain and self hatred.

I would never imagine Harry is going through something like that, he always seems so sure of himself, so collected... Well, now that I'm thinking about it he may not have been the most well-balanced kind of guy, I mean, he did kind of lost control that day with Adam. He also acted like a total lunatic towards me, being very straightforward one day then going completely MIA for the next month.

Now that I know about him, some of his odd behaviors are starting to make more sense. If I thought he is a complicated guy before, now it's just completely insane how much troubled he seems to be. He being complicated was just a ride in the park compared to what I know now.

"Billie, are you okay?" Gem asks me, pulling me out of my own racing mind and looking at me with concern in her eyes "I'm sorry to unload those things over you, I just think that... You're my friend and I love you, and I know how my brother can be... secretive, sometimes. I just wanted you to know exactly where you're stepping in to."

"M'fine" I manage to mumble, my heart still racing but not as much as my mind "It's just... A lot, you know? I would never imagine."

"Harry is my brother and I love him dearly... And for all you said, I can tell he really cares about you. But you need to know that he has a lot going on right now."

"Thank you for telling me." I give Gem a sad grin, now knowing exactly how do I feel about everything she just told me.

"Although, I really think having you in his life can make a difference" Gem smiles "You're an amazing person, sweetie, and I know you can be the light in Harry's life. I hope you two find in each other whatever that you're looking for, and I wasn't kidding when I said I've haven't seen Harry that happy since a long time. I think you'll be good for him."

I can't think about anything that I could say to Gemma right now, so I just keep my mouth shut, a little smile playing on my lips. I have so much to think about right now.

I always knew something was going on in Harry's life, Gem herself told me a bit about the hard period he is having currently, but I never imagined it could be this bad.

Although Harry and I are just starting to get to know each other better, I have a feeling that he wouldn't say any of that to me so soon. I always feel so open and vulnerable towards him, but most of the time he seems relaxed, secure, well-assured. It's crazy to think that he actually is facing such terrible thing as a mental illness.

I ask myself if Harry will tell me about it someday. I really want to hear things from him, to have his version of the facts, to know from his mouth how is he feeling, what is he thinking about everything.

To be honest, the idea of having such responsibility over someone else's happiness is terrifying. To think that somehow I, Elizabeth Ray, am capable of making Harry feel better about himself and about life, it's crazy. I can't do something like that, I don't even know if I am happy, if I feel complete, how in hell would I be able to give it to someone else?

At the same time, I feel this desire deep down in my heart, this need, of trying with all I have to make Harry better, to help him find what is missing for him, what do he want the most in the world... I wanna give it to him, and I know for a fact that I'm dumb for wanting it.

Dumb because I know I'm not emotionally strong enough to give so much without loosing a bit of myself in the process. My instincts tell me to shut down completely, to keep my distance from Harry in order to keep myself in one piece. To preserve this broken heart of mine, that was already destroyed once and I'm still collecting the little pieces off the floor.

However, my heart swells with the idea of having Harry to help filling the voids. My heart wants him as much as my brain tells me to shut him down and I don't know what to do. I'm not ready to open my heart for anyone, I'm not ready to fall in love again. But I'm also not ready to let Harry go.

This is going to be hard as f**k, isn't it?

The remainder of our lunch together was relaxed, with neutral subjects such as work and the brand new gossips around the celebrity world. Gem told me about Adam, who keeps trying to reach for her but she completely shut him down. When I asked her how is she feeling about everything that happened, she just shrugged, saying that it wasn't expected and the shock was the worst part, that now she is starting to get better because now she sees that Adam was a jerk and she is the victim.

When I mentioned Dom, Gem's cheeks went full crimson red and she looked away, darting her eyes from mine and mumbling something about he being a great help and how handsome he is. I can't wait to tell Dom how hooked up to him she is.

After we ate we said our goodbyes and Gem thanked me for giving a roof for Harry during the weekend, winking way too much for me to think she was thinking about the platonic part of my help. Little did she know that Harry and I just cuddled all the time.

I spent the entire afternoon completely distracted, thinking about Harry and all the things Gemma told me, my mind spinning and my heart fluttering so much I was afraid of having a heart attack - or at least burning some of my brain cells over it.

At the end of the day, I came to no conclusion at all. The only thing I know is that I want Harry to be part of my life, I want to be close to him, and no matter how much it may hurt eventually, right now I can't keep away from him.

So I'll just pretend I don't know about the depression thing and hope he will trust me enough to tell me about it himself someday. That's all I can do right now.

I managed to organize my things at work and schedule my to-dos for the entire week before 7pm, so I'm happy to say that I'm already heading home and anxious for making my daily call for Dom - I have so much to talk about with him this night, feels like I don't see my best friend for ages instead of just two days.

However, as soon as I walk around the corner of my building, my stomach makes a complete backflip and my heart almost pops out of my mouth with the sight in front of my eyes.

Harry is sitting on a bench next to my building, wearing a red shirt that is barely buttoned up, showing his tattooed chest and leaving very little to imagination. He is carrying two boxes of pizza and a bottle of wine, and has his eyebrows knitted together as he sings along whatever that is playing on his earphones. 

I approach him and when I'm close enough he darts his eyes towards me, a slow grin taking over his features and f**k, he looks breathtaking. His hair is still a little humid and his pink plump lips are glistening under the street lights.

"Hey" He greets me as I walk closer "Hope you don't mind, I've brought us dinner" He nods towards the pizza boxes.

Guess I am as cheap as a street dog, because all it took was some pizza, wine and Harry's intoxicating smile for me to decide.

I wanna hold on to him and never let him go.