opia [h.s au]

Chapter 29

Over the past two weeks, I feel like I have stolen another person's life.

It's almost impossible to believe that less than three weeks before I was getting ready to go have dinner with Callum. Even worse, four weeks ago Harry was completely MIA and I was starting to believe our night together was just an hallucination.

I spent the last two weeks having dinner with Harry almost every night. He cooked different kinds of pasta, two kinds of pie, homemade hamburger, risottos and soups. There was one night that I insisted I would make the dinner instead of just eating it, and we ended up eating a hot dog at 2am after I almost burned my apartment down.

I blame Harry - I offered to cook us some noodles but he said he wouldn't eat cancer in a bowl so I had to improvise, trying to make pasta instead. However I think my stove is way stronger than I thought it was, everything burnt down instantly.

Almost every night Harry would stop by at my work and go home with me. Sometimes we went to Gemma's to play some board games with her and Dom, whose friendship seems to be evolving pretty fast.

There was only two or three days that I left work so f*****g late I was just too tired to eat. Even on these days Harry didn't failed, waiting for me at the reception of the producer and rubbing my feet before I went to bed.

However, it's been at least five days since we last kissed each other. The taking things slow thing proved to be way harder than we first thought, and kissing only increased the tension between us. I know, I know - why don't we just f**k already?

Sometimes I ask myself that too. To be honest I'm still a little afraid of Harry suddenly losing his interest in me once he f****d me again, but in the other hand, at this point I'm so sexually frustrated I think all the suffering would be worth it.

Between the two of us, Harry has been the strongest one. If it was for me, we would have done it a hundred times by now. But Harry is always the one stop us, to deny it and say that it's better for us to wait a few more days till we both are comfortable enough to do it.

It may sound cheesy or a little immature, but I get his point. Things has always been so rushed between us, so complicated, there was never a feeling of security. And to be honest, I still kinda expected to find my bed empty in the mornings Harry fell asleep with me, cuddling like a damn kitten. But every morning he was still there.

The bright side of it is that we are getting to know each other better, having really deep conversations and sometimes just talking about nonsensical things like what would you do it today was your last day on Earth?

My answer was to binge watch Friends till the world ends. Harry's answer, surprisingly enough, was to "f**k me then spent the entire day with his family", which I found kinda cute and creepy at the same time.

Now I can tell just by looking at him if Harry is upset about something. I'm becoming an expert on his mannerisms, like the way the keep picking his bottom lip with his thumb and index finger every time he is lost in thoughts. Or how he messes with his hair when he is concerned or angry about something.

The little smirk that lift the right side of his face every time he says or thinks about something dirty, and how his taunting pink tongue runs over his lips when he sees me bending over to take something from the floor or getting to the tip of my toes in order to reach for something.

I discovered that even though Harry has this s****l magnetism around him, looking like a f*****g predator when he is wanting something, he is a very sweet guy and way too cuddly in the mornings. I discovered that he likes to sing while he is in the shower, and his voice is actually really great.

Besides the cute parts, I'm also starting to learn about his pet peeves and the little quirks that makes him very annoying. Like he is always chewing a gum - no matter the kind of situation or social gathering, he is always chewing. One of these days I made a joke that that's how me maintain his jawline so sharp and he just rolled his eyes playfully.

He is a very slow talker, always taking his time to think and elaborate which one of his phrases and to be honest sometimes it's kinda enerving, I mean, the guy took like fifteen minutes to tell me why The Haunting of Hill House is such a great show and why should I watch it. The problem wasn't even the time he spent talking, but the way he talked - slow, calm, concentrated. In the end, I agreed to watch the show just hoping he would shut up a bit.

However, even though there's a lot of things I learned about Harry over the past two weeks, there's one thing he never said to me and it's kind of eating me alive.

He never mentioned depression. Never told me he goes to therapy five times a week, or that he is on antidepressants. Some days he seemed a little upset and more thoughtful than the ordinary, but every time I asked him about what was happened he would just brush the question off, pulling me to a kiss or a hug.

And damn, it's hard to concentrate in anything when those lips are over mine, or when he hugs me so tightly seems like he is trying to melt us in one.

Yeah, I know, I'm weak. But I'm not even sorry.

Today is Saturday and unlike the last week, when Harry and I spent the whole weekend binge watching Stranger Things - which now I adore and can't wait for the next season - today we actually have plans together.

Of course it's not a date, but I'm sure feeling ridiculously nervous about it.

Last night Harry decided to stay home to make company for Gem and I took this chance to call Dom and really talk to him, it felt like ages ever since we had a conversation just the two of us, and as much as it sucked to sleep without Harry's arms, I'm glad I had the chance to talk to my best friend.

He told me everything about him and Gemma and swore they were almost there, kissing-wise. They haven't actually kissed and so far their relationship is purely platonic, but Dom insists the tension between the two of them is growing faster and uncontrollably. He is very excited about that.

So excited he planned a dinner party at his apartment this night, and to my surprise he also invited Harry and I. When I asked him why, Dom said he wanted to create a safe and relaxed environment for Gemma before Harry and I leave. He has everything planned to the last detail and I find so cute to see Dom acting all romantic and putting so much effort in that. Usually he is very careless type of guy with the people he used to go out with.

Guess Gemma is special for him.

According to Dom, Harry and I must leave half an hour after the dessert so we could go home and have s*x while he tries his luck being alone with Gemma. When I told him we haven't had s*x yet, Dom shocked in whatever he was drinking in the other side of the line.

"You haven't... What?" He scoffed, sounding completely outraged "You're lying."

"Am not! We are just, I don't know... Taking things slow" I felt my cheeks blushing, feeling pathetic.

"Oh baby boo give me a break. You two already slept together, what's the harm in doing it again?" I could practically listen to Dom rolling his eyes.

"This time is different..." I tried to explain "We are actually getting to know each other better till we... you know."

"Elizabeth Ray, listen to me." Dom's voice assumed a serious inflection, the kind of tone I don't hear from him very often "You two are just wasting your time. s*x is like, the master key on the getting to know each other. What's the point of being together all the time if you aren't doing it? I mean, that's just a friendship. Like you and me."

"Well I don't remember you rubbing your hard d**k in me every once in a while, neither do I remember you dry humping the f**k out of me" I blurted out, ultimately offended by Dom calling whatever I have with Harry a friendship.

"Oh, c'mon Billie, don't be all aggressive now" Dom sighted "Maybe it didn't express myself right... What I mean is, if you two already had s*x in the past and, as you said it, are dry humping each other why just don't f**k already? I'm sure you two want it bad."

I fell in silence for a few seconds, trying to organize my thoughts enough to admit out loud something that has only been in my mind so far. "... I'm afraid." I finally spoke.

"Afraid of what? Girl you have seen d**k before, s**t, you saw his d**k before. What's the problem with it? I knew that guy had to have a f*****g flaw! Nobody is that perfect."

"He is not perfect and you know it." I whispered. I shared with Dom the things Gem told me about Harry, being completely unable to keep it to myself without going insane. "What if he leave me the next day like he did before? What if all he wants is to f**k me then bail again?"

The line was completely silent for the next few minutes, and if I haven't heard Dom's breathing I would think the line was dead. After what seemed like a damn lifetime, Dom sighted.

"I won't lie, the possibility exists, baby boo... But you know, I think this time is different. Now you two know each other better, and I know you're growing attached to him, but don't be mistaken, he probably is hooked by you too. And trust me, if he just wanted to get into your pants, he already would have, wouldn't him? I know for a fact you're not good at self-control."

I closed my eyes, trying to keep my mind shut for at least the end of the call so I could start overthinking about what Dom said.

"Don't overthink it, hon" Dom sighed, completely unaware that he has just read my mind. "Go with the flow, let things happen... One way or the other you're already hooked by him, so why don't just get the most out of it anyway?

"Maybe you're right" I finally give in and Dom chuckles.

"M'always right. Baby boo I gotta go, have a lot of things to plan for tomorrow. 8 o'clock, don't forget. Bye."

Hanging up the phone, I realized one thing. Dom was actually right this time.

That's how I ended up here, Saturday night, wearing the sexiest lingerie I have, knocking at Dom's door. Harry and I agreed to meet at his home, and I made sure to be here at least half hour earlier so I can calm down my nerves.

Jesus, I feel like I'm going to see Harry for the first time in my life, my heart is beating so f*****g fast it won't be a surprise if I have a freaking heart attack before even meeting with him.

"Whoa, you look hot!" Dom beams as soon as he opens the door, giving me a once over and nodding approvingly "Brought up your A game, tonight is the night, isn't it?"

"Hello to you too" I roll my eyes, passing through him and entering his apartment, the smell of homemade food watering my mouth instantly "What are you doing? Are you cooking?"

"Yeah, why?" Dom raises his eyebrows, following me to the kitchen.

"Actually cooking? Oh my God, who are you?" I giggle, opening the pans over the stove to give them a look. "Is it.. Mexican?"

"Yeah... I made some guacamole, regular chili and veggie chili for Gem. There's tequila in the freezer and an awful lot of tortillas already set on the table." Dom shrugged "I'm cooking for like 3 hours now.. Just want everything to be perfect."

"Aww, you're so cute when you're in love!" I roll my eyes, giggling.

"M'not in love, don't be ridiculous... I'm just.. Just.."

"You're in love, admit it already!" I cut Dom as he clearly don't know what to say in his defense "So tell me, lover boy, what will you wear tonight?"

"Hm... This?" Dom points down to his clothes.

"A tank top?" I raise my eyebrows, giving him a once over with my nose crinkled. 

He is wearing a faint red tank top and black skinny jeans. Of course he looks good, he is f*****g gorgeous and everything looks fine on him, but I don't think that's the right outfit for what he have planned tonight.

"What's the problem? I think I look good in these." Dom pouts, running his fingers through his hair.

"No, you look great that's just... Not the occasion, you know? You should wear something a little less... Streety"

"Like what? I chose this tank top because it shows my arms and chest, and everybody knows my body is my greatest feature."

"Oh, shut up, you!" I roll my eyes, stepping out of the kitchen straight to Dom's room "You're handsome, and have a killer body, yes, but you're so much more than that! You're sweet, smart and really funny, don't you ever diminish yourself like that!"

I finish my sentence opening his wardrobe door and going through his stuff until I find a grey t-shirt that is simple and relaxed, but somehow elegant and not at all the sloppy thing that tank top is.

"Wear this." I demand, throwing the t-shirt at Dom's face "I'm gonna make some margaritas, I'm so f*****g nervous it's ridiculous, I mean... I've been with Harry before, jesus. It's just Harry."

"You can lie to yourself all you want, sweetie, but you know he will never be just Harry for you." Dom mocks, pulling the tank top out of his torso and slipping in the grey t-shirt before looking at the mirror "Hey I actually look good on these. Thank you, hon."

"Yeah, I'm awesome. Work with fashion and s**t, remember?" I roll my eyes again, going back to his kitchen "Now, the margaritas. I need something to calm down my freaking heart, it won't stop beating."

"I think that's a good sign, doesn't it?" Dom raises his eyebrows and chuckles.

"Oh, you know what I meant... It won't stop racing. And my stomach is fluttering nonstop, is like I have butterflies and this is so f*****g ridiculous, I feel like a teenager!" I blurt out, choosing to have a shot of tequila instead of preparing a margarita.

The stronger, the better. I need it to relax me, fast, before Harry arrives and I become stiff as a plank.

"Aww, you're so cute when you're in love" Dom mimics me, his voice turning to a high-pitched mocking whine and I have to use all my willpower to resist the urge of throwing my shot glass of tequila on him.

The intercom buzzes and my heart almost pops out of my chest. Dom looks at me, seeming to be as nervous as I'm feeling.

He answers the intercom and press the tiny button, unlocking the front gate.

"They're here." Dom reaches for the tequila and takes a big sip straight from the bottle. "God I'm such a mess. We are two f*****g losers, you know that right?"

I giggle nervously, caressing the fabric of my oversized grey sweater and sinking my teeth on my bottom lip. Tonight is the night.

I'll make sure of that.