opia [h.s au]

Chapter 19

"I'm going to use the loo" Gemma says quietly, excusing herself from the living room and leaving me all alone, Harry is in his bedroom taking a few blankets like I asked.

I hate to see Gemma like that, my heart is splitted in two. One half is aching for her, with so much hurt I'm actually feeling chest pains. However, the other half is filled with angry and hatred and for once I'm relieved Adam lives in another country. If I could put my hands on him right now, gosh, I don't even know what I would do.

I'm short and weak but I've heard angry can be an awesome fuel.

The idea of Gem sitting on a bus for fourteen f*****g hours, excited about making a surprise to Adam and with a hopeful heart, expecting to be able to start a new chapter with him. I know that she only took the vacations so she could be with him and work on their relationship. And to think of what she stepped into while entering his house...

I can't even imagine how that must have hurt. Although I was too betrayed by Sam, at least I didn't see a damn thing, only the images I created in my mind during the mourning period of my failed relationship and broken heart.

To be honest I even think that Gemma is coping with it just fine - if it was me, I would probably still be screaming profanities. There's no way I would be able to take a cab, go to the airport, buy an emergency ticket and fly back to New York, call Harry, come home. I would probably stay in a sobbing puddle for days before I could find the strength to do something about it.

"Is this enough?" Harry's raspy voice takes me out of my mind and I turn my gaze in his direction, but it's impossible to see him behind the amount of pillows and blanket he is carrying. 

I giggle while helping him with all of that "I think that's enough".

Harry gives me a coy smile before starting to unfold things. "What's the problem with the movies?" He asks, raising his eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, Billie, it was written all over your face that the idea didn't please you." Harry scoffs, giving me the side eye.

"I hate horror movies" I mumble, looking to my feet "They scare the s**t out of me".

Harry chuckles, giving me a sly smile "Don't worry, I'll protect you."

"Oh shut up, you" I roll my eyes "Let's get this slumber party set"

"Slumber party?"

"I'll organize everything, just help me move the furniture."

After twenty minutes, Harry and I put up a very cozy environment to watch movies with Gemma. I feel a little soft after finishing everything, these kind of thing remembers me of my teenager era, when I used to have a lot of slumber parties at my gramma's. I miss her so much.

Gemma is still in the bathroom and I know for a fact that she must be crying in there, but I decided to let her be alone for a while to lick her wounds - I'm completely against telling people to stop crying and although I know Adam doesn't deserve it, I understand that Gemma just suffered a huge deception and she is allowed to feel sorry and cry as much as she needs.

"Are you hungry?" Harry asks all of the sudden while I'm plumping the cushions. He did an amazing job bringing all the blankets available so we were able to create a very soft improvised bed at the ground.

"Starving" I confess. I just had lunch today and wasn't able to eat before coming here so my stomach is actually emptier than my bank account.

"I'll order a pizza for us. What toppings do you like?"

"It's pizza, dude, I'm not picky" I chuckle.

"Pepperoni?"

"Love it"

Harry grins, turning on his heels to go to the kitchen. Meanwhile, I decide it's time to go call for Gemma so we can cozy up at the living room and watch those f*****g scary movies.

~*~

"f**k" I yell, jolting from my seat, Gemma and Harry laughing at my expense.

The Conjuring is streaming on the TV and for f***s sake, that must have been my fiftieth jump, why the f**k people like to watch movies like that? It makes no sense to me.

And as if it was not enough, this is not even the first movie we are watching. We watched two others before this one, both of them about a f*****g demonic doll.

We're all cuddled up on the little fort Harry and I put together, Gemma and I sitting with our backs leaning on the couch and Harry laying down. I'm in the middle because I thought I would feel safer, but it doesn't helped me much to be honest.

Besides the scattered little scented candles Gemma suggested we light up, the lights are off and the mood would be perfect if it wasn't for the f*****g horror movie playing on the telly. Gemma seems to be having fun, though, so I'm happy to bare with it.

Harry is sitting by my side with a smirk that doesn't seem to leave his face ever since the movie started. I mean, he was smirking like that before, since he gave some of his clothes for me to change and be more comfortable to sleep. I don't understand what is up with guys liking so much to see girls using their clothes, I'm sure I'm looking ridiculous wearing his shirt, so big for me it almost reaches my knees.

I'm trying with all my willpower to ignore Harry's presence at my side. He is laying close and although our bodies are not actually touching, I can feel the warmth oozing from his body and faint smell of his cologne. As always, he looks gorgeous as f**k, even though he is just wearing a t-shirt and shorts, his hair tied up on a messy bun. His presence is overwhelming and I feel so completely drawn to him, it's almost unbelievable.

I always thought this kind of attraction existed only in fiction, books and movies. It's not like something I'd ever experienced, so I just judged it impossible to happen. But ever since I met Harry it's like life is proving me I don't know a damn thing about attraction.

"f**k, finally" I cheer quietly when the movie ends but before I could even move on my seat, Gem takes the remote control and starts to stream The Conjuring 2.

Ugh. I wish I didn't love Gemma so much, it's a serious s**t what I'm doing. It's not just seeing the movies, I'm actually giving up of at least one week of sleep for her.

I'm grateful that the movies are distracting her, tough. When the pizza arrived, she didn't want to eat, saying she was feeling sick. However, at the end of the first movie she started to eat unintendedly. Harry and I shared side eyes, grinning to each other as if Gem was a toddler having her first steps.

I can't stop yawning since the beginning of the third movie and now that we are already in the fourth of the night, I'm completely losing my focus on the TV. I dart my eyes in the moment something kind of gory happens and my gaze falls on Harry's eyes, which are glued to me.

Although I just busted him staring at me, he doesn't even try to disguise. Actually, he holds my gaze and once again I feel like I'm drowning on his eyes, so hard and fast I even lose my breath a little. Harry has the most intriguing eyes I've ever seen and once my eyes pins on his, it's like I could never look away.

He smirks before darting his eyes, almost as if he knows exactly what he causes on me. The moment we stop looking at each other feels like I'm waking up from some kind of hypnosis. f**k, why is he so compelling to me?

I hate that even though we spent an entire month without seeing or talking to each other, the moment I saw him again earlier today was like everything come back rushing to me. The effect he has on me, the impossible attraction I feel towards him, the need to keep him close. And it doesn't matter that he literally bailed on me a month ago, I still get my stomach fluttering every time I lay my eyes on him.

"I'm tired" Gem suddenly breaks the silence and I jolt in my seat. Jesus, I feel like a f*****g cat jumping at the slightest of sounds. f*****g horror movies, I just hate them so much. "Guess I'm going to bed... Will you stay?" She looks at me with those damn doe eyes I could never say no to.

"Of course, sweetie. I'll be here when you wake up, and maybe we can think of something fun for us to do, what do you think?"

"Yeah, probably" Gem nods, giving me a mouth closed smile, the sadness back to her eyes "You two can finish the movie, I'll leave my door open so Billie can go sleep with me later" She stands up, leaving me alone with Harry in the living room.

The moment Gem leaves the mood in the room shifts, the tension increasing considerably and making the air around us feel heavier.

"Thank you so much for doing this" Harry says, brushing his fingers on the bare skin of my arm and my skin tingles under his soft touch.

"It's my pleasure, really" I give him a sad smile "I love Gem so much and the last thing I want is to see her suffering like that. I'll just be by her side as long as she needs me."

"You're a very good friend" Harry praises, his voice low and raspy "Do you want to watch something else?"

"Please!" I almost squeal "I need to take all those frightening things off my mind before I can actually go to sleep."

Suddenly I stand up and Harry looks at me, frowning his eyebrows. "Just going to the bathroom" I explain and he nods.

Rushing towards the bathroom, I feel like I can breath again now that I'm not in the same room as Harry. Nothing happened between the two of us this night, not even a shared touch, just a few looks and little exchange of smiles, but I feel like there's something in the air between us, it feels on edge, like a balloon that could explode anytime.

I'm trying to ignore that, but seems to be impossible. His presence is so damn overwhelming and it's like my body is pulled towards him. I'm craving for his touch, so much that I feel anxious while sitting beside him, my heart racing out of nowhere every once in a while and it's exhausting to keep fighting this urge to touch him and feel his skin.

Maybe it would be better if I just go to bed with Gem and keep my distance from Harry, I'm not capable of being so close to him and not let his presence mess with me. It's so f*****g frustrating.

I go back to the living room, ready to say goodnight to Harry and go straight to Gemma's room but the words are lost in my throat when I see the picture painted in front of me.

My favorite episode of Friends is on the TV and Harry is all cozied up on the soft floor, using one of the comforters to cover his body, the pillows that was around us making the spot look even more tempting.

Harry gives me a coy smile, that looks so out of place compared to his usual sly look and cheeky smile, and lifts the comforter up, silently inviting me in and before I realize what I'm doing, I see myself laying on his side.

We don't exchange a single word while lay beside him, my eyes glued to the TV screen although I can't actually see what's happening. Harry sighs as soon as my body is close enough so he can feel the warmth oozing from myself.

"I thought you would like to watch a bit of Friends before actually going to sleep". Harry whispers into the silence and I sigh.

Fuck, why does his presence is so f*****g overwhelming? I feel like all my senses are numb and on high alert at the same time.  

"I shouldn't have left your house without saying goodbye" His raspy voice breaks the silence and my body stiffens. Oh, no, not this s**t again.

I don't want to relive that morning, especially not with Harry. It was so humiliating, I felt like garbage, like a person with no value whatsoever. I can't say that I felt used because it was pretty clear that I wanted s*x too, but I totally wasn't expecting to wake up to an empty bed.

"Please, I don't wanna talk about it" I whisper "That's ok."

"No, it wasn't ok, it was a total d**k move I pulled over you, and I'm sorry" Harry whispers back and I turn on my side to look at him. His gaze is intense and he shows nothing but honesty on his face. "Guess I just panicked, didn't know what to do... After... You know."

"After you got what you wanted" I shrug "S'fine, Harry, really. You were clear to me before. You said it yourself, you're a fuckboy. If I was any smarter I would have expected that."

It's like my words just punched him in the face and the hurt behind his eyes catches me off guard. "Don't get me wrong, I knew it was just an one night stand" I whisper, softening the inflection in my voice "I wasn't expecting you to be all over me the next day, it was just... Well, it didn't felt good to wake up alone, s'all."

"You didn't deserve it" Harry says, tucking a loose strand of my hair behind my ear "and I'm sorry for that. I tried warning you, though, I'm f****d up."

"Yeah, you said it" I roll my eyes and he chuckles, lightening up the mood a bit "Relax, ok? I'm not some delusional little girl, you didn't lied your way inside my pants. You told me you weren't looking for a relationship, and neither am I."

"I just... I don't know... I feel like I owe you some explanation" Harry shrugs, his eyes never leaving mine "I shouldn't have just vanished for a month."

"Well there's nothing you can do about it now.' I answer him coldly, turning my gaze back to the television, just in time to see Ross yelling nonsense about his sandwich.

God, I love Friends. The best part of watching the same series over and over again is that you know exactly what will happen next. The worst part about it is that knowing what will happen makes room for my mind to wander.

I don't understand why Harry seems to be feeling so guilty about falling from the face of the Earth after getting a little intimate with me.

That was just like the time he took me home after I drank way too much at Dom's. We talked, shared a little and I thought that was a real connection between us and then he just spent the next week avoiding me, till he showed up in my home to f*****g cook dinner to me.

Harry doesn't make any sense to me. Sometimes he seems to want to get closer, to get to know me better, to be some kind of gentleman or, I don't know, acting like it is expected to a guy who wants to get the girl. Other times, however, he acts like the epitome of a fuckboy, sneaking out of my bed in the morning and being radio silent for almost a month.

Even tonight, I know for a fact that he only called me because he needed my help with Gemma. Harry is too much of a narcissistic, egocentric guy. It doesn't seems like he wants to create a bond with me, it's more like he only remembers of my very existence when it can do something good for him.

Feels like I'm just the temporary fix for his problems at the time. He wanted to f**k me, so he cooked me dinner, took me out, talked to me so I could start believing we have some kind of connection that was obviously engineered to the last detail. 

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter that I don't want to date him either. Truth is I think it's disrespectful to bail from people's house the way he did. But I won't use this against him, I won't try and make he feel uncomfortable about it.

Maybe he deserves it a bit, but I'm a grown woman, I know what I want. He should know it too instead of being a walking and talking contradiction. But I won't be the one to call him out on his bullshit or try to make he a better person. He is an adult and he have to be held accountable for his actions.

~*~

The faint sound of the TV wakes me up and I need a few seconds to adjust myself to the reality. I must've fall asleep in the living room while "watching" Friends with Harry. He was completely quiet after I told him off and the silence plus how tired I am must have been the perfect combo to make me fall asleep.

That's just my motto. If you can't deal with something, sleep it off. I'm laying with my back turned to Harry and can hear his steady breathes, in and out and in again. Slowly I turn to lay on my back, turning my head towards Harry and I almost squeal when my eyes find his green gaze glued on me.

"f**k!" I hiss, totally not expecting to find him full awake. It's like the middle of the night.

"Well if you want me to..." He smirks, chuckling lightly with his own joke "I'm kidding!" He adds, whisper yelling when I frown.

"Damn it" I giggle "What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep" Harry shrugs, his eyes still glued to mine.

"That's because we're laying on the f*****g ground" I giggle "We should go to bed".

Harry raises his eyebrows, biting his lower lip and I feel my cheeks getting red all of the sudden.

"No, I mean... I should go to Gemma's and you to your own bed" I mumble and Harry's gaze intensifies, while he chuckles lightly. "Oh f**k off" I roll my eyes, turning on my side again, my back facing him.

"I'm actually quite comfortable here" Harry mumbles and I feel him moving to get closer to me.

"But you can't sleep in here" I stutter, my breath going shallow with his sudden approximation.

"I can't sleep anywhere" Harry whispers and I feel a light touch on my waist.

"Why not?" I try to keep my breath stable and my voice firm, but his proximity is too much for me to bare, I hate that he have such effect on me, it's like I can't think straight when he is around.

"Have insomnia." Harry says matter of factly "Can't sleep at all."

"That must suck" I mutter nonchalantly while I feel his hand starting to move from my waist to my belly, sneaking under the oversized t-shirt I'm wearing.

I hold my breath in, not entirely sure of what is happening. I can feel Harry's breathe becoming heavier and shallower behind me, although his voice keeps quiet and firm. My body is completely frozen in expectation, and I hate myself for that.

After all that happened, I should jolt from here and run in the opposite direction, but it's like my mind is completely disconnected from my body. There's sirens playing loudly on my head, telling me to back off, to stand up and to go to Gemma's room, but I just can't oblige.

"Love the way your skin feels" Harry mumbles, his warm breath hitting the back of my neck.

I feel his lips attaching to my skin, tracing light open mouthed kisses that makes my skin shiver. My breath becomes shallow and I can't move, I feel completely paralyzed under his touch. Harry's hand caresses my belly, touching me ever so slightly I even think that maybe I'm imagining things.

"Missed you" His raspy voice whispers straight to the shell of my ear and raising goosebumps all over my skin "Can't seem to get enough of you".

His hand suddenly grabs my waist and my body jolts under his touch. I still have the feeling that I need to get up and run but his touch seems to paralyze my ability to think clearly. Harry spins my body, making me turn so I'm facing him and when our eyes meet, I know I'm doomed.

This motherfucker can make all my resolve disappear just by looking at me. This is not fair.

I close my eyes when he tilts his head in my direction, so eager for his kiss that feels like my heart will break my rib cage with it's insane rhythm of fast beats. However, the feeling of Harry's lips crashing to mine that I'm craving so much doesn't happen.

Opening my eyes, I almost can't focus on his face, that's how much he is close to me. His humid breath hits my face and I feel like I could inhale him entirely and never need to breathe again. His pouty lips are ghosting over mine and his eyes are pinned on my own.

"I don't understand what you do to me..." He whispers, his voice even raspier and the accent making everything sounds even more appealing "I can't seem to resist you."

There's nothing I could say to him right now, I'm afraid that if I start talking I'll end up asking him to kiss me, to f**k me again, to be by my side when I wake up tomorrow and although I can't seem to have a tiny bit of self control around him, I still have my pride... Well, at least a little of it. 

"Why can't I take you out of my head?" Harry wonders, nuzzling his nose against mine and taking in a sharp breath "What is it that you do to me that I'm always wanting to have you?"

At this point I don't even think he is actually asking me all these questions. Feels like he is just thinking out loud, as if he is in some kind of trance. One of his hands still wonders over my belly with the lightest of touches and with the other he grabs my neck gently, tilting my head up. He traces the tip of his nose through my cheek and down to my jawline.

"You smell so good" He whispers, his nose now going to my neck "It's like all the things that I like concentrated in one unique scent." He kisses my skin gently, as if I'm made of porcelain.

My heart is racing with his words and my stomach flutters so damn hard I won't be surprised if I leave here rocking a f*****g six pack in my abdomen.

Harry nuzzles his head back up, ghosting his wet lips through my neck, jawline, cheek and he them leaves a light kiss in the corner of my mouth.

"Love the way you taste" He mumbles, pecking the skin of my lip with his and I'm taken aback of how he managed to kiss me without kissing me, and I know it doesn't make sense but then again, nothing about him makes sense.

Both of his hands grabs each side of my face and he holds me still, turning his gaze to me and gluing his eyes on mine, so much intensity going on on his emerald green irises that for a moment I actually lose my breath. He keeps looking at me, his face impossibly close and somehow not close enough and I sigh, taking a deep breath before I'm finally able to make a sound.

"Harry..." I start and seems like the sound of my voice rips Harry out of the trance he was in.

He widen his eyes all of the sudden, looking at me like a scared little rabbit before letting go of my face, frowning with knitted eyebrows. "Billie..." He mumbles, the raspiness of his voice making it sound impossibly low "I'm sorry."

I open my mouth to say something, but I don't know what to think or say, I don't understand what just happened, seems like Harry was so caught up in his own mind he didn't notice I was actually here. Seems like he was so self-centered right now he forgot I'm a real person laying under him.

"I'm so sorry" He mumbles again when his eyes meet mine and now all I can see is confusion stamped on his beautiful face "I can't. Can't do this... I'm so f*****g sorry."

With that, he stands from the comforter, quickly like a cat and with the same grace felines have, leaving me alone in the living room when he goes to his room and closes the door behind him.

What the actual f**k?