opia [h.s au]

Chapter 21

Harry's P.O.V

"Gemma!" Adam, that disgusting motherfucker, struggles with his words when he lay eyes on my sister "Thank God you're here, get this lunatic off of m-" He lost his voice when I squeeze his neck harder.

I watch as his face gets redder and redder so I release him, watching Adam gasping for air while holding his neck with both hands.

Billie runs towards my sister, who is completely frozen in her spot. Who the f**k are those two fuckheads around her? I watch as Billie gives a little nod to the shorter guy whose entire body seems to be covered in tattoos. I recognize him instantly, it's the same dipstick we ran into yesterday morning.

"You're a sick son of a b***h!" Adam beams at me as soon as he manages to stabilize his voice back. Is he being serious right now?

"Shut the f**k up and get out, mate!" I hiss under my breath, not even trying to disguise the hatred in my voice.

"You're so macho, so strong, aren't you? Where was all of that strength when you tried to end yourself?" Adam mutters, keeping his voice low and staring at me with venom on his eyes "Guess you're not as badass as you think you're, boy" He whisper, spitting  - literally f*****g spitting - on my face and s**t, I just lose it.

Closing my hand to a tight fist I punch him right in the nose and I can hear the bones cracking under my closed fingers. Adam whimpers and I'm so pumped up with hatred I almost can't hear the high pitched screams, my ears buzzing loudly with adrenaline.

Adam tries to reach me with his hands, but he is too slow and too damn hurt to do something even remotely effective. I feel one of his fists punching my ribs and it stings, but not as much as it should if he had done it properly. I smirk, not being able to contain myself, and punch his kidneys with force. Adam bents in two, completely out of breath.

I'm so f*****g angry right now. How does this motherfucker knows about me? I can't f*****g believe Gemma told him! Out of pure instinct, I connect my closed hand to Adam's jaw and the loud smack it makes reverberates around the wall.

"HARRY STOP!" Gemma's voice breaks the beaming screams of hatred that took over my mind and I snap my head towards the sound, suddenly being pushed back to reality when strong arms snakes around my shoulders and pulls me from Adam.

It's Dom, the gigantic Billie's friend. Damn, this guy is strong.

"Let me f*****g go!" I hiss, trying to squirm from his tight grasp.

"Calm down, dude! I know you want to hurt him, trust me I want that too. But not right now" Billie's friend hisses on my ear but I don't give a f**k, I just want to jump over Adam and f*****g end him for what he said to me.

Adam is a bent in two, his back leaning on the wall behind him, taking deep breaths with his mouth and holding a hand under his nose to stop the bleeding.

"Adam, leave. Now." Billie says, taking a step towards him and kind of hiding Gemma behind her back. The other guy, Cole or whatever, is standing next to them and seemingly completely lost in what is happening.

What a dumb f**k.

"I won't leave before talking to Gemma" Adam insists, his voice sounding nosy.

"I have nothing to say to you" Gem finally speaks "Go away, I don't want to see you ever again."

"Gem, my love, please listen to me..."

I open my mouth to say something, but before I could manage to make a sound Dom's beaming voice reverberates right behind me. "Get the f**k out of here, dude. You heard her!"

Cole guy finally seems to wake up from whatever trance he has been and takes a step forwards, grabbing Adam by his skinny arm and practically shoving him towards the elevator. "Go away, dude" He says, his voice sounding low and vicious.

Adam looks at Cole, then me, then Gemma. "It's not over, Gem. Please let me explain. I'll come back later" and with that he steps inside of the elevator.

Silence falls over the five of us and Dom finally lets me go, but I'm still seeing red. I walk towards my sister, completely blind by rage and shame. What did she tell that f*****g i***t about me?

"Why did you tell him?" I beam and watch her already stained cheeks getting redder and her eyes watering even more "How could you do that to me?"

"H-Harry, I'm sorry, I just..." Gem stutters, sounding extremely heartbroken, but I don't give a rats ass about it right now. "I-I though-"

"You though what, that it would be ok for you to share a secret that's not yours?" I yell, pulling my own roots with frustration.

"I'm sorry!" Gem beams back, crying out loud and although the sound of my sister crying is capable of hurting me even more, I'm too damn pissed to care.

I open my mouth to yell at her again, I'm feeling so f*****g frustrated right now, I need to unload it somehow before I explode.

"Harry!" Billie's voice snaps me back to reality. I turn my head for her, who is standing right in front of me with both hands on my shoulders. "Harry that's not the time. I don't know what happened between you and Gem, but you should not fight right now. Please, let it go".

My mind suddenly goes quiet at the sound of Billie's voice, that somehow is soothing even though she is saying exactly what I don't want to hear at the moment.

"Let's go inside" Gem mutters but I can't even look at her right now so I completely ignore her. However, Dom and the tattooed dickhead Cole follows her inside of the apartment, leaving Billie and I alone in the hallway.

Billie looks at me with knitted eyebrows, raising her hand and gently stroking my face with her fingertips, my skin tingling under her touch. I close my eyes, trying to even my breath, but I'm still so f*****g angry. How dare Adam come to Gem's apartment after what he did to her?

And how dare him use my lowest moment against me?

How could Gemma tell him something that personal about myself?

I feel the hot tears pooling under my eyes and blink several times, trying to make them go away. The last thing I need right now is to cry right in front of Billie.

"Let's go inside" She whispers, taking my hand between her tiny palms and squirming when her eyes lay on my busted knuckles "We need to put a bandage on your hand."

She takes my silence as a positive sign and pulls my hand gently, slowly walking towards Gemma's apartment door and I follow her, as if I'm in trance and to be honest I actually think I am.

I'll never understand the effect this woman have over me.

We enter the apartment and Billie closes the door behind us. Gem is sitting at the couch, sobbing loudly at Dom's shoulder and he hugs her, looking extremely upset. The other guy, Cole I think, it awkwardly standing next to the kitchen counter, seeming not to know what to do with himself.

"I'll help Harry out, be back in a sec" Billie whispers for him and he nods, giving her a little smile that makes my stomach knot with anger.

"Where do you store the bandages?" She asks, turning her attention to me when we enter my room.

"That's not necessary" I mutter, turning my gaze for her "I just need to be alone for a minute."

"You're hurt, Harry, please let me help" She whispers, her eyes pinning on mine "I don't want you to be hurt."

"Too f*****g late for that" I rumble, breaking the eye contact to look at my busted hands.

"Don't say things like that... I just wanna help, please talk to me." She begs again and I turn my back for her in the moment a male's voice calls for her name and I snap my head towards it.

"Billie, do you need any help?" Cole says, freezing at the door frame when he puts his eyes on the two of us.

"No, Callum, I'll be right back to the living room" She smiles softly, reaching for his hand with hers and giving him a reassuring squeeze "Thank you though."

Oh so it's not Cole. It's Callum.

Potato, potato.

The guy leaves my room and Billie turn her gaze for me, her eyes full of concern and her cheeks a little red. Is she blushing because of f*****g Cole?!

"Just let me be, Elizabeth." I mutter, resisting the urge to turn my back to her again.

"Elizabeth? Ouch" Billie giggles softly but I can see the hurt behind her eyes "Ok, I'm going... I'll be right in the living room if you need me".

"I won't" I spit and her face freezes for a milesecond before she glares me with big doe eyes and it makes me feel so f*****g guilty but at the same time I feel angry washing me over.

"Why are you treating me like that? What the hell did I do to you?" She asks, frowning a bit.

"Treating you like what?" I raise my eyebrows, feeling the fire burning inside of my stomach.

"You're being rude to me for no f*****g reason!" Billie snaps "I'm just trying to help!"

"Who the f**k said that I need your help, Billie?" I bark back and she cringes under my tone "Stop trying to be heroic, you know nothing about me! You can't help me, no one can! Now leave me the f**k alone!"

I hate to see the shocked expression on Billie's beautiful face, but it's like the rage in me overpowered my usual self and all I can feel is hatred and self-loathing.

"Fine." Billie finally manages to say, her voice sounding cold. but not as hard as her stare at me right now. It's like she almost can't believe what she is seeing in front of her.

She leaves my room, closing the door behind her and I'm finally alone.

My heart is pumping hard and fast inside of my chest and I feel my blood almost literally boiling inside of my veins. I can tell my face is red because it's radiating warmth, and the pain on my busted knuckles is nothing compared to how heavy is the pain I'm feeling on the inside.

I'm already regretting the way I acted towards Gemma and Billie. Neither of them deserved that, I know how much I have been loading on my sister's back with no mercy, always expecting her to be put together and be my f*****g safety-blanket all the damn time.

If it wasn't for Gemma, I don't even know where I would be right now, don't even know if I would be alive.

The thing is, travelling all around the globe when you're only nineteen is not as good as it sounds. Don't get me wrong, the parties, the booze and the ladies are awesome, but the sense of loneliness of never sleeping on the same bed can get really overwhelming sometimes.

I lost count of how many nights I cried myself to sleep because I just wanted to talk but no one would listen. I mean, of course they wouldn't - who the f**k wants to listen a nineteen year old dumb f**k about his insecurities and fears?

The years went by and I just didn't had the guts to go back to my parents house in England. I'm too damn pride to admit that my master plan of knowing the entire world before I turn 25 actually sucked all the life out of me.

When you don't stay more than three to six months in the same country, you never get to know people well enough so you can trust them. Maybe the concept of being young, wild and free sounds appealing, but at the end of the day you're always alone.

The only way I found to cope with all the loneliness and regrets was numbing myself. Drinking my inhibitions off so I could open my heart and talk everything about my life and fears to strangers, people that sometimes didn't even understood what I was talking. That was the only way I found to continue enjoying the lifestyle I had.

I hate to sound as some lame depressed kid, so don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the lifestyle I choose to have all those years ago. I left my parents house at 19 to explore the world and take pictures of everything I thought was worth it. I spent five years of my life getting to know things even my grandparents didn't , and I'm f*****g grateful for that.

I can't say that I regret it, I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for those experiences, they molded me the way am.

But if I could go back in time and change something, I would definitely change my agenda so I could come back home with more frequency. So I could feel loved and cared, so I could know for sure I do have a safety land for when I need to stop.

During five f*****g years I traveled and traveled till the point I got so bored I had to drug myself to sleep, or drink my ass off so I could have fun. The guilty was eating me alive, I have an amazing family, loving parents and the most awesome sister in the entire world, so why did I always felt so f*****g sad? Why do I felt so f*****g alone?

The only thing that took me off the edge was photography, to take pictures of the things I think are beautiful and freeze their image forever. If it wasn't for that, I'm sure I would have break a long time ago.

But it doesn't matter - I still broke.

I just need to unplug my mind a little bit. Just need a little bit of silence, I can't deal with my emotions right now - or ever, to be fair. Need a break from all this noise, it's like my mind is screaming at me.

Sitting on my bed, I open the drawer of my nightstand, popping two pills from the prescription medicine my psychiatrist told me to take only in extreme cases of insomnia.

My heart is aching and my mind is yelling nonsense at me - I judge it to be a f*****g extreme case. 

~*~

Laughter.

Little squeals of happiness breaks into the silence of my room and I peel my eyes open to the darkness of the night.

Growing, I reach for my phone on the nightstand. It's 8pm. I slept the entire day.

Fuck. This night is going to be a bloody long one.

There's another round of high pitched giggles and I try to stand, still feeling groggy because of the sleeping pills I had before heading for bed. Feels like I slept through eternity, my head is buzzing softly, my mouth is dry and damn, I'm f*****g starving.

I reach for an used t-shirt on the floor and throw it over my body before opening the door of my room. There's a mildly loud noise of some action movie playing on the living room, followed by occasional squeals of laughter from Billie and my sister.

Billie.

Fuck, I need to apologise to her. I acted like a lunatic earlier. I was so f*****g angry and she was the closest person around so I just unloaded some of it over her, even though she didn't deserve it.

I wonder if the two of them already had dinner, hoping there's some leftover for me. I'm pretty sure that if they asked for pizza I'll have like half of it for myself, both of them having such little stomachs.

Stepping into the living room, I widen up my eyes unconsciously. They're not alone.

Gem is sitting on the couch, her head resting on Dom's chest while his arms is snaking around her shoulders. She seems to be in peace and for the expression on his face one would think he has the most treasured thing in the world inside of his arms. It's kinda endearing to see someone looking at her with so much admiration and respect, specially after what happened earlier with that fucker Adam.

Turning my gaze to the side, I feel my blood freezing on my veins and it's like I just got punched in my stomach. All the air is knocked out of my lungs instantly.

Billie is sitting in the couch, all curled up against Cole'/ large chest. One of his hands is grabbing her waist firmly and her head is nuzzled on his neck. She looks so damn comfortable, I think I've never seen her looking so relaxed.

No, wait.

I've seen her relaxed as hell after f*****g her. She looked happier back then, so point for me, Cole.

I clean my throat, trying to lure the attention for myself and watch almost in slow motion when Billies eyes darts from the TV to where I am standing and she widens it a little, her cheeks getting flushed.

That's more like it. I know the effect I have over her.

However, a second later is like a shadow blinked behind her eyes and she darts them from me, a hurt expression flashing on her face for a split second.

"Harry, hey" Gemmas soft voice reaches my ears and I'm thankful for darting my eyes from the sight in my front. "Would you like some fried rice? We ordered Chinese."

"Y-yeah, thanks" I mutter, still in complete loss of words, the image of Billie's legs tangled with Cole's still crystal clear on my mind.

Without my mental consent, my eyes darts again towards Billie and Cole. Why this guy have to be so f*****g handsome? I mean, if the situation was other even I would feel attracted to him but right now all I want to do is rip his f*****g head off.

My gaze meets with Billie's, but she looks away so fast I think I may have imagined it. Sighing, I turn on my heels, entering the kitchen in order to take some food and bring it to my room, where I can eat alone, like I deserve.

I knew it from the moment we ran to that guy yesterday morning. I saw the way he looked at Billie, f**k, the way all guys looks at her. She is so damn pretty, but doesn't have a clue about her effect on others, the mix up of a vixen's appearance with the innocence of a mermaid making her absolutely mesmerizing.

Even though I have promised myself I will not be with her again and won't break my rules for her, I find myself wishing nothin more than to feel her close again.

I can't understand this influence she has over me but I want her to feel the same way about me too. It's so f****d up, I'm a narcissistic and know it, and the idea of Billie not wanting me the way I want her is unacceptable.

Fuck, who am I kidding? I've lost my chance with her and should be damn glad about it.

One less person to drag through hell with me.

After I end up eating I head back to the kitchen, this time keeping my gaze away from the loving birds at the couch.

I'm washing my dishes when I feel her presence even before she says something. Turning my head to look at my back, I see Billie froze in her place, holding an empty glass in her hands.

"Ops, sorry. I just want some water" She mumbles, looking at some point over my left shoulder.

"No problem... here let me take that for you" I take the glass from her hand before she can debate, opening the fridge to fill it up.

When I look back to Billie, I see her lips pouting as she keeps her stare down, moving her eyes as if lost in doubtful thoughts.

"Here ya go" I hand her the glass of water, making sure of brushing my fingers on hers and her hand jolts from mine as soon as our skin touches.

"Thank you" Billie stutters before turning on her heels and leaving me in the kitchen.

Fuck, I'm an i***t.