There is no secrets

CHAPTER 4

Theres a voice that attacks me nightly, it tells me “move , move , move “but I am constantly going. Where am I going, only God knows.

I am afraid of hell, and Im Afraid that God will say he never knew me and send me to hell. Ive given faith to myself, that’s theres more for me in this world. i put my faith in God, that he will walk with me.

The voices i do not know what they are, but I know it is not holy.

I hear a gun click, behind me. I stoped for a moment, and I kept walking, who knows these sheets may do me some justice.

“Hello feller, can you come talk to me for a moment. Im lost, and a couple of my boys was murdered miles from here. Do you know anything about my boys “

As I turn around theres a rifle pointing at my head, I drop my bag, clutching onto the Bible in my pocket.

“Now, I know you ain’t ignoring me. I want you to take off them sheets because they do not belong to you.” He says, as he comes closer to me.

Im stunned Im not sure what to do, the voices are overcoming my thoughts. I feel the need to fight, but they are telling me to sit still, do not move.

I laugh, what am I thinking. I rip the sheets from my face and body, walking closer to the man, he lifts his rifle up and before I could move or blink. He knocks me unconscious.

The ride is very bumpy, just before i woke up I could hear the man cursing someone’s name, like he was talking to me.

I sit up in the back, wiping the straw from my face. My hands are chained once again

This feeling is uncomfortable, I feel like I am fighting a space i cannot get out of, I try to pull the chains off, shaking and tugging at them, screeching like an animal that has been trapped, with a collar on its neck.

Being in this spot, made me think. I had forget how suffocating it is how it feels to be hopeless, but I did not blame God for, his people mistakes, I blame the devil now.

Now that I knew what Jesus suffered, I realize, Im wearing his shoelaces.

“Good morning, Barbara, you thought you could slip away, from me forever, with my seed in you. You silly little mix breed, I ought to beat that baby out of ya.” He said to me

“Im not Barbra sir, Im not your slave either “I said, as I spit on his straw. He speeds down the path. This Reminds me of a slave, running away from dogs.

The man just laughs at me.

it was just a few hours before we came upon a large house, with large doors and big shinny gates. The dogs were barking from the front gates, allowing everyone to know someone had arrived.

That man dragged me towards his out house, every slave looked at me as if they were confused.” HEY, now who done let this b***h leave.” He said, angrily. I was confused; this was my first time ever being on a plantation with, a corn field. Everyone was speechless. Looking at all their faces, only one stood out. The lady was just astonished, as I was.

She was a unique mulattoe, with bright curly blond hair. if Im honest with myself she was a spitting image of me and my mother. Her legs were tall and skinny, like she was a dancer. her arms were short and dingy like; she never worked a day in her life. She had deep curves and a big belly, the only difference between me and her, I could see worries in her big glossy, light brown eyes, my brown eyes, you could only see evil that over come me, that is if you could see me at all.

She just stood there, astonished. That man picked me up looking at my belly, he looked as if he almost fainted. He slapped me almost a million times, before he finally saw the lady, holding her stomach.

He walked pass me, straight on her. He rubbed her face, as he looked back at mine.” we’re have you been Barbara” he said to her.

“Masa, I been here “he walked away as if he was astonished “give her a bath and some food” he said as he walked off.

I had gotten up from the ground, my eyes never left her’s the sorrowing that was in the the air. “Hello, you are a tuff one isn’t you, let me get you clean up, so you can have a hot meal. “She said to me.

I did not know what to say, It was like I was looking threw a mirror.

In the bucket of water, I started at my reflection, as she came closer to wipe me down, she gasped at herself. “You my sister” she said to me.

“I ain’t have nobody else but mama, mama never said I had a sister.” I said to her I was in denial, how could someone I never knew of, look just like me.” Well how else can we explain our faces. Im Barbara, I stayed here my hole life, sense I was baby, I was raised with masa John kids. This place is all I know. I can tell you anything about how to grow corn, how to make blankets. How to do your hair, anything.” She said to me.

I did not know what to ask her, I wanted to ask her about her mother. I was afraid.

“ my mama named me Ri, I ran away from the Cotton field after burning down everting they ever had, I ain’t let no slave get away.” I said blankly, she backed away from the water looking me in my eyes. Maybe, I had said the wrong thing. She did not say anything after that.

As I got out of the water, she rapped a long cloth on my body. She had lifted her dress as if she were showing me something. On her leg there was a big birth mark, that was identical to mines. Then we just hugged no words needed to be said, I knew this girl was my sister.

Threw out the night she let me sleep in her cabin, we did not sleep that whole night instead we talked about everything, Expecally mama. She had found out that mama was killed for speaking of God, and that I was a murder and a thief who stole from the dead. She did not judge me, but she did not understand.

She had told me that her babies were from the man who raised her, that he had forced the children inside of her, they were in a bubble about to burst, she was more of a soldier then I was .i pitted her stories , although she lived a better life then me. I also envied her because of it. , I also felt bad that she never knew mama.

The sunrises, and the chicken's coos in their nest. We slept on the straw, threw evening. I had never gone to sleep and so rested well before. I just knew his girl was my sister and, I I was the one to take care of her now. I was happy, I was not alone. I had found someone; I care for once again.

The door had busted open, and masa had woken her up. She had jumped up so fast I thought she was a kangaroo.she had sat on her knees waiting for him to speak, but he had stared at us, like he was astonished.

I stood up standing above her, as she sat there clinging to my clothes. “You can work with Barbra” John looked at me, as if he was planning a our funereal, all the white men did, Mabye because I only see the worse in them.

Barbra took me inside of the house. There was big, huge chandeliers that shook from the roof and white ladies who came to visit with pearls that hung from their necks. They were laughing in the dinning area, as they sat and talked about the stories that circulated the hole town. They gossiped about family’s as they drank their tea and bragged about their husbands and children. the couches were old and dusty, on one, sat an old man who just stared threw the widows as if he were waiting for someone, or something. The rooms were filled with dark art, it was a painting of black people being hanged and abused, one looked as if they were fishing us out of the sea. Only one painting stood out to me, it was deep deep in the house, a room that was hidden from the world, a room inside of a room. An eerie feeling was brought to the light.

The painting was full of red and white that clung from limbs, and ropes that stretched on leaves. There was fire and whips, that was used to torture. I could hear the screams, and cuts. There was evil.

And it isn’t me.