HE WAS COLD LIKE WINTER

CHAPTER 9: TRUTH, LIES, AND HURT

In life, the truth, lie and hurt always entangle with each other. When you tell the truth, people will get hurt. When you tell a lie, the more they’ll get hurt. Whatever choices you make, there will always be someone hurting. A wrong choice can ruin everything in just a blink of an eye. And once trust is broken, no one could tell how to bring back all the broken pieces together.

It was past 10 pm. It was very dark outside despite the lights from the post that surrounds the area. The sea calms at night. The moon hides from the dark clouds as if it gets tired showing only at night. Tired of always being left out in the dark. Tired of being the least priority. Tired of being rejected.

“But, wait. Why do I sound like I was talking about myself?” I told myself after wiping my tears away. “Seriously? This is not the first time, right? You got this girl. You…” Then, another bowl of tears suddenly falls from my eyes. “But… why does it hurt so much? Why?” I cried as I punch my chest hardly. “I’m not crying!” Trying to convince me. “It’s just the wind. Huh!” I bluffed.

Phone rings. It was Cloe. I hesitated to take her call. I don’t know what to say. And it’s not like I have the face to tell that I got rejected twice. Plus, I know she would feel sorry especially that she’s the one who comes up with this plan. I don’t want to see anybody tonight. I only have one thing in mind—I want to leave. I want to be alone—far from anyone.

After letting out my emotions, I hurriedly went to my room and get my stuff. I keep lurking on the door before going in. Then, I slowly entered the house while walking slowly and quietly. I packed my things quickly even without much care whether it was packed neatly or not.

I was able to leave back then when someone held my hands. I stopped momentarily as if my heart skips a beat. I don’t exactly who it was. But the feeling seems familiar. The touch. The scent. I know it was him. So, even before I would change my mind, I tried to let go of his grab. I shivered my hands but the grip was tighter. This won’t go. I turn around my eyes looking fierce as ever. And I was right. It was him. I wasn’t mistaken over the years. Not even this time.

“Let go!” I calmly commanded while looking so disgusted and pissed off with his face.

But he just stood there and giving me that damn look. He didn’t say anything. He just stood there like a rock. The more I get pissed off.

“I said, let me go!” I repeated myself while taking a step closer at him.

The same silent response. The same look. The same eyes. One thing has changed though, his grip gets tighter no matter how much I shook my hands off just to getaway.

“I’m asking… once last time…” I added. “No! I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. Get off me.”

But he was as stubborn as before. He won’t listen. Selfish as ever. Always a jerk.

“Seriously?” I smirked. “There you go again. You always make a way to suit yourself.” I added.

I was about to leave then and get back to my room when he said something. “Just stay here.” He softly uttered.

“What did you say?” I asked trying to check if I heard him right.

“Just stay.” He said with those pleading eyes. “I mean it’s raining heavily outside and it’s getting late, too. It would be hard to get a taxi at this late hour.”

“So?” I disgustedly asked. “What is it you then?”

I know I was going overboard. I reacted too much. I acted as if he owes me something. As if he should give back the love that I gave to him. Yes, I was hurt. But that doesn’t mean I can force him to like me back. He has the right to choose whoever he wants even if that’s Amanda. That’s why I wanted to leave so badly. Not because I’m mad at him. Well, a bit though. But I’m madder at myself for being so stupid—for expecting that he would like me too. It’s all my fault that I’m hurting right now. I put a different meaning to his sweet and kind gestures.

But timing won’t let me go easily. Just as the moment Zac’s grip slowly loosen up, Cloe showed up. Zac and I immediately distance ourselves from each other. Then, he finally let go of my hands. And now, the more it would be hard for me to leave.

“Andi? Where have you been all this time?” She asked hastily as soon as she arrived. “You made us all worried. We’ve been looking for you all over the place. You’re not answering your phone, too.” She worriedly added while hugging me. “And what’s this?” She curiously asked after seeing my stuff. “Are you leaving? Why?”

Now, I’m caught up. “No! Think faster, Andi. Just answer casually.” I told myself. I know Cloe is my friend. And not just any friend, but my best friend. And I also knew that we made a promise not to keep any secrets from each other. We promised to confide anything to each other no matter how hard it is. But not for today. Not this time. I know I would be regretting this later on. But I can’t tell her the real reason why I’m packing my things up and wanted to leave too badly. I don’t want her to feel sad after all she did just for this to happen.

“Mmm… Something came up at home.” I casually explained trying to look around except looking directly into her eyes.

“Why? What happened?” She worriedly asked.

I guess my acting was hooking up this time. I feel uncomfortable right now but I just have to get through this. Just a little more sugar coat of these made-up stories. Just a bit more.

“I don’t know exactly what happens. I can’t explain it either. But I have to go.” I added. “That’s right, Best Actress! Relax. Easy. Calm down.” I told myself.

“Okay,” Cloe replied.

“Finally!” I told myself.

“But, let our driver take you home, okay? It’s already late. Plus, it’s raining.” She offered. “Wait here for a while. I will call our driver.”

“Yes,” I replied. “Thank you!”

And, we’ve left again all alone. Zac and I. Silence has come as if things get awkward after that heated confrontation. We just stood there. Probably, a meter away from each other. No single words were heard from both sides. And if it wouldn’t be Cloe’s presence, I could have said a lot of hurtful words to him. Or much worst, I could have cursed him. And that would be something too awkward to act as if it didn’t happen at all.

“He’s already at the entrance,” Cloe commented. “Call me when you reach home, okay?”

“Yes,” I said. “Thank you so much,” I added while hugging her.

“Why does it look like we’re parting for good, huh?” Cloe laughingly added as I stopped myself from crying. “We’ll still see each other at school.”

“You’re right.” I chuckled.

“Bye! Take care. Don’t forget to call me, okay?” Cloe added.

“Bye!” I shouted.

A weekend had passed and I’m not yet feeling better. What happened that night remained between Zac and me. I never told anyone about it. Even to my nanny who is like a second mom to me, I didn’t spill anything. Nor acted as if something happens. Even when I get home that night, I cried silently in my room. Thanks to the heavy rain, I don’t have to pretend much that I’m okay. Thanks to that rain, I was able to release some burden inside.

School days again. I can’t believe that going to school wouldn’t excite me anymore. Because schooling would mean seeing Zac again. And it’s not like I can avoid him forever especially that we’re friends. “Yes, Andi. You’re friends. And you will always be. Make that clear to you. Imprint it into your small head.” I told myself as I saw myself in the mirror.

“Andi! Food is ready!” Nanny Fely came in. “Your dad is waiting at the table!” She excitedly added.

“Yes,” I responded.

“So, how was your out of town trip with your friends? Did you have fun?” Nanny Fely asked. “I didn’t know you went home late the other day. I thought you’ll be coming home yesterday that’s why went out during the weekend to help Ms. Flores in the orphanage. You know her, right?” She continued to talk as we go downstairs.

“Yes.” I softly replied.

“Wait. You look pale.” Nanny uttered as she checked on me. “Are you sick? Did something happen on your trip?”

“Why? What happened? Who’s sick?” Dad suddenly butts in.

“Good morning dad,” I uttered as I gave him morning kisses.

“Good morning, too, honey!” He replied.

“Sick? No one!” I explained as I dig some soup.

“Are you sure?” He added.

“Yes. We’re just talking about my friend at school.” Now, I made up another lie.

I can’t believe I’m getting used to it these past few days. I know that dad and I don’t get along much since mom died. Our relationship has been on the rocks. I grew up like he’s been away most of the time. I managed to survive all birthdays, Christmas, New Year, family day at school, and almost every occasion without him. But lately, dad has been doing some effort. He’s been doing some stuff to catch up with each other. And what’s greater, is he said his most sincere apology. That’s why we’ve been eating breakfast together as well as dinner no matter how busy he was with his business. He finds time to talk to me as well. Even just checking up on me—asking me how as a day at school, etc. Although, everything is still new to me. But I can say that dad is doing a great job not just fixing our broken father-and-daughter relationship, but also making new memories together. That’s why when he asked me if I’m okay or not, I feel bad about myself. I feel bad lying to him. I feel bad that I have to keep secrets from him again. I feel like I’m putting up walls again. Just keeping everything all to myself. Well, it’s not like I have the choice not to. I don’t want him to worry. Especially nowadays that he’s been smiling a lot. He looked happy. I don’t know the real reason behind this sudden transformation of him. But I’m thankful. I really do. And I won’t want to ruin that happiness on his face just because of my stupid feelings for Zac.

“By the way, honey…” Dad happily uttered. “This coming weekend, we’ll be having a special dinner at your favorite restaurant.”

“Okay…” I sounded so puzzled right now. “Just the two of us? Why? What’s the celebration?”

“Nothing much,” Dad explained. “And not just the two of us…” And now he’s stuttering. “There’s someone I like you to meet.”

“Dad? Are you okay? Why are you sweating a lot?” I bluffed just to loosen up a bit of our conversation. “Relax. It’s just me. No need to feel pressure. But I wanted to ask something if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Sure.” He replied after drinking a glass of water.

“Who is this someone I need to meet this weekend? Or let me rephrase my question then. Is this someone you’re talking about, someone special? Like close to you personally?” I hinted at something but I wanted to hear clearly from him. “Oh! But one thing’s first. Is this someone you’re talking about a woman?”

He nodded while giving his beautiful smile. He didn’t say anything. But his simple confirmation makes me so happy for my dad. Although I didn’t expect this to happen nor did I imagine that we‘ll be having a conversation about it in the future, but deep inside I couldn’t contain my happiness for him. I want my dad to be happy again. Yes, I will be forever a fan of their tandem with my mom. But if he could find another love with another woman, then who am I to go against it.

“So, she’s the reason why your smiling again, isn’t it?” I happily added.

“Probably.” He affirmed. “But that doesn’t change anything. Your mom will always be my true love. She will always hold a special place in my heart. And you will always be my baby.” He added while kissing me on my hands.

“Dad! You don’t have to worry about me. I’m grown up now. I would understand if you will fall for another woman. And I’m sure mom is super happy seeing you happy in love again. That’s how much she loved you, right?” I said. “But, can I ask one last thing? Please?” I begged.

“Okay. What is it?” Dad responded.

“Who is she?” I asked out of the blue.

“What?” Dad laughed. “You’re excited too much. But…” He zipped his mouth. “I’m sorry, honey.”

“Dad? I just want to know what she’s like.” I explained myself. “I mean I just want us to get along with each other. I want to know if she’s a formal type of person. You know, the classic one—someone strict into tradition, formalities or etiquettes, or something. Or, if she’s the modern one—someone who’s into the millennial way of life. Techy? Or into fashion? I just want to know so that I could prepare myself.”

“Honey! You don’t need to prepare, okay? You just have to be yourself.” Dad explained. “But I promise you, you will like her a lot. She’s a good person so as you. So, don’t worry too much, okay?”

“Okay.” I sadly replied.

***

At school.

“Really?” Cloe shouted as her eyes bowled in shocked. “Your dad is seeing someone?”

“Yes,” I answered.

“So, how do you feel about it? I mean, is it okay with you?” She added.

“Well, I was shocked, too when I heard it at first. But I didn’t show it in front of my dad.” I uttered.

“Why?” She asked.

“I don’t want to pressure him like he’s obliged to ask my blessing about it. And if you just saw how happy my dad is while is telling me a bit about her, you wouldn’t be able to oppose or even ask why.” I explained. “It’s the first time I saw him that way and I want him to be happy. That’s the only thing I want for my dad.”

“So, who is she? Who is your new mom? Is she from a well-known family? Or from your dad’s colleague?” Cloe added curiously.

“I don’t know. Dad won't’ tell me to spill anything not until this coming weekend. He only said we would get along. That she’s a good person.” I uttered.

“What a spoiler!” She exclaimed. “But you have to tell me first who she is, okay?”

“Why are you more excited to meet her than me?” I laughingly commented.

“Just because.” She answered plainly.

“Just because?” I chuckled. “You’re really something, huh?”

“Listen up, guys!” Our teacher ordered. “Our lesson for this week will be about speech and part of your training is to deliver a speech in a debate. So, we will have our class debate two days from now. I will draw lots for your name so that there will be no bias with who will be together in a team, okay?”

“Yes!” We chorused.

As others were excited to know who would be their teammate, Cloe won’t stop me from pestering me about my new stepmom. Now, I regret a bit telling her beforehand. I know she won’t stop until she would get the answer she wants.

“Tell me honestly, you’re not really against it? Not even 1%?” She whispered.

“Of course not,” I answered softly.

“Really?” She seemed not to convince. “I mean if she’s younger than your dad—a lot younger like 10-15 years gap, they would probably have kids. Is it okay with you to have siblings? Half-siblings to be exact? Your dad’s attention would be divided between you and his new family. Just the thought of it makes it so chaotic.”

“Yes! Cloe.” Our teacher obviously caught us talking during class. “Would you mind forming a group opposite with Zac’s team for our class debate?”

“Miss?” Cloe stood up sounded like a criminal caught in the act.

“You’re so busy talking at your table. So, why not take that wit of yours on the debate stage? Why not share with your classmates your thoughts and opinions?” Our teacher strongly added. “I’ll give you the chance to choose your teammates. So, who would it be?”

Liam stood up. “Miss! I would like to join.”

Everyone cheered up.

“And? Anyone else?” Our teacher asked.

Liam raised Ethan’s hands as well as mine surprisingly. “They’ll be joining, too.”

“What?” I rolled my eyes in disbelief.

“What’s your deal, huh?” Ethan disgustedly asked. “Why are you involving us with your scheme?”

We wanted to back off. But it’s too late. It's official. We’re competing for the debate two days from now against Zac’s team. Well, of course, with Amanda. Cloe has been saying her endless sorry ever since the class ended.

“I’m really sorry guys.” She apologized.

“Stop it, C. That’s the 10th time you’ve been saying sorry to us.” I uttered. “Plus, it’s just a classroom debate. It’s not like a national competition or something that we need to win.”

“Andi’s right, Cloe. We just have to enjoy this opportunity. I mean we just have to show off what we can do. You are our ace on the team. You just have to teach us what to do.” Liam comforted her. “Don’t worry you can trust us on this.”

“What? Trust? Or, are just you trying to embarrass all of us?” Ethan seemed pissed off. “We’re going against Zac’s team. We all know he’s the best debater. He’s at the top of the class so as his members. Amanda, top 3; Kristoph, top 4 and Trixie top 5.”

“Hey!” Liam protested. “Yes! It’s true. We’re the underdogs. But isn’t it better than we are? I mean they won’t prepare much because they taught us they can beat us. And that’s where we get in. We will surprise them. We will use their expectation to our advantage.”

“You’re right!” I agreed. “You know, you’re finally making sense. I can’t believe you have some sense, too.”

“Don’t worry guys, I will help you.” Cloe proudly uttered. “Even if we won’t win, I promise you guys, we will not give them an easy fight.”

“Of course!” Liam cheered. “Team C! Fighting!”

“Fighting!” We all shouted.

Even if we’re scared, we still feel happy about it. Because we’re doing it as a team. With all the little commotion, we decided to fight as one. Plus, personally, this debate could also be my chance to get back at Zac. I need to at least although that would make me look like a fool.

A day before the class debate, both teams were practicing so hard. Zac’s team being the ace team gets privileged to practice in the library section intended for close meetings. While we, being the underdogs has to use the field for practice. Without much privileged, we have to bring our resources for references. But despite the hurdles, we were happy because we’re not just helping each other but also making memories together. It’s something priceless and worth for keeps.

Then, the day we all waited for came—the class debate. Everyone was pretty excited and nervous too especially our group. We don’t know if our practice is enough to do good, especially that most of our practice, ends up eating and laughing. Nevertheless, we’re still much excited about this day. But even before the debate begins, Amanda being sly as she was tried to discourage us. Cloe and I were in the comfort room trying to relax a bit when she and her friends came.

“Oh! The trying hard.” She commented while her friends laughed.

“What?” I feel disgusted upon hearing it.

“Don’t waste your effort guys. You have no match against us.” And they left.

“What’s her problem? We’re not doing anything to her.” I grunted. “She always knew how to piss off someone.”

“Just ignore her, Ans,” Cloe uttered. “Let’s go.”

“Good morning, everyone!” Our teacher greeted us. “Today’s the day we all waited for. It’s our class debate competition between team Zac and team Cloe. So, who’s your bet to win?”

“Team Zac! Team Cloe!” The class seemed divided.

“For today’s debate, the question is, which is better? To tell the truth and make people cry or to tell a lie and make people happy? The positive side will be team Cloe while the negative side will be team, Zac. Let battle, begin!”

Everyone gave their heated opinion. And everyone has a point. Whether you’re on the positive or negative side, everyone has done their assignments. Everyone gave their best. And now, it’s my time to give our final argument. I breathe in and out. I stood up with trembling hands. Before speaking, I tried to calm and relax my mind.

“Well, everyone has had a reason whether, to tell the truth, or not. But for our last argument, our team strongly believes that we should tell the truth even if it hurts people. Yes, some things are meant to be kept secret. But that should not be an excuse for us to lie and make people happy. Because that happiness is just temporary. And anything that resulted from lies won’t eventually hurt the people we love in the end. Because we all know that we can’t hide forever. We can’t keep secrets in the long run. Everything will be revealed one day because the truth will prevail. And telling the truth doesn’t always mean to be hurtful. It’s just a matter of how you will say it. Because if you’re sincere enough, it will surely reach people’s hearts. Then, instead of hurting them, you can be giving them the benefit of living freely and eventually giving them everlasting happiness that even a single lie cannot give.”

Everyone clapped their hands. I was a bit nervous before the debate, but after I delivered my speech, I felt relieved.

“And the winner for this debate is no other than team Cloe!” and we all cheered up after hearing our teacher’s announcement.

It was an unexpected win. But we’re happy that we gave our best and that best ended up with good results.

“Congratulations!” Zac uttered. “Congratulations, you did great guys.”

“Thanks, Zac!” Liam commented. “This goes for a celebration. What about a karaoke after school?”

“I’m sorry. I have other plans.” I apologized.

“Yes! You’ll be meeting your new mom tonight, right?” Cloe mentioned. “It’s okay, you can go. Message me later, okay?”

“Yes! Bye!” I uttered.

“What about you Zac? Are you coming with us?” Liam asked.

“Yes, you can go with us, Zac,” Ethan remarked.

“I also have something to do. I’m sorry.” Zac sighed.

***

“I’m home.” I voiced out as I entered the house.

Nanny Fely rushed over. “You’re finally home. Your dad is waiting for you in the dining.”

“Really?” I asked. “Have you saw her?”

“Good evening, dad.” I greeted as I kissed her on the cheeks.

“Good evening, honey. Take a seat.” Dad said.

“Where is she?” I curiously asked.

“They’ll be here any moment,” Dad responded.

“They? What do you mean, dad?” I added

“They’re here,” Dad announced.

I stood up as soon as I heard dad while he walked forward to welcome them. I was so excited that I’m going to meet her now. And not just her, but for them. Our family will be extended. And that’s great news, right? But my excitement suddenly turns into shock as I saw who came in into our house.

“Zac? Tita Beth? Why are you here?” I confusingly asked.

“Honey!” Dad sounded as what my mind is telling me.

“Dad? Don’t tell me… No! This can’t be happening. No! No!” I walked out.

I ran as fast as I could as  my tears falls down. I can’t believe that I’ve been taken aback by my argument about telling the truth. I didn’t expect that knowing the truth could be this so hard and so painful. Now, I know why certain truths and lies always come in between. Because sometimes, there are truths that are much better to be kept secret than to let it out. Not because you want to lie, but because it’s the best thing to do. And if you’re in that dilemma, you would probably choose to lie than to see the people you love hurting, crying, and in endless pain.