When Kingdom’s Collide (book 7 of the atonement saga)

*****PLEASE BE AWARE THIS BOOK CONTAINS TRIGGERING MATERIAL THROUGHOUT**** Katy’s POV I wake up sweating my heart out, the dreams of my muddled past leaving a hole in my heart. Memories coming back and forth, thoughts of not being good enough dampening my mood before the world around me even comes into focus I look at the clock on the wall, it was only 11 pm so it was still early. “Please tell me your not going drinking again” “Well, what would you rather do? Sit here in pain with memories that we can’t quite understand that leave us in a mental health hell or going to drown it out and forget about it” I answer Karma as she pleads with me. I pull my hair into a messy bun on our head and pull off the bridesmaid's gown and I grab some jeans and a pair of boots. “When did we even go to bed?” I ask her not remembering, she rolls her eyes at me “Dad carried us to bed around an hour ago when we passed out, maybe a little longer” I grab a new shirt and pull it on, lift my phone and I open the door, hearing nothing I sneak out and up the stairs. Everyone was in bed so nobody will notice me gone. I leave the house, tiptoeing down the steps and I take off running to the car. I sag in relief when I make it there, lifting a smoke I light it up. After my heart stops hammering painfully I pull out and head for the pub. I don’t exactly have friends, I have my cousins that I spend 90% of my time with but heartly is Luna in Desmond’s pack, she just got married today and she adopted the most adorable terrifying little boy a few months back who I have the pleasure of being godmother to. Cain and Eva are mated and settled, they spend most of their time together and daisy is mated and settled down with her mate Dominic so she doesn’t be home all that often. Hadley has long since passed away, most of the family tries to remember the good times with her but even thinking of her face and what she has done made me sick. It takes time to grieve but I don’t think I need to grieve, I’m glad she’s dead, she put heartly, the most loyal kind, smart, amazing human being through hell and back with her mates Desmond and Gavin, I don’t think I’m capable of ever forgiving her never mind missing the b***h. Even if the guys that I like were here they would avoid going out with me anyway, they don’t like going out with me, people call me a mess, and some people in the pack believe I should be stripped of my title but I just don’t f*****g care what they think and neither do my parents or family. They May not go to a pub with me but they will stay at a family gathering and get hammered with me, looking after me when I pass out. You see I have these nightmares of pains in my chest, I know that my mate is a jackass who did nothing but cheat on me when I was younger, I can’t remember it unless I’m sleeping but I know it’s true because my body remembers the pain even if my conscious mind doesn’t. Plus he’s a d**k and I am honestly a little afraid of him. Branson my mate is a badass, he rules with an iron fist and he’s not that fun to be around (surprise surprise there) I spend all my time avoiding him, and all my time trying to figure out the memories that my brain seems to be hiding. As if life isn’t hard enough being the future queen of Lycan who everyone is afraid of. Honestly, my heart feels like it breaks 30 times a day, it feels like I’m drowning constantly so I do anything and everything to dull the pain and panic that is always weighing heavily on my chest. I stop the car at the pub and I jump out heading straight inside, joe the barman wags his fingers at me, pulling a jar from the wall and sliding it towards me. There is nothing better to fill the painful hole in my heart than poitín, I open it and down half the jar, sagging in relief onto my usual stool. “What’s up with you, you look unusually miserable tonight” He takes a seat opposite me, he was a cool dude and honestly he put up with a lot of me so I should class him as a friend but I simply just don't. His blue eyes were kind but dull, he was around 6 foot tall but skinny and he looked like a nerd but the cool kind. “Nightmares” Is all I say before taking another drink, he cringes “What was it this time?” “Just my mate f*****g other people as usual” He shakes his head leaning on the bar and holding his head in his hands. A sympathetic look on his face as I take another large drink, finishing the jar and pushing it back towards him. “More please” “Why don’t you just live your life and forget him?” He asks me, karma rolls her eyes “Of Course, he would say that, anything to get into our pants” “Because it’s hard when every time I close my eyes I’m dreaming about him, any time I take a cramp I think he’s f*****g someone else. It consumes me so please let me just drink it away and not worry about it” He grabs 2 jars this time, sliding them towards me. “Save me getting up again” He mumbles, I grin at him, the boy did know me well. “Your still not letting him near our pants” Karma snaps “Oh please, we should be honoured, he’s a nerd but a total badass nerd” “Not our mate so it’s not happening” “Why? It’s not like our mate waited on us?” I snap at her annoyed with the same narrative as always “We don’t know that, we are only dreaming these things, they may not be true” I snort rolling my eyes at her “Yeah yeah and Pinocchio’s nose didn’t grow when he lied” “What has that got to do with anything!” “It means it happened, it f*****g happened and you know it. We should be allowed to do as we please, he did. Hell, he was even engaged and he was going to mark her, what the f**k was that about! You know what, I don't care anymore. If someone comes along I’ll do as I please with them and he won’t stop me” I down the drink, pushing karma out of my head and I relax, f**k this, f**k feeling like this all the time. I sink the jar of poitín, my head going slightly dizzy. I grin when I realise it’s working so I open the next jar and down it. The trick of the trade was to drink as much as I can as fast as I can and make sure it was the strongest s**t we have. By the time I open the next jar, I have an actual buzz and soon I’m singing along to show tunes on the radio with joe. By the time it’s closing time I’m dancing on the tables by myself. I watch as joe locks up, leaving me to my dancing, my head was floating as all my feelings and fears disappear. “Damn you are hot up there” He whistles, winking at my extraordinary dancing skills. Then I have the most amazing idea ever! “Strip tease” I call, his eyes nearly goggle out of his head as I pull my shirt off and twirl it around my finger, flinging it at his face. “Katy stop” I chuckle, shaking my head and going for my belt next “Katy you're going to regret this, come on get down” I shake my head giggling “Come on, I’m just having fun, I want to have fun with you” I pout, sitting on the table with my feet hanging off the end, he takes my shirt and he pulls it over my head. “And I’m not going to have fun with you unless you are sober, come on I’ll bring you home” I pout at him sadly “But I want to drink more” He rolls his eyes, turns to get my drink and hands it to me. “Come on you can drink and I’ll drive” I roll my eyes, pulling the shirt back on my body and buckling up my belt. When I’m ready I sink the last of my drink but as I go to get up I wobble “Wow wait you're going to fall” Joe panics, grabbing my hips and scooping me up bridal style, my head rolls back as I close my eyes for a little moment, the movement starts to make me nauseous so I roll barfing all over the ground on joes shoes. Thankfully we were outside as he freezes “Ewe that’s gross” He kicks out his foot and some of the sick fly off his shoes “Ewe, who got sick?” I ask him screwing up my nose “I have no idea but it’s gross” He says sarcastically, he was a real dumbass sometimes “Well don’t get it in my car, it’s a nice car” I scold him, and he snorts, shaking his head and he throws me into the car. I sit back and sigh happily, everything was distorted as it swayed around me, as the car starts I giggle as it buzzes to life, tickling my booty “What’s so funny?” He asks getting comfortable in the driver's seat “It buzzes to life and tickles my butt” He shakes his head “Your so weird you know that right” I giggle some more poking his little butt chin “You know you have a butt on your face right?” “That’s not polite”