THE KILLER WITHIN

I will never forget the day my step sister died before my very eyes. I remember it today like it was yesterday but this happened seven years ago and I have not been able to get over the experience, the struggle and pain I went through after the unfortunate incident. My step sister died on a Friday, at first I was reluctant to go pick her up from school but my father's stern warning from the parlor made me change my mind and I wrapped a small scarf on my head and went ahead to pick her up from school. Atinuke, my step sister was very excited to see me, she looked rough after 7 hours in school. Her pink school shirt had stains on it, her small hijab was really dirty; she was eight and so I didn't expect more than that from her. It would have been weird if I saw her looking like the way she left home in the morning. "Did you have something to eat?" I asked her. She replied 'yes' with a nod. The school compound had parents and guardians coming in and going out and as I held Atinukes hands she sighted her friend and waved. I smiled at her friend too as I dragged Atinuke out of the school gate knowing her well she would have began to wave at everyone. I remember the way Atinuke laughed and pulled me towards her, the way she held my hand tightly as if knowing that she was next on the grim reapers list, the way she said, "Sister the road is free let us cross." The road was clear. I was sure of it because I checked my right and left side twice before leading Atinuke into the highway, her school was located on the left side of the road, there was a highway and the only way to get to the pedestrian walk was by crossing the busy road. "Atinuke give me your hand" I ordered because she had freed her hands from mine. For the first time in forever the busiest road in Yaba was free, Atinuke and I hurried to leave the road but a car came out of nowhere and hit my sister. I can't really say how it happened because it happened fast. One minute I was holding Atinuke the next minute she was laying on the floor in a pool of her blood, and her pink school shirt was dampened. I screamed when I realized what had really happened; I screamed louder when I kept shaking Atinuke and she didn't bulge. It was like I had also been hit by something hard, but the difference was that I was alive while she laid lifeless. It was a white Peugeot 206 that hit us; the driver of the car was drunk. He drove recklessly, not bothered about his own life, not to talk of the lives of those who he could ruin with his reckless driving. Not that he could ruin, that he had ruined. It was bizzare because one minute I was staring at Atinuke smiling at me as she held my hand tightly as we crossed the road and the next she was laying on the concrete asphalt lifeless. Death doesn't waste any time; it takes one second to die. I can never forget the shape of that white car that hit my sister, I wish the driver had stayed back and helped us take her to the hospital but he drove off the moment he realized that he had hit someone. People gathered around us to see why I was screaming, some helped me stop a car which helped me take my sister home. I became broken because Atinukes body was the first dead body I had seen then, she was so small and she deserved to live longer. Even in death my sister looked beautiful, she died with a smile on her face. I hate drunkerds because of it was a careless drunkard who took my only sister away from me. He took Atinuke and also brought sadness into my life because my stepmother didn't allow me smile again after that day meanwhile it was all the fault of one careless man and alcohol. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> The moment the car that helped me from the road parked at my home gate my heart skipped a beat; if I had felt very bad then how would my family feel upon hearing the sudden news of my sisters demise? The man rushed out of the car and entered my house. It must have been that he had raised alarm of what happened because my stepmother ran out quickly I had never seen a person run so fast, Mama ran so fast like she was about to catch up with Atinuke's spirit. She ran towards the door and she began to hit the door, it seemed like she had forgotten how to open the door. My mother ran behind her and dragged her away from the door because a mother is not allowed to see the dead body of her child in my tradition. I opened the door and stepped one foot on the ground and at that moment I understood what people meant by your whole world crashing before you. How could I enter my house without Atinuke? How could I not hold her hands as I was supposed to and lead her into the parlor as she runs to hug my dad like she always did. The scenerio before me made me feel dizzy and before I knew it I fell unconscious. >>>>>>>>> I didn't wake up till a day after. Atinuke had been taken away already there were just many people in my home mourning. I woke up and found myself in the room, my cousin was beside. Zainab smiled widely when she saw me open my eyes, she ran out of the room immediately I called her name to call my mother. She came back in with my mother, father but without my stepmother. I understood that Mama was sad and all I wanted then was to run to her and hug her because I knew that she needed it more than anybody after all she was the one that lost a child. When my mom entered she praised Allah, "Allah Akbar, thank God you're awake." my father smile a bit I'm sure they were both thankful that they hadn't lost another child. I asked of Mama but no one answered, I decided to stand up from bed but a strong dizziness dragged me backwards. I was still able to stand up from bed because I needed to see Mama and explain myself to her, I knew that I needed to console her and tell her that everything would be alright but I must tell you that things didn't go how I expected. I left my room and met Mama in the parlor, there were several people in the parlor too, obviously mourners. I recognized some but couldn't recognize the others, I walked up to Mama and sat beside her, Mama was dragging a tesbih and saying a prayer, I touched her hand in expectation I thought she would hug me but she pushed my hand off hers. I decided to understand, I would have done that too due to pain so I ignored that unpleasant gesture and began to talk to her. "Mama it wasn't my fault" I began but she shut me up with her finger to my lips. "Whose fault is it then?" Mama asked me. "I knew you didn't want to go and pick up my child from school but I didn't know that you could be evil enough to let this happen." I turned around to look at my dad, I wanted to make eye contact with him so that he can interfere but his eyes were down so were my mothers. My cousin came close and put her hands on my shoulder."Mama is not in the right state of mind to talk" she wishpered in my ears but I refused to listen. "Mama please listen to me, I can explain." Mama rose up and looked at me, I have never seen red eyes until that day, her face was the real definition of rage. She looked like she could rip off my heart at that moment. "I will never forgive you Kulthum. I will always see you as the girl that killed my daughter and you have no explanation to tell me because I have sworn to make you pay. Ask your father. I have sworn to make you pay for all that you have done to me." "Mama I didn't mean for it to happen, a drunk driver hit her unexpectedly." I said as I began to cry but Mama didn't hear me, she was too deep into her own thoughts. My father, mother, and I thought that she was only saying those words because she was in shock of Atinukes death but the following days began to prove us wrong. One by one Mama took us by surprise as she ruined each of our lives.