WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT WHEN CARMA'S INVOLVED?

VEINTIOCHO

Completing the look of my apartment took far longer than anticipated. I invited Dad over. Not to see my place. He didn’t think turning the hotel into low-income housing was a profitable venture. Plenty of my other properties are more than profitable. Maybe if he saw the community within the building, he’d invest with me. What I thought was going to be a serious conversation between Dad and me about my career got shot to hell. Accompanying Dad, Travis and Richie. I don’t know why it surprised me. Travis’s head is so far up Dad's ass, it's hard to tell where Dad ends, and he begins.

“Aww shucks, Alixx. Ya dun grown up. But has ya stopped fckin’ wit those undesirables?” Travis is the only one that finds himself to be funny.

The visit was short. Dad’s way of saying he’s proud of me was a pat on the back. As long as Carma is in my rearview, I am free to enjoy the ride. Speaking of her.....she looks ready to blow. Escorting them out the door, Dad reminded me about Mom's party tonight. It was my idea to begin with. The elevator arrived with a ding, but the doors didn’t part fast enough. Travis wouldn’t stop with jokes about Carma and Richie added to them. As if he knew her personally. They had me so close to prying the doors open to get them away from me.

When the doors opened, there stood Harmoney with wet cheeks. Three men stared as if they’d never seen a woman cry before. Maybe they were stunned to see Harmoney period. The urge to scoop her up became an internal battle against keeping our secret safe. If she knew I told someone about us, she might flip her top. Harmoney jetted past us to her door. Richie had to be fcking Captain Obvious. He never knew when to hold his tongue. Somehow, I am the dope of the family. Dad expressed his concern for Harmoney, at first. When he saw the way my brothers looked at him, he acted indifferent and chauvinistic. Pretending to care about her ability to act properly in the courtroom. Don’t get me wrong, Dad cares to an extent. Best way to describe his demeanor, gentler than usual. Mom knows how to keep a secret. Maybe this once she told Dad a sliver of what I shared with her. It killed me to pretend as if it were none of our business. Fck them. Harmoney is my business.

Wanting them on the fcking elevator, I reminded them of an important party. Richie tried to escape to console Harmoney. Forcefully, I pushed my open hand against his chest and shoved him back into the elevator. I told him her problems were none of our business. The reader inside the elevator accepted my keycard, and they were on their way down, unable to get back up. Alone at last, I looked from door to door. Harmoney deserves privacy. If she needs me, I’m a phone call away.

Her raw, guttural, blood-curdling scream is a sound I’ll never forget. There was no telling what happened. Which is why I barged in. Seeing her coiled up on the sofa, hugging herself and crying stopped me dead in my tracks. Now I know what the release of pure pain sounded like. I won’t lie, I’m as useless as a pair of udders on a bull when it comes to the pain of others. My brain came in handy. Not a stupid word fell out of my mouth. Nothing readied me to see her greenish-blue eyes completely bloodshot, snots covering her lips, bright pink cheeks soaking wet, and she struggled to breathe from crying so hard. Boundaries have been set. No matter how much I want to cross them, I owe her the respect I failed to give her when I asked her to be the other woman in my life.

First words from her, “I took your advice.”

Forgive my confusion. I never gave her advice. Did I? I don’t have control over my own life. What business did I have to hand out advice I am not qualified to give? Harmoney remembered word for word what I said while mad at the universe for stealing my daughter. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I'm a fckin’ d**k for brains. That’ll teach me to be mindful of the things I say when angry.

Was I hurt when I found out she was dating? Hurt, jealous, envious, take your pick. I zeroed in on the word 'was' as she spoke about her girlfriend. Harmoney explained the girl’s indifference when it came to men because she’d had her own romps with a few. Personally, I know many lesbians who tasted the sweet nectar of a man and, through those experiences, realized a man wasn't their cup of tea. Harmoney's lack of honesty was a punch in the gut to her girlfriend. If there had been more involvement, I would agree with her anger. I’ll be honest, I confused my hurt with anger that night. I never felt real deep pain until then.

“It’s been a very long time since I have felt like a failure.”

I pulled a few tissues from the box on her coffee table and handed them to her. “You are not a failure. I see a woman too strong to accept help because she hates failure.”

“She's gone, Alixxander.”

“I know.” Holding my arms open, she nestled into my chest and placed her hand on my heart.

“Carma should feel lucky to have a man like you father her child.” God, what a shot to the heart.

The btch is due soon. If only there was a way to make a deal with the Devil to bring back our daughter and take Carma in trade. The birth can’t come fast enough. My family wants to know if Carma’s baby is mine. So do I.

Harmoney's breathing became shallow, and I thought she’d fallen asleep. I didn't forget about Mom's party. If she knew what happened, she’d recommend staying to offer all the comfort I could. Looking at my watch, I had an hour to get ready and shoot across the city. Sneaking out from under Harmoney should have been easy, if she was asleep. She wasn't. We looked at each other as I pushed a few stray strands of hair to the side. The pain shined brightly in her eyes. I finally understood what poets meant when they say a woman is most beautiful during their weakest moments. Her fragile vulnerability is the strongest part of who she is. I felt honored to be the man she trusted to show it to.

Harmoney reached up until the tips of our noses lightly touched. Before I could protest, she straddled my lap. “Harmoney, what are you doing?”

Her lips slammed against mine. I refused to cooperate. Grief makes a person find unhealthy coping mechanisms. Her small hands cupped my face, before her strong tongue invaded my mouth. Who the fck am I kidding? I love her and I will not deny anything she asks for. After giving in and kissing her back, she pulled away to caress my face. Climbing off, she took my hand and pulled. Rising, I followed close behind as she led me to her bedroom. She let go of my hand and hopped on the bed. Her outstretched hand snatched the top of my pants. She tugged, and I shot forward, landing between her open legs.

“Make love to me, Alixxander.”

She could have asked me to do anything. Why did it have to be that? Turns out, it wasn't a request. With ease, she unbuckled my belt, slid it through the loops, and dropped it on the floor. One yank of my pants and the button and zipper broke. I watched as they slid to my ankles. Buttons from my shirt flew around the room as she ripped it open. Before assaulting my clothing further, I held her wrists. The moonlight lit up her face and I watched as tears slowly traced her cheek down to her jaw and puddled at her chin before sliding down her neck.

“Is this what you really want from me?” She nodded.

Releasing her, I removed all clothing except my boxers. Once her garments were on the floor, she laid on her back and let her legs fall apart. Thinking about being swaddled by her walls sent more blood down south, making my d**k harder than ever. I swore if we ever became intimate again I’d wear a slicker. Finding my wallet, I pulled out the Durex.

My boxers disappeared like magic, and I climbed over her. Harmoney refused foreplay. I should’ve suited up right away, but old habits die hard. Just the tip entered. She gasped then moaned as I pushed my luck. I begged for the strength to resist fully entering her. Yes, I wanted to. And no, she would not have stopped me. No matter how much rationalizing I did, taking advantage of her in this state would be a mistake. Removing myself, I rested my head on her stomach. I almost went full steam ahead. She ran her hands through my hair.

Raising the jacket, I announced, “I'm putting this on to protect us both.”

“Okay.”

The raincoat on, I went in. My cell started buzzing at the worst time. Her cell rang in the other room. The outside world did not exist at the moment. Only we mattered. I don't know if Harmoney loves me or could ever love me. I love her and will be here whenever she needs me.

“Thank you, Alixxander.” she whispered as she bit my ear and dug her nails into the flesh on my back.

Our time together was longer than a quickie but shorter than I anticipated. At least I managed to satisfy Harmoney without foreplay. I happened to notice the time on my watch. Whoops. I was later than late. That explained the incessant buzzing of my cell. Scurrying off the bed, I jumped into my boxers. Grabbing my cell, I saw the many missed calls. I apologized for having to bail so soon as I collected my clothes. But I had a brilliant idea.

“Get dressed in something fancy. You're coming with me.”

“What?”

“Don't argue. I don't want you alone thinking us making love was a mammoth mistake. It happened. We enjoyed it. Now, I want you to meet someone that is especially important to me. We're extremely late, so hurry.” Mom is going to love the surprise.