Kabanata 4.2
1604 Words
“Pocholo!” I desperately called while looking at everything that went my way. “Pocholo, anak!”
My heart was hurting in worry. Where was he? Why did he cry? Napalunok ako nang naalala ang sinabi niya. What triggered him to say that to me?
“Ano ba ang nangyari, Addy?” It was Mommy with Daddy and Brett who went after me. “Why did he run away? Nasa’n na ba siya?”
“I d-don’t know, Mom,” garagal ang tinig na sagot ko. “He just cried. H-hindi ko talaga alam.”
“I’ll just go to the management of this hotel. I’ll ask if I can view the CCTVs. Hindi pa ‘yon nakakalayo,” sabi ni Daddy. “Come with me, Brett.”
Brett nodded.
This was the first time Pocholo told me he hated me. And I couldn’t help but be emotional. It was as if he meant it. I saw it in his eyes. I had this idea with his sudden outburst. At wala akong magawa kundi tanggapin iyon!
“Anaddy.”
I looked up. It was Brett. Huminga siya nang malalim at nag-squat sa harapan ko.
“He didn’t leave the place. Huwag ka nang mag-alala. He’s with your brother. Any minute from now, aakyat sila d’yan.” Nginuso niya ang hagdan sa tabi.
“Brett,” I swallowed hard. “am I a bad mother?”
“No, of course not,” sagot niya na kunot ang noo. “Ba’t mo naman naisip ‘yan?”
Tumungo ako. Hinawakan niya ang mga kamay ko dahilan para muli kong iangat ang tingin sa kanya.
“Walang masamang ina, Anaddy. Stop doubting yourself. You raised him well all by yourself.”
I didn’t know but I didn’t think I was. Ang dami kong pagkakamali noon na ngayon ay maaaring danasin ng anak ko.
“Come on, Cholo. Marami ang naghihintay sa’tin.”
Nagkatinginan kami ni Brett. Mula sa pagkakaupo sa hagdan ay agad akong tumayo.
Ilang baitang ang layo sa amin ay si Keiffer na pilit ipinapatayo ang anak ko na desidido namang ayaw habang panay ang pagsinghot. My heart twitched painfully.
I’m so sorry, my love.
“Pocholo!” tawag ni Brett.
Napatingin sa amin ang dalawa. My eyes met Pocholo’s. Ang hilam sa luha niyang mga mata ay iniwas niya sa akin. I suppressed a sob and it hurt even more.
“What’s wrong, boy?” marahang tanong ni Brett habang pababa at papunta sa kanila. “We were looking for you. Ang daming naghihintay at naghahanap sa’yo.”
Sumisinghot na sumunod ako kay Brett. Ilang baitang mula sa kanila ay nilingon ako ni Pocholo. His eyes were now soft. Nakokonsensya ngunit desidido.
“Baby,” I squatted in front of him like what Brett did. “Mommy was worried sick. Are you mad at me? Bakit? M-may,” I swallowed hard. “may nagawa ba ‘ko?”
He started sniffing and shedding tears again.
Oh, my poor baby.
“Daddy . . .” he murmured and started wiping his tears with the back of his hand.
Isang beses akong tumungo, pigil ang mga luha, at hinarap siyang muli. With a forced smile, I held his small face and wiped his tears. That triggered him. Pumalahaw na siya ng iyak.
“Daddy doesn’t love me! If he doesn’t love me, I don’t want him anymore, Mommy!”
Ikinulong ko siya sa mga braso ko. Halos hindi na siya makahinga sa pag-iyak. Ipinikit ko nang mariin ang mga mata.
“No, sweetie. That’s not true,” alo ko habang hinahaplos ang ulo niya. “D-daddy . . . y-your daddy loves you . . .”
“Stop lying! I hate lying!!”
Oh, God. No, sweetie. Please don’t hate him. Please . . .
“Oh, my God! Cholo!”
My parents joined us. Bago pa man sila makalapit, ipinaliwanag na sa kanila ni Keiffer ang nangyari. Matapos noon ay wala na silang sinabi. They just stared at us with sadness and pity in their eyes.
Pocholo remained passive until the party was over. Ang mga regalong natanggap niya ay walang nagawa. He was just there, waiting for the celebration to end.
“Is he okay now, Anaddy?” nag-aalalang tanong sa akin ni Brett habang pasulyap-sulyap sa anak kong nasa shotgun seat na, walang kibo at malungkot.
“No . . .”
“Don’t you think, may nagsabi sa kanya?”
I stared at him. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. He was so sure while talking about hating his father. As if someone told him bad things about Iñaki.”
Napaisip ako. Come to think of it. Pocholo seemed sure about what he said earlier. Parang may nagsabi nga sa kanya ng mga bagay-bagat at nilason ang pag-iisip niya. Pero sino? At para ano?
“Ingat kayo,” Mommy reminded and kissed my cheek. “Cholo, kiss Grandmommy.”
Mukhang ayaw ni Pocholo. But when Mommy went to him, wala siyang nagawa. Mommy glanced at me, pity in her eyes. Huling halik sa noo ni Pocholo ay saka niya iniwan ang anak ko.
“I told them not to post pictures or videos with Cholo for now,” sabi ni Mommy. “Ayokong pangunahan ka. If you want Iñaki to meet him first, hahayaan ka namin.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Mom.”
I actually didn’t care if our guests would pictures or videos with Pocholo. Pero dahil sa mga sinabi ni Mommy, I realized maybe I should work first on introducing them to each other. I didn’t want to shock anyone, especially Iñaki. Baka mas magkagulo kung malaman niya pa sa iba.
“Mag-text ka pagkarating niyo sa condo,” Daddy reminded and kissed my forehead. “And take care of your son. Mukhang kailangan mong paliwanagan ‘yan.”
I sighed and nodded. Tinanguan ako ni Keiffer saka nilapitan ang pamangkin niya. Pocholo didn’t move when Keiffer messed up his hair.
“Seatbelt, baby,” marahang paalala ko sa kanya.
Bago pa man siya gumalaw ay ako na ang umasikaso. His lips protruded a bit.
The trip was silent. Not the typical. My son was talkative. He always wanted to talk, totally my opposite. He filled our previous trips with laughter and giggles. Ngunit ngayon . . .
“I can do it,” matamlay na tanggi niya sa akin nang sabihin kong bibihisan ko siya.
“Pocholo . . .” Halos hindi ko malulon ang bikig sa lalamunan ko. “Don’t hate your father. He loves you. Whoever told you he doesn’t, that person is lying.”
“He didn’t attend my party.”
I squatted in front of him. Pilit kong hinuhuli ang mga mata niya na pursigido naman niyang iiwas sa akin.
“Pocholo, listen.” I held his face. “No parent doesn’t love his child. And can you please be honest with Mommy? Sino ang nagsabi sa’yo ng mga ‘yan?”
“It doesn’t matter. Mommy, stop lying to me. I know the truth now.”
I exasperatedly sigh and held his shoulders. “Anak . . .”
“If he doesn’t want us, I don’t want him, too.” At muling nanubig ang mga mata niya.
Wala akong ibang nagawa kundi yakapin siya. Nothing hurts more than the sight of your child hurting. Ramdam ko ang sakit na nararamdaman niya. I didn’t know what to do other than assuring him everything was alright. Na hindi totoong hindi siya mahal ng taong dapat nangungunang magbigay ng pagmamahal sa kanya.
“I told you. Your son wouldn’t be acting like that kung walang nagsulsol,” ani Carmela sa kabilang linya.
Walang ano-ano ay inihulog ko ang sarili sa aking kama. “Pinilit ko siyang sabihin sa’kin kung sino pero ayaw niya talaga. He promised daw.”
“Who could that be? Hindi kaya isa sa mga kamag-anak niyo?”
“I don’t know. But not impossible.”
Humalakhak si Carmela. “Hay, naku. Minsan, mga kamag-anak din talaga ang sakit sa ulo.”
Whoever that person was, I’d surely make him or her pay. How dare him, or her, to pry with my life and Pocholo’s!
“Oh, by the way. Next week na ‘yong homecoming, ah? Diyos ko, Addy. Pumunta ka dahil ang daming nag-aabang sa’yo,” paalala niya sa akin. “Next week na ‘yon! Huwag kang magkakamaling hindi um-attend dahil . . . naku!”
I chuckled. “Oo na, oo na. Hindi ako mawawala.”
The last time we talked about this, sinabi ko na baka hindi ako makarating dahil sa trabaho. She was so mad at me and tried to change my mind.
“Siguraduhin mo lang. It’s a grand alumni homecoming. Kaya from whatever year of graduation ay pupunta. Naku! Excited na ako!”
Brett volunteered to be my escort for the event. Nagdadalawang-isip pa ako dahil bukod sa puwede naman sigurong pumunta na walang escort, baka pagselosan na ako ng girlfriend niya.
Hindi ko alam pero kinakabahan ako para sa susunod na linggo.
- Writer
