Past Obsessions

Chapter 16 - Alex

I stared at the screen. Those f*****g words again. Damnit, Alice. In truth, I’d looked at those words many times over the last few weeks. How had I not seen this coming? I pushed too fast at the waterfall.

I sat in the car parked just down the road, my eyes on her door, as I’d done several times. She got taxis into town and I followed. In truth, I wasn’t sure what my plan was. I would pick the perfect moment and be there to pick up the pieces. It had always been the plan once I could drive: to find her and find a way to win her back, that wouldn’t change now.

She was mine; I would prove that to her. Once more, she took a taxi into town. It was, I looked at my phone, Wednesday—shopping day. I followed when they pulled into the car park of the supermarket. I parked at the very far side. The edge of having a 4x4 was the high ride height; it meant I knew where she was. I slipped from the car, pulled up my hoodie, and crossed the lot. My eyes never left her—dark hair, the grace she walked with. God, she was stunning in ways I couldn’t even comprehend.

I followed her, always staying back and dipping into cover whenever she turned enough that she might see me. An art I’d long mastered was fading into the background. You’d be surprised how easy it was to simply disappear when you hated the world as much as I did, but it was a useful skill from my school days to hide from the morons who picked on me.

She finished her shopping, and I watched her get back into the taxi, fading back through the lot. I knew where she would be going, so it didn’t matter if I wasn’t right there. I had other things to do; she’d go home, so I would go sort out my own errands.

I sat in the car. It would be so easy: break into her home, have my way, and then leave. The most twisted of revenge at its core. But that wasn’t my plan. Of course, there was kidnapping her, throwing her in the back, tied up, unconscious, taking her somewhere abandoned—well, Stockholm syndrome would be a wonderful thing. A personal joke between us, that I’d kept her trapped when she lived with me and that’s why she’d fallen for me. It wasn’t true, of course; the heart wants what it wants, no amount of time or distance can change that.

I shook my head, clearing the wave of thoughts, and my phone rang. I flicked a gaze to the screen, my mood instantly lightening as I smiled. The conversation was quick as I pushed the key into the ignition and started the car. A dinner date with my child had, for the moment, changed my plans, but being a parent had always come first to me. If I had to be honest with myself, that’s what Alice had been looking for — someone to guide her, and I had taken on that role.

It should have been no surprise that she grew and decided our dynamic was unhealthy. Well, to outsiders, to us it worked; it was equal in every sense, just appearing opposite to others. Again, I put the thoughts aside; this wasn’t the time. I had something more important to attend to.

In the weeks that followed, I continued my observations of Alice, the rage boiling every time I saw that smug i***t she was now dating. His name was James Hawton, your average stick-in-the-mud, straight-laced guy. He was lucky to have a girl as stunning as Alice. Of course, he’d never understand that. They seemed happy enough. I had to admit that hurt, and of course, the easiest way to make it not hurt was to walk away. That would have been the smart thing, to save myself the pain. I knew in the end she would return; she always did. But the truth was this time I couldn’t. I needed her, and I was drowning in that fact.

I observed for a moment as I watched James guide Alice into the taxi, but something in that action didn’t sit right—the way his hand pushed her head down, it was with more force than would required. He glanced up toward me, though he wasn’t actually looking at me; James probably had no idea who I was. I pushed the thought away and started the car. I followed them at a distance. Even though James didn’t know me, Alice did, and getting caught was not part of my plan.

It was another dinner date. I rolled my eyes. Throwing money at her was not going to work. Alice was someone who preferred gestures that mattered—small things, like a book or something reflective of her favourite movie, something that meant more than a grand gesture. “Sure, buy her a thousand fancy gestures, and I bet I’m still the one she’s thinking about,” I thought, then immediately growled. She looked happy as I watched her laughing and smiling.

They finished their meal and then headed down the street. Alice separated off to visit a shop. Stupidly, I had lapsed in concentration when I went to follow her, my brain not where it should have been, and I slammed right into her.

"Oh... I'm so..." Her voice halted as she looked up, those beautiful hazel eyes meeting mine, her face instantly shifting. "Alex, what the f**k are you doing here?"

"Needed..." My brain raced. "f**k, f**k, how could I be so f*****g dumb?" My brain scrambled for traction. "The only place I can get my printer ink and it not cost a fortune," I lied. It was weak at best. I suspected she’d gone in to see about her phone, which had needed to be repaired for some time.

"Uh huh, so I haven’t seen your car around?" she snapped back.

"I’ve got better things to do than follow you around, Alice," I snapped back. Fine, I would play childish and throw the walls up, be cold and bitter.

"Stay away from me!" she growled and shoved past me. I stood there for a moment before rolling my shoulders and heading back into the store. Once the door closed, I turned back to see her cross the road and head back to James, launching into a deep kiss. f**k, that hurt!

I knew it was for show, purely to demonstrate to me that she wasn’t mine. I felt that familiar wrenching of my heart as I breathed and counted slowly to 5, then strode from the store to my car. Climbing in without looking back, I couldn’t, not right now. I drove, mentally admonishing myself for the slip.