Lost and Found

Chapter 10

"Yellow model chick,

Yellow bottle sipping,

Yellow Lamborghini,

Yellow top missing..."

Binuksan ko ang pinto ng aming studio at nanlaki ang mata ko nang makita doon si Yu... at Elle. Damnit!

It was a week ago when I saw her again. Akala ko matatagalan ulit bago ko ulit siya makita. But here she is. Sandaling napatingin siya sa akin pero mabilis rin na bumaling sa harap ng phone ni Yu.

Nagre-record sila doon ng kanta. Ni hindi ako pinansin ni Yu habang kinakanta ang unang stanza ni Chris Brown ng Look At Me Now. Napapangiti ako habang sumunod si Elle na kinanta ang chorus. She's cute and adorably sexy while trying to look tough. It was hard when she's so pretty wearing a white loose shirt na may nakatatak na Converse sa may dibdib. Tiningnan ko si Yu ng masama dahil alam kong shirt iyon ni Yu. Kupal talaga, gustong nasasapak ko lagi.

Tahimik akong naupo sa couch sa likod nila. I can see myself at Yu's phone screen so I waved.

I was smiling wide while she rap Chris Brown's next stanza. Unti-unting nawala ang ngiti ko nang maisip ang lyrics. Damn! Dapat ay hindi siya kumakanta ng ganyan!

I silently groaned and shut my eyes as I listen to those dirty words coming out of her mouth. She quickly changed some lyrics to make it appropriate for her gender.

Pag dilat ko ay nakita ko si Yu na nakangisi sa'kin at nakatingin sa crotch area ko. I bared my teeth at him pero natatawa akong kumuha ng throw pillow pangtakip doon.

He mouthed, 'tangina, Ex!' Tapos ay tahimik na tumawa. Dirediretso naman si Elle sa sunod na chorus. Kinanta ni Yu ang part ni Busta Rhymes tapos ay kay Elle ulit ang kay Lil Wayne. Pinapanood ko lang sila hanggang matapos.

"That was good, Yu!"

Nag-high five sila matapos i-save ang video. She's smiling like before and I'm mesmerize like always.

"You're always my cover buddy." Umakbay si Yu kay Elle at tumayo sila mula sa pagkakasalampak sa sahig.

"I'll reheat our pizza! Siguradong lumamig na iyon!"

Kumurot pa siya sa pisngi ni Elle bago pumunta sa pantry. Iniwan niya muna ako ng kindat noong dumaan siya sa akin. Lihim akong napangisi. Minsan kahit siraulo si Yu ay may utak din naman.

Tumingin ako kay Elle. Diretso siyang tumabi sa'kin sa couch. Tangina kinakabahan ako bigla. Napalunok ako. I cleared my throat before speaking.

"You're here." I simply said, trying to open a conversation.

"Obviously." She said seriously yet sarcastically.

She knows I hate that kind of sarcasm. Automatic tumalim ang tingin ko bago bumaling sa kanya sa aking tabi. Nagulat ako nang makitang nakatingin rin siya sa akin pabalik habang nangingiti. Alam niyang maasar ako sa sagot niya at sinadya niya iyon. Pinigilan ko pero unti-unti din akong napangisi. Damn. I miss her so f*****g much!

We laughed at each other and she startled me more when she hugged me so tight!

"I missed you." She murmur in my ear.

I almost got teary eyed. Holy hell. I put my hands around her and tapped her back gently. Huminga siya nang malalim at kumalas sa yakap. I don't want to let go yet pero ayaw kong isipin niyang masyado ko siyang na-miss na sobra sobra kahit iyon ang totoo.

Malungkot ang ngiti at nandoon na naman ang tila panghihinayang sa mga mata niya. I hate that kind of look and smile. It's like she's finally letting me go. It's like she's finally moving on. Habang alam niyang siya parin para sa'kin. Kahit gago ako, siya lang lagi para sa'kin.

Yu ruined that heart wrecking moment with his pizza. Nakita niya kami at nginisian ako ng gago.

Dumating sina Zee at Ei na parang hindi na nagulat na nandito si Elle. Ako lang lagi ang walang alam tungkol sa kanya. We jammed with different music and I realized how much I miss this. These simple days with her. Seeing her smile while singing along with us. Hindi siya humawak ng kahit anong instrumento. But she's tapping at the couch too slightly, trying to go unnoticed. Pero hindi iyon nakalagpas sa'kin dahil bawat galaw niya, alam ko. The next song, Zee offered her the drumsticks but she just smiled and refused. Hindi ko naitago ng maayos ang paghinga ko ng maluwag. Ngumisi sa'kin si Zee nang mahuli ako.

"Sure." I heard Elle say.

Kumunot ang noo ko dahil hindi ko na nasundan ang usapan. What is she agreeing about? I was just staring at her the whole time.

"Whoa! Elle? Really?!" Excited na tono ni Yu at inuga pa ang balikat ni Elle at parang di makapaniwala. Sikuhin ko kaya 'to?

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Yu."

"What?" Nalilitong tanong ko.

"Lutang lagi ito si Ex. Natira mo ba?" Tanong ni Zee.

Nilingon ko siya at lumipad ang middle finger ko sa ere.

Hagalpak lang siya ng tawa.

"Yun nga ang problema niyan si Ex, wala. Walang matira!"

"Gago!" Nangingising naiiling ako habang binabato kay Yu ang naabot kong throw pillow.

Nag-iwas ng tingin si Elle bago tumikhim. Natigilan naman kaming lahat at naalalang hindi dapat ang ganoong mga biro sa harap niya. s**t. Tanginang Yu talaga.

"She's agreed to coming with us to Batangas!" Kulang na lang pumalakpak si Yu sa saya.

Nilingon ko si Elle. Kusang tumaas ang kilay ko sa kanya bilang tanong. Really? Lumingon siya sa akin at ngumuso.

"It's just the five of us." Sabi ko.

"So what? It was always the five of us back then before you decided to be the total asshole." Yu smiled innocently. Na parang hindi niya binalak sirain ang buhay ko sa sinabi niya.

Binigyan ko siya ng nagbabantang tingin. Bakit kailangan pa yun ipaalala?

"You sure, Elle? Wala ka bang kailangang gawin sa school? Projects? Papers? Thesis? Whole weekend iyon. We'll hit the road at Friday night then return at Sunday."

Tunog kinukumbinsi ni Zee si Elle na huwag na sumama. Nagkasundo kami ni Yu na tingnan siya ng matalim.

"Yeah? It's okay. Tapos na lahat ng papers namin. Is it going to be just the five of us?"

"Yes! Bawal na magbago isip mo! Sasama ka! Ikaw Zee dun ka sa gilid, paepal ka e."

Bumuntong hininga si Zee tapos ay binigyan ako ng nagbabantang tingin. Kinunotan ko siya ng noo. Gago ba siya? Alam ko ang iniisip niya at kahit gago rin ako, hindi ko kahit kailan gagawin iyon kay Elle. Madalas akong maakit kahit noon pa pero hanggang doon lang. I've always respected her. Ang tanging halik nga lang na kaya kong ibigay ay sa noo o sa buhok niya.

Napikon lang ako lalo nang pati si Yu ay bigyan ni Zee ng nagbabantang tingin. Tangina walang ganun!

Napabaling ako kay Yu at nakangiti siyang nag-iwas ng tingin. Lalong kumunot ang noo ko.

The next days, hindi ko inaasahan na palagi sa studio si Elle. Hindi siya humahawak ng kahit anong instruments pero ang presensiya niya lang doon ay sobra na sa sapat.

This day, which is Saturday, sinama niya ang tatlo niyang kaibigan. Napansin kong hindi naman pala sila masyadong nerdy tingnan kung hindi naka school uniform. They're all wearing tight jeans and shirts except Elle na naka maong shorts na puti at puti rin na plain round neck t-shirt.

Nagulat ako na medyo maingay din pala sila. Noong una ay parang mga nahihiya lang na puro matipid na ngiti at simpleng tumitingin sa paligid. Pero nang kinausap ang mga ito ni Yu ay hindi tumagal parang matagal na silang magkakakilala. They're even telling stories animatedly.

"She's secretive. Ni hindi namin alam na nagbanda siya at magaling kumanta. Kasi nagka-karaoke kami pero parang loko-loko lang siya kumakanta." The snobby-looking yet pretty girl named Grace, if I'm not mistaken, said with a pout.

"And look at these photos! You gotta be kidding us. That's not Carla." Kunot ang noo ni Christine habang nagba-browse sa pictures ni Elle noon.

I'm kinda annoyed when they call her Carla. It just doesn't fit. That's just too plain. She's Elle. Beautiful and unique.

Nakisilip ako sa tinitingnan nilang pictures. Mga candid photos iyon na pinopost ng mga fans sa dating f*******: account ni Elle na matagal dineactive. Kung titingnan naman talaga sa itsura, wala naman pinagkaiba. Pero iyong pananamit at dating, ibang-iba. The Elle they knew shouts this X-factor she's trying so hard to hide with that tamed-look facade. The Elle they're seeing on those photos screams that "one thing" with overflowing confidence and charm. You know that "thing" that makes everyone drawn to her? Male or female or anything, she can charm it. She got that "thing". The "it" factor.

"This is so not you." Umiiling na sabi ni Jonna tapos ay tinapat ang phone ni Yu sa kay Elle.

Napahagikgik naman si Yu habang umirap lang si Elle.

It's a picture of Elle in two piece bikini. Well, she's wearing a short shorts dahil kaming apat ang nagprotesta pero ang bikini top ay walang kahit anong takip. She's walking on a white sand with her sexy back on camera. Pero nakalingon ang ulo niya at nakangiti sa camera sa likod. Ang buhok niya ay mabining nililipad ng hangin at ang sinag ng araw ay nagpapakinang sa basa niya balat. I remember capturing that scene. I was always that smitten guy behind her perfect photos.

May pumitik sa harap ng mukha ko kaya napakurap-kurap ako. Bumungad sa'kin ang nakangising mukha ni Yu.

"I know what you're thinking." Sabi niya at may demonyong ngisi.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa kanya.

"I'm not thinking anything inappropriate."

He made a face saying he doesn't believe me. Well, so what? I'm really not thinking anything inappropriate... this time.

We decided to lunch out. Kasama namin ang tatlong kaibigan ni Elle na ngayon ay parang matagal na naming kakilala. Napansin ko na tahimik sila pag nasa labas pero medyo maingay pag kami lang. They look like the high and mighty smart people walking on the hallway of the mall. They have their heads held high and that snobby look. I think they all got that from Elle.

"Oh, look! Isn't those your friends?" Tanong ni Jonna na nagpalingon sa amin.

I almost groaned when I saw Abril, Kassandra and Jasmine. Especially when I saw Elle smiled in that foreign... evil kinda way.

"This is so not going to be good." Zee shook his head and smirked sarcastically.

Alam kong hindi naman nagtanim ng galit ang tatlo kay Jaz pero hindi na tulad ng dati ang trato nila dito. At si Zee ang pinakamalupit. Elle is his princess cousin after all. Mas mahal pa yata niya si Elle kaysa sa babae niyang kapatid.

"Hi!" Alanganin ang ngiti ni Abril nang makalapit sa amin.

Alam kong sobra ang pagka-miss nila kay Elle. Pero dahil sa kagaguhan ko, pati sila nadamay. Hindi kasi ako madalas mag-isip. Basta noon ang nasa isip ko lang, gusto kong manatili siya. I want her to stay so bad I'm willing to hurt her. I'm willing to risk that one last chance. Pero saan ako dinala ng katangahan ko?

"Hello." Jonna smiled genuinely.

"Uhm, napadaan lang kami actually. Kakain sana kami sa-"

"Oh? We're eating too! Bakit hindi pa tayo magsabay?" Putol ni Elle sa sasabihin ni Kass.

Nakita ko ang pagliwanag ng mukha ng tatlo sa yaya ni Elle.

"Why do I sense a storm brewing?" Mahinang tanong ni Yu.

"A storm named...?" Seryosong tanong ni Ei.

Ngumisi ang dalawa sa isa't-isa at nag high-five.

I sighed. I can sense the same.

"What's with the hair color, Jasmine?"

Natigilan ang lahat nang marinig ang tanong ni Elle. Parang wala lang na sumubo ito ng lasagna habang kuryosong nakatingin kay Jaz.

"Uhm..." nag-iwas ng tingin si Jaz at maingat na ibinaba ang hawak na kutsara.

"I just... remember having the same hair. I think your black straight hair suits you better." Elle said in a nonchalance and continue eating.

"You had that kind of hair Carla?" Grace said curiously.

"Yes! I remember seeing that on one of her photos. She looks like a celebrity." Said Christine.

Jaz consciously tucked her hair on her back. Totoong nagkulay ng ganoon dati si Elle. Hindi ko alam kung paanong naging parang medyo magulo pero maayos na kulot ang unat na buhok ni Jaz. At katulad iyon ng buhok dati ni Elle na itim sa taas pero pa-gray nang pa-gray pababa.

"And when did you start wearing flannels? I thought you hated it." Dagdag ni Elle na parang curious lang siya. I know better.

Hindi sumagot si Jaz. Matipid lang itong ngumiti.

"I heard you also tried to... do the drums?" She asked again, ruthlessly

Nakita ko ang pagkagat ni Jaz sa pang-ibabang labi.

Napansin kong tila napansin na ng tatlong kaibigan ni Elle ang namumuong tensyon. Nasa mga mata nila ang kuryosidad. Hindi naman umiimik si Yu pero nakakunot ang noo. Si Ei ang nakatitig ng matiim kay Elle. Zee's eating nonchalantly like Elle. Magpinsan talaga.

Tumayo si Jaz at mabilis na lumabas. Tila hindi alam nina Kass at Abril ang gagawin pero sa huli ay sinundan nito ang kaibigan. Pinagpatuloy lang ni Elle ang pagkain na parang wala siyang ginawa o sinabi.

"What was that?" Takang tanong ni Jonna.

"I'm smelling some... past grudge?" Grace said innocently.

Nagtaas ng tingin sa kanila si Elle at inosenteng tumingin.

"What? Did I said something?"

Hindi na nagkomento ang tatlo pero pag wala na kami ay siguradong mag-uusisa.

"You should apologize, Elle." Ei said.

"For what?" She still feign innocence. At kung wala akong alam ay talagang maiisip kong inosente siya.

Tiningnan lang siya ni Ei ng seryoso tapos ay ngumuso siya at bumuntong-hininga.

"Fine." Tamad niyang sabi bago tumayo at humabol sa tatlo.

Tumayo ako para sumunod pero pinigilan ako ni Ei.

"No. She might need me." Pumiglas ako sa kapit niya at sumunod.

Kilala ko si Elle. She might act tough but she's breaking inside. Alam ko dahil maraming beses ko nang tiningnan ang matapang niyang mata habang alam kong sinasaktan ko siya. I know she feels guilt with every words she said but she wanted to inflict pain to the person who hurt her. Pero dapat ay ako iyon. Ako iyong nanakit sa kanya. Ng paulit-ulit. Maybe she felt betrayed by Jaz because she was her friend... habang, masakit man aminin, iniexpect niya parati na sasaktan ko siya. Kaya mas masakit ang ginawa ni Jaz para sa kanya.

I almost thought I won't find them when I heard voices at the parking.

"I know, Elle. I perfectly know! I can't be like you! Iyon naman ang pinaparating mo diba? Na kahit wala ka na, I can't replace you!"

I heard Jaz shout and I groaned. f**k. This is not good.

"I didn't said that."

Mahinahon ang boses ni Elle.

"So why did you come here to say sorry? To mock me, right? Na sa kabila ng lahat, ikaw parin ang magaling at humihingi ng tawad sa akin! You see the irony? The high and mighty Elle Alcantara is apologizing at the lowly, betrayer friend. Pinapamukha mo lang na ikaw na naman ang perpekto! Ikaw lagi, Elle!"

"Ano bang sinasabi mo? I came here to apologize and you're sprouting nonsense."

Kalmado parin ang boses ni Elle kahit na bahagya ang pagkunot ng noo niya.

"You don't know Elle! Hindi mo alam ang pinag-daanan ko kasi tumakbo ka! You don't know how it feels to be treated like trash by the people you admire the most! Yu can't even look at me without contempt. Zee will always walk out when I enter the scene. You don't know how it feels to be booed by the crowd when I tried to do the drums! That's the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me! I know I'm good at it. Pero dahil hindi ako ikaw, I was hated! Hindi mo alam iyon. Dahil kahit pareho tayong niloko... nagpaloko, ikaw parin iyong bida. Nasa iyo parin ang simpatya ng lahat!"

"Jasmine, please stop." Sabi nang naluluhang si Kass sa tabi ni Jaz.

"Elle, what you said back there was unnecessary and ruthless-" Mahinahon ang boses ni Abril na naputol sa halakhak ni Elle.

"Unnecessary? Ruthless? What's ruthless is being betrayed by the ones you trusted."

Halata ang gulat sa mukha nina Kass at Abril.

"W-what? I... Elle, I... that's not what I mean, I-i'm not taking sides in this! And we didn't know! We doesn't know anything about what happen back then-"

"It doesn't matter." Elle said coldly.

I can see her closed fist from a far. I decided to walk towards them.

Nakatalikod sa akin si Elle kaya ang unang nakakita sa akin ay si Jaz at sina Abril at Kass. Jaz started to cry and my brows creased. What was that?

"Why do you have to be so ruthless, Elle? That was so long ago. If you were still so bitter about it, dapat sabihin mo na lang ng diretso." And she sobbed.

"What?" Elle exclaimed, puzzled.

I saw something dawned on her face when she saw me. I think I saw fear in her eyes as I stare intently at her. Lumingon ulit siya sa umiiyak na si Jaz at muling natawa.

"This is so pathetic. I'm out of here." Natatawa parin niyang sabi bago tumalikod at umalis.

I stood there looking at Jaz. I only realized it now. She's wearing clothes like Elle back then, those chucks, and her hair. I sighed. I know I hurt her. But this isn't right. Lalo na ang mga sinabi niya kay Elle. I don't want to add salt to the injury so I remained silent and run to Elle.

"Hey."

I gently held her arm to stop her.

Tumaas ang kilay niya kahit may nakikita akong takot sa mata niya. Sa tingin ko ay alam ko ang dahilan sa likod ng takot na iyon. It hurts to see her expect anger from me. Because I've done this before. I deliberately hurt her and hurt myself when I said hurtful things after she confronted my girlfriend then. Ni hindi ko na maalala iyong babae. Basta ang alam ko nagalit ako at nakapagsabi ng masakit.

Ngayon ay iyon ang inaasahan niya. I was an asshole alright. Because I thought she will always be around. I know she won't stay away. I know she won't leave even how big an asshole I am. I thought wrong. And I can't lose her again just because I'm a big idiot... because even if it is too much to ask, this could be my one last, really last chance to have her.

"Are you alright?"

Napakurap siya at napalitan ng pagkalito ang mga mata.

"W-what?"

"Are you alright?" I repeated carefully.

"Yeah." Tumango-tango siya at matipid na ngumiti.

She was ruthless. What she said was really unnecessary. She shouldn't have provoked Jaz. The Elle I know won't do that. But I want to take her side this time. Even how wrong it is. I want her to know that I won't ever, ever leave her side again.