Mine Forevermore

Kabanata 14

It hurts

Charlotte laughed fakely after she saw me. "Nasia, your here." She said and glanced at Sienna.

Sinulyapan ko din ang ginawa niya at ibinalik ang tingin sa kanya. "Anong dapat Kong malaman?" I demanded but again she just laughed fakely.

"Nagbibiruan lang kami. I am trying to blackmailed her about her secrets pero wala naman talaga. I'm just playing. I'm just trying to scare her. She's scared of you so I’m using it to scare her, it was effective though." Nakangising aniya.

My forehead furrowed. "You’re blackmailing your friend, trying to scare your friend, and playing your friend.” I said emphasizing the word friend. “What's nonsense is this, Charlotte? Are your friends’ toys? Para gawin mo yan?"

Tumawa siya sa akin kahit wala namang nakakatawa. "Sienna and I are not in good terms. You know...friends don't get along sometimes." Pagdadahilan niya at inirapan si Sienna.

I pretended not to know what she was talking about but I knew she was hiding something. Humilaw ang ngiti niya ng makita na seryoso ako. I look at Sienna and saw her scared eyes while Marcia’s piercing eyes darted to Charlotte.

"Okay." I smiled and glanced at the three of them. “Huwag kayong gumawa ng eskandalo dito… nakakahiya.” Sambit ko bago sila tuluyang dinaanan.

I will find out soon what she’s trying to hide from me. I will not go easy on her after knowing she backstab me.

I went out of the mall and I sighed when I saw a few body guards that Dad had hired to watch over me. Inirapan ko sila isa isa. Lumapit ako duon at pinagbuksan ako ni Kuya Franco ng pinto. Pumasok ako habang mariing ang tingin ko sa kanya. Akala niya siguro nakalimutan ko na ang ginawa niyang pagsumbong kay Daddy. Since that day, I haven't talked to him that much, panay naman ang sulyap niya sa akin kapag nagkakasama kami.

“Umuwi na tayo.” Utos ko sa kanya na agad naman niyang tinanguan.

I was just silent as I looked out the window. One of my bodyguards was on the front seat while the others followed on another vehicle. Is this really necessary? Hindi ba pwedeng isang body guard nalang. Bakit andami naman atang pinakuhang body guard ni Daddy? Am I in danger or something para gawin ito sa akin? Pakiramdam ko ay nasasakal ako, I don’t want any of these, I have no freedom to do whatever I want because they are watching my every move. Maging ang mga kaklase ko sa school ay nagtataka kung bakit ang dami kong dalang bodyguard. Ang tatlo ay naiiwan sa labas ng school at and dalawa naman ay kasama ko sa loob, at hindi ako komportable doon.

Natagpuan ko nalang ang sarili ko na hinihintay ang pag-uwi ng aking ama ng gabing iyon. I actually waited for him in our living room, para kung sakaling papasok siya ay masasalubong ko siya at makakapag-usap kami.

Ganuon nga ang nangyari. I stood up when he entered the double door, I saw that he was shocked to see me waiting for him.

“Dad, can we talk?” sambit ko.

“Is that important? I have something important to do." Aniya.

Halos manlumo ako sa sinabi niya, but I still had the courage to speak up. “Dad, puwede mo po bang bawasan ang bodyguard ko? kahit isa nalang ang itira niyo, ayos na sa akin.” Pakiusap ko.

Nangunot naman ang noo niya sa sinabi ko. “Are you planning something, Nasia?” Mababang sambit niya.

“No!” mabilis na agap ko. “It’s not like that, Dad… I’m just not comfortable with it especially since my classmates are wondering why I have so many bodyguards with me.”

He sighed bago natahimik ng ilang segundo at sumagot. “I’m sorry, hija. I can’t do that. It’s for your own safety. Please understand.”

Natigilan ako sa paki-usap niya. Minsan ay hindi ko siya maintindihan. Minsan ay masyado siyang marahas sa akin, minsan naman masyado siyang magaan. At sa tuwing nakikiusap siya ay hindi ako makatanggi. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay may pakialam siya sa akin, at gustong gusto kong maramdaman iyon sa kanya.

I sighed heavily and nodded. “Okay po, Dad. I understand.” Sambit ko kahit hindi ako sang-ayon duon.

Tumango siya. “Go to your room and rest, you still have class tomorrow, right?” tanong niya. Bigla ay nabuhayan ako duon.

“Yes, Dad! Bali, practice nalang po para sa promenade.” Nakangiting sambit ko.

“Do you have a dress to wear for that event? I can contact my secretary to find you one.”

Muli ay nagalak na naman ako sa sinabi niya. “It’s okay, Dad. Ako na po ang bahala sa susuotin ko. Thanks for asking.” Nakangiting sambit ko.

His gaze lingered to me for a while, before he sighed. “Alright. Just tell your Nanang if you need anything else. I need to go upstairs; I still have work to do.”

Hindi na ako nag-alinlangan, sunod sunod akong tumango. I followed him with my gaze until he finally climbed to the second floor. After he disappeared from my sight, I turned to Nanang. She has worn her big smile on her face, so did Nesa and the other helpers.

Kaya naman kinaumagahan ay naging masaya ang araw ko. Masaya akong naghanda para sa klase at kumain sa harap ng hapagkainan kahit hindi ko kasalo ang aking Ama. Sapat na sa akin ang kakarampot na atensyon. Ang saya lang talaga sa pakiramdam.

Habang kumakain kami ni Nasia ng aming snacks sa araw na iyon ay nakangiti lang ako. Kanina pa siya titig na titig sa akin at nagtataka akong tiningnan habang hinihintay ko naman na tanongin niya ako tungkol duon.

“Okay, tell me. Anong meron?” Sa wakas ay tinanong niya. Luminga ako at nakita na malayo ang bodyguard mula sa amin.

I straightened up and look up at her. “Si Daddy, I talked to him last night to reduce my bodyguard, but he didn't agree…" I muttered; her eyebrows rose. “But you know, magaan siya sa akin kagabi, nakiusap siya, sabi niya…it’s for my own safety, he even asked me if I already have a dress for our prom at sabihin ko lang daw kung kaylangan ko at siya na ang bahala.” Nakangiting sambit ko.

“Well ... that’s a good sign. At least, he’s now trying to show his father side to you.” Tumatangong aniya. "I just hope it continues."

Ngumiti ako at tumango. “I hope so too.” Nakangiting sambit ko.

I was about to continue drinking but I caught a glimpse of Abby looking behind me, my forehead furrowed at her reaction, she looks so confused and shocked, until I was surprised to see the man standing next to us.

Napaatras ako sa gulat ng makita siya. “What are you doing here? Didn’t I tell you I don’t want to see you again--?” bigla ay nawala ang tuwang nararamdaman ko at napalitan iyun ng pagka-irita pero ng makita ng tuluyan ang itsura ni Appolo ay nawala rin iyon kalaunan. He looks so tired and weary. Anong nangyari sa kanya?

“Please, let’s talk.”

Umawang ang labi ko sa rahan ng boses niya at ang pagmamakaawa duon. Sinulyapan ko si Abby na kita din ang gulat sa mga mata niya saka ako nagtatakang binalingan. Walang pag-aalinlangang tumayo siya at kinuha ang kanyang mga gamit dala ang kanyang pagkain.

“Where are you going?” Takang tanong ko.

“Maiwan ko na muna kayo.” Aniya. I was about to protest but she finally stood up and left us both.

Sinundan ko siya ng tingin at nangunot ang noo ko sa ginawa niya. Muli ay iritado kong binalingan si Appolo.

“Ano pa bang gusto mo? Diba dati naman ay ayaw mo sa akin. Ngayong lumalayo ako, ikaw naman ang lumalapit. Ano ba talaga?” nakakunot na sambit ko, pero agad ding nakabawi ng may-maisip. Tumango tango ako at ngumisi. “Ahh… if you’re here to ask me again If I could be use of you, then I’m sorry to tell you, but just like the last time we talk, I’m not up for it. Sa iba ka nalang humingi ng tulong.” Aniya ko at ambang tatayo para iwanan siya duon, pero bago ko pa man magawa ay humakbang na siya ng isang beses paunahan kaya natigilan ako.

“I want to apologize for thinking that way.” He said weakly, I could hear the sadness in his tone. Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang ganito kalungkot kaya naman ay nagugulat ako.

“I’m sorry, hindi ko naisip ang mararamdaman mo. I just suddenly thought of that too, but the truth was… I just want you to stay away from him. I don’t want you near him…Nasia, please…”

Nagulat ako ng sunod sunod siyang nagmura at napailing saka humakbang.

“What are you doing?” kinakabahang tanong ko ng unti unti siyang umupo sa harapan ko at hinawakan ang magkabilang gilid ko dahilan para kulungin niya ako sa aking kinauupuan. I quickly backed away from what he did.

Nagtama ang mga mata namin ng lumebel ang tingin ko sa kanya. His bloodshot eyes looked at me before he licked his lips. My heart started to beat slowly yet so hard.

"I'm sorry… Please baby, forgive me." He begged.

My chest throbbed especially when we look at each other’s eyes. Nag-init din ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya. I don't understand. I never felt this way for Henry. Appolo looks so sincere while asking for an apology. Bentang benta naman iyon sa akin. I feel pity for him, and a little bit pain as he pleads.

“Nasaan ang girlfriend mo?” kinakabahang tanong ko. Kahit ako ay hindi gusto ang nararamdaman ko pero hindi ko magawang magmatigas dahil sa itsura niya. Bigla ay nanlambot ako.

He swallowed hard. "I do not have a girlfriend. I've never had a girlfriend, Nasia.”

Tears welled up in my eyes but I tried to held them back. “Don’t fool me, I saw you with Charlotte on social media. She’s been posting your pictures with her online. Everyone concluded that you two are a thing now.”

Pumikit siya ng mariin at napayuko. Kita ko rin ang pag-igting ng panga niya bago nag-angat ng tingin sa akin gamit ang namumulang mga mata. “Don’t you believe me? I’m here in front of you, I’m on surrender and on truth… After everything you’ve done to me, after throwing me away that easily, after stabbing me your hurtful words, I’m still here, explaining my side to you, hoping you would hear me out.” Muli siyang umusog papalapit sa akin at sinundan ang tingin ko dahil sinusubukan ko iyong ilayo.

“Listen to me, please…” Aniya. Nahuli naman niya ang tingin ko dahilan para magkatitigan kaming dalawa. “We’re not a thing. Believe me, we never been a thing. I notice her advances but I try to avoid her. The pictures you saw? she’s been taking a stolen shot from me. I just want to help her with her assignments, nothing more.”

My lips trembled causing him to look down on my lips. Medyo nairita din ako sa sagot niya. “Eh ano yung mga nakita kong nakatingin ka din sa pictures, how come it's just a stolen shot? Ang sabihin mo gumagawa ka lang ng dahilan para paniwalaan kita!" Iritadong sigaw ko.

He looked back at my eyes, namumungay na ngayon ang mga mata tila hindi naapektuhan sa sigaw ko. “I didn't know that, I turned to her and caught her taking a selfie with me. Please, believe me. I’m telling the truth.” Aniya at nagpalipat lipat ang tingin sa mga mata ko.

“If you don't like her then why don't you just stop helping her, instead of letting her flirt with you. Ang sabihin mo, gusto mo rin naman talaga na landiin ka niya.” malamig ng sambit ko. Bigla ay nagsimula na namang mag-init ang mga mata ko.

Muli ay pumikit siya ng mariin. He renewed his hold on my chair and came close to me again. Tila hindi sapat sa kanya ang lapit naming dalawa. My eyebrows twitched at what he did. His thigh imprisoned my legs and he is now very close to me.

Yumuko siya at umiling. “I have a hard time turning her down. I don’t want to hurt her. Unlike you, it's easy for you to dumped anyone…” He looked up at me again and his eyes were now back on my lips. “But I did… eventually. After you left me that day in the garden. I turn her down, Nasia… I told her that I don’t feel the same thing for her… that I…I like someone else.” He said weakly and looked up at me using his tired eyes. “I also told her to start finding someone who could teach her, perhaps a tutor. I’m not up for it anymore. I’m done.”

“I’m done.” Ulit niya pa. “I can’t do it when you’re acting like this.”

Kumalabog ang dibdib ko sa sinabi niya. What does he mean by that? She likes…someone else? sino? I don’t want to assume but… why does it feel like… it’s me? I-is it me? Ako ba?

I looked down at my hands when he held it carefully. He stroked my soft hand using his roughed finger. The two of us fell silent for a few seconds. I can feel that he’s looking at me while my eyes were on our hands. I also don't know what happened to me, but I have completely lost my voice. Dati rati naman ay sumisigaw ako, nagwawala, pero bakit ngayon hindi ko magawa? Pakiramdam ko ay… nanlalambot ako.

“Now, tell me…” Aniya. Muli ay nag-angat ako ng tingin ng marinig ang boses niya. “Why did you come to watched my basketball game that day? Hmm? I want to know the truth.” tanong niya at nagpalipat lipat ang tingin sa mga mata ko.

Napalunok ako sa tanong niya at nag-iwas ng tingin. Hindi agad nakahanap ng tamang maisasagot. Will he get mad if I tell him the truth? Will he get mad if I told him I plan to stalk him coz I was curious?

“Are you using me, so you can get over with your ex?” tanong niya na siyang ikinagulat ko.

"Of course not!" I said loudly. Bigla ay bumalik ang iritasyon ko ng marinig iyon, no, hindi lang basta pagkairita. Galit ako, galit ako na iyon ang iniisip niya sa akin. Kita ko naman ang panliliit ng mga mata niya.

“I see no other reason for you to do that, Nasia. You never got interested with me, so why did you suddenly came up and flirt with me, if it is not your real intention then?” he asked seriously.

I swallowed hard. How did we come to this conversation? I've been mad at him lately, because of what he wanted me to do, but now, why do I feel like I am also to blame for flirting with him as well? Is he trying to reverse the situation? Para magmukhang hindi lang siya ang may kasalanan dito kundi maging ako?

“Why are you asking that? Are you trying to turn on the table so it will look like I have wronged you and I owe you an explanation?” I asked with a frown.

“No. No…” Umiling-iling siya at tinitigan akong mabuti. “I want to clear everything so I can have my peace of mind. It’s been days since you f*ck up my mind, Nasia. So, I want you to answer my question honestly, so we can both move forward and settle our own problem.” Nakikiusap na aniya pero hindi ko na yata ma proseso ang mga pinagsasabi niya.

Bakit niya ‘to ginagawa? Is he… finally falling for me?

I see no other reason for him to talk to me this way and act like this in front of me when I already drove her away. Again, my chest throbbed at the thought, I also couldn’t avoid something I shouldn’t be feeling right now.

I bit my lip to suppressed a smile at that thought. Yumuko ako at gusto kong pagalitan ang sarili sa ginawang pagngiti, lalo pa ng bumaba muli ang tingin niya sa labi ko. I swallowed hard. Pero dahil sa maling naisip niya sa akin ay nagawa kong sumagot pabalik.

"You really think I use you? but I didn’t... You got my attention, that's why." I answered reason for him to look up at me. “It all started when you scolded me and try to preached me, then wiped my tears after Herny and I broke up… I want to divert my attention… and I remember you, so I went to watch your basketball game every time I got the chance.” I explained weakly and averted my eyes.

I don't know what he was thinking, but we were both silent for a while, while hearing each other's breath…until, he sighed and spoke.

"Is that all?" He asked softly.

Muli ay binalingan ko siya. This time, nakakunot na ang noo. Pinagdududahan niya ba ako? Hindi ba siya naniniwala sa paliwanag ko? Iniisip niya ba na nilalandi ko siya dahil lang sa gusto ko? Iniisip na kagaya din ako ng ibang babae dahil lang sa nahuli niya akong nakikipag landian din sa iba noon?

“Why? Do you think I’m some sort of w***e who wants to flirt with anyone?” I said in annoyance. “I’m a b***h and a flirt sometimes, yes! but damn it! I’m not a w***e! I even hated them.” Sambit ko. Hindi na maiwasang magmura lalo pa ng maalala ang babaeng kinaladkad ko nung gabing may dinala na babae si Daddy sa bahay.

Ng maalala ay napamura akong muli at napapikit ng mariin. “Sh*t.”

I looked back at him and saw him glared at me. I pursed my lips realizing what I had been said. His eyes then dropped on my lips reason why I pursed my lips to stop myself from cursing more. I can’t help it; he triggered me. And he triggered my memories.

Nagulat ako ng hinawakan niya ang baba ko at inangat iyon para magkatinginan kaming dalawa. Lalo pa ng marahan niyang hinaplos ang labi ko ng paulit-ulit. Dumaan ang koryente simula sa paanan ko paakyat sa batok ko. Kumalabog din ng malakas ang dibdib ko sa ginawa niya.

"You have a soft lip, yet you have a fouled mouth." He shook his head and glared at my lips.

The two of us looked at each other’s eyes. But then… I gasped when I felt his lips touched mine.

Mabilis lang iyon. It’s just a pecked on my lips but my heart started to pound so hard. My eyes widened at what he did. But before I could process what just happened, he came closer again and sill me with his kisses.

This time it was longer. I felt his soft lips on mine, his eyes were closed but his brows furrowed while my eyes were open still shocked at his bold move. Bumaba lang ang mata ko ng konti ng magtagal iyon. His now moving his lips on mine and I felt like my eyes were about to close, but then, I try to come to my senses and thought of pushing him.

I then touched his chest to pushed him hard, but it was the other way around. Naging marahan ang naging pagtulak ko.

Umatras siya. His eyes remained on my lips. Tila lasing na nakatingin sa aking mga labi. My lips parted at muli ay itinulak siya para mabigyan kami ng distansya.

“Bakit mo ginawa yun?!” I asked loudly and suddenly tears welled up in my eyes. His eyes then look so shocked at my reaction.

Hindi ko alam kung magugustuhan ko ba iyon o ano. Pero hindi ko magawang maging masaya sa ginawa niya. Sumasakit ang dibdib ko sa ginawa niya. Hindi ko mapangalanan iyon. It hurts, and I don’t know why. Hinalikan niya lang naman ako, pero bakit parang masakit iyon para sa akin?

Nangunot ang noo niya at yumuko. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it.” Aniya bago ko narinig ang iilang mura niya.