Mine Forevermore

Kabanata 15

What?

May ganoon bang pakiramdam? Yung imbis na matuwa ka ay parang nasaktan ka pa sa ginawang paghalik? Because that’s what I felt after Appolo kissed me. Mabuti nalang at walang nakakita sa aming dalawa. I don't know what happened to my body guards, but after a few minutes of our silence my body guards were gone when I turned to them. Kinabahan ako ng maisip na baka nakita nila ang ginawang halik ni Appolo, mabuti nalang at wala sila duon. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari o kung paano iyon nangyari.

“I will wait for you this lunch. We’re going to eat our lunch together.” Aniya pagkatapos ng ilang minutong katahimikan.

"I'm with Abby." I said softly.

“It doesn’t matter. I will still go with you.” Aniya habang nakatitig sa akin samantalang hindi naman ako makatingin sa kanya.

Pakiramdam ko ay nawala na parang bula ang galit ko sa kanya. His kiss seemed to melt my anger. Kahit sinusubukan kong hagilapin ang galit ko, hindi ko na iyon mahanap.

Muli ay hinalikan niya ako sa pisnge bago siya tumayo.

“Where are you going?” Wala sa sariling tanong ko. He stared at me for a few seconds and I could see the amusement in his eyes.

I averted my eyes. He’s not my first kiss. I’ve been kissed by Henry before, but it doesn’t felt like this. Yung kanya, kakaiba. Hindi ko iyon mapangalanan.

“I will find your friend so you can have someone with you. I still need to pass the additional requirements for the clearance that I missed. Hindi ko nagawa nung mga nakaraan sa kakaisip sayo.”

My lips parted; I couldn’t believe he missed his requirements. He’s a top achiever so how can he neglect it just because of…me? The wind seemed to change. Bigla ay nawala ang marahas at suplado na Appolo, bigla ay naging maamo siya.

“Don’t worry, I think I can do better now. Thanks for hearing me out. I’ll see you later.” He said lightly and glanced at the food next to me. “Can I have this though? I have not eaten yet." Aniya at kinuha ang sandwich na kinagatan ko.

Napakurap ako ng ilang beses. “S-sayo na yan. Sana kumain ka muna bago ka pumunta dito.” I said softly and averted my eyes. I suddenly remembered the regional sports event that happened weeks ago when I waited for his basketball game to finish before I ate my lunch.

I looked back at him when he touched my chin and lifted it softly. “I don’t mind. It’s still worth it.” He whispered.

That was the end of our conversation before he finally left bringing the sandwich, I had a bite on. Kasabay naman ng pag-alis niya ay ang pagbalik ng dalawang body guard ko. I wanted to scolded them for leaving me there, but I couldn't shout at them. I just quietly followed them with my gaze. I felt so light and relieved, I couldn’t hardly name how I felt.

Hindi din nagtagal ay bumalik si Abby para tanongin ako sa kung anong nangyari. Hindi ko dinetalye sa kanya ang lahat. Sinabi ko lang na humingi ng tawad si Appolo at bati na kami, hindi ko sinabi na hinalikan niya ako.

My lips dropped when I saw the amount of food he ordered “Ba’t ang dami?” Pigil hiningang sambit ko. Kahit si Abby ay bagsak ang pangang nakatingin duon. This is not the regular food we have in our canteen so I wonder where did he ordered it.

“Nagpadeliver ako ng pagkain. I’m sorry, hindi ko alam kung ano ang gusto mo, so I ordered everything I knew was good.” He said deeply as he stood beside me. “But if you don't like it then I can just order again. Ano bang gusto mo?" He asked softly.

Abby and I looked at each other. She pursed his lips to stop her smile. Nangunot ang noo ko duon. Ibinalik ko ang tingin kay Appolo.

“No. This is fine. Pero hindi ko yan… mauubos.” Halos pabulong na sambit ko. Kompleto iyon, may heavy meal, may drinks, at may dessert. My goodness! Are we in some kind of a school restaurant?

“You can share it with your friend. Abby, right?” tanong ni Appolo kay Abby.

Sunod-sunod naman na tumango si Abby at nakangising sinulyapan ako. “Kung okay lang sayo Appolo. Bakit hindi? para hindi na ako um-order.” Walang pasumbalit na sambit ng aking kaibigan.

Hindi lang iyon ang nangyari, pagkatapos din ng araw na iyon ay sinundo niya ako sa aking classroom para ihatid sa aming sasakyan sa parking lot. Pero bago ako umalis ay inilahad niya ang kanyang cellphone sa aking harapan.

"Put your number on my phone." He asked deeply.

Umirap ako at humalukipkip sa harapan niya. “At bakit naman?” Mataray na tanong ko.

He shifted his weight and tilted his head before looking up at me and glanced at his brand-new iPhone. "So, I can text you, and call you whenever I want." Napapaos na aniya.

Ngumuso ako at nangunot ang noo. "What makes you think I will answer your calls and texts?"

"If you feel like it, then you can answer my calls and reply to my messages, but if you don't like it then… It's okay, I won't force you." He said slowly and almost in a whispered.

I bit my lip and stared intently at his phone. Tatalikuran ko na sana siya pero sa huli ay walang nagawa kundi abutin iyon. Mabilis kong tinipa ang aking numero sa kanyang cellphone. Nanatili naman siyang nakatayo sa harapan ko, at ramdam ko ang titig niya sa akin. I remembered the day when he also gave his phone number to Charlotte. Tss. I suddenly have the urge of finding Charlotte’s number and deleting it from his phonebook. Tss. Kung pwede lang sana.

I wonder if they still messaging each other or if he has contact with her. Anyway, bat nga ba ko nangingialam. Pakialam ko ba? Tss.

Ibinalik ko sa kanya ang aking cellphone.

“Thank you.” Napapaos na sambit niya.

I sighed and nooded before I turned my back on him. The bodyguard opened the door for me, pumasok naman ako duon. Nanatili siya sa labas ng sasakyan samantalang nakatanaw naman ako sa kanya ng umatras siya para makadaan ang sasakyan. I sighed as the car started to moved. I closed my eyes tightly and then turned around to see him. He was still there. Still standing and watching as our car drove away from the parking lot.

Napabuntong hininga ako at tumingin na ng deretso sa harapan saka natulala.

“Ma’am ayos ka lang?”

Bahagya akong nagising sa pagkakatulala ng marinig ang boses ng aking driver. Sinulyapan ko ang labas ng bintana ng aming sasakyan. Hindi ko alam na nakarating na pala kami sa mansyon. Paglingon ko sa tagiliran ko ay bukas na ang pinto ng sasakyan, hawak iyon ng isa sa mga bodyguard ko.

"I'm fine." I said softly and finally got out of our car. Before I could finally enter the mansion, I heard the voice of my driver behind me.

“Ma’am, puwede ba tayong mag-usap?” sambit Kuya Franco.

Hinarap ko siya para magsalita pero naunahan niya na ako. “Gusto ko lang humingi ng tawad sa ginawa kong pagsumbong sa Daddy mo nung nakaraang linggo. Hindi ko iyon gustong gawin, pero napilitan ako dahil nag-alala ako para sa’yo. Hindi dapat ako nanghihimasok, kaya pasensya na.” Aniya.

Napabuntong hininga ako at tumango. “Okay… Is that all? I'm going in, I want to rest.” I said calmly.

Kita ko na natigilan siya ng ilang segundo habang nakatingin sa akin pero kalaunan ay nilahad nito ang pintuan ng aming double door. “Wala na. Magpahinga na kayo sa loob.” aniya at walang pag-aalinlangan ko siyang tinalikuran pagkatapos tumango.

I can't find the strength to talk to anyone right now. I just want to go to my room and rest. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay ang lalim ng iniisip ko. Hindi lang basta malalim, magulo din iyon. Hindi rin ibig sabihin nun ay binaliwala ko na ang paghinge ng tawad ni Kuya Franco. Kuya Franco sorry was enough for me. Kahit galit ako nung mga nakaraan sa kanya, pakiramdam ko ay nawala din bigla ang galit ko ngayong araw. I couldn’t understand how my temper, my irritation, and my anger seemed to disappear like a bubble. I don't know where it went, it seemed to have been blown away by the wind in an instant, like a whirlwind.

I walked towards the veranda of my room. I opened the sliding door and went out there. The cold air hit my revealing skin. I was already wearing my bathrobe, still not wearing my clothes on. I want to feel the cold air, maybe it can freshen my mind and clear my head so I can answer all the vague answers to my questions. I filled my eyes with the lights in the distance, looking at the dark side of the houses, and the stars and half-moon in the dark sky. I glanced at the distance of the dark sky when I saw a lightning there, maybe it’s going to rain on that area later on.

I leaned on the veranda and glanced at my phone on the railing. I bit my lip at the thought that he would call me today or even text me. I closed my eyes tightly after five minutes of waiting, pero wala parin. Bakit ko nga ba hinihintay ang tawag niya o massages niya? Tss. It was as if the two of us had something important to talk about.

Nabuhayan ako ng umilaw ang aking cellphone, mabilis ko iyong kinuha pero napapikit ako ng mariin at napailing ng makita ang pangalan ni V. The man I ordered to look for evidence against Charlotte.

“Hey!” Masiglang bati niya. Napairap naman ako duon.

"Have you found anything yet?" I asked with a frown.

“Of course, I do! Ako pa ba? Pero hindi lahat. I'm still looking for more evidence. I have talked to some students who used to study in your school and left because of bullying. Ang iba ayaw magsalita dahil ayaw ng balikan ang nakaraan, pero may ibang nagkuwento sa nangyari sa kanila. They want justice but they don’t have courage and power to do it.” He sighed.

"Well then, just gather the evidence and look for more."

“May isang impormasyon lang akong nakalap na hindi ko gustong paniwalaan. I’m not sure about this though, maybe there are people like that. Hindi importante ang ugali, basta ba maganda at sexy.”

“What do you mean?” tanong ko habang nakatingin sa malayo.

"Appolo Lorenzana's current girlfriend is Charlotte." Natatawang aniya. “Could you believe it? one of the sons’s richest bachelor is in a relationship with a bully? Does he know about this? Of course, he does.” He laughed again. “I’m sorry, I just can’t help but to laugh. If I were him, I would find someone else, the one who is more beautiful, sexier, doesn’t matter if she’s not that very smart as long as she has a good heart, yung hindi magagawang manakit ng tao…kagaya mo.” Aniya at muling natawa.

I gritted my teeth. I didn’t like what he said about Appolo and Charlotte’s relationship but I don’t want to hear being compared to that woman.

"Charlotte is not his girlfriend." I said firmly.

He laughed on the other line. “Anong hindi? Maraming pictures sa f*******: niya, nagtanong din ako sa mga estudyante. Ang sabi, Oo. I asked her too, she said she didn't want anyone to know about their relationship. But if he's not her boyfriend, then maybe a suitor?”

What the hell! Did she really say that?! She didn’t say yes, but the fact the she said that, means that people may think that there’s something going on between them. Though, I don’t want to believe it. Appolo just said that she’s not her girlfriend. I sighed and closed my eyes tightly… I should ask him again.

Nanliit ang mga mata ko. “You know what, make sure your information is legit. Ayaw ko ng walang basehan, V. The two are not dating, she’s just assuming because that’s what she is! Assumera na, Feelingera pa!” Iritadong sambit ko at binabaan siya.

Galit kong tiningnan ang aking cellphone. I was about to dial Appolo’s number but then I though, siya nga pala ang kumuha nang numero ko, hindi ako.

"Bwisit." I whispered and put my phone down while glaring at the dark part of the sky where it was lightning.

Hindi ko na alam kung sino ang paniniwalaan ko. May parte na naniniwala ako kay Appolo pero may parte na hindi. Dagdag pa nang mga sabi sabi tungkol sa kanila. Hidni ko alam kung bakit ako naapektuhan duon, pero naiirita ako.

I looked down at my phone to see an unknown number calling. I sighed heavily at tinitigan iyon ng mariin. I have a thought that it’s him. Walang pag-aalinlangan ko iyong sinagot.

“Hello.” Iritadong sambit ko.

“I’m sorry, are you busy? Did I disturb you?" Marahan na tanong niya.

“Who’s this?” tanong ko kahit may hinala na ako, his voice was just not familiar with the call.

“This is Appolo, Is this, okay? I call you many times but your line was busy.”

"It's just a call from a friend." I said coldly.

Tumikhim siya. “Did I interrupt your call? I’m sorry, I will cut the call now--”

“No, tapos na kaming mag-usap.” Putol ko.

“Did you eat your dinner already?”

I bit my lip before answering. "Yes." I said weakly and then frowned. He didn’t speak for a few seconds so I had a chance to ask. “Can I ask you something?”

"Yes, what is it?"

I shifted my weight then tap the railing. “Hindi ka ba nagsisinungaling sa akin?”

“Anong ibig mong sabihin na nagsisinungaling?” mababang aniya.

“Hindi mo ba talaga girlfriend si Charlotte? I want you to answer me honestly, Appolo. Okay lang naman sa akin kung kayo talaga, hindi mo kaylangang magsinungaling sa akin. We can still be friends if that’s the case, we can just also forget about the kiss, and think that it didn’t happen.” Sambit ko.

He didn’t speak for a few seconds until I heard his violent breath on the other line.

"Still there?" I asked slowly.

“Yeah.” Napapaos na sambit niya.

My forehead furrowed. "Silence means, yes."

“Is that what you think of me, Nasia?” tanong niya na nakapag patahimik sa akin. “Hindi porket natahimik ako ay totoo na ang sinabi mo, tahimik ako, dahil iniiisip ko kung bakit ayaw mong maniwala sa akin? Despite what I said a while ago, you still doubt me, you still don’t believe me… tell me then.”

“What?” mahinang tanong ko.

“Naniniwala ka ba na kami?”

“Tell me, honestly, Nasia, Naniniwala ka ba na kami talaga?” Ulit niya pa.

Bigla ay hindi ko na alam ang sasabihin ko. Hindi ko masabing oo, hindi ko din masabi na hindi kaya sa huli ay ito ang naging sagot ko.

"I don't know…" I said almost in a whisper. "I don't know who to believe or what to believe… I'm confused."

Rinig kong muli ang mararahas niyang hininga. “Okay.” Mahinang aniya. “I will now drop the call. I’m sorry.”

“Uh—” magsasalita pa sana ako pero narinig ko na ang pagbaba ng tawag. Bigla ay nataranta ako.

Nakagat ko ang labi at napasabunot sa sariling buhok. “What the hell! Ano? Yun nalang yun? Bakit hindi siya nagpaliwanag. Anong okay? Bakit niya ako binabaan?” sunod sunod na tanong ko sa sarili. “At…bakit siya nag-so-sorry? Para saan? Bakit?”

I walked back and forth several times while I was confused by the thoughts and questions. "What? That’s it? Is it over? I thought we were okay. I was just asking; I want to know the truth. Then does it mean, he doesn't want to talk to me or be friends with me, since he drops the call, right? Dahil lang sa…hindi ako naniniwala sa kanya. Anong magagawa ko eh sa na guguluhan talaga ako!” Iritadong sigaw ko at galit na pumasok muli sa aking kwarto. I threw my phone on the bed and went inside the bathroom.

I’m still wearing my bathrobe and haven’t gotten dressed yet. I looked in the mirror and stared at myself. My cheeks are red and my hair is messy. I turned on the faucet and washed my hands then rinsed my reddened face with water. Tumaas baba ang dibidb ko dala narin siguro ng frustration sa nangyayari ngayon.

Napalunok ako at tiningnan ang suot na damit. Saka naisipan na magbihis para makapag handa na para sa pagtulog.

“Itutulog ko nalang siguro ito.” I told to myself after getting dressed and went back to my room.

I sat in front of my desk and looked myself in the mirror. I put some moisturizer on my face. I also took the new perfumes I bought and sprayed them on my wrist then smell it to occupy myself. Ilang minuto kong nilibang ang sarili duon at tiningnan na din ang ibang binili. While I was doing that, I heard my phone rang so I stood up to pick it up. I saw a new text message from an unknown number.

From: Unknown number

I'm here outside of your house. If you haven't slept yet and are reading this now, could you come out so we can talk for a while?

My eyes widened at what I saw. This is from Appolo. I’m sure of that!

"Sh*t." I cursed softly then went to the mirror and looked at myself, I’m now wearing my pajamas!

Should I change my clothes? I asked myself and turned around to go straight to the walk-in closet but immediately stopped when I realized something. “The hell am I doing? So what kung nakapajama ako. Tss.” I said and turned around to go straight to my bedroom door.

I looked at my phone to check the time. “It’s 10pm already!" I growl. "Why did he come here at this hour and how did he find our house?"

All I knew was that my Dad had just come home from work earlier. The light in the living room is still on. But the light was already dim there. Our house helper is probably in their respective rooms by now.

Binuksan ko ang nakasarado ng pinto ng aming bahay. Saka ako naglakad palabas. When I arrived at the guard house, I saw our security guard sitting on his comfortable chair and holding his cellphone while giggling.

“Kuya Guard.” Mababang tawag ko.

He jumps in shock when he saw me, his phone almost fell off from his lap.

“M-ma’am.” Nagugulat na aniya at nagpalinga-linga. “Bakit pa kayo nasa labas? Gabi na, nakauwi na din po ang daddy niyo.” Aniya pero inilingan ko.

“Pakibuksan ng gate. Nasa labas ang kaibigan ko, may sasabihin lang na importante.” Sambit ko

“Huh? Pero gabing gabi na Ma’am.”

“Buksan mo sabi, importante lang. Diyan lang naman sa labas ng gate!” Iritadong aniya ko at galit siyang tiningnan.

“S-sige po, ma’am.” He said and hurriedly opened the small gate where I could go out.

Pagkalabas ko ay lumabas din ang guard. I immediately saw the car parked on the side of the road. Appolo was also there, leaning against the bumper of his car while looking at his phone. Nag-angat siya ng tingin ng makita ako at agad akong sinalubong ng lumapit ako.

“Anong ginagawa mo dito?” nakakunot na tanong ko pero nasa likod ko ang paningin niya.

Lumingon ako at nakita ko duon ang aming secu na nakatanaw sa amin.

“Papasok din ako, my friend and I are just going to talk!" I said irritably.

“O-okay po ma’am.” Aniya at pumasok muli sa gate, pero sumilip at lumabas muli. “Dito nalang ako ma’am, huwag niyo nalang akong pansinin. Pasensya na, ginagawa ko lang ang trabaho ko.” Malakas na aniya.

I don’t think he can hear us, knowing our distance.

I sighed and then faced at Appolo. "What are we going to talk about? Hindi ba puwedeng ipagpabukas yan? Pumunta ka pa talaga dito ng ganitong oras.” Mahinang anggil ko.

“I’m sorry. I don’t think I can sleep tonight thinking about how you think of me and Charlotte.” He said weakly while staring at me.

Umiwas ako ng tingin. He’s wearing his gray T-shirt and black pants.

“I thought, what we talked about earlier was enough, but I think it’s not. So, I thought of… saying this to you… hopefully you would finally believe me.” He said almost in a whispered.

"Is it that important for you to come here? Pwede naman sigurong sa tawag nalang." Nakakunot na sambit ko.

“Your opinion of me is important to me, Nasia. Ayaw kong isipin mo na kaming dalawa at na may gusto ako sa kanya.” Seryosong aniya at umiwas ng tingin. “And I want to say this to you in person, I don’t want to say it on a call.”

Humalukipkip ako. “Fine then…kung ganun totoo ba?” tanong ko at nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya.

“Hindi.” Mabilis na sagot niya. “Hindi kaylan man.” He sighed heavily and shifted his weight. “Nasia, how could I like Charlotte when there someone else who owns my heart?"

My forehead furrowed, he then crouched and grabbed my arm to pull me closer to him, nagulat ako sa ginawa niya, kumalas din ang mga braso ko mula sa pagkakahalukipkip ng tinitigan niya ng mabuti ang mga mata ko.

“You still don't understand why I'm doing this, huh?” Napapaos na sambit niya.

“Ang alin?” Kinakabahang tanong ko. Umiwas ako ng tingin ng tumama ang mabangong hininga niya sa mukha ko.

"I like you." Napapaos na aniya. “Can your pretty little head still don’t get it. Hmm?” Malambing na aniya.

My eyes widened when I looked back at him. "What?" I asked almost in a whisper.

“Gusto kita, Nasia. Ikaw ang gusto ko…” Ulit niya pa habang titig na titig sa mga mata ko. “Kaya panong si Charlotte ang girlfriend ko kung ikaw ang gusto ko? hmm?”

Kumalabog ang dibdib ko hindi lang dahil sa sinabi niya kundi dahil sa titig niya. He looks at me differently, there’s something in his eyes that made me tremble. He looks so…genuine and on…submission.

“What?” Wala sa sariling ulit ko. Bigla ay nanghina ang mga tuhod ko. Kung hindi niya lang hawak ngayon ang mga braso ko ay malamang napa-upo na ako.