Mine Forevermore

Kabanata 16

Fainted

I drop myself on my bed and look up at the ceiling while recalling what just happened a while ago. Appolo cut the call after I doubted his real relationship with Charlotte, then just a few minutes later he texts me back telling me he was out of our house, tapos… bigla niyang sasabihin sa akin na…gusto niya ako? Alam kong naisip ko na iyon pero ang hirap kasing paniwalaan dahil nakita ko sila na Charlotte na ilang beses na magkasama.

He treated Charlotte lightly while he was always hard to me, cold and harsh sometimes. Iang beses niyang nginitian si Charlotte samantalang nakasimangot at nagsusuplado siya sa akin, I never saw him shout at Charlotte but he did it to me a few times. His eyes were sharp when he looked at me, but soft when looked at Charlotte, so how can I believe that he likes me if he treats us both differently. Is that how you treat a person you like? Ang magsuplado, malamig ang pakikitungo, laging galit ang mga mata, at sinisigawan ka?

Masisisi niya ba ako kung maging ako ay naguguluhan sa mga actions niya?

"How is that possible?" I said coldly and backed away from his grip causing him to release me. I saw the confusion in his eyes and glanced at the distance between the two of us. "How can you say that you like me when you're showing the opposite?" I asked with a frown, his lips then parted. “You always glared at me, you always cold to me, you don’t want to see me watching your game, you even shout at me and scolded me, remember? Nitong mga nakaraan kalang naman nagbago pagkatapos kitang layuan.” Umiling ako ng may biglang sumagi sa isipan. “Malay ko ba kung plano mo lang na kunin ang loob ko para gamitin ako at makuha ang gusto mo.”

He look down and shook his head. "That's not true. It's not like that."

"Sayo hindi, but that's how it looks like for me." Sinundan ko ang pag-iling ng ulo niya. “I thought you might like me, but the thoughts of you fooling me keep coming through my mind. What if pakitang tao lang ang lahat para makuha mo ang loob ko? What if ginagawa mo lang ito para makuha ang gusto mo---"

“I’m not like that.”

"But I don't know you that much!" I said loudly causing him to look up at me. “I only meet you this year, I don't know you very well. Hindi ko nga alam kung tama ba ang impormasyon na nakalap ko tungkol sayo. That you’re not a playboy like your brothers, that you’re the good boy of the Lorenzana siblings.” I said and trembled slightly as the cold air caressed my skin, ngunit hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko ang naging reaksyon niya.

I could see the sadness, pain, and regret in his bloodshot eyes, though he slowly nodded, telling that he understand me.

“I’m sorry.” Mahinang aniya.

“I don’t know! Maybe I was just so broken that’s why I want to divert my attention or … maybe because of how you treated me the first time we meet kaya ako nagkaroon ng interes sa'yo.” Umiiling na aniya ko at nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya. “Hindi ko alam, but I already stop Appolo. So, if this is one of your way to win my heart ---” Tears started to welled up in my eyes when I started to trembled because of the cold air.

"I'm not." He cut me off. “I’m not, Nasia. Please… I’m not playing here, I’m not pretending. I want to be true to you. I want to win your heart, but for some reason, not because I want to use you. I will never do that to you. I’m sorry.”

“Then why do you treat me like that? Why are you so different when it comes to me?” Nakakunot na sambit ko habang nag-iinit ang mga mata ko.

But then...I was stunned when he slowly reached for my hand. I didn't move, I just frowned as I looked at his hands reaching out to me. When he finally holds my hand, he stroked it several times. I bit my lip at his move. I felt the warmth of his hand caressing mine.

“I’m sorry. You should get inside. Your hands are cold.” He said slowly habang nakaawang naman ang labi ko sa ginagawa niya.

Is this true? Does he really like me? Kasi pakiramdam ko ay unti-unti na akong naniniwala sa kanya. Pakiramdam ko ay mababaliw na ako ngayon sa ipinaparamdam niya sa akin.

He raised his other hand and stroked my arm. He pulled me after, but I did not move. He sighed heavily. Tumama siya sa aking braso ng tumigil siya sa tagiliran ko para daanan ako at hinalin sana patungo sa gate, pero hindi ako gumalaw.

“Come on... Baby, your cold.” He whispered near my ear.

Sh*t. Stop that baby thing. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable right now.

Tuluyan na siyang dumikit sa akin. Nanatili padin ang isa niyang kamay sa braso ko, samantalang nakahawak naman siya sa isang kamay ko.

I heard his violent breath near my ear. "I'm sorry."

Akala ko iyon na iyon, but then, I was completely stunned when his hand crawled on my arm until it went on my back. He then pushed my back to get closer to him and hugged me. My forehead pressed against his chest as I looked at our hands in between our stomachs. My eyes warmed while looking at his hand holding mine.

"You should get inside." He whispered after a few seconds.

Nanuot sa aking balat ang init ng kanyang katawan dahilan para mabawasan ang lamig na aking nararamdaman. Sinasabi niyang pumasok na ako pero hindi naman siya kumakalas sa pagkakayakap sa akin. My heart is beating slowly, while I’m feeling his, beating so hard and fast.

"You should rest." He whispered one last time before he finally let go of me. “Good night.”

I closed my eyes tightly after the memory I had with him a while ago. Inayos ko ang sarili sa pagkakahiga at ipinikit ang aking mga mata hanggang sa tuluyan na akong dalawin ng antok.

Pagkatapos ng araw na iyon ay lagi ng sumasama sa akin si Appolo. His treatment also changed; he became lighter than before. Hindi ko siya sinasaway o kinukwestyon, I just let him do whatever he wants, because that's how I want it to be, that's how I wanted him to treat me.

Lagi ko namang nahuhuli na nakangisi si Abby sa akin habang nginunguso lagi si Appolo sa tuwing nilalagyan nito ng ulam ang plate pinggan every lunch time. Nagkaroon siya ng maraming oras dahil wala na din naman kaming klase at puro practice lang para sa promenade, maging sa signing of clearance. He always waits for me after class and walk me to the parking lot. We always eat together every lunch time and he also ask me how’s my day. Though…nagsimula din ang mga kuwento tungkol sa amin.

“Nasia, nililigawan ka daw ni Appolo? Totoo ba?” tanong ng isa sa mga kaklase ko na maingay. I could see my classmates turning to us, especially Charlotte's group.

Simula din ng araw na iyon ay hindi na ako masyadong pinapansin ni Charlotte. She just looked at me quietly but I knew that every time I turned my back on her, she always talked bad about me.

“No, we’re just friends.” Sagot ko sa kaklase.

“Nasia, Si Appolo hinahanap ka, sabay daw kayong magla-lunch!” Sambit ng kaklse kong lalaki pagkatapos pumasok ng aming classroom.

“Sus! Friends ba talaga? Parang hindi naman kayo friends.” Nakangising sambit ng kaklase ko. “Nakamove-on kana kay Henry?” dagdag niya pa.

I then glared at her, mabilis naman siyang napaatras sa tingin ko.

“Sorry.” Paumanhin niya.

Tumayo ako habang nakakunot ang noo saka lumabas ng aming classroom para puntahan si Appolo. Nakapamulsa siya habang tinitingnan siya ng mga estudyante na dumadaan sa aming corridor. He quickly stood up straight when he saw me.

“What are you doing here?” Nakakunot na tanong ko saka sinulyapan ang ibang mga estudyante na panay ang tingin sa amin saka magbubulungan pagkatapos.

“We’re going to eat our lunch together. Are you done with your thing?” He asked and glanced at the classroom behind me.

“Wala naman kaming ginagawa.” Sagot ko.

“Okay, let’s go then.” Aniya at walang pasubaling hinawakan ang kamay ko.

My eyes widened at his moved. I quickly pulled my hand back while his lips parted at what I did.

“What’s wrong?” He asked in astonishment.

"Everyone are looking at us." Mariing sambit ko habang sumusulyap sa mga dumaraan na studyante na nagnanakaw ng tingin sa amin.

Binalingan din niya ang tinitingnan ko at nanliit ang mga mata. “Yes, I can see that? but what’s the problem?”

“Ayos lang sayo ‘to? Iniisip nila na may namamagitan sa atin.” Natatarantang sambit ko samantalang kalmado naman siya. “Kung dati, ayos lang sa akin na landiin ka kahit sa harap pa ng maraming tao, ngayon hindi, this is different! I am not playing or trying to get your attention anymore.”

“Hindi din ako naglalaro, Nasia.” Mababang aniya. “Don’t mind them, alright?” Marahang aniya pero umiling lang ako.

“Appolo, iniisip ng lahat na nililigawan mo ako, kahit hindi naman talaga.” Nakakunot na sambit ko.

Umiling siya ng ilang beses at hinawakan ang kamay ko. “Let’s talk somewhere else. Not here.” He said and took my hand again.

Hindi ako nagprotesta duon, nagpatianod ako sa hila niya habang nakatingin sa magkahawak naming kamay.

Hindi ko maiwasang mapa-isip sa mga ginagawa niya. Actually, hindi ako galit sa ginagawa niya, in fact I'm happy with us being friends and close together. I feel that my life is better somehow when he’s there, it feels lighter. Pero, nag-aalala ako sa ginagawa niya, at para na din sa sarili ko. I have never felt this way before.

I feel like...I am slowly falling for him, and I’m scared for that. I’m scared of how I feel. I’m afraid, it will go deeper.

Ang akala ko, iyong naramdaman ko noon kay Henry ay yun na yun. That’s the feeling of someone who has fallen in love. But, I am no longer sure right now. It seemed different, very different from how I felt for Henry. Ito yung pakiramdam na may halong takot, pangamba, kahit masaya ako kapag nariyan siya... I don't understand, I'm confused. Hindi ko alam kung sigurado ba ako sa nararamdaman ko or infatuated lang ako. Hindi ko na alam.

“Don’t mind them, alright? I don’t care what they think of us. I only care about what you think of me. I want to make it up to you. I’m working hard to prove myself to you.” He said seriously. Napalunok naman ako duon.

Until now I still can't get used to the way he treats me. He’s so sweet and gentlemen. I never thought he had this side of him. In fact, I am shocked by his sudden change of treatment. I still can't get used to it. Pero hindi ko siya masaway kasi gustong gusto ko rin. Gustong gusto ko rin ang mga ginagawa niya.

Though, kung kaylan naman sobrang saya ng mga araw ko, ay kaylan naman nangyari ang isang bagay na hindi ko kaylan man inaasahan o naisip man lang na mangyayari pagkaraan ng ilang araw bago ang aming promenade.

"I have collected the evidence but there was something you need to know." V said on the other line as I looked at myself in the mirror wearing a long-fitted dress with a long slit on the side of my thigh.

"Give it to me then." Sagot ko.

"No. I want us to see each other in person. If you won’t, then I won't give this to you." Mariing sambit niya sa kabilang linya.

I sighed. "Fine. Let's see each tomorrow. But tell me first what did you find out?"

He didn't speak. I kept my eyes on the mirror as I looked at the dress I was wearing.

"V, I'm asking you. Tell me what is it." Seryosong sambit ko.

"I will tell you but please calm down first." Aniya. Rinig ko ang hirap sa kanyang tuno.

My forehead furrowed at the sound of his voice, I then turned around to looked at my exposed skin on my back. "I am calm. Tell me what is it or else I wouldn't come to see you." Banta ko.

"Where are you?" Mabilis na tanong niya.

"Why are you asking? Sabihin mo na sa akin." Iritado nang sambit ko at tinitigan ang sarili habang tumatagilid sa harapan ng salamin.

Actually, I wanted to look for a designer to design my gown but it would take much time and effort, so I just thought of buying one.

"I will tell you. Just tell me where you are." Aniya.

I blinked and started to undress. "I'm in a fitting room ... I'm finding something to wear for our promenade." I said.

"Teka lang." I said on the other line while taking off the long-fitted gown and putting back my dress. I put the phone back to my ear after leaving the fitting room while carrying the gown I want.

"Now tell me what did you find out." I asked and nodded to an attendant after handing him the gown I was holding. Tumango naman siya dala ang aking damit.

I walked to the side and was about to sit on the long velvet sofa, but I stop when I saw the head of some people peeking on the lines of the hanging clothes.

Nangunot ang noo ko duon. I walked closer to see them clearly until I saw the familiar face of a woman.

It was Sienna. Nang tuluyan siyang makita ay gumilid ako at sumilip.

"Nasia, are you still there?" V asked on the other line.

"Yes." I said softly when I finally saw her companions. I thought she was with Charlotte, but then, she wasn't. There were two attendants with her and a manager.

V said something on the other line but it didn't register on my mind. Tila nabingi pa ako sa sinabi niya.

"Wait. why are you not saying anything, Nasia. Nasia, are you still there? Nasia, you’re making me nervous! Sh*t!"

I could no longer hear him when I saw the woman passed the lining clothes until she went to Sienna. She smiled at the two attendants before turning to Sienna and giving her a sweet smile. The attendant and manager nodded to the woman while guiding them out of the store. The two walked out of the store after thanking the two attendants and a manager.

My lips parted and my heart started to pound so hard in my ribcage.

"Nasia! Did you hear me? Are you still there?” Si V.

"What did you just say?" My voice started to tremble.

"Nasia… I’m not yet sure, maybe I was just mistaken, kagaya ng pinagkamali kong boyfriend ni Charlotte si Appolo Lorenzana.” Aniya.

"Ano yung sinabi mo V?" I repeated while swallowing hard, my voice almost trembled for the second time.

He sighed. He did not speak. I was about to shout at him but then he uttered the words that shook my entire system.

"Charlottes friend name Sienna Cervantes… is the daughter of Natasia Cervantes... but ---"

Naibaba ko ang hawak na cellphone saka nagsimulang humakbang para sundan sila. I'm now out of the glass door. Hindi ko na sila nakita kaya nagpalinga linga ako habang hinahanap sila. I looked back again to the left side when I saw two people already on the escalator. I ran and followed them. When I got to the escalator, they were already downstairs.

“Excuse me.” Sambit ko sa mga tao sa escalator na nakaharang sa dinadaanan ko. “Excuse me.” Ilang beses ko iyong inulit. May narinig pa akong nagreklamo ng nabundol ko siya, pero hindi ko na iyon pinansin. My breath is already on labor while hurrying to get down.

Muli ay natanaw ko sila na naglalakad na ngayon papalabas ng mall. Bumagal lang ang mga hakbang ko ng tumigil sila kalaunan habang nag-uusap. They're meters away from me dahilan para hindi ko iyon marinig. Pakiramdam ko ay nabibingi ako habang unti unting humahakbang papalapit sa kanila.

Napahawak ako sa dingding at tiningnan sila. Ilang hakbang nalang at malapit na ako sa kanila.

"Thanks for this mom. I know your busy with your work pero sinamahan mo pa rin ako." Si Sienna.

The lady then strokes her hair while smiling sweetly at her. "Anything for you darling. Besides, it’s been a week since we spend our time together. I don’t want to waste it, so I took the opportunity when I given a chance to take a break."

The two then smiled at each other and say things but I couldn’t hear them anymore. My memories that I buried for so long started to flashed on my mind. My breath started to labor, my vision blurred, my feet weakened when it started to tremble. I stepped a few times as they went straight to the long glass door. But my vision started to spin, it went blurred and I couldn't see them clearly.

I stumbled when someone ran into me, reason why I sat on the floor and let go of my phone. Narinig ko ang paumanhin at ang pagmamadali ng babae, pero bigla ding nanlabo ang pandinig ko.

I gasped when my heart started to slow down while it’s beating so hard in my ribcage. I tried to stand but my knees weakened, and suddenly, I found myself lying on the floor.

I heard someone scream as I look at the two women behind the far glass door. I heard the quick footstep coming from afar. I don’t know where it came from but I glanced at the familiar built of my bodyguards running towards my direction, though… I could no longer see them clearly when my vision got me, until, everything went dark.