Mine Forevermore

Kabanata 11

I don’t want to see you again

I walked quickly down the stairs at halos padabog akong naglakad palapit sa kanila. Nang tuluyang makalapit ay agad kong tinulak ang babae palayo sa aking ama.

"Stay away from my father!" I shouted at the woman, she immediately drop on her knees.

Halos napamura ako ng muntik na akong matumba dahil sa bigat ni Daddy ng bawiin ko siya sa kanya. I looked at him angrily. He can't even open his eyes properly. I was about to shout at him but instead of throwing my hate for him and for his w***e, I called the helpers and the body guards to asked for help.

"Manang! Kuya Franco! Kuya Edgar!" I shouted for help.

Nanggagalit ang mga mata ko ng makita ang babae na nakahawak na ngayon sa sahig dahil sa pagtulak na ginawa ko.

"Oh my God!" Tili niya at tinulungan ang sariling tumayo.

"Anak, I thought you were asleep." My Father laughed. Tila wala na sa sarili.

"Manang!" Iritadong sigaw ko na agad naputol ng mabilis silang sumulpot sa sala.

"Ano bang nangyayari--"

Namumungay pa ang mga mata ni Nanang ng sumulpot sa sala. Pero agad nagising ng makita ang ayos ko. Napasinghap si Nesa at nanlaki ang mga mata ni kuya Franco ng makita ang ayos ng aking Ama. Ganun din ang iba pang katulong.

"Ano ba! Tulungan niyo ako dito!" I shouted when the helpers did not move. Nakita ko naman ang mabilis na pagpasok ni Kuya Edgar sa sala. Ang bodyguard ni Daddy.

Two of the house helpers grabbed my father away from me. One of the body guards held him for support, and kuya Franco support his right arm.

"Put Daddy inside his bedroom and change his clothes." I ordered. Nanang didn't move as she stayed and frowned at the confused woman in front of us.

"Sumunod na kayo, Nanang. Ako na ang bahala dito." I said angrily and glanced at the woman who looked back at me. Binalingan ko si Nanang nang hindi parin siya kumilos.

Kita ko ang pagdududa sa mata ni Nanang pagkatapos niyang sulyapan ang babae sa nandidiring paraan, bago sinulyapan si Daddy at napabuntong hininga. May sinabi pa muna siya kay Nesa bago sumunod kay Daddy.

They continued to support him up the stairs, nakabantay naman ako sa kanila sa baba ng hagdan habang huling sumusunod si Nanang sa kanila. When they finally landed on the second floor I angrily turned to Edgar and to one of our securities.

"Sino sa inyo ang nagpapasok sa babaeng ito!" Sigaw ko at itinuro ang babae na mukhang natauhan sa sigaw ko.

Hindi nakapagsalita ang babae at nanatili lang na nakatingin sa akin at nakakunot ang noo.

"Sorry, ma'am." Kuya guard replied. "Kasama 'ho kasi ni Sir. Stan, kaya medyo nag-aalinlangan ako. Hindi ko alam kung papasukan o hindi. Pinapasok ko nalang kasi sabi ng daddy niyo hayaan ko na lang daw po."

I looked back at the face of the woman who remained standing and looking at me curiously. She's not that old. Probably in her 28 or 30s.

"You! Get the hell out of our house before I throw you out from here!" I shouted angrily.

"Oh. So, your Stans daughter. Nice to meet you." She smiled and even held out her hand to me!

My eyes widened. "How dare you held out your filthy hands on me! Get the hell out of here! B*tch!"

Nagkibit balikat siya. "Your dad let me in. Kaya anong problema mo? Hindi naman ikaw ang ikakama ko--"

"B*tch!" Pigil ko sa kanya at mabilis siyang nilapitan saka hinila ang buhok niya at hinigit siya palabas. "May gana ka pa talagang sumagot na malandi ka!"

Halos mandiri ako sa sinabi niya. Hindi manlang nahiya at nirespeto ang katawan niya para gawin ito sa taong may edad na.

Akala niya dahil porket matangkad siya ng konti sa akin ay hindi ko siya kayang hilahin at porket matanda siya sa akin ay rerespetuhin ko siya. In her dreams! Mabuti nalang at mahaba ang buhok niya kaya naabot ko iyon at nahila pababa.

Nagtitili ang babae at hindi naman ako magawang hawakan ni Edgar at ng security namin para pigilan dahil sa galit ko. Nanggigigil kong sinabunutan ang babae.

"Lumayas ka dito. Ang landi landi mo! My daddy is a family man, pero nilalandi mo! Talagang sumama ka pa dito sa bahay namin!" I shouted angrily as I dragged her out of our house.

"Ah! Get your hands off my hair!" She shouted at me, but I just pulled her hair down until we could get out of the double door and pushed her out.

Tuluyan siyang nadapa at sumubsob sa semento. Narinig ko ang pag-daing niya. Tumaas din ang maiksing dress niya dahilan para magpakita ang underwear niya.

"If you want to get laid tonight then get a man like you! Don't hit the person who is already committed!" Sigaw ko.

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin. Galit din ang mga mata. "I ask him! He told me that your mother and him had separated years ago--"

"Wala kang pakialam dun. It's between our family! You have nothing to say on this. Get the hell out of our house before I call the rest of the guard to drag you out!" Sigaw ko.

I can't believe that my father had told her that! It's between our family. Kaya panong madali lang sa kanya na sabihin ang personal na bagay sa hindi naman malapit sa kanya at hindi bahagi ng aming pamilya.

Kita ko ang galit sa mga mata niya at kusa ng tumayo. I saw Edgar holding her arm to drag her out but she slapped his hand and walked out on her own.

Tumataas baba ang dibdib ko dahil sa galit at Iritasyon habang pinagmamasdan siyang paika-ikang naglalakad palabas ng garahe.

"Tss. Nakakadiri. Ang kapal ng mukha." Rinig Kong sambit ni Nesa sa tabi ko hanggang sa narinig ko ang pagsinghap nito. "Ma-ma'am may sugat po kayo."

I turned to her angrily habang nakaturo naman ang kamay niya sa braso ko. Hinawakan ko ang braso ko at nakita ang iilang kalmot duon. Dumudugo iyon at ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang hapdi. The scratch was long but I ignored it. I turned around and walked back inside the mansion.

I climbed the stairs and went straight to my fathers room. This isnt the first time Ive seen him drunk but this is the first time I saw him bring a woman inside our house. Actually, I've caught him a few times with a different woman but he never brought one here in our house. But I can't stand what I've seen a while ago. I have endured seeing him dating a lot of women for years. It has also been several years since the last time I saw him drunk and with woman too. But even though he is drunk, he goes home alone. So, I don't understand why he got himself drunk and worst bring a woman with him and went in our house.

Siguro naputol ang katiting na pasensya ko kaya sumugod ako. Hindi ko iyon magawa noon. Dahil bata pa ako. Pero ngayong malaki na ako ay kayang kaya ko na silang patulan. Noon, I just clenched my fist while watching my father dating different woman from afar. Lalabas ng restaurant, ng mall, ng casino, ng bar, at ng hotel. I followed him many times and sometimes its a coincidence. But I just glared at them habang hinihiling na sana ay maghiwalay sila agad. I don’t know, but even if my mother leaves us for another man, I still only want her for him. Pero sa tuwing hinihiling ko iyon, sinasabi ko naman sa sarili ko na napaka selfish ko naman para pagbawalan ang ama ko na lumigaya sa piling ng ibang babae.

When I finally went inside my fathers room. I saw him wearing his fresh clothes while laying comfortably on his bed. He was asleep while one of our helpers wiped his armed with a lukewarm water.

Nasa tabi ng kanyang kama si Nanang na nag-uutos ng kung ano ano sa mga kasambahay. Natigilan lang ng makita ang pagpasok ko.

"Ayos ka lang ba hija? Narinig kong sinugod mo ang dalang babae ng daddy mo." Aniya ni Nanang.

"I'm fine. I'm sure that woman's wound is worse than mine." I answered while keeping my eyes on my father.

Napabuntong hininga siya. "Hindi mo na dapat ginawa yun. Hinayaan mo nalang sana ang mga guards na palabasin ang babae. Tingnan mo ang nangyari sayo, may mga sugat ka sa braso." Nakakunot na aniya.

I now turned to Nanang. "I don't regret what I did, Nanang. Dapat lang sa kanya iyon para hindi na niya balikan si Daddy at hindi na rin siya bumalik dito."

She sighed. "Nag-aalala lang ako para sayo."

"I'm not a child anymore. I can take care of myself." I said coldly even though tears started to pool in my eyes. I averted my eyes and turned to Daddy again. He looks better than earlier.

"Iwan niyo muna kami." Sagot ko.

I heard Manang’s sigh after she gesture our two helpers and kuya Franco out who I think help to dressed my father.

Nakatingin na si Kuya Franco sa akin ngayon at nilapitan ako. "Okay ka lang? Patingin ako. Gamutin natin yang sugat mo." Kuya Franco said worriedly.

"Hindi na. Okay lang ako." Sambit ko habang nakatingin sa aking ama. Kita ko naman sa gilid ng mga mata ko na tinitigan ako ni Kuya Franco at parang ayaw pa akong iwan.

I sighed. "Please, iwan niyo muna kami."

"Franco." Nanang called him. Kuya Franco sighed and followed Nanang to walked out of the door.

When I heard the door close, I approached my fathers bed and stared at him.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked almost in a whispered. "Why do you have to do this?” My voice shook a little and felt like there’s a bile in my throat that it’s so hard to swallowed. “Is it because of loneliness because my mom left us? But you're fine even without mommy. We've been okay these past few years even without her. So why are you doing this to yourself?"

"Am I not enough to make you happy?" I asked with a frown while my tears started to rolled down in my cheek.

Aaminin ko. Masama ang loob ko sa kanya dahil pakiramdam ko ay napabayaan niya ako ng ilang taon. Our lives were normal, but Dad always stayed at work and never had time with me. Kaya masama ang loob ko.

He loves his work more than me. He loves his money more than me. He loves his women more than me.

I felt so insecure. I wanted to confront him and tell him about my thoughts. I wanted to shout at him and scolded him and make him realize what he had done to me all these years. Pero kaylan man ay wala akong sinabi sa kanya. Hindi ako nagreklamo at hindi ko din siya inaway, even if I was already mad and ready to shout at him.

I don't want us to fight, even if I wanted to. I didn’t want to complain, even if I wanted to complain. Maybe because I’m scared ... I don't want him to leave me too. Dahil natatakot ako na bigyan siya ng dahilan para iwan din ako, kagaya ng pag-iwan sa akin ni mommy noon.

Just like the old times when I felt so lonely and alone inside my room, I fell asleep crying that night. I woke up the next morning with a swollen eye. The raise of the sun that hit my bed makes me wake up, but I almost jump in shocked when I saw the alarm clock. It’s already 8:50 am and I have a class today! so I wonder why Nanang didn't wake me up.

I groaned. Agad akong tumayo mula sa pagkakahiga at dumeretso sa banyo, hindi ko na din tinawag ang mga katulong. Naligo ako at suminghap ng maramdaman ang hapdi sa braso ko. I gritted my teeth when I remember what happened last night. I have long scratched on my arm and it was a bit painful!

“Buwisit na babae. Slut!” Sigaw ko habang patuloy na kinukoskos ang katawan.

Binuksan ko ang shower para mahimasmasan. After a while, I went out and went straight to my bed, I just realized that my uniform was not there. I close my eyes tightly. Calm down. The helpers do it for me kaya nasanay ako na lalabas nalang at magbibihis. I almost laughed, so much for being spoiled brat huh? I went back inside my closet to find my uniform.

Kita ko ang pag-aalala sa mga mata ni Nanang nang makita ako na nagmamadaling makababa.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" I asked in annoyance, then went straight to the dining table. "Give me my food." I commanded to our helpers but no one moved. They looked at Nanang first. What are you doing? I said give my food. I'm late!

Kita ko ang pagtango ni Nanang sa mga katulong. Sumunod naman sila dito. Lumapit siya ng bahagya sa lamesa at kinausap ako.

“Sinabi ko sa Daddy mo ang nangyari kagabi.” Aniya.

Napapikit ako ng mariin at hinilot ang sintido.

“He wants you to rest kaya hindi ka niya muna pinagising ngayon and nagpadala din siya ng mensahe sa school mo na hindi ka makakapasok dahil masama ang pakiramdam mo.”

"What?" My forehead furrowed. Why did he do that? At anong masama ang pakiramdam? Im totally fine. Tumayo ako mula sa kinauupuan. “Nasan si Daddy? kakausapin ko siya.”

“Nasa opisina na. Kanina pa. Humihingi din siya ng tawad sa nagawa kagabi. Aniya’y lasing lang daw siya at wala sa sarili. At nasabi ko din ang ginawa ng babae sa’yo, maaring iyon ang dahilan kaya hindi ka muna pinapasok ngayon.”

Suminghap ako. “So, he still cares for me, huh?” Mahinang sambit ko at tumaas ang kilay.

“Nasia, huwag kang magsalita ng ganyan. May pakealam sa’yo ang Daddy mo.”

Umiling ako at hindi iyon pinansin. Ipinakita ko sa kanya ang braso ko pagkatapos umupo. “Just for this small scratch, ayaw niya na akong papasukin?” Halos matawa ako duon saka binalingan si Nanang. “You dont have to worry, Nanang. Ive gone worst.

I have been bullied by my classmates even by other students during my elementary days. Yung isa pinatid ako kaya nadapa ako, yung isa tinulak ako habang naghahabulan kami kaya ang laki ng sugat ko nuon sa tuhod. Yung isa, tinapon yung bag ko sa basurahan, yung isa naman sinira yung ginawa kong diorama kung saan may bahay at kasama ko si Mommy at Daddy, at marami pang nang-yari. The worst was when they surrounded me and laughed at me and told me that my mom and dad didn't love me, because they never showed up during family days or even picked me up at school.

And now that I am brave enough and was no longer afraid of them. Sila naman ngayon ang takot sa akin, and it all started the day I punched a classmate after he told me that my father would probably leave me eventually, because he didn't love me. His nose bled because of what I did. Napa guidance ako nuon kasama si Daddy. Naging palaban ako after that, but I did not become a bully like them. I resisted whenever I was oppressed and made myself intimidating so that they wouldn't look down on me.

Kaya din walang gustong makipag kaibigan sa akin, dahil takot sila na awayin ko. Maliban lang nga kila Charlotte na kayamanan lang naman at impluwensya ang habol sa akin. So, only Abby became my friend. She was the first woman I saved from bullies and the two of us became friends after. Shes not like them, hindi lang nga rude na katulad ko, but more than that… I saw myself in her.

Natigilan ako sa pag-iisip ng makasalubong si Appolo sa ground floor. I immediately turned my back on him and walked opposite his path.

“Nasia!” Tawag niya sa akin. “Stop ignoring me. I know you can hear me! Hey--”

“Ouch!” Angil ko ng maramdaman ang hapdi sa braso ko pagkatapos niya akong hablutin duon.

His forehead furrowed at my reaction. Im about to withdraw my hand but he immediately saw what was there.

"What happened to your arm?" He asked while frowning.

“Wala kang pakealam, dun. Layuan mo ako.” Singhal ko at muli siyang tinalikuran.

"I'm sorry alright!" He said loudly.

My mouth twitched at his word. I faced him again and glared at him. Is that it? you're just going to apologize after what you asked me to do. I almost laughed. "I thought you were different from them, but you're all just the same."

What? What are you trying to say? Please, let's talk properly, not here. He plead and looked at the students around us.

Natawa ako sa kanya. “What? Are you afraid to let them know that you wanted to use me? Sa bagay, nakakahiya nga naman iyon. They know you very well, for being good, smart, handsome, and gentleman. But I guess their wrong. Pa’no kaya kapag nalaman nila na kagaya ng ibang lalaki ay asshole ka din.”

“Nasia!” Sigaw niya habang galit akong tiningnan.

Napatalon ako sa sigaw niya. Nanlaki at nag-init din ang gilid ng mga mata ko. Bahagya din akong natakot duon.

Unti unting nangilid ang luha sa mga mata ko. “I hate you.” Sambit ko.

I dont know but I suddenly feel so frustrated right now. How can he have shouted at me like that? And how dare him shout at me like that!

I'm taking back what I said before. I don't like him anymore. Hes not my target anymore. I dislike him now. He’s already one of those people I hate.

“I’m just telling the truth! Ikaw pa ang may ganang magalit!” Sigaw ko din pabalik.

Lumamlam ang mga mata niya at bahagya akong inabot. “I’m sorry. Come here.”

I pushed his hand away. Dont touch me. Stay away from meI hate you! I dont want to see you again!” I said coldly.

His lips parted. Before he could speak, I turned my back on him.