TO BE LOVED

Chapter 20

"Don't bullshit me with that excuse!" sinigawan ko ang cashier sa harap.

Nabigla ito sa bulyaw ko sa kanya at yumuko agad at hindi na nagsalita. Was she shocked?

Hindi ko minsan ma kontrol ang pagka ingratta ko. This situation with him - being with him frustrates me.

Colleen touched my arm the reason that I winched. I give him a look of my annoyance. Tumabi ako dahilan na nawala ang hawak niya sa braso ko.

You have the audacity touching me when you know how you hated this situation here being - with me.

Naghingi siya ng paumanhin sa cashier doon, nagbayad at umalis kami sa counter at lumabas sa cafe dala ang apat na order namin.

"Wag kang magsalita ng ganyan sa mga nakakantanda sayo!" he lectured.

Malakas niyang sinarado ang pintuan sa driver seat. Inayos ang seatbelt niya at pinaandar ang sasakyan. Sumulyap ng tingin sa akin sandali at agad diretso ang tingin sa harap.

Nakahalukipkip ako matapos tinapon ang chocolate shake sa labas ng bintana habang tumatakbo ang sasakyan. May narinig pa akong humiyaw siguro natamaan sa plastic cup na may lamang shake. Oops.

"Well, you could've leave me out of it." mataray kong sinabi at binuksan ang stereo ng sasakyan.

"What the hell?!" bulyaw niya.

Tumingin siya sidemirror. At hininto ang sasakyan. Lukot ang kanyang mukha at lumabas galing sasakyan at umikot sa pintuan ko at binuksan ito.

"Kunin mo 'yon," malamig niyang bati.

Sabay turo sa shake sa dalawang metro ang layo. Lumayo sa akin para makalabas ako.

"What are you? "I asked him - I shot him a what-the-f**k look," Crazy?"

I sighs and open the door but before I could get in he immediately close it with the use of his palm that cause a loud thud.

"Hindi yon sayo. 'Kay Mama." he calmly, said.

What the f**k? Is he serious right now?

"Ha? Bakit hindi mo sinabi?" He didn't talk back; when I figured out he was serious,

I panicked.

I half-run towards the not spilled yet shake, the other one which is the milk tea beside it were still sealed. Thank God!

Hinahangos pa ako papalapit sa kanya. Crap, Tita would've scold me for sure. Hindi ko pa kilala masyado si Tita. But even so, that s**t I did right there about throwing the shake - was a bad trip.

When I came closer to him there's something weird going on with him. As I look closely to him and he barked out of laughter.

He's watching me holding the cups.

"What?" I said confused.

Don't play tricks on me now Colleen because I'm not into it.

Hinawakan ko ang shake at pinagpagan kasi may ilang dumi nakasabit doon.

I give him a smug look. While I watch him laugh to death.

Nasa tabing daan kami. Naka andar parin ang sasakyan hindi man lang pinatay. Hindi naman busy ang highway kaya ayos lang at tsaka four lane naman at hindi nakasagabal sa iba at nakaparking kami ng maayos kahit papano.

Well, when it comes to parking for a car ain't really his forte.

"Lets go." he said - proceeded walking towards to the driver seat.

His laughter filled the silence sidewalk.

"Hey!" saway ko.

I watched him laughed. His face red. What his problem why is he laughing non-stop.

"I was just kidding." his laughter still didn't died down - that made me want to punch him. His inside the car now.

My lips parted. I was just kidding - his words echoed on my mind and ears.

Hinigpitan ko ang hawak ng shake at kaunti nalang talaga gusto ko ng itapon sa kanya ang shake nahawak.

How scould she used his mother's name to impress me? Huh? Wow impressed? Well im not impressed its not cool.

Out of my frustrations, I open the door and I went inside and impulsively open the shake led and with no hesitation I throw it off to him.

"Serve you right,"

"What the!"

"No! What the!" I corrected him, " What the f**k!" Malutong kung mura.

I went outside after I saw him get himself a tissue.

Diretso akong naglakad sa sidewalk habang tinatawag niya ako na malayo na sa kung saan siya.

Malabo talagang makasakay ako dito ng cab. Naramdaman ko ang sa sasakyan niya sa gilid ko sumasabay sa lakad ko.

Binuksan niya ang window sa frontseat.

"Hey get in! Mag gagabi na."

"Hey get in! Mag gagabi na," inawat ko ang sabi niya.

"Blair come on!" may inis na sa boses.

"Blair come on!" I mocked.

"Bahala ka! " He give up.

"Bahala ka." I mocked.

Pagkatapos don ay pinaharurut ang sasakyan. Tinanaw ko ang ang bilis ng sasakyan nang patakbo hanggang sa nawala na ito sa aking paningin.

I walked and sighed exhaustedly.

Infront of me is a long road ahead on the side of it are the highway lights pole that are made of woods. The wires are connected to one another to the next light pole.

Five thirty to be exact when I stare to them it looks like a painted black - the color of the sky marvel it all. The sky is clear periwinkle - in shade of pale indigo that for once when you look at it screams beyond aesthetic.

Nakakita ako ng waiting shed kaya doon ako umupo.

The cornfield is stretches widely covered in muddy brown - probably they already harvested the corn. On the far end were the trees, different kind of trees and when I look at them closely you notice that behind them were the seaside.

Binuksan ko ang phone ko. Unfortunately, hindi mabuksan. Funny.

I scoffed. Ganito ba talaga ang role ng mga phone kapag nasa ganitong sitwasyon tayo?

I hear crickets, seriously. Pero walang sasakyan ni Kol ang nakita ko. Seryoso ba talaga ang gagong yon na hindi niya na talaga akong balikan dito? Kung sa bagay...

"God I hate that guy!" asik ko.

Kol pag talaga may mangyari sa akin hindi talaga kita mapapatawad. I mentally said indulgently.

"Doesn't mean he is the f*****g son of the governor in this f*****g town ay gagantuhin na niya ako,"

"Kung hindi lang yon gwapo. .. buti pa si Chevy," I said dramatically.

Waiting for noting is exahusting kaya hindi na ako naglakad kasi sumasakit na ang paa ko.

"God I really hate him hindi pa siya bayad sa pagpapakulong sa akin ha and he's doing this again to me!" gigil kung ani.

Kinuha ko ang phone ko at nagbabasakaling mabukas ito ng maramdaman na nagvibrate ito at nabuhayan ako bigla. Agad kung dina'ial si Chevy.

"Hey Chev—"

Someone get the phone off from my grip at pinatay agad ang tawag. The line went dead.

Tumingala ako and it was Kol! Magugulat ba ako? Matutuwa? I bite my lips for me to stop myself from venting sa kanya.

Umirap ako at tumayo.

Hindi ko na napansin na nandito na pala siya. Nawala sa isip ko ang pagbabasakaling babalikan niya ako ng bumukas ang phone ko at hihingi nalang ng tulong sa iba.

I remaind still.

And now he's here acting like this! AGAIN! Una, noon sa soccer game. He never spoken to me the day after when he picked me up at the barn house sabi niya may pupuntahan daw kami pero wala naman! Diretsong uwi lang sa bahay! And he never also spoken to me a week later after that; well we talked but not like the usual like comfortable towards each other. At ngayon wala si Kuya Jober kaya siya ang nagmaneho ng sasakyan. And then out of the blue he left me!

Naka drugs ba siya?

"Ano ba ang problema mo Colleen?" my voice is controlled.

Mabuti naman at naka coat pa ako kahit papaano hindi nakaramdam ng lamig sa paa ko lang. Not to mention lamok-ish

"Noong isang linggo kapang ganyan ah? Naka drugs ka ba?" medyo tumaas na ang boses ko- dahil sa inis yon.

Hindi siya nagsalita. Nanatiling nakatingin sa akin ang headlights ng sasakyan niya ang tanging ilaw namin.

"Ano ba ang problema mo?!" tinampal ko siya sa dibdib, "Sabihin mo para magkaliwanagan na tayo! Ha? Sabihin mo hindi iyong ganto ka sa akin, akala ko ba ayos na tayo kasi kinakausap mo na ako pero ngayon naman iniwan mo ko sabihin mo anong problema—"

"Ikaw ang problema ko!" he blurted out suddenly kita ko sa mga mata niya ang mapupusok na galit doon.

Natigilan ako. Natiklop ko ang nakaawang kung labi.

Nanunot sa aking utak ang salita niya ang sinabi niya na mukhang galit na galit na. I watch him tinimbang ko ang kanyang expressyon.

"A-ano? Ano ba ang ginawa ko sayo ha?!" hindi ko mapigilan ang nanunuot na sakit sa aking lalamunan.

"Sabihin mo." mahina kung ani.

He didint said a word. After a minute passed. "Let go home!"

Hinanap niya ang palapulsuhan ko pero iniwas ko iyon bago niya pa mahawakan.

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa- iyon nga lang mabilis kung iniwas ang mata ko sa kanya kasi hindi ko alam bakit hindi ko kaya siyang tignan ng matagalan lalo na ngayon.

His curly hair hair is visible from where I am standing and his symmetrical face is obviously attractive even in taut.

Tahimik akong Umalis sa harap niya at naglakad. Hindi niya pinatay ang sasakyan kaya naka on ang headlights nito nasa harap na ako ng sasakyan ng tinawag niya ako galing waiting shed.

"Blair lets go home!" he demanded.

Hindi ako lumingon.

"Uuwi ka na kung gusto mo! Hindi ako sasama sayo." I said in dismissive tone I continue walking until I heard his fast pace behind.

Galit parin ako sa kanya ngayon. Sagad sa buto ko ang galit ko sa kanya. Kung ayaw niyang pag usapan edi mabulok siya.

Hindi naman ako ang may kasanalan diba siya naman ang unang hindi na pumapansin sa akin.

Almost three weeks na ito at nextweek sem break na. Mabuti nalang talaga at hindi ako sa kanila manunuluyan kasi kapag nagkataon maaga talaga akong maulyanin kakaisip kung anong kasalanan ko sa kanya.

Hinaklit niya ang braso at napaharap sa kanya. Like inviting me to look into his angry eyes - I know his mad but his eyes isn't angry at all its soft.

"Saan ka naman pupunta? Gabi na, baka may mangyaring masama sayo dyan."

I scoffed in the midst of his statement.

"Wow impressive. " I force my hand to get from his hold and offered to clapped sarcasticly and flash a fake smile.

"You should think that before you left me here alone! Tapos ngayon ganyan sasabihin mo sa akin?" I fake lauged," Advance mindset ba natug' ka?"I mocked.

He fell silent by what I said. And then suddenly a moment passed he didn't said a word and I feel guilty - crept in.

He face softened when he said," Lets just go home." he said softly his voice isinuating na ayaw na niyang makipag argumento sa akin.

"No," my voice is full and firm.

Galing sa yuko umangat ang ulo niya at napatingin sa akin.

"Not unless you tell bakit ka nagkaka ganyan." I demanded.

He stared at me and sighed as if this is exhaust him. He look around and his eyes stopped and drifted on my eyes.

"You want a list?" he asked at tumingin agad sa akin na para naghahanap ng permisyon kung gusto ko ba ng listahan.

I sported a blant face, then out of nowhere he pick up a something a piece of paper in his pocket and then give it to me.

"Read it," he offered it to me.

Tinanggap ko ito at binuksan. Una kung napansin ay ang panlalaking penmanship.

Reasons why I constanly hate Dorothy.

1.) SHe always talks about Yousef. Even though, she always . . . with me.

2.) She likes Yousef because he's into sport and I'm not. I played soccer but still parang mas gusto niya si Yousef at Chevy.

3.) After the game that night she left me alone. She stood me up. Even so, I waited outside the school gate.

4.) Although I hate her- ayoko ko naman na may masamang mangyari sa kanya.

Ps: I think I'm doomed with her.

After reading it - habang nakayuko ay walang salita ang lumalabas na mga salita sa aking bibig, naka awang lang ito. Hindi ko alam anong gagawin ko.

Umigting ang pangako habang nakatanaw sa listahan kahit naman' siya ay naghihintay na ng sagot ko.

Ano naman ang gusto niyang mangyari? At bakit may list?

"Say something please... I don't want us to be awkward,"

Galing sa awang kung labi. I bite my lips to atleast informing myself that I'm in this situation. Para akung niluluto sa init na nadarama.

Nakatingin parin ako sa papel na hinihipan ng hangin.

"Hoy Dorothy magsalita ka," he said casually as if nothing happened between us na para bang hindi siya galit sa akin.

Inangat ko ang aking tingin ko sa kanya at nagtagpo ang mga mata naming dalawa. His eyes softened when they caught my stares.

As if meeting mine would makes him calm.

Ang kulot na buhok niyang hinihipan ng hangin. Kinabahan agad ako ng lumapit siya sa akin. Nag ugat ang paa ko sa cementadong daan habang ang mata niyang nakatingin sa akin.

In this starless sky... Kol hugged me. He suddenly hug me tight. Like he give up at that its okay. While I remained still.

"I'm sorry." he said, softly.

It was sincere and momentarily. Like all of my inis sa kanya just vanish quickly.

"You know hindi ko gusto na ganito ako," pangatwiran niya.

"Ikaw naman ang nagsimulang hindi ako pinapansin. Edi magdusa ka. Gago ka pala."

Kumawala siya sa yakap at tinignan ako ang dalawang kamay niya ay nakahawak pa'rin sa balikat ko.

His forehead creased." Your words are deep cut 'pero kahit ganyan ka' ganyan ang ugali mo tiniis ko kasi ayokong lumayo ang loob ko sayo," he said," please refrain using words that hurt people feelings. I don't like girls who says bad words."

"Na para bang sinasamba mo ang mga yan," he continued.

Sinuri ko siya." You don't like me then if I say foul words?"

Kol is smart guy, coming from a respectable family in town, a gentleman dahilan kung bakit maraming nagkakagusto sa kanya sa school. Aura niya palang sa unang tingin ay talagang dapat may pambaon ka ng respeto kapag kinausap mo siya.

That if you just know him firsthand.

But to his friends? His cool when they talked- or maybe thats because marami na silang pinagsasamahan?

But when I'm with him I don't mind if I was rude to him or not but he just cool with it. Hello? Si Blair Dorothy to? Badass chic in town?

Hindi siya nagsalita ilang sandali ang makalipas.

"Edi doon ka kay V sobrang religious non." tampo ko.

I pouted and look sideways.

"I'm talking to you only hindi sa ibang tao. Wag mo ngang isali si V dito." Giit niya.

"Well sana inisip mo na ganito na ako. Hindi maiwasan minsan kapag wala ako sa mood I said foul words straight nonchalantly." I explained.

Kung ayaw niya pala sa akin edi doon siya sa ibang tao na hindi nagsasabi ng bad words.

I mentally rolled my eyes.

"Tsaka bakit tungkol sa akin to?" I taunted," Lets talk about your jelousy boy," my eyes forma into slits.

Winagayway ko ang papel sa harap niya. Nakitaan ko ng kunot ang noo niya. You confused?

"I'm not jealous," giit niya at umiwas pa ng tingin.

"So ano ang tawag dito? You're jealous just admit it." I confirmed it for him.

Ugh! Don't make this hard for is Colleen Jace!

"I'm not jealous its just that you're unfair sometimes kasi kahit ako ang kasama mo iba ang iniisip mo."

"So you're jealous!"

"I'm not!" GIIT niya talaga.

"So ano ang tawag mo dito?"

He stays silent.

"I cared about you..."

"You cared about me thats why you're jealous!"

Natahimik siiya. Ang talino ng taong to pero hindi alam ano ang ibig kung sabihin.

"Put—" I stoped saying putangina when he glared.

"Colleen!" I said his name instead.

He sighs and says and nod.

"Thats," he said at put down his hand from pointing me," Why instead of saying bad words just say my name." he suggested.

Natigilan ako. "Ha?" Naguguluhan.

"When you say putangina, f**k, s**t or any foul words just say my name instead,"

"Bakit sinasamba ba kita?" I asked,"

"Oo sinasamba na." bilis niyang sagot.

"Ikaw rin naman ah nagsasabi ka ng bad words."

"Edi pangalan mo ang sasabihin ko."

"Edi sinasamba mo rin ako?" taas kilay kung tanong.

"Parang ganon na nga." ngumuso siya na may pag iisip.

Hindi na siya nagsalita." Okay," sabi ko. Satisfied.

So what are we now? Kids? Edi okay!

He walks towards me. Inch by inch. Heartbeat by heartbeat. With our eyes remain still, watching our every move.

Hindi ko alam ano ang iniisip niya sa mga oras na 'ito, pero alam ko sa sarili na ito na...