The Paintbrush Deal

CHAPTER 21

Sorry. I forgot to tell you na may parating pala akong delivery ng painting materials ngayon. Unfortunately, mukhang nasiraan yata ang service vehicle nila, so they're going to be late. Baka madilim na rin akong makauwi dahil may dinner pala kaming mga trainer. Ikaw na lang ang pumirma sa delivery slip. Take care. I'll see you later.

Kasalukuyan akong nakahilata sa isang upuan sa may pool at kumakain ng tirang pizza mula kanina nang matanggap ko ang text ni Skyler. Halos alas-singko na ng hapon at kanina pa nakaalis sina Adrian at Zoe. Naka-tatlong movies kami. Hindi na sila nagtagal pa lalo't biglang kumulimlim ang langit at mukhang uulan pa nang malakas.

Yeah. Whatever, sagot ko naman. 'Wag ka sanang mabulunan. Also, don't expect me to include you in my dinner. Mag-take out ka na lang kung hindi ka pa makuntento sa pagkain mo.

Wala na akong natanggap na reply.

Well, unfortunately, wala namang masyadong naitulong sina Zoe at Adrian. Kasalanan ko naman actually dahil ayaw kong sabihin sa kanila ang buong kwento. Now that I'm alone in the house, mas lalong tumindi ang pagtataka ko sa workroom ni Skyler.

Hindi naman siguro siya nagtatago ng bawal na mga bagay sa kwarto niya. Skyler may look detached and uncaring on the outside, but he's not the type who'd keep a corpse inside his closet or hoard illegal substances. Kung ano man ang laman ng workroom niya, it must be so important or valuable to make him fiercely prohibit even his closest friends from entering the room.

"I need to distract myself," bulong ko sa sarili ko. Buti na lang at biglang bumuhos ang malakas na ulan kaya napilitan akong pumasok sa bahay.

The weather this afternoon was unbelievably bad. Sa sobrang kapal ng mga ulap ay halos madilim na sa paligid. In fact, I had to switch on some lights inside the house dahil madilim na rin dito sa loob. Dahil hapon naman na ay tumingin na ako sa ref at pantry para mag-decide kung ano ang masarap na lutuin.

I ended up grabbing a huge slab of beef for my steak dinner. Kumpleto rin ang pantry ng ingredients para sa vegetable salad. Kailangan ko na lang na magsaing ng sandamakmak na rice para makumpleto na ang dinner ko.

Mukha man akong patay-gutom pero sinusulit ko lang talaga ang permiso sa 'kin ni Skyler na pwede kong kainin ang kahit na anong gusto ko. Besides, I've never had this much food in my entire life. Libre man ang pagkain namin sa restaurant kung saan ako nagtatrabaho parati, masyado naman akong busy para makakain nang maayos. Bawal naman kaming magdala ng pagkain pauwi. Kapag nandoon naman ako sa dorm ay halos puro instant lang ang mga nakakain ko.

Maybe my deprived childhood has something to do with this behavior of mine. Regardless of the reason, it's not like I'm wasting food. Kahit patay-gutom ako, kaya ko namang estimahin ang kaya kong kainin. Patay-gutom lang ako, hindi baboy. I didn't always have a full belly when I was younger, so now I'm trying to give my body what it really needs. . . and wants, occasionally.

Hindi na humina pa ang ulan hanggang sa sumapit na ang gabi. I have just finished grilling the steak when I heard a horn outside the gate. Pagbaling ko sa orasan ay lagpas alas-siyete na ng gabi. Umuulan pa rin kaya nag-payong na lang ako papunta sa gate kung saan nakaabang na ang isang maliit na delivery truck. Dahil maulan talaga ay pinapasok ko na ang sasakyan nila sa garahe.

"Nasabihan na po ako ng nag-order sa inyo," sagot ko naman doon sa isa sa mga nagdeliver nang sabihin niya ang rason kung bakit sila late. "Dalhin niyo na lang po doon sa dulo ng hallway," dagdag ko sabay turo sa direksyon ng workroom ni Skyler.

Mukhang sandamakmak din ang in-order ng mokong. Marami rin kasing mga box na ibinaba ang mga nag-deliver. Dahil dadalawa lang sila at gabi na rin, tinulungan ko na lang silang magbaba ng ilang mga box at sila na ang nagdala papunta sa hallway kung nasaan ang workroom.

"Seriously, did that guy buy an entire art shop?" reklamo ko nang matapos na rin kaming magbaba ng mga kahon.

"Sir, hindi po pala naka-lock ang pinto ng kwarto kaya ipinasok ko na lang po 'yung mga mabibigat na box doon. Kayo na lang po ang bahala doon sa ibang nasa hallway. Magagaan lang naman po 'yun," sabi sa 'kin ng isa sa mga nag-deliver habang pumipirma ako sa delivery form.

"Sige po. Ingat kayo. Salamat," sagot ko. Hindi ko naman siya narinig masyado dahil sa lakas ng ulan.

Wala na sana akong pakialam pa sa delivery ng kulot lalo pa't nagutom ako sa pagbubuhat. Still, I decided na ayusin man lang ang mga kahon. Unfortunately, papalapit pa lang ako sa workroom ay agad akong natigilan nang makita kong nakasiwang ang pinto ng kwarto.

Mula sa labas ay kita kong naka-on ang ilaw sa loob. May mga gamit din na nakalagay sa mga shelf at cabinet. 'Yun nga lang, hindi ko pa rin makita ang kabuuan ng buong kwarto.

Enter that room if you want to meet him.

Yana's words suddenly echoed inside my head, fuelling me to step forward and head straight towards the door. Kahit bukas ang pinto, humawak pa rin ako sa door knob habang iniisip kung ano ba talaga ang gagawin ko.

I'll just take a peek and leave. Sasabihin ko na lang na 'yung nagdeliver ang nagbukas ng pinto. I'm not going to touch anything.

Finally making up my mind, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before pushing the door.

When I opened my eyes again, I was surprised to see a clean and orderly room. Illuminated by the golden glow of a solitary light bulb in the corner, the room looked quite heavy and sad. On the walls were shelves and cabinets filled with all painting materials imaginable—paintbrushes, cans of paint, pieces of canvas, and many others. Black curtains covered the only window in the room. Skyler's workroom looked exactly like a, well, workroom.

What really puzzled me was the lack of artworks inside. The walls of the room were barren and empty. Inakala ko naman na nandito ang best works ni Skyler na nagsisilbing inspirasyon niya sa painting. However, that does not seem to be the case here. Tila ito lang ang kwarto sa bahay na 'to na walang painting.

Until I saw something at the center of the room.

I didn't notice it right away because of the lack of light, but upon squinting my eyes, it looked like a painting propped on an easel. Intrigued, I finally stepped into the room to inspect the object.

It was a painting of a young man looking back with a bright and warm smile. His smile was so captivating that I just stared at his face for several moments, not even taking in the rest of the painting.

"He's so pretty. . ." I whispered to myself absentmindedly. The guy's facial features were delicate and soft, just like his eyes. He also radiated a certain air of serenity and calmness that pairs perfectly with his kind face.

Behind the smiling young man was a kaleidoscope of colors serving as his background. The painting was overwhelmingly bright and colorful that I didn't notice that I was also smiling already. It looked raw yet refreshing, playful yet sincere, juvenile yet refined. None of Skyler's dark and gloomy and lifeless paintings looked like this. In fact, if not for the signature on the lower part of the painting, I wouldn't even expect that Skyler was capable of painting something like this.

Written underneath Skyler's signature were the words, "My Rainbow."

As I continued to marvel at the painting, I also noticed something strange with it. Despite the bright colors and the smiling face of the subject, the young man looked quite distant, as if he's smiling at me from a great distance. The longer I stare at him, the farther he seems to move away from me. I absentmindedly raised a hand and reached for the smiling man, as if he might disappear from my sight if I stare at him any longer.

Just as I touched the painting, a low and gravelly voice suddenly pierced through the noise of the raging rain outside.

"What in the world are you doing here?"

●●●

Skyler's POV

"I have a bad feeling about this," I whispered to myself as a delivery truck drove past my car. I have just entered the village, and the rain is almost literally pouring from the sky. I glanced at the truck through the side mirror of my car, feeling a hundred percent sure that it came from my house.

Kanina pa masama ang kutob ko. In fact, I left the dinner early para lang makauwi agad. I don't always feel uneasy like this, but when I do, it means that there is something really bad about to happen. Gustuhin ko man na magmadali ay masyadong malakas ang ulan para magpatakbo ako nang mabilis.

After what it seemed to be an eternity of driving, I finally arrived home. I was greeted by the inviting aroma of a grilled steak upon entering the house. On any other day, I would've went straight to the kitchen to ask for a piece, but my feet brought me straightaway towards my workroom.

My heart dropped upon seeing the ajar door.

As I stepped towards the doorway, I saw Elio staring at the only piece of art in the room—the only painting in this house with life and color; the only remaining object from my past. It's also the reason why no person other than me has ever set foot on this room until this day.

Elio was smiling, just like the subject of the painting that he's currently looking at. I was painfully reminded once more how similar they are, how they came into my life so suddenly that I wasn't even able to guard myself from their powerful personalities.

You're so bright, it blinds me.

"What in the world are you doing here?"

Elio flinched in shock. His gray eyes widened upon seeing me standing at the doorway.

"I'm so sorry!" he said. "I was just trying to organize the boxes. I didn't mean to look at—"

"You didn't mean to enter this room? You didn't mean to walk straight towards that painting? By any means, have a good look around! Go on. Take your time. Wanna see these old brushes? There you go!"

I pulled out a drawer and threw it to the floor, its contents rolling everywhere.

"You want to check what types of paint I use? Go on. Check them. They're here!" I shouted before kicking a stack of empty paint cans. I'm so mad that I couldn't even think straight. "Come on. Don't be shy! Take a good look around while you still have time!"

I then flipped a table forcefully. Cans of paint fell to the floor, spilling their contents everywhere and creating puddles of confused colors.

Elio was already crying. "I'm really sorry. I wasn't planning on entering this room. Alam ko naman na sinabi mong bawal akong pumasok dito—"

"Alam mo naman pala!" sigaw ko. "Alam mo naman na magagalit ako kaya bakit pumasok ka pa?! Are you really trying to test my patience? Ever since you came here, you've done nothing but to annoy and pester me! I only asked you to listen to me! I only asked you to follow my orders! Are they really difficult to do?!"

"You know what, that's the reason why you're living that kind of life," I added. "That's the reason why you ended up in this situation! You just can't follow simple orders! You always allow your mighty pride to govern your behavior! That hard head of yours is the reason why you're living a f****d-up life! Don't blame other people for your misfortunes. Blame yourself!"

Elio just stood at the corner while wiping away his tears silently, which reminded me of the first time when I met him. Blinded by my own fury, I let out a sigh before massaging my temples.

"You're out," I said. "Leave right now."

Elio suddenly looked at me. "S-Skyler. . ."

"Didn't you hear me?!" I shouted. "Get the hell out of my house! LEAVE!"

I then grabbed a can of paint before throwing it at the wall where it exploded into a splatter of black.

Elio took one last glance at me before dashing out of the room. Tears suddenly dripped down my face, and I just crouched on the floor and buried my head on my hands. The painting that Elio was looking at earlier seemed to look down at me, its smiling face mocking me from its colorful backdrop.

"What are you doing?"

A smiling face suddenly peeked from behind my shoulder. Agad ko namang tinakpan ng kamay ko ang sketch pad kung saan ako may ginuguhit. Huminga na lang ako nang malalim nang makilala ko kung sino ang dumungaw.

"Please stop pestering me, Miles."

"Secretive mo, ugok," sagot naman niya bago siya naupo sa tabi ko. "You're an excellent artist, so why are you hiding your art? Don't tell me you're drawing something naughty? Ikaw ha, isusumbong kita kay Tita Susan!"

"I'd never do that!" I said indignantly.

"Then ano nga ang ginuguhit natin diyan? Tell me! Wala pa naman akong nababalitaan na namatay na artist dahil nagpasilip ng unfinished work niya," sagot ni Miles.

I frowned before looking away. Judging from the hot sensation on my cheeks, I must be blushing furiously.

"It's. . . you," I said in a voice barely audible than a whisper.

Natigilan si Miles.

"I'm creating a sketch for my painting. I really want to give it justice, that's why I'm taking my time. Ipapakita ko naman sa 'yo kapag tapos ko nang gawin. It'll be my gift to you. I want it to be perfect, so please give me time to finish it," I said.

Miles smiled at me.

"Then you better make me look good in that!" sabi niya sabay kurot sa pisngi ko. "I can pose properly for you if you like."

"That won't be necessary, thank you very much," I said flatly.

Miles and I became friends right after we met. Mula noon ay mas lalo lang na lumalim ang pagkakaibigan namin. We grew up together. Isa rin siya sa mga unang tao na nakakita kung paano ako nagsimula sa painting.

Kagaya nga ng parati kong sinasabi, hindi ako palakaibigan. I only met Mico and Yana during our latter years in primary school. Si Miles pa ang nagpakilalala sa kanila sa 'kin. Mula noon, sila na ang naging mga kaibigan ko.

Truth be told, I actually don't mind kahit si Miles lang ang kaibigan ko. I'm already contented having him as my friend. I rarely show any emotions, but whenever I'm with Miles, I could be myself. He was special to me, and as the years progressed, our relationship deepened even further.

"I can't help but notice that you've been looking quite troubled these past few weeks," tanong ko kay Miles habang nagpapatuloy sa pag-sketch.

"Really? How can you tell?" he asked.

"I just. . . feel it. Ilang taon na tayong magkasama kaya ramdam ko kung may kakaiba sa 'yo," tanong ko naman.

"Baka siguro ang dami lang natin na inaasikaso para sa graduation kaya ganito ako. Alam mo naman na final year na natin sa high school ngayon. Don't worry about me. I'm fine," Miles replied with a smile.

He's lying.

Dahil madalas akong mapag-isa, mas lalo kong naoobserbahan ang mga tao sa paligid ko. I can tell right away kung may itinatago ang isang tao. Unfortunately, despite that trait of mine, I still find it hard to actually approach people and tell them what I feel. I don't know why, but I find it easier to express my emotions through painting rather than actually saying them. I'd rather create a portrait for someone in order to show them what I feel instead of actually telling them verbally.

"What's your plan for college?" asked Miles, obviously keen to change the topic.

I sighed. "I really want to go to an art school, but. . ."

Miles raised an eyebrow.

"I don't want to get separated from you," I said quietly.

He just stared at me blankly for several moments. "Just so you know, I'm no longer that crying bowl cut kid that you met years ago," he said.

I frowned, totally not getting his point. "And?"

Miles held my face. "Skyler, we can't always stay together. Don't compromise your dreams because of me. You have great potential in painting, and I really want you to succeed. If you want to go to an art school, then go. You don't have to always think about me."

"But. . ."

"I'll be fine, okay? Parati mo na lang akong iniisip. This time, I want you to think about yourself first. You're my friend, Skyler, and friends support each other. I don't want to stand in the way of your dreams," Miles added.

During that time, I knew for a fact that I have feelings for Miles. I liked him. I don't know when it all started, but I just knew that whenever I looked at him, it made me incredibly happy. Unfortunately, I was too much of a coward that I couldn't even confess my feelings for him.

That cowardice cost me everything.

A few weeks before our graduation, nabalitaan ko na lang na aalis na pala si Miles papunta ng Amerika. Upon hearing the news from Ate Hannah, dali-dali akong nagpunta sa airport kung saan ko siya naabutan na kasama ang parents niya. Pagkakita niya sa 'kin ay agad siyang nagpaalam sa parents niya bago niya ako dinala sa isang tagong lugar.

"Bakit ka nandito? Magagalit si papa kung makikita ka niya," sabi ni Miles.

"Why are you leaving? Why didn't you tell me anything? Kung hindi pa sa 'kin sinabi ni Ate Hannah, hindi ko pa sana malalaman," sabi ko naman.

Miles looked like he's on the verge of crying. "You won't understand. . ."

"Paano ko naman maiintindihan kung hindi mo naman sasabihin sa 'kin? Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako nagulat nang malaman kong aalis ka na pala," sabi ko.

"My father doesn't want me hanging around with you," Miles replied. "He thinks that we're too close. Sinubukan ko namang ipaliwanag sa kanya na magkaibigan lang tayo pero ayaw niyang maniwala. He also pulled out his shares on your company. We're leaving for good."

Upon seeing the pain in Miles eyes, I immediately recognized the truth.

He's been suffering for years.

I was too blinded by his bright personality that I didn't notice his pain. Malamang ay ilang taon na niyang ipinagtatanggol ang pagkakaibigan naming dalawa. He just doesn't want to drag me into his problem kaya hindi niya sinasabi sa 'kin.

But this is your chance, my mind whispered. You can finally tell him your feelings. You two can fight together.

"But. . . But I. . ."

Miles looked at me expectantly, as if he's waiting for me to say something. However, the words were caught in my throat, and I just stared at him blankly for several moments. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I wanted to tell him everything, but they seemed too much that I couldn't even get a word out of my mouth.

Say something, you coward, my mind said. Say something or you will lose him.

"I. . ."

A lady suddenly spoke through the PA system, announcing a flight that is now boarding.

Miles hugged me tightly, tears dripping from his face. "Take care, okay? Just continue painting. I'll try to come back for you. I just really need to sort my problems first. I'm really sorry," he said before wiping his tears away.

Miles then ran away from me, but after several moments, he looked back before giving me the purest and brightest smile that I have ever seen in my entire life.

I learned the truth from my parents later on. Matagal na pala nilang alam ang nangyayari kay Miles. Hindi lang nila sinasabi sa 'kin dahil nakiusap si Miles sa kanila. Apparently, sinasaktan din siya ng papa niya sa tuwing sinusubukan niyang ipagtanggol ako. My parents tried to help him, but Miles' father strongly refused their help.

In the end, his father decided to cut all ties with my family and move abroad. Ni hindi namin alam kung saan sa sila sa Amerika titira.

I blamed myself for what happened. Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang expression sa mukha ni Miles noong sasabihin ko na sana ang totoo. I felt like if told him the truth, he would've stayed and fought with me. I think he was only waiting for me to say that I like him. Unfortunately, masyado nga akong duwag para sabihin ang nararamdaman ko.

The painting which was supposed to be my gift for him was finished several weeks after he left. It was the last piece of colorful painting that I created before I changed my style. Sinabi ko na rin sa parents ko na aalis ako ng bansa para mag-aral sa isang art school. They must've wanted to see me happy because they didn't even oppose my proposal.

Up until this day, I'm still haunted by the mistakes that I made in the past. I'm still afraid—afraid that I might lose more people important to me because of my cowardice; that my pathetic inability to say what I feel will cost me not just my friends and loved ones, but also every single thing that is dear to me.

The sound of the raging rain outside and the immense coldness around me pulled my mind back to the present. I finally calmed down, my head now feeling a lot better compared to earlier.

Is this what you really wanted to happen? my mind said as I scanned all the chaos around me. Is that what you really wanted to say, or are you just committing the same mistake for the second time?

I buried my face on my hands.

You're still a coward.