The Forbidden Man

Chapter 23 - Damage

I am slowly trekking down to the seaside, going to the rock formation was my one and only plan of destination. I woke up at four just to see the beauty of the sunrise this morning.

The twilight serves as my torch way down, trading my look on the path, and I started getting mesmerized by the colors hugging each other like building different styles of art. The colors are overwhelming, but it is one of those enormous things that you can accept willingly.

This is the only "too much" that I can handle.

I sighed and continued walking.

I looked on both sides and saw nothing but green and brown this time. I started walloping the dew drops on leaves as I passed through them, then it moistened my hand, and it tickled me. It makes me smile, and this is when my random thoughts come crashing.

I stopped and stared at the dewdrop hanging on the edge of the leaf. I was anticipating for it to actually drop on my palm. Even the leaf seemed to be feeling the substantial weight of just one droplet that, from being flat, went slanting due to the heaviness of the dew.

Until the leaf could not take the dew and it fell flat on my palm.

Is this what they call the ephemeral nature of life?

Lasting for a very short time?

I found the perfect spot to see the sunrise, but I can hear someone swimming nearby, so I've taken refuge on a smaller, more secluded section of the rock, where the chill breeze will lull me to sleep.

Then I put my earphones on and started my hobby of sightseeing.

I stayed on my spot until the light was golden.

I was about to take a nap when I noticed a tall, thin, and familiar figure walking in my direction and shadowing me.

Nakatagilid ito habang hawak ang puting malaking damit at bitbit ang maliit na bag. Yumuko siya at mukhang may hinahanap dahil sinisipat nito ang bawat tipak ng bato.

Axis appeared to be bewildered, irritated, and confused in what should have been a very genuine, cute, candid scene... that is, until he turned his back on me and squatted, still not noticing my presence.

My eyebrows furrowed.

Even though he is shielded from the morning sun's golden rays, my eyes are able to discern something massive, especially when the cut is fresh and crimson in color.

Mabilis akong tumayo at kaagad luminaw sa paningin ko ang sugat sa kanyang likuran, marahil napansin niyang may tao sa kanyang likuran, kaya't mabilis itong tumayo at humarap sa akin.

"Miss," saad niyang may kasama pang gulat, na kaagad niya ring pinalitan ng ngiti.

"What a good morning," saad nito na tila ba ay wala lang sa kanya ang mga sugat na nakita ko sa kanyang likuran.

"Ano yan, Axis?" tanong ko agad.

"Ang alin?" Mabilis niyang isinuot ang kanyang damit.

Ngunit mabilis ko ring itinaas muli ang kanyang suot at nais ko pang umikot upang masiguro ko kung ilang sugat at latay ang makikita ko sa katawan niya, na siya namang kaagad naalintana dahil kaagad niya akong hinigit pabalik sa kanya habang hawak ng dalawang braso ko.

"Ano ang mga yan–" I stop midway, it was a dumb question. "Bakit ka may mga sugat?"

It was the second time I saw him looking so glum and frustrated, but it was also the first time he seemed vulnerable due to a dark secret he seemed to be keeping. I could sense his humiliation and other emotions that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

He remained silent.

He is intelligent enough to know better than to open his mouth and say something, so he just thinned his lips to avoid doing so. In the end, he'll have to lie again to protect his deepest secret, and he certainly won't opt to share the truth.

"Where you..." hindi ko maituloy ang aking sasabihin. It was a very sensitive matter, and I'm at a loss for how to handle it without resorting to questions I believe aren't even helpful.

"A-are you okay?" of course, he is not, Marionelia!

"Don't... tell anyone about this, please."

After a stretch of silence, that was his only response, and I understand.

It must have been hurt, it must have been so dark in there.

After a while of clutching the hem of his shirt, I release my grip and attempt to smooth the fabric out the cramp that formed from my initial grip.

Yumuko ako at nagsisimulang umanghang ang mga mata ko. Umiinit ang aking pisngi, hindi dahil sa sobrang lapit namin sa isa't-isa ngunit sa sitwasyong kay hirap pasukin at kay hirap ding balewalain.

"No one knows? Even your... mom?" I whispered the question, and I felt him nodding afterwards.

I was still looking down when I felt his grip tightening on my forearm. I stepped forward until my sandals reached his bare toes. I gently placed my palm on his side, taking care not to crush him, and I tried to provide some solace without closing the gap between us. I am not even sure if there is still even a gap when we are this close.

"I'm alright," kalaunan ay sabi nito.

He is not alright.

"I am hungry. Do you have breakfast prepared for two in your villa?" I asked.

Sinusubukan kong ipakita ang simpatya at pagdamay sa pamamagitan nang hindi pang-uusyuso.

Everything within my line of sight was being consumed by the immense darkness. There were lanterns and lampposts strung from the trees, but nothingness was so thick that the illumination appeared like neon flashes in the distance.

If abyss is a feeling, could it be this suffocating? Even though we weren't in a particularly cramped space, I'm quickly becoming out of breath.

In the same spot where we had our first meal together, we were sitting right now on a balcony too and a round table around us as we looked at the space of darkness in front of us, watching it like a film.

Isang araw.

Ginabi na kami ngunit hindi ko pa rin mabuksan ang puso niya. Hindi nagbubukas kahit anong katok ko.

"I am worried," panimula ko.

Upang maputol ang katahimikan namin. Nakakabingi iyon na kahit mayroong panaka-nakang mga gangis ay masyado pa ring tahimik ang gabi.

Tumayo ako lumapit sa railing ng balcony at hinarap siya. Saglit itong tumingin sa akin at kaagad ding nag-iwas.

"It's my honour," saad nito.

"You are not to make light of this situation, Axis. This is a very serious matter."

Natahimik itong muli.

Yumuko ito itunukod and kaliwang siko sa lamesa at nagsimulang suklayin at guluhin ang buhok nito.

He is not really ready to unwrap his vulnerability.

Lumapit ako sa kanya at dahan-dahang lumuhod sa kanyang harapan, inilapat ang mga braso sa kanyang mga hita at kinuha ko ang mga kamay niya, marahan kong hinilot iyon.

This is the only comfort that I know of. I wish it was the right key to his lock.

Hinahanap ko ang mga mata na siyang iniiwas niya sa akin. "Alam kong ayaw mong ipakita ang parteng ito sa kahit na sino man, Axis."

"I want to help," dagdag ko.

"How?" agap niya, "by confronting who did this? By telling me off to my parents or the authorities? Helping me out of this situation, miss, means scandal, chaos, and more issues."

Napalunok ako.

"This has to stop, Axis, you can't let it continue to happen to you, if we can avoid it, then let's seek help... secretly."

Napahigpit ang hawak niya sa akin.

"Please miss, don't tell anyone. I'll do everything you'll ask me to just for your silence. You want me gone? You want me to stop pursuing you and talking to you? I'll do that, just... please, never tell anyone about this."

Napatda ako sa aking pwesto, how can he trade everything? Well, I could not be his everything because my silence is way too small for his big request. There was a pang of pain--he can trade my silence for this... but I ignored it, his pain was... way more gigantic than mine.

"Not the best trade, Axis, avoiding me is easier than letting you get engrossed in this violence even more."

"Know that avoiding you is more painful than these weal, miss."

"Thats..." and just as that, my tears just went dropping. I did not even notice it water on my corner. I am so preoccupied that restraining myself from crying was left unguarded.

I have belittled him once more.

"That's too much, Axis. I can't... how can I get you out of this violence without letting someone know about it? Wh-who's doing this to you?" bulong ko upang hindi pumiyok.

Wala akong ibang maisip na gumagawa sa kanya nito bukod sa butler niya, isa sa mga pamilya niya o baka mga kaibigan o kaaway niya?

He's got scars, some were even keloids, it means the scars are long and it has been going on for too long.

Inalis niya ang kanang kamay niya sa pagkakahawak ko at pinunasan niya ang mga luha ko.

"That, I can't answer, miss..."

"Answer me, Axis, you can't request something that I can't guarantee. You can't remove me out of this matter because the moment I saw your scars and lesions, I was already involved."

"Why? You can just pretend you did not see it."

"How can I?" I yelped, and my voice broke, rasping from the crying.

He just stared at me, and instead his eyes roamed around my face, and he started fixing the strands of my hair pooling around my soaking face and tucking it behind my ears. His palm slowly caressed my face, and he began to tuck the locks of my hair that were drenching my wet face behind my ears while he worked to correct them. In a swift, crouching motion, he embraced me tightly as his hand delicately traced a path from my cheek to the nape of my neck.

"I wish you never saw it. I wish we never... in this situation, miss, I wish to... stop this, miss."

That's it! I got the answer that I wanted.

He wants to end it, but it is hard.

"My family is perfect, miss, please let's not ruin it."

How can I resolve such a dilemma when I don't know anything but his scars and lesions only? But it was enough to put myself into it.

"If your family is perfect, then why are you breaking alone like this?" I commented while my face was buried in his chest.

"A collateral damage, let's assume."

No! Axis Dmitrius Jalandon is the boy that I refuse to be put as collateral damage, he is way too precious to be just that kind of thing.

I may be able to open up his pain about it, but I can never open his mouth to tell me something. I want to respect his request, but I can't just let it continue either.

So, I started investigating his family tree through Google searches, other social media platforms, and through stories and people on this island who I know can tell about the Jalandon's.