The Forbidden Man

Chapter 25 - Beg

I never wanted to fall in love in Belleza Maria, I never even want to fall in love here, and most especially, I have never even thought of losing my license because of some pictures cascading in the school's blog site and rumors spreading so quickly.

A picture of me and Axis that night holding hands and sitting on the rock formations. The photo was pixelated and blurry due to its zoomed quality, however, Axis can be identified quickly even though the shot was taken from behind us because of his build, and he is wearing a branded jacket with a big print behind it. The woman that was with him can't be identified through the photo, but everyone's convinced that it was me, because that was definitely me.

Someone has spread a rumor, and it was it fanned out like blazing fire... unstoppable.

Iba-iba na ang nagiging bersiyon ng kwento at palala iyon nang palala hanggang sa umabot na sa balitang buntis ako umano.

Hindi na ako mapakali kinagabihan dahil nakakasiguro akong ipapatawag agad ako ng principal. Habang problemado ay nakarinig ako ng tawag sa hindi nakarehistrong numero ngunit saulo ko naman.

Isang araw lang.

Ganoon kabilis kumalat ang balita at haka-haka. Now that I have experienced it firsthand, I can't convince myself to believe the stories that spread about Axis' mother, Axana Montecarlo-Jalandon. Dahil sa dami-raming balitang kumalat, iisa lang ang tama roon. Ang kasama ko si Axis nang gabing iyon na magkahawak-kamay at wala nang iba.

'Good evening, miss. I'm so sorry about the rumor. Please don't worry. I'll handle it. Leave everything to me. I'll do whatever it takes to keep your name clean. You didn't do anything wrong, this is my fault. I never meant to drag you into this mess, and I swear, I won't let any harm come to you. I'm sorry. Truly sorry.'

Paulit-ulit kong binabasa ang mensahe ni Axis sa akin. Nananalangin na sana magawan ito ng paraan.

Kinabukasan matapos kumalat ang litrato at mga kwento ay agad akong ipinatawag ng principal upang kausapin, at alam ko na kung tungkol saan iyon.

I have never been in a situation that tongue-tied me. I don't know what to say.

I sighed when I reached the principal's office. I was about to knock when I heard Axis calling me.

Nang lingunin ko ay papalapit ito sa akin at may kasamang grade 12 na kaklase niya, nagkatinginan kami at binati niya ako, tinaguan ko at binati ko ito pabalik.

"Anong ginagawa niyo rito?" tanong ko.

"We're here to tell the principal the truth,"sagot niya

Kinabahan ako pero may tiwala ako kay Axis na hindi niya ako ipapahamak.

Hindi ako nagsalita o nagtanong, gusto kong tantiyain kung ano ang balak niya at bakit may kasama siya.

Only to end up patching myself up from the fallout of the gossip, it was me in the picture. Ngunit pinagtakpan ako ni Axis. It was now Axis and Jeneza in the picture instead of me.

But instead of clearing things up, the revelation only made everything worse.

Hindi na sa akin galit at inis ang iba, naibaling na iyon kay Jeneza, mayroong ibang hindi naniniwala dahil madalas daw si Axis sa clinic, ngunit para lalong iligtas ang sarrili ko, I had to drag down someone's name.

"Eh diba, mukhang hindi naman si Maam Denieste ang binibista ni Axis kung hindi si nurse Cathy?" tanong ni Maam Cassie.

Nasa faculty kami at nagliligpit na para umuwi.

"Last time nga nakita ko silang nagtatawanan eh," dugtong naman ni sir Makoy.

Gumatong pa ang ibang teacher na baka nga si Cathy iyon.

Sa buong usapan na iyon ay tanging tanggi lang ako, hindi ako umaamin at hinding-hindi ako magbibigay ng dahilan na paghihinalaan ako.

Hindi ko man sinasangayunan ang opinyon nila tungkol sa hinala nila na baka nga si Cathy ang kasama ni Axis at hindi si Jeneza, ngunit hindi rin ako tumatanggi sa paratang nila tungkol sa marahil na pagkikita nila ng palihim.

And just like that, I found another reason to hate myself. I now realize how selfish I've been, silently agreeing to Axis's plan just to protect myself and my license. I thought I was better than that. But it took facing the harsh reality of the real world to understand. I'm not as good as I believed. I am capable of choosing the nastiest way out if it means saving myself.

Stepping out of my comfort zone wasn't helping me grow, it was exposing me. Instead of becoming better, I learned that survival sometimes meant stepping on someone else to stay afloat.

'Axis, are you busy? Can I call you?'

Alas siete noong binigay ko ang mensaheng ito kay Axis ngunit alas nueve na ay hindi pa rin nito sinasagot ang mensahe ko, nakakapagtaka dahil ngayon lang ito hindi nag-reply.

Nag-missed call ako nang magaala-diez na, ngunit hindi ito sumasagot. Alam kong gising pa siya ng ganitong oras dahil madalas siyang nagbibigay ng mensahe kahit ganitong oras para lang ibahagi ang mga gianawa niya kahit hindi ko sinasagot ang mga iyon.

Hinawi ko ang kurtina at sinilip ko ang bintana na siya naman saktong mayroong sasakyang dumaan sa kahabaan ng pathway palabas ng vista nila. Agad na tumibok ng mabilis ang puso ko sa takot.

Nanginginig ang kamay kong kumuha agad ng hoodie at itinakip sa ulo ko, mabilis akong lumabas ng apartment at patakbong bumaba, wala akong pakialam kung haharangin ako nang kung sino mang taong nakabantay sa guardpost ng gate nila, pero kailangan kong masiguradong ayos lang si Axis.

Nagtaka pa ako dahil hindi isinara ang gate para sa daanan ng tao at walang katao-tao sa guardpost, nagtataka man ay mas importante sa akin na puntahan ang vista, lakad-takbo ang ginawa ko.

Mayroon akong naabutang sasakyang nakaparada sa harapan na para bang nagmamadali ang kung sino man sa pagparada ng sasakyan dahil naka-slant pa iyon sa hagdanan paakyat ng vista.

Nang may maaninag agad akong taong nakatalikod na matangkad na lalaki sa gawi ko at nakapamulsa ay mabilis akong tumakbo papasok sa receving area.

Pagtataka, takot, kaba at gulat ang aking mga nararamdaman nang makita ko si Axis na nakayuko habang nakatakip ang mga palad at ang mga siko ay nakatukod sa mga hita nito.

Mayroong katabi itong tila ba'y tinatahan siya dahil sa pamamagitan ng paghagod ng kanang kamay nito sa likod ni Axis habang nakahawak naman ang kaliwang kamay sa kaliwang braso ng binata, mukha itong nakayakap sa kanya–si Jeneza.

Mabilis ko ring naalis ang mata ko sa aking natagpuan nang lingunin ko kung sino ang matangkad na lalaki na ngayon ay buong nakaharap sa akin, nakakunot ang noo.

Mukhang hindi ito ang kapatid niyang nananakit sa kanya.

"Good evening, you might be Marionelia Shian Denieste," sambit ng binata.

Magrereak sana ako sa tanong nito kung pano ako nitong nakilala nang mabilis na tumayo si Axis at mabilis na humakbang at lumapit sa akin.

"Miss.." sabi niya kasabay nang paghawak nang magaan sa aking kanang siko. "W-what are you–"

Naputol ang sinabi nito nang mabilis ding lumapit si Jeneza at inalalayan si Axis na animo'y matutumba sa kahit anong oras.

Napatingin ako kay Axis, at doon ko nakita ang maliit na hiwa nito sa gilid ng kanyang labi.

Pain.

That was all I felt as I stared at his lips cut, there's this unfamiliar yet familiar ache and the guilt which is heavier than regret. I had been so selfish, so consumed by my own fears, that I never once asked if he was okay during these past few days. He saved me from humiliation, from disgrace, from losing everything I had worked for. And while I was busy protecting myself, he was suffering... bearing both the physical wounds and the unspoken burden of my selfishness.

I should have said 'thank you'.

I wanted to cry.

A single tear threatened to fall, but I forced it back. Not here. Not now. What would Jeneza think? What would the man standing in front of me see, weakness? Remorse? Or something else entirely? Like... love?

"Good evening po, maam," bati sa akin ni Jeneza, "Axis, alam ba ni ma'am Denieste lahat? Kaya ba kasama mo siya ng gabing iyon?" Mabilis niya ring ibinalik ang atensiyon kay Axis upang itanong iyon.

Axis didn't answer her. Instead, he just stared at me, unwavering, very silent, as if asking a question I couldn't understand. His gaze held something unreadable yet undeniable because he looks... glad?

But there was one thing I knew for sure—God truly is a wonder. How else could he create something so breathtaking? His hazel eyes, flecked with green, shimmered like scattered light, speaking a silent truth. He was happy. I can't tell the reason, but it's a relief that he doesn't look angry or sad.

"Jeneza, let's give them time to talk," saad nong matangkad na lalaki.

"Huh? Why? Is there something that–" hindi magkandaugaga si Jeneza sa pagpapalit-palit ng tingin sa aming tatlo at ayaw lumayo kay Axis.

Pinutol siya noong binata. "Obviously the teacher knows everything."

Nangunot ang noo ko sa sinabi nito.

"Ahm... Kuya this my Miss– Miss Marionelia, miss, this is my second brother, Teyson," pagpapakilala ni Axis sa akin at sa lalaking nasa harapan ko.

Nagkamayan kami at mabilis ding hinila ni Axis ang kamay ko.

"We need to talk, miss." Marahan niya akong hinila paakyat ng spiral stairs at alam ko na kung saan kami pupunta.

Sa paborito niyang teresa.

Narinig ko pa ang pagtutol ni Jeneza na saka namang pinigilan noong Teyson. I remembered him telling me he has two brothers, so the eldest is the evil, does the second know about it and let these all happen?

Mabilis na humampas sa akin ang hangin ng gabi na may dalang mabangong simoy ng mga halaman at kalupaang may taglay na yaman at lusog ng kalikasan.

Tumigil kami at binawi ko ang kamay ko sa pagkakahawak niya ngunit mas hinigpitan niyo ito.

"Please... don't," bulong niyang may pagsusumamo.

"D-did he... do... it again?" dahan-dahan ang aking pagtanong.

"Too many people have found it."

"Isn't that..." Bumontong-hininga ako upang pigilan ang sasabihin kong tama na ang panahong pagtatago niya sa katotohanan at oras na para ipaalam ito sa makakatulong na mapigilan ang pambubugbog ng kapatid niya sa kanya.

"Are you okay?" tanong ko, iyon na lang ang pinili kong sabihin.

"Yes." He nodded slowly. "Dumating si Kuya."

And Jeneza?

"Jeneza just... came here, trying to... I don't know, visit me?" dagdag niya na para bang nagpapaliwanag nang titigan niya ako ng maigi, nababasa niya ba ang naiisip ko?

"You're not sure?" tanong kong may paniningkit ng mata.

"It's because I had to bring her into this situation without much explanation, and she was persistent to know it all, so she intended on coming here. Sakto, nagkasalubong sila ni Kuya Teyson."

Nang ganitong oras niya naisipang pumunta? Iniling ko ang aking iniisip at nag-focus sa iba kong tanong.

"Your second brother knows it?"

"Once, but I assured him to tell him when it happened again."

"So, hindi mo sinabi sa kapatid mo kailanman, ngayon lang?"

"Hindi ko sinabi, naabutan niya lang si Kuya Aerose na–"

"Binubugbog ka? So, wala ka talagang planong magsabi, hihintayin mo na lang na patayin ka ng kapatid mo?" Halos pabulong ang pagkakasabi ko niyon ngunit ang pinipigilan kong emosyon kanina ay unti-unti nang lumalabas. "Diyos ko naman, Axis, kailan mo balak tulugan ang sarili mo?"

"I don't know how."

Natigagal ako sa sinabi nito. Gaano ba talaga kahirap magsalita, humingi ng tulong at iligtas ang sarili niya?

"Gaano ba kahirap ang manghingi ng tulong, Axis?"

"Sorang hirap, miss."

"I don't understand. I don't know how to help you because I don't understand. The only thing I can do is this..." Iminuwestra ko ang sarili ko na para wala namang maitutulong bukod sa pag-aalala. "And it won't take you away from danger, from more pain, and from feeling alone. So, please, how, how, Axis, how hard is asking for help?"

I sound so frustrated.

"As hard as grabbing you."

"What the hell, Axis! It's not the time for this, we are talking about your welfare!" with breaking voice I screamed for the first time.

Mabilis kong iwinaksi ang kamay ko upang mabitawan niya, nakita ko ang gulat niya sa aking pagsigaw. At napasuklay ako sa aking buhok at napaluhod ako.

"I-I realy care about, I am worried about you! I had to let this emotion out even though it is not in my principle, I-I have been holding it back, b-but here I am willing to beg on you... s-save yourself, Axis. Please help me save you, so, I can also save myself from feeling all these fears over losing you!"

Itinukod ko ang aking mga palad sa sahig, hinayaang tumulo ang mga luha ko.

Naramdaman ko ang marahan niya ring pagluhod at hinawakan ang kamay ko.

"How, miss? How can I help without telling my family? Tell me, I'll listen to you," mahinahon niyang tanong.

"God... it's so hard, Axis..."

"My... mom would be devastated if she found out."

"Please don't kneel on the floor, it's cold." Inalalayan niya akong umupo sa malapit na upuang kahoy.

"Bakit feel ko palagi mong nililihis ang topic na to, you want to talk? Let's talk about it!" Kunot ang aking noo nang tingalain ko siya matapos kong umupo.

"She's already been through so much... so much pain, so much humiliation from the people around her. I see how hard she tries to hold this family together." Siya naman ngayon ang lumuhod sa harapan ko.

"I can't let this be the reason for another feud between her and Tita... my brother's mother and her family. I don't want my dad to hate or disown his eldest son because of this."

Napakagaling talaga umamo ng batang to, simpleng hawak lang sa kamay ko para akong batang napapatahan na para bang simpleng candy lang.

"I don't want people to think I did this just to seek attention, that I caused all of this just to turn my father against my brother. There's so much to consider, miss. So much. I know what you're going to say... why should I care what people think? But I do. It matters to me."

I can't tell if he's being selfish or selfless. He loves his family so much that he's willing to protect it at any cost, but that doesn't make him a hero. It's breaking him, his home isn't a safe place for a heart as pure as his.

"Nasaan ang sa'yo?" tanong ko ng mahina, "Nasaan ang para sayo, Axis?"

"My mom... that's my part."

He really loved his mom, how can I hate him?

"Your brother, Teyson, he is living in Bacolod, right? He is willing to protect you, right? Can you live close to him?"

"He lives in Bacolod, he's studying there."

Para akong nakakita ng light bulb nang marinig ko ang sinabi niya.

"Then go with him, transfer there. And don't reason out that there's only months until your graduation. I will not accept such an answer."

"I won't be seeing you."

"C-call me when you're not busy."

Now, I realize just how much I regret it. I shouldn't have stopped him that day when he was about to leave. But then... if he had left, would I have ever known that his brother had been beating him for years?

If I hadn't seen him that day... would he still be alive now?