poetry 1 · about fresh wounds
... whether it is better to have loved and lost or to be loved (but not in the way you to deserve to be loved)?"
To Love or to not be Loved.
that is the question, this time.
The how? The why? The when?
Pain of suffering.
The hurt of causing hurt.
The unrelenting weight of guilt..
of strength?
The ache of knowing what's wrong or what's right.
The twist of a knife called hating always being right.
The fear of kill or be killed.
Fight or flight.
Flight from fight.
Fright. Frightening. Frightened.
A streetcar named something much,
much,
more,
passionately stronger.
Unfathomable heartache.
The thickness of blood.
Life lines in tact.
The mercy of a single soul.
The want to be proven so wrong,
but a heart`s deep reach away,
knowing the truth.
Never ceasing pull
in two directions,
ripping,
tearing,
destroying,
Me.
—·—·—·
once upon a time
It wasn't that long ago,
that I believed in love.
The kind of love I read about in fairy tales;
A white knight,
A damsel in distress.
That is after all,
How we met.
I saw you,
in the wrong place at the right time
Or was it the right place at the wrong time?
It's hard to tell now.
The lines that once seemed so clear and straight
Have become hazy and hard to make out.
I miss you.
There used to be so much
More.
More everything it feels like.
But when I stop and think, I wonder if it ever really was
Or of this is all some sort of a
Fragmented falsified reality
That I've created in my mind to disguise what was never really there.
I know I loved you.
I know that I still love you.
But something changed.
It was like, all of a sudden,
For no rhyme or reason,
I couldn't feel it anymore.
We had or share of in’s-
Incarceration, infidelity,
inadequacies, ineffectiveness,
Internal, introspective,
Incomplete, Innate.
Where did you go, babe?
I cry every night for your return. For these feelings of loss to end.
Even before I left, I cried, wondering
Where did I go so terribly wrong,
Why isn't anything right anymore
When did it become empty gazes
Like statues waiting to come alive and
End the others’?
A thousand broken promises
And lies that were not kept.
From waking up just to watch you sleep
To walking silently,
Around our self made dungeon,
As not to wake the sleeping beast
So she could leave,
Her tower, unnoticed,
As quickly as possible
Saddled with all the weight
Of all the guilt
In the entire universe.
Yet, still, despite it all,
The acting pain subsides,
Even, if only for a fleeting moment,
I forget all the wrong and any of the bad,
When I see your face,
I remember
That you were why
I believed in love from a fairy tale,
Once upon a time.
