The other side of him

When you love someone and gave them chance after chance it tears you apart each time they break your heart.  Jessica's pov  I didn't want to be a stripper but, it was fast cash and between E and I agreeing to save up for our own place.... Well we both got laid off and he went back to hustling. I asked him if it was ok if he was ok if I stripped he said yes. I think it was my fault but, you see we been on and off in relationship together mostly because he was jealous or he laid his hand on me. I forgave him. We even compromised to not flirt with others. I came home and was tired too tired from dancing. E was talking about money. I didn't care I said we talk about it in morning. So you know how couples argue. We disagreed. This time is was different he kept me up and moved to go to sleep somewhere. He followed and I felt him there and I saw him. Those eyes and my heart broke. It shattered to million pieces as he tried to stomp me. I moved quick and confronted him and broke it off. It was for good. How dare he try to stomp my head in? What did I do? I thought everything was good with us. Now I knew I had to go. He didn't let me take anything. He tried to get me to take him back. How can I agree to that when he almost yes almost tried to stomp my head in. Like I was the enemy and he hated me. Those eyes I saw were so blank and he changed.  He followed me and it scared me. I thought I go to my guy friends and threaten they just scare him off. They were like brothers to me protective and I smiled I wouldn't let them do anything stupid so they said if he didn't leave they would have him arrested. I was so mixed up and hurt and so depressed. I thank them and left to get a hotel.   You see I got hotel and I cried I used my money and cried. I wanted to die. Why was this happening to me? Why would he hurt me? Why was I so stupid? Why couldn't I stop thinking of him? I slept crying. My heart shattered and the pain I wanted it gone. S used me and I gave him the option to either be Fwb or couple. I hated him. I f****d him one last time outside. You see with S I was in love with him. He was my second. Yes my second my first was a guy named peace and he didn't know it was my first. I didn't know it was first and I didn't care if it was. The guy before peace. Yes I had alot of guys and female. My first crush my secret relationship with him the guy I waited for to be married to. Ohhhh f**k yeah I waited for him I turned down request and yes I had a girlfriend I almost married. We almost eloped. Never happened but, back to my first love my first crush the first guy I ever kissed let me touch him the first guy I would do anything for I let people get in my head and I ruined it. Yes I ruined it. I cussed him out, blamed him and threatened him. He didn't wait for me. He used me. They always used me. They use me up and throw me away to pick up the pieces. Peace I used him to find out if I was a virgin. I told him to f**k me outside and it was Misty and dark and I told him rough. I still remember it and yes it is true you always remember your first. He was pissed I was a virgin and didn't tell him. If I did he would have wanted it to be special. You see at the time I felt worthless. If my crush the guy I loved didn't give two shits about me I was done saving it for him. Can you believe it I got pregnant too. I lost it though. I didn't mourn I'm weird. I just told myself nothing I can change it is past. That is another story as you can see my track record in relationship I am horrible. My analysis is that due to not having a father figure it led me this not knowing it.  E shattered my heart. S I ghosted him he still doesn't know I lost a baby his f*****g cheating lying ass. He thinks I'm dumb I know these things he was cheating what guy would have me set up a dating site meet blacks? He was a dumb guy and I really was saving my mouth for him his lost. I figured I save it for my husband. I wanted to surprise E when we decided to settle down how much my tongue worked. His lost though he had plenty of chances and he didn't take me seriously.