A Spiritual's Mark

Note: This series is a darker werewolf series not following the usual "plot" of fated mates. Be aware of described violence, s****l abuse, k*dnapping, torture and death. -Hope- I had always seen the world as bright and colorful, but it was no longer the same colorful as I had always seen it as. Now it was dark and cold, but that could also be because the weather had changed so much. The leaves had fallen off the trees, and the ground was covered with a small layer of snow. Actually, the snow still held somewhat of a beauty, maybe that was why I always came out here on the porch, even though it was freezing and only dressed in his sweater, that was like a dress on me and a cup of hot coco in my hands. I enjoyed the sweet and hot beverage and made it all the time after I was taught about it. This was pretty much my every morning. Just before the sun rose, I would leave my room, make myself the hot coco, come out here and sit on the first step and watch as the sun rose, the snow glistening under its rays that held no warmth now. The sun was still there, but it didn’t warm my skin. That was okay. I felt cold all over, even when I was inside. I had no idea it would be like this. I understood that my choice had consequences. I just had never imagined it to be this hard. You really didn’t reject the Goddess’s gift or violated them in any way. She would make sure to pay you back double. “I learned my lesson,” I said to the now blue sky. “Can the pain stop now?” But it never did. Every night I was lying in his room, curled up in a ball on his bed. I couldn’t help myself. I had not been back in the room I had been given since the day Phoenix took off. I had tried sleeping in there the first night, but I had been in so much pain, I simply couldn’t sleep. So, I had walked around, until I ended up at the door to his room. No one had to tell me it was his. I could smell it, and when I came inside, a wave of his strong musky scent hit me. I had inhaled it like a drug, gone inside and fell down on the bed, just continuing to inhale his scent, because it was the only thing that stopped the pain. Just for a second, it stopped as I let his scent run into my nostrils. Just a second was all I needed, but the room was changing. It was almost becoming more mine than his. He had not been back for months. No one had heard from him, and slowly his scent was disappearing as well. Soon, I would have nothing left. “Hey Hope!” Someone called for me from inside and I turned my head, seeing Harper coming my way. She was an early riser too, but not as early as me. She always came to find me though. Either because she needed someone to study on to help with her studies or because she needed help keeping Angela company. I didn’t mind though, because I knew she also did it for me. She knew how much pain I was in and wanted to offer me a distraction. I was never much up for doing anything but lie around in Phoenix’s room. It worried everyone, because Phoenix they considered a brother, and since I was his mate, it was their job to take care of me as well as they would their own mates, until Phoenix came back. I stressed everyone out, but I couldn’t help myself. I missed him so much, even though I barely knew him. “Want to come into town with me today? Angela really wants me to buy some stuff for the babies. They are arriving soon.” Yeah, she had less than a month to go, and two new wolves would enter this world. Two males. They had already decided on the names Cain and Jayden. Angela was very excited. I would have been too, but I was probably never going to have that experience, considering she actually had two mates wanting her, I had not even one, and I had even marked someone. “Well?” “Oh,” I had not even noticed I hadn’t answered her. I had been too caught up in my own head. “Sure.” “Great. You should get dressed though. I don’t want you to freeze.” “I’m good,” I said. “Hope.” When she said my name like that, I had to listen. Harper was one very tough half-blood. She was not someone you wanted to argue with. I admired her a lot, especially because she had gone through so much with her mate, and she still loved him like crazy and he loved her just as much. I could see it in the way they looked at each other, when we had dinner everyone together or when we were simply “hanging out”, as they called it. It was the same thing with Angela and her mates, but even though everyone wasn’t mated yet, no one seemed as sad and quiet as me. I was the one bringing everyone down, and I was tired of it. I quickly went to change into a pair of jeans, but I kept his sweater on, and I put on some comfy and warm boots. I went down to the kitchen, where I knew Harper was waiting, because there was no way she was letting me leave this house without eating. She had quickly caught onto the way I wasn’t really eating and if someone served me some food, I would just push it around. So, she had made it her mission to watch me eat. “Hungry?” she asked me as she handed me a white bowl and a spoon. “Not really.” “Well, you are going to eat anyway.” And I did. At least I ate some of the cereal I had put in my bowl. It was more than yesterday, and even though Harper hated to accept I couldn’t eat all of it, she still told me it was progress, though we both knew I wasn’t really getting anywhere. If everyone left me alone, I would slowly fade away. It was no secret. “Come, let us get going.” Harper and I went outside, where we got in one of the many cars. I couldn’t drive, so it was Harper who drove us back into the city, finding a baby store that Angela had grown very fond of. “Are we here for Angela or you too?” I asked, as we walked inside. They had just opened, so there weren’t a lot of people. “Well, I can’t say I am not looking around,” she told me with a little smile, as she placed her hand over her small stomach. She was only showing very little, but she already had that glow that I had heard people speaking of. I had never really before experienced it. The thing was that no one was pregnant in the other world. My mother and a few others had gotten pregnant from the attack that had happened on them, before we were rescued by the Goddess and brought somewhere safe. In that other world, a few of us were born, but since then there had been no pregnancies. We just existed. Prayed. Learned about the old tales. Read stories, but we weren’t all allowed to read the same stories or go to all the same rooms. No, some of us were chosen for other tasks. Tasks I wasn’t always sure what entailed. “Hope!” “What?” “You have been staring a doll in the eyes for the last thirty seconds,” Harper said. I looked at the doll in front of me, finally noticing it. It was just a small plastic doll, nothing special about it, and yet I reached out and took it, just continuing to look at it. In a way, I felt like I was this doll. Just frozen in time, or I had been. Now I was out in the real world, where so many things were happening, it was hard to keep up. “Are you okay Hope?” Harper asked. I sighed, putting the doll away. “We both know I am not okay,” I said and looked at her. She nodded and reached out, placing a hand on my arm. “You want to talk about it?” she asked. “What is there to talk about? My mate doesn’t want me, and he isn’t coming back,” I said. “You don’t know that.” I knew she was trying to keep me hopeful. Everyone was, and it wasn’t just for my sake. They wanted Phoenix back. He was important to them, but I had scared him away. It needed to change. “Hope?” I walked away from Harper, going further into the store, trying to find the words I needed to say, but I was dragging everything out. Harper followed me though, but was no longer focusing on shopping. She was focusing all her attention on me, looking at me with those green eyes that seemed to hold so much strength, but also love. She was a good person. She cared a lot, that was clear, but that was also important in a healer, I mean, a doctor. “This is nice,” I said and held up a small dress that kind of looked ridiculous with its bright pink color and weird plastic jewels on it. “We both know that is a lie,” she said with a small smile. I put the dress away and let my fingers run over the material. It didn’t feel very nice, but I didn’t care. “Hope, just talk to me,” she said. “I can understand you are in a lot of pain.” “But you don’t understand the pain.” “No, I can’t say that I do, but I was away from Archer for a while as well, and I felt awful,” she said. “But he wanted you. You knew that.” She sighed and I could see out of the corner of my eye, her nodding. I was still focusing on the dress, not knowing how to tell her. “He doesn’t want me,” I said. “Hope-“ “And he won’t come back, because I am there.” “I don’t think-“ “That is why I need to go,” I said, and finally turned to her. Harper stared at me wide-eyed, not sure what to say. It was clear she thought I was joking, but I wasn’t. I had to leave, so Phoenix could come home. It was dangerous for him out there, and I was just bringing everyone down anyway. I knew they wouldn’t choose between us, so I did it for them. I was leaving, even though I had no idea where to go.