An Alpha and Luna's Diary

3 - This Is Something For My Diary

Elouise’s POV

Bradon and I sat under the tree for hours. The sun was starting to set through the leaves, and we were talking about anything and nothing. He was even cheesy and called it ‘our tree.’ He extended one of his claws and had calved our initials on it. I made sure it was discreet, placing them at the base, near one of the roots, ensuring only the two of us knew it was there.

I hate to admit it, it felt nice having his arms around me. It was the first time in a long time I'd felt happy, content even. He wasn’t trying to force himself on me, he was just being someone to lean on, and I appreciated him for it. “Are you hungry?” Bradon asked as I turned my head to gaze into his hazel eyes.

“Not really” I answered, turning my eyes away as he leaned his chin on the top of my head. “Can I ask you something, though?”

“Anything” he murmured as I took in a deep breath. I’ve been wanting to know the answer to this question for a while, but I’m not sure if I wanted to hear the answer either. My life could have been so different if Mum and I hadn’t left the packhouse. That was the last time I remember being truly happy. Until now, that is.

“Do you…” I stopped speaking as he gently moved, so I could face him. “Do you know why Mum left the packhouse?”

Bradon took a deep breath before nodding his head; “I do” he replied as I released the breath I was holding. “Do you really want to know the answer?” Do I want to know the answer? I asked myself. I suppose I do, since I asked the question. I nodded my head as Bradon inhaled again; “What were you told?”

I shrugged my shoulders; “Nothing, really” I said as he c****d his eyebrow at me. “I know there was some sort of falling out between Mum and Luna Evelyn, but what, I’m not sure.”

“I suppose that’s one way of putting it”, Bradon chuckled, pulling me to his chest again. “From what I was told, Candice would go on benders and leave you with Mum and Dad. It would be weeks, sometimes months at a time, so mum and dad decided to book her into a rehab center. She came back in the middle of the night, when we were 6, and they told her to pack her things because she would be heading to the center and she flipped. She took you out of bed and left; next thing we heard, she moved you both into a house with Jamie.”

“I don’t remember that night” I whispered as he looked down at me with a bit of surprise on his face. “I only remember waking up one morning and being told we had to live with Jamie and Victoria.”

“I guess it’s true when they say, you can try and help people, but they can only get help if they truly want it”, Brandon murmured as I nodded my head. When it comes to mum, that statement is so true. I’ve begged her over the years to seek help. I even told her what Jamie was doing to me once, but she believed his lies, and then I got hit.

“I think Jamie prefers it when Mum is out of it” I whispered as Bradon pushed me forward to stare at me again.

“This last summer wasn’t the first time he has tried anything with you?” He asked, although it was more of a statement as I moved my gaze to the ground next to us, giving him the answer. “When?” he growled as the tears started to flow again, and he pulled me back to his chest. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“Tell mate” I heard a soft, distant voice inside my head as I jumped at the sudden intrusion. I’ve never told anyone about what Jamie did to me. Like I said, I learned my lesson the first time and, quite frankly, I don’t want anyone to know. “Mate will understand. Tell him” the voice whispered again.

“What’s it like, having a wolf?” I asked, hoping the subject change was enough to move away from the topic we were on.

“Like there’s another person in my head who can hear my every thought and comment on them, even when I don’t want him to”, Bradon chuckled as I nodded my head. Is that who this voice belongs to? My wolf? “Is there a reason for the question?”

“Maybe” I whispered as he c****d his head to the side. I’ll admit he looks cute when he does that. “I hear a voice in my head. It’s soft and distant, but it’s there.”

“And what does this voice tell you?” Bradon asked, a small grin starting to appear on his face.

“Nothing spectacular. Just to trust my mate” I answered as his grin grew wider. “Don’t get excited. She’s yet to confirm or deny the implication.”

“Keep telling yourself that” he whispered, kissing the top of my head as I rolled my eyes and buried my head into Bradon’s chest, taking in his sandalwood scent and giving me the courage to answer his question.

“It started when I was eight” I whispered as Bradon pushed me forward to stare at me again. “Mainly touching me in places he shouldn’t have. He didn’t do the deed until I was 11. Victoria would get jealous her father was giving me attention and that’s when her lies started, and I would get hit, or he would hit me if I tried to refuse him. Either way, it was a regular occurrence.”

“Did he ever do anything to Victoria?” Bradon asked as I gasped at his question. I never really thought about whether he would do that to her. I never saw him, but then again, I’m not sure if Victoria knows about me either.

“I don’t know” I answered truthfully as Bradon’s eyes flashed black again. His eyes would go black on and off while we were talking. “I don’t think so, because I’ve never seen him hit her, let alone touch her like he did me; but that doesn’t mean he didn’t.”

“And…” he began but stopped himself. “You don’t have to answer this next question, but I need to know. Were there others before last summer?”

Here it comes; the rejection. I knew it was going to happen eventually. I might as well get it over and done with. “Just the summer” I whispered, a tear rolling down my face. “He said, now I was 18, I was only good for one thing. I woke up the day of my 18th birthday with him sitting at the end of my bed. He laughed as he injected me with wolfsbane. At least that’s what he said it was. I couldn’t move, speak or anything, which makes me think it was more than that. Once he had his way with me, I had men come and go, doing whatever they wanted.”

“Why didn’t you run? Why didn’t you call me? Message me? Anything?” Bradon asked as more tears fell down my cheeks as he pulled me close to him again.

“I couldn’t” I cried as he held me tighter in his arms. “I was going to run when I got my wolf. I think that’s why he gave me the wolfsbane. Thank goddess, it wasn’t enough to kill her if this voice was hers, because I thought he had. I think there was something else in the wolfsbane, because I was sedated all summer. I was sedated, but knew what was happening. I would grunt and groan, trying to talk and tell them to stop, but they wouldn’t. I’m ashamed of what he did to me.”

“Why…” Bradon asked, but stopped himself as I pushed him away. I should have realized he wouldn’t have understood. “Why did he let you go, is what I was trying to ask? I’m trying to wrap my head around how someone could do such a thing.”

“He said, I needed to come back here. He must have thought questions would have been asked and told me before I left if I told anyone, he would kill Mum”, I answered as he wrapped his arms around me again.

“Was that the lie he would tell you? To make you have s*x with him?” Bradon asked as I nodded my head into his chest.

“I’m damaged goods. I know I am and Jamie never lets me forget it” I said, standing up and bracing myself for the rejection. “You can get it over and done with.”

“Get what over and done with?” he asked, looking a little confused. It’s not confusing, I know he wants to reject me.

“Your rejection” I whispered as he stood up and put his arms around me again. I wish he would stop doing that. The more he does that, the harder it will be for both of us.

“I told you, babe; it’s not going to happen” he said, a little amusement in his voice.

“And I told you not to call me that”, I snarled, throwing my hands to my mouth. Where did that come from?

“Sounds like your wolf would like to come out to play” Bradon chuckled as I glared at him. “Must be helping to have me close by.”

“Arrogant!” I seethed under my breath as Bradon chuckled again. “What are we going to do about this?” I asked, waving my hands between the two of us. “I wasn’t joking about not wanting anyone to know.”

“How about we act as friends in front of people, and we can cuddle, talk or whatever as mates away from people?” Bradon answered as I raised my eyebrows at him. What does he mean by whatever? “I’m not talking about s*x. I’m not going to push that on you, especially not after everything you’ve just told me. I’m just talking about whatever mates want to do. Go on a date or kiss or…”

“Stop rambling”, I giggled as he tried to explain the question I was asking myself. “OK, we act as friends in front of people and, if the occasion arises, we can act as mates alone.”

“Does that mean I can kiss you?” he asked. I could feel my cheeks begin to burn as he took a step closer. “Please?”

I nodded my head as he lifted my chin with his finger, brushing my lips with his. “I won’t ever do anything you are uncomfortable with” he whispered, bending down to kiss my lips again. “Ever.”

His kiss was soft and tender, unlike anything I'd ever felt before. It sent tingles through my body and I didn’t want him to let go. “Thank you” I murmured, pulling back a little. “For understanding.”

“That’s what mates do,” he said as I stopped myself from scoffing and rolling my eyes. “I know you haven’t had the best role models, but mates are supposed to be there for one another and that’s what I am going to be for you.”

“Thank you” I whispered again as Bradon took me by the hand and walked me back to my dorm room. Thankfully, nobody was around when we reached the female dormitories, and he kissed me on the cheek before I walked inside.

This is something for my diary; I smiled to myself as I tiptoed over to my bed. I know I don’t need to make another diary and I got one, but couldn’t bring myself to write in it. I felt better when I got things off my chest and onto paper and, somehow, I still couldn’t write in it. Not until now, was there something between me and the blank pieces of paper that were calling to me. I turned on my lamp and pulled out the new notebook, opening to the first page.

Sunday 9th September

Dear Diary….