Broken Faith

E8 - His Lies

“It started the day I got married.”

“I thought it was illegal in India? Isn’t it?”

Why is getting married illegal in India? I don’t understand what is he trying to say.

He lifted his right eyebrow. “What? You said you got married the day you were born, right?”

“When did I say that? I got married when I was 23.”

“But you said and I quote it started the day I got married.”

“Yes, I said that.”

“And I told you to tell me everything. Did your life start when you got married? No, it started the day you were born. I know it may sound funny, but I don’t want to end up in a situation where your husband might say something, do you remember blah blah, or something before your marriage, or childhood and I look like I don’t have a clue about it. I hate it when clients skip things, and they cost them their cases. It’s up to me to decide what’s important and what’s not. Your childhood, your teenage, college, married life, everything is important.”

I hesitated for a bit. How in the hell am I going to share my personal life with him? My s*xual life.

“I understand it might be difficult. Ok, let’s do one thing. Since this is our first meeting, you can start by telling me the bits you think are comfortable for you. You can write the rest of the parts, and email me. But then I want everything on it. Will that work?”

I nodded. Yes, this might work. I have done this before. The only difference is, this time it will be the truth.

“Ok, so let’s start once again. Shall we?”

“Hmm. My life began the day I was born. My father is a professor and my mother is a homemaker. I have a younger brother, who is doing his engineering, and a sister who is married and is living in Delhi at this moment. I have a daughter who is 11 years old. I studied at XYZ school with my brother, sister, and cousins. I was very famous in my school as my voice was nice. Many guys liked me and one of them proposed to me.”

“Hold on. Did you tell your husband about this? The proposal I mean.”

“Yes, why would I hide.”

Rohit chuckled and shook his head. “Nothing. Continue.”

“Why, what happened?”

“That was the first mistake you made. Do you know how many girlfriends he had when he was in college? Or when he was working in Bangalore?”

“You should never hide anything from someone you love, and I know he never had any girlfriend.”

“And how do you know?” He looked at me with narrowed eyes, but something in his eyes was challenging me.

“He told me himself.”

“And you believed him? Just like that?”

“Of course, I believe him. That’s the first step of….” I whispered the rest of the sentence. “First step of love.”

“Did HE ever trust you?” He emphasized the word He and I knew what he meant.

“I don’t think so.” I hung my head and could feel tears in the corner of my eye.

“Then he never loved you. You can’t love someone you don’t believe. Sonali, try to understand this. He was doing a job and was surrounded by girls. You told him a guy proposed to you. What do you expect him to think? I am a guy too. Let me tell you what was going on in his mind. When you are attracted to a girl, which I am sure he was, initially. And he gets to know that someone beat him by proposing you before he had his chance, it causes an inferiority complex. If he had girlfriends, then he was comparing you to them. If he didn’t have any, then in his mind he would think, he doesn’t deserve you.”

“But I liked him, we met and I kissed him. Doesn’t that count?”

“Was it before marriage?”

“Yes, I went to Mumbai to meet him.”

“It depends. It could mean you like him, or it could mean a kiss is a normal thing for you and you can kiss anyone.”

I looked at Rohit with tears in my eyes. Did Rudra actually think this about me when I kissed him, or when we made out on the train? He narrowed his eyes at me. A few seconds later he moved back, cleared his throat, and sat on his chair.

“Sonali, this is a case about betrayal and I am sure he will malign you. Don’t let things like this bother you.”

I nodded and wiped my tears.

“People say, you should not hide anything from your life partner,” I told him.

“Yes, you should tell them everything, but first make sure they are loyal to you. I did some study on him and well, he had a girlfriend in college. In fact, they were about to get married, but she was from another caste, so his parents denied it.”

I covered my mouth. “No, that’s not true.”

“It is, I talked to his friends, and no, he was not a virgin when you got married.”

I sobbed hard realizing the lies he told me. He said I was the first one in his life. He told me he loved only me and that I was the only one he said I Love You to.

He once again shifted and cleared his throat. “I am going out to grab a coffee. Do you want? Oh, who am I kidding? You will take coffee.”

“No, I won’t. I left coffee because….”

“Because?”

“Because he didn’t like it.”

“Then you must drink it. I make the best coffees. Here, have some tissues. You can cry as much as you want, no one is going to disturb you.”

He left the room and I fell to the ground crying hard. He lied to me for 14 years and kept on doubting me. He asked questions to me, so I could never ask him anything. How could you do this to me Rudra? You claimed you loved me. You knew I Loved you.

He kissed other girls and scolded me, forcing me to accept that I kissed someone else. I could feel anger brewing inside but then I remembered his face. How can I hate him? I love him too much.

My mind drifted to the day I kissed him for the first time.

We met in Mumbai where he came to pick me up at the station. I was starving and he bought a pizza for me. I didn’t even ask him and ate it all. We laughed a lot and then he took me to a pub.

“Pub?”

“Yes, I want to show you everything. And I don’t believe girls should restrict themselves. I am not a person who would hide the girls in the kitchen.” He pulled me in his arms and pecked my cheeks.

I blushed instantly and he laughed. “Soon you will be mine and I will never leave your lips.”

I heard someone and found Rohit sitting on the floor in front of me.

“Thinking about him?”

I wiped my tears and nodded. “I was thinking about our first kiss.”

“Would that be ok if you share it with me?”

I looked at him but he was looking at me with no expression. Can I share it with him? I don’t know. I lowered my head.

“It's ok. Here, take this.” He extended his hand which had a coffee mug. Another tear slipped my eye and I shook my head.

“I don’t think I am ready yet.”

“No problem. Next time.” He placed my mug and sat on the table. I stood up and sat on my chair. I didn’t see him much because I was still glaring at the ground.

“Ok, so you told him that someone proposed to you. What happened then?”