Broken Faith

Episode 2 - Was it a mistake?

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My parents came to drop me at my college and my jaw dropped seeing how big it was. I told myself that I would study hard and I am going to enjoy every second of my 4 years of engineering.

I instantly became famous in my college. All it took was the first day of college. My seniors started ragging, which was common in 2003. I was praying mentally, please ask me to sing and one of my seniors asked me to do something. I smiled and sang Lag Ja Gale.

They never asked for anything else.

Every time there was a free period in college, or a function, or anything, I was asked to sing a song and I am not that kind of person who would say, no I can’t sing, no not now... I was a free-minded person. You want me to sing, OK, here you go.

I opened a yahoo account after 4-5 months as I was busy with my hostel life. It was a new experience for me. I called Vaibhav and asked for his yahoo mail id. And we started to chat.

We would talk once a week, and he used to tell me about his college.

“I don’t like it here.” I could see his face behind his words.

“But I like my college a lot.” I typed quickly.

“It’s ok, you are in a girls' college. I have nothing to fear. ”

I didn’t understand what he was trying to say, so I asked him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, there is something Sonali and I think now is the time.”

He stopped for a few seconds and then typed, “I **** You. Please understand the four words in between.”

I re-read the sentence 10 times and then reality sank into me. No, this can’t be true. Why would he think like that? We are friends and I never gave him a hit.

“What are you saying, Vaibhav?”

“It’s true, Sonali. Please tell me what you understood.”

I got angry at him. I never planned on having a boyfriend, not when I was in the first year of college.

“Don’t talk to me again.” I signed off from my yahoo account and went back to my room. I sat there for a long time and tried to understand why he said that. I was always his friend. I never indicated to him that I wanted a relationship.

I was sad for a long time and my friends asked me. I told them I lost a friend.

It saddened me that my friendship with him was ruined. He was a good friend, but then my mind asked me, what if he never considered me a friend. What if he always liked me? I dismissed my thoughts and opened a book to distract myself.

I checked my yahoo account after a few days and there were a lot of messages from him.

“I am sorry, Sonali. Please ignore my message. I was teasing you.”

“Hey, when are you talking to me again?”

“I waited for you at this internet café for the whole day. You didn’t come. You don’t pick up my calls on your hostel phone either. Please, I am sorry.”

“Hey, Sonali. Please yaar (friend), don’t let a silly joke ruin what we have. It was just a joke. My friends dared me to propose to a friend and you are the only friend I have.”

I ignored the rest of his messages and didn’t reply to anything. I didn’t want him to feel that I wanted anything from this relationship.

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Days changed into months and months changed into years. I got busy with my college, competitions, and studies. I got selected for Indian Idol also and I was asked to come to Mumbai. Dad asked me to go there, but once again the fear of losing my studies clouded my judgment and I ignored it.

Soon I was in my 3rd year and got a new roommate. A few days later, we started talking about friends and school days and I told her about Vaibhav.

"You should talk to him." She told me.

"No. What if he was telling the truth and got scared when I stopped talking to him?"

"Do you really think that he would have waited for you for 2 years? I don't think so. Talk to him. If you feel he is still talking nonsense, close your account like you did last time. If not, you will get your friend back."

I thought about it and said yes. I went to the internet cafe and opened a new account. I called him and asked him to send a friend request to me. He came online within 10 minutes.

"Hey. How are you? Thank you, thank you for talking to me again."

"Hi. I am good."

"I am so sorry about what I did."

"It’s ok. I don't want to talk about it."

"Deal. So how is your college going on? How many awards did you get?"

"How many do you think?"

"I think you are breaking all the records."

"Ha ha. How is your college?"

"Oh, I am fine. Hey, I have to tell you something."

"Ohh, Gossip. Tell me."

"I met a girl. Her name is Nisha. She was with me when you called me. I asked her to wait."

"Great. Why didn't you let me talk to her?"

"Umm, I am not supposed to tell you this, but she was in my room, and I was making out with her. You know what I mean."

My eyes widened realizing what he meant. Oh my god. Is he the same Vaibhav who only talked to me when I was in school?

"No way."

"Yes, way!!! "

"Good."

"Sonali, I will talk to you later."

"Yeah, sure."

We disconnected the chat and I started to think about what we had been talking about. It is really funny to think about him making out with someone.

He called me the next day and I was surprised to hear his voice. He was drunk.

"You are drunk."

"That I am. Guilty as charged."

"Why did you drink? You know it’s bad...." He didn't let me complete it.

"Do you worry about me?"

"Of course, I do. You are my friend."

"I don't want to be your friend. F**k Sonali, I don't want to be your friend."

He disconnected the call and I told Smita about it. She said she would talk to him. She went out and called him from her mobile. She came back a few minutes later.

"He is fine. He just had a fight with Nisha and was upset. He will call you tomorrow."

I nodded and went to bed. I was getting suspicious. Why was he acting weird? And why was he yelling at me? What did I do?

I called him the next day and what I thought was right. He was acting strange.

"I am so sorry. I had a huge fight with Nisha, and she said that I still have feelings for you and that she can't be with someone who still loves his old crush."

"His old crush. Woah, wait a minute. What did you say?"

"That I had a crush on you. Didn’t you know?"

"Vaibhav, you didn't hit your head. Did you?"

"I didn't, but when I talked to Smita last night, I realized I never told you about the crush I had on you."

"I am disconnecting."

"Hey, I said I had a crush. I don't have it now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. Because I am in love with you now."

I disconnected the call and he called on Smita's number. She started talking to him on speaker.

"I know you are there and you can hear me. I Love You Sonali, I Love You. I always have. Since the day I saw you in our class. Even before you were the best singer in the school, I loved you. On our annual function day, I waited for 3 hours just to see you, to talk to you. I talked about a random girl, hoping to see you jealous. But you are a fool. You didn’t see that I was talking about your eyes. You have beautiful eyes, Sonali. And your nose is small and sharp, perfect. Models would undergo surgery to get a nose like you. And your lips. F**k. I Love You, I love you so so so much.”

I ran outside the room and his words started playing in my mind. I remained in someone else's room till midnight but when I arrived, she dialed his number once again.

"There is no Nisha, Sonali. It was a made-up character. I wanted you to feel jealous. I was drunk last night because it didn't affect you that I was making out with someone. I was upset and angry. I Love You."

I closed my ears and tried to sleep, but his call was on and he was saying all this non-stop. Uggh.

It's been a month, and he is not tired. He calls Smita daily and they talk with the speaker. But today was different. Today his friend called Smita. I went near the mobile to hear it properly.

"Vaibhav is heavily drunk and is crying. He has a high fever and has refused to eat medicine. The only word I can hear is Sonali. Please, can you please talk to him?"

I looked at Smita and nodded. He was my friend. I turned off the phone's speaker and she left the room.

"Hi."

"Sonali... Sonali, is this ... you?"

"What is this, Vaibhav? Please stop."

"I can't. I Love You."

"Just, for God's sake, stop saying I Love You."

"Then what should I say, that I will die without you?"

"Shut up."

"No, I won't. I love you."

"I am disconnecting the call if that's the only thing you have to..."

" OK then, disconnect the call. I will jump off this terrace."

"What?"

"Yes. I am standing on the terrace and I know you don't love me. But please don't stop me from loving you. I just want to talk to you and say that I Love You. You don't have to say it back."

"Vaibhav, please."

"Please, Sonali."

"Ok, fine. But don't expect anything from me in return. I will deny even knowing you if you cross your line."

"I won't expect anything from you. I promise."

"And before you start dancing, let me tell you in advance I will NEVER marry you. I will only marry the one selected by my parents."

"Deal."

" OK, I will talk to you."

I heard him shouting with joy and a smile erupted on my lips. He was shouting, and from the noises, I could guess he was dancing and then I heard him shout.

"I Love Sonali. I Love Her."

God, did I make a mistake? I don't want him to fall hard. I know he has already, but is this a big mistake? Only did I know then, that it was the beginning of the mistakes I was about to make.