The Rogue Alpha King

chapter Eight - walk in the awkward

Alpha Creeds Point Of View.

The trip back home was quite an awkward and somber one. The car was weirdly more stuffy and uncomfortable unlike usual. The silence is normal…I don’t really talk much nor does Felicia. The car ride is always silent but today the silence was so loud it was driving me crazy I could barely tolerate it.

There was so many things left unsaid between us it made the air thick with tension and Awkwardness. I had lost my temper and taken it out on that God forsaken pack which deserved it but I am still aware that I was more ruthless than usual and showed more rage than necessary but I did not care about that. The search for a companion has honestly been a long and agonizing one. I should be mated and tamed by now but I wasn’t thanks to the moon goddess.

I was more animal than man but I could not just blame that all on me…I did not create myself I just used the cards I was dealt with to my advantage. My wolf on the other hand was not at all bothered with me being more animal and man, he loved it. My wolf thrived in causing mass chaos , cousin mass panic , bringing about pain and fear in others ,It was his comfort zone.

Controlling my wolf was proving to be harder and harder as the years went by . I honestly enjoyed it, I am ashamed to admit it but I too found great joy in domination and causing as much c*****e as possible. Being in the battle field brought me comfort it was the one place where I felt at piece …it was familiar to me . I was as cruel as my wolf was even though most times I just hid around my lycanthrope blood and animalistic nature but that can only do so much.

As much as if like to say my wolf is usually in full control most of the times that I lose my cool and destroy pacts or kill people ,that is not exactly the case. I do not exactly try to gain control from my wolf or tell him to stop I just sit back ,let things happen and enjoy the show. Sometimes I am the one in control and I just lose my own grip on my own reality and destroy each and every sing thing standing on my path.

I was angry …I am angry …no… I am furious at the moon goddess and everyone who has what I long to have. A mate is a great gift that I have been denied for so many years and my wolf has been denied for centuries upon centuries. His anger was my anger and that anger brought us closer together, made us stronger and empowered us to a great degree for they is no man as dangerous as the man with nothing to lose and I just so happened to have nothing to lose.

I was now in view of my pack and felt a great deal of peace that came with being close to my own territory. As a werewolf I was very possessive and territorial ,not being in my own territory was slowly getting to me and brought me a great deal of discomfort. One of the pack warriors was on the front driving with Felicia sitting on the passenger seat and I seating behind them in the backseat. The car stopped as per my Instructions as I got out of the car and slammed the door behind me.

I had mind linked the driver to stop so I could get out of the car. I would have mind linked my beta to go out with me but I decided against it just knowing that she would follow me without being told to and just on schedule Felicia angrily huffed out of the car and slowly walked behind me. The fresh air did wonders for my sanity , the car was slowly becoming claustrophobic for me and being trapped in my own thoughts was not a pretty picture nor did it bring me any peace seeing as I am one to tend to occasionally overthink everything.

I wanted to talk with Felicia privately before reaching the pack and the walk was just a bonus. Being in nature brought me a great deal of peace and mental clarity so I welcomed the serenity of nature as I mused over my words , trying to figure out exactly what to say to her and what words to use .

“Alpha… you do not in any way shape or form owe me an explanation about what happened last night ,it is none of my business. There is also no need to explain why you asked one of the guards to stay back , I had already assumed that you might have wanted him to find the mystery girl you were with. I am not interested in your reasoning and we do not need to discuss anything that happened this morning. We both know that you owe me no explanation and I am fine with that . We can just go on as normal…like nothing happy because nothing really did happen. Is that ok with you Alpha creed?”

ok well I guess I had run out of time to muse over my words seeing as Felicia beat me to it and addressed the elephant in the room first. I was grateful for her speaking up and addressing the awkwardness between us but I still felt the need to voice my own opinion and put in my two cents so as to have a proper conversation and hash this out. Her opinion mattered to me and I wouldn’t want her getting the wrong idea about why I even went to that town or thinking I was irresponsible and a lying , cheating bastard.

“I appreciate that Felicia but no…it is not ok with me. Yes I do not owe you any explanation and honestly I have no problem with telling you to mind your business but I care about our friendship and I value how open our relationship is and I choose to share with you. I did not sleep with her…the woman that was in my room ,I did not sleep with her but not for lack of trying on my part, believe me I tried . Her name is Jade and she is absolutely breathtaking. I don’t mean to over share but wow the woman just had me at the palms of her hand and I honestly wouldn’t have had it any other way. I passed out before anything , at least that’s all I remember … everything else is just a blur,”

I turned around to look at Felicia who was still a few steps behind me just to make sure that she was still paying attention to my words before I carried on speaking.

“ She was not my mate. We both know that I have no mate so that is not a possibility, do not even think of it. She was and will forever be the closest thing I’ll ever have to feeling like I had a mate. I know I am betrothed to Grew and I am to mate with her but we both know there is nothing between Gwen and I . She is just a convenience to me and she knows it. My wolf can tolerate her presence and that’s good enough for me , besides she is not exactly ugly,"

Since Gwen’s mate passed away I can comfortably say that she is a good choice since she and I both don’t have mates. She was just there so I picked her but that does not mean I won’t be respectful of her and go around acting like a bastard. Jade just did something to me …she made me feel weird in a way that I never have previously and that intrigued me to a great extent.

I knew that Felicia had heard each and every word I had said but she still said nothing . The silence between us was no longer as awkward as it previously was in the car and I was grateful for that thus I did not feel at all uncomfortable with our situation currently in relation to her silence . We continued walking for quite some time but she still made no move to actually say anything to me but I decided to just let it be.

We were now finally in my pack territory and honestly my wolf was not as settled as I had expected. He was still a bit antsy and unsettled even though we were within our territory but I decided to cast that aside maybe he just wanted to be in the pack house. Maybe sleeping in my own house and own bed would bring me some sort of peace. Felicia had surprisingly not made any comment to anything I had said but I just decided to let it go and head straight for the pack house.

Right at the front of the pack house I could see Gwen standing there just waiting around for only God knows what . I made my way towards the door and almost missed a step and lost my footing. The beautiful blond haired girl I had named my betrothed had now tackled me into a weird and very unexpected hug. Having her arms around me honestly felt weird and was beyond uncalled for especially in front of pack members. I made sure to immediately remove her arms from me and leave some room between us.

“ Alpha Alvaro…I was so worried about you. Are you ok? I thought maybe you were hurt or something. Do you want anything , Maybe food or some water to drink?”

Gwen rambled on as if I hadn’t just ripped her hands off me … she was honestly a beautiful , gentle and caring soul.

I could not help but find some humor at her worrying about me getting hurt but I decided to not comment on it. I tried walking past her but the woman was persistent, shy but persistent nonetheless. She still followed me around with some questions and enquiries which I mostly just ignored with an occasional grunt for yes or no here and there within the conversation.

I headed straight to my room just wanting to lay down and maybe think over my next moves in relation to the pack I had now left without am alpha. Both Felicia and Gwen were now walking behind me , following my footsteps. I was beyond grateful to see that Gwen had given up one and had now resorted to just bothering Felicia with questions about me and my health.

I could tell just by Felicia’s voice that she was annoyed but did not want to be impolite and I personally just grateful that I was not the one being bothered with the endless questions. I was beyond grateful when Felicia told Gwen I was tired and maybe should come back after I was well rested . Gwen left in that very instance with the promise of coming back later but I was really not looking forward to later.

To my greatest surprise Felicia was still on my tail and followed me all the way to my room but still said nothing. I welcomed the warm familiar scent of my room with a long sigh as I removed my shoes and threw myself onto my bed. Peace …that was all that I wanted at that very moment but somehow just could not get any as my wolf still stirred restlessly around the corner of my mind.

Out of nowhere my betas words rang through the air and caught me off guard. Her words sent a great deal of questions pacing in the great depths of my mind .

“What of Jade? If the pack warrior you assigned to look for her finds her, what then ? What do you plan to do if you find her?”

Felicia did not even wait for me to answer her questions as she left my room and closed the door behind her , leaving me in yet another mental turmoil.

If I find her, what do I plan to do? Do I even have a plan ?