Remember to Forget

Chapter 27

Jia Xia

Waking up, I feel like i have been hit by a car.

My body is paining in place i never knew I had.

Slowly I got up and looked around, I was in my bed.

I looked around and saw my phone on my bedside table.

I picked it up and checked the time.

11:38pm

I must have been out the whole afternoon.

I remember seeing Xavier.

Why was he still effecting me in such a horrible manner.

Than I thought of the woman I saw with him.

She definitely wasn't Bella.

I scoffed think about her.

She went to extreme lengths to break uo my marriage yet...

Xavier seems to be cheating on her as well.

I suddenly felt so lucky I wasn't in that marriage anymore.

The things I had to go through was now what Bella was going through.

Karma really is a Bithc in Prada.

I got up and went to the bathroom.

I took a quick shower and went out to go check on the boys.

They have been sleeping in the other guests room oppisite to mine.

I walked in and saw them fast asleep.

My boys was everything to me.

I kissed them both than went back to my room.

I at on my bed, but wasn't feeling sleepy so I decided to go and clear out my old room.

I wanted to get rid of anything that was a reminder of my past.

The room was dark, only the moonlight shining in from the swaying curtains.

I walked over and turn on the lam.

I slowly started going through all the boxes stacked in the corner, most was marked.

I opened one box, it had a few small things inside.

The next box was marked, "Wedding albums"

I opened it and saw my mother and fathers wedding albums.

I put it aside and took oit the next one.

It was mine.

The front cover had a picture of me and Xavier which was taken the days leading up to the wedding.

He wasn't smiling in this picture.

He looked like he was attending a funeral instead of a wedding.

The next few apges was pictures taken during our wedding ceremony.

One stood out in particular.

It was a picture of Xavier and non other than Bella.

I didn't even remember seeing her at the wedding.

But I guess I wasn't surprised.

He looked at her with such loving eyes you could think she was his bride, i am sure the photographer must have been drunk if he couldn't see this when he was shooting the picture.

I suddenly feel my heart racing again.

My head was spinning.

This wasn't the time.

But unfortunately Every time i would see or think about Xavier and Bella or any woman for that matter I seem to loose control.

I started ripping the picture one by one.

Each picture was like a small cut, cutting deeper and deeper until I was left bleeding out.

My hands turned a crimson red.

The paper must have cut my hands because they were now bloody.

I looked at the blood, I saw the picture and than saw bella and Xavier...

I started feeling my chest tightly close.

Like someone was choking me.

I couldn't get a single sound out.

I grabbed my chest, and started clawing at my throat.

I needed to breath.

I looked down and saw the blade i used to ooen the boxes laying on the floor, I reached oit and grabbed it.

All of a sudden I felt I could breath, but as i looked down my close was being soaked in blood.

I suddenly felt startled so i started screaming.

My mother came rushing in.

"Jia Xia... Jia Xia, Baba, come fast, Jia Xia is trying to kill herself... Baba..."

My mother started screaming for my father.

I couldn't believe she actually thought I would try committing suicide when she knew I would never leave Zain and Hayaan alone...

She grabbed a shirt that was laying on my bed and wrapped it around my neck, she saw the blade in my hands and pushed it away from me.

By the time my father came in I was bearing conscious.

In and out I watched as the paramedics came and took over, I opened my eyes a few times and then fell asleep.

If I die, I will come back to haunt Xavier and Bella till the end of time.

"Where am I...?"

Up sat up and looked around.

Ha -bin and Alexis was sitting talking when they heard me.

They both jumped up and ran towards me.

She must have returned because of me.

"Your awake, are you okay...?"

Alexis asked.

Ha-bin seemed upset and angry.

I looked at her and she gave me soft smile, than got up and walked ovwr to where Ha-bin was standing.

"god damit, Jia Xia... What were you thinking, or weren't you thinking at all... Are still so effected by Xavier that you are willing to leave your children behind and die for him... What the f**k is wrong with you...!!!"

He was really angry.

But I knew he meant well.

I took a deep breath than explained what actually happened.

He was shocked.

" so you weren't trying to kill yourself? "

I smiled.

" no Ha-bin.. If I want to die, I would have taken Xavier and Bella with me..."

I said trying to make it sound funny.

He wasn't laughing.

"okay, okay... I'm fine it was just a small mistake... Please..."

He than came and sat next to me.

"Why don't you see a psychologist... Maybe you have depression or something like that.. Maybe coming back has opened some old wounds you were hiding. Or..."

I knew he was really concerned not only for me but alos for the boys.

"okay... If thats what it takes for you to believe I am fine."

I think deep down I knew something was wrong.

My whole marriage I would have similar attacks when ever I was faced with Xavier and Bellas behavior.

Maybe I was going crazy and this was the symptoms I didn't recognize.

My father made a few calls and told me his old school friend was an outstanding Physiologist and he was on a business trip in Shanghai.

He made arrangements that the doctor would come meet me here at the hospital and than he would discuss the outcome with Ha-bin and the family.

I met the doctor.

Hayden was his name..

But he looks so young.

I asked him how he was possible my father's age, when he suddenly laughed.

He explained he was tje doctors nephew and because his uncle had an urgent matter to attend to he would be seeing me.

I apologize.

I went on to explain what happened to me and how things came this far.

I was trying hard not to cry.

He sat down and patted my had.

Than he looked at me and started to explain what he was thinking.

"So the thing is... You seem to still have feelings for this ex husband of yours, thats why you're reaction to seeing him again was so extreme, but it's also the emotional trauma you experienced that has been building up and unfortunately seeing him in a similar situation as during your marriage was the final trigger... I think we can get you back to normal, but it might take some time but for now you need rest, i will prescribe you some antidepressant and a sleeping tablet but please... Don't make me regret the latter... Okay..? "

I knew he meant the sleeping pills, AKA don't overdose.

Well I guess thats okay.

We discussed a few other things and than he left.

The next morning Ha-bin had an appointment with him to discuss the future plan of action.

" Come have lunch, I made red bean soup..."

Came my mother's voice.

"Okay... 5 minutes let me wash Zain and Hayaan's hands."

I took the boys and washed their hands.

We went inside and sat to have lunch.

We were busy eating when my phone rang.

Ha-bin

"I need to talk to you tonight, meet me at our old high school"

Okay thats weird, why not come here and talk.

I switched the phone of and continue my lunch.

They boys went back outside and continued their mud houses.

I watched them a while than remembered I had to get to the office for some documents.

I told my mom that I was heading out and that I was meeting Ha- bin after so she shouldn't wait up for me and put the boys to bed early as they had a school camping trip planned tomorrow so they needed to get up early.

On my way to the office I was thinking about the camping trip.

It will be the first time they would be away from me.

I was anxious but i knew they needed to become independent someday.

I got to the office grabbed some documents and left to go see Ha-bin.

We met at the school's library.

"So what's all the mysterious behavior behind this so called meeting.?"

He sat down.

"Sit.."

"okay"

He took a deep breath

"So you know I had a meeting with this dr Hayden today, rigth.. And he said your suffering from emotional depression and anxiety disorder..."

I shook my head.

"Yeah he told me that's what he was thinking... And...?"

"well... I think you better find a different doctor."

Now i was confused.

"Why.. Isnt he a family friend or the nephew of the friend anyway... You don't trust his opinion?"

He looked away.

"Ha-bin... Whats going on?"

"I saw Xavier today at his office... And well they seem like old friends... I don't know if it's a set up or maybe Xavier is trying to do something again... Anyway I just have a bad feeling about this so called Dr.. Okay...?"

My heart was racing.

But i took a few deep breaths and calmed down.

" You really think he would go as far as to get involved in my life again.. And why.. I mean he doesn't know anything about me or even that I saw dr Hayden... Maybe its just a coincidence..."

He looked back at me.

"Are you willing to take such a risk?"

My heart wanted to believe it was all just A coincidence but my mind was telling me to dig deeper.

I thought for a while.

Maybe this is a good thing.

If they are friends maybe he can tell me more about Xavier and Bella.

I wasn't in my rights mind.

I couldn't understand why i still cared.

Was it because i wanted to know if Bella was suffering as I did?.

Or was it because i was obviously still hoping me leaving Xavier had some kind of troubling effect on their relationship.

I didn't understand anything but I knew this wasn't such a good idea.

"Please tell me your not thinking of having anything to do with Xavier's life...?"

Ha-bin was reading me like a book.

"No are you crazy... I just think its all a coincidence... Lets wait and see.

I wasn't going to let this opportunity slip past me.

I had this deep desire to know what Xavier's life was like without me in it.

Call me stupid but love makes you do some crazy things.