The World Where She Fits

TWWSF 7: Clash

Shandra POV

The past few days feels like hell. And why not? I've been holding myself not to reach out to Chase. It was hard to do. It was hard to deprive myself just to see the man that I've been longing. A glimpse is not enough. I want him for myself only. But it's not possible in this situation.

Kung napakahirap na ng ilang araw pa lang ang lumipas, paano na ang mga araw na darating? Hindi ko alam kung hanggang saan ko kakayanin na ang tanging magagawa ko lang ay ang tingnan siya mula sa malayo. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ko kayang pigilan ang aking sarili. Kung makakaya ko bang magtiis.

I can choose to leave but I don't want to. This place is my home. This is where my friends are. This is the place where I belong. But as the days pass it's becoming a little hard living here. It's because of Chase and his fiancée.

Pero ayokong umalis sa lugar na ito dahil lang sa kanila. Marami pa ring dahilan para manatili. Hindi sapat na dahilan ang sakit para lumisan. Isinakripisyo na ng kapatid ko ang kanyang kalayaan. Kaya kailangan kong gampanan ang tungkulin na iniwan niya. Idagdag pa na hindi maasikaso ni Kuya Shi ang CAU ngayon dahil sa tungkulin niya sa Palasyo at sa Kaharian. Hindi ko pwedeng iasa kay Zander ang lahat dahil lamang sa nasasaktan ako.

Kailangan ko lang maging matatag at harapin ang lahat ng buong tapang. Malalagpasan ko din ang lahat ng ito. Maaaring hindi magbago ang damdamin ko pero darating din ang araw na matatanggap ko na hindi kami para sa isa't isa.

***

Paglabas ko ng bahay ay nakita ko si Zander na nakasandal sa kanyang kotse at mukhang ako ang hinihintay.

"Get in," he smiled and open the door for me.

"I'm planning to use Green Flare but I can't say no to you. Not when I see you purposely waiting for me," I replied with a small smile. "Thanks," I murmured to him when I get in.

"I want to drive you to School that's why I waited." Isinara na niya ang pinto sa bahagi ko at umikot sa driver seat. "How's your past days?"

"Hell?" I jokingly said. I sigh, "I'm getting by, Zan. It's hard to see him with another woman though."

"Can you still handle it?"

"Of course. Don't worry too much, Zan. I'll tell you if I can't handle it."

"You better be. You know that I hate to see you crying, Shan." He looks at me affectionately, "I don't want you getting hurt terribly."

"Thank you, Zan. For being in my side, always." Sumandal ako sa balikat niya at binigyan siya ng matamis na ngiti.

"You will always be my favorite, Shan. Next to Mom Yuri, of course."

"I know, that's why I am so grateful that you choose to stay with us."

Dumating kami ng maaga sa school. Wala pang gaanong estudyante dahil mahigit isang oras pa bago ang umpisa ng regular class schedule. Inihatid ako ni Zander sa first subject saka siya nagpaalam at pumasok na din sa first subject niya.

Iilan pa lang kaming nasa room at wala akong makausap. Mga bago na ang kaklase ko kaya hindi ko na gaanong kilala. Nahuli na ako sa mga kaklase ko dati dahil napatigil ako sa pag-aaral ng pumasok ako sa Imperial Palace.

I know that almost all students in CAU knows who am I but they are not allowed to talk about it. That's why they mum about my status and about my relationship with Chase. The only thing that they can freely talk about me is being the gangster SF.

The RH made the students signed an agreement that they won't talk about me as long as they are students of CAU. They were the students that was present when I was involved in a scandal and my confession, about how feel toward Chase. The RH was not trying to cover up what happened. They're only trying to block it so that it can't be heard by people who was not supposed to hear. It was dangerous if an enemy heard about it, and it still is.

Kaya sa mga nangyari ngayon, higit sa lahat ang tungkol sa engagement ni Chase. There's no open talk about us. May mga estudyante na tiyak ko na pinag-uusapan kami ng palihim pero walang maglalakas ng loob pag-usapan kami in public. Because the moment they do, they will be kick out by CAU. It will be worst if that happen. CAU has very high standards and known as the best in Megacity. Isang malaking karangalan na kung makakapasok ka ng CAU. Dahil hindi lamang ibig sabihin nun na galing ka mayamang pamilya kundi magaling ka ding estudyante. CAU is not just base on who can afford but also base your talent and intellect. Kaya isang malaking kawalan para sa mga nag-aaral dito kung ma-kick out ka.

Dahil sa boredom at walang makausap naisipan ko na lang na pumunta sa main cafeteria. Mas marami kasi ang choices dun sa pagkain at baka sakaling may makita ako doon na isa sa mga kaibigan ko.

Marami ng tao sa main cafeteria. Karamihan ay mga estudyante na piniling doon na lang mag-almusal kaysa sa bahay nila. Sabagay masarap din naman ang mga pagkain sa main cafeteria at marami kang pagpipilian kaysa sa cafeteria sa kung saan kang department kabilang.

Kumuha lang ako ng light food since kumain na ako bago umalis ng bahay. Pinili ko ang pwesto sa 2nd floor na nasa pinakadulo at hindi pansinin. Kapag mapansin ako ng mga estudyante ay tiyak na ako na naman ang topic ng private talk nila. Not that I care. Mula sa kinauupuan ko ay nakikita ko ang mga estudyante sa paligid na may kanya-kanyang ginagawa.

Na-distract lang ako sa pagmamasid ng biglang nagring ang phone ko. Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapangiti ng mapagsino ang tumawag.

"Hello? How's my dear best friend?"

"Coping?" Yana replied. "I should be the one asking you that, Shan. I heard that Chase is engaged to someone else. Are you okay?"

"I'm trying to be." I sigh, "mas okay sana kung nandito ka. I miss you, Yana."

"I miss you too, Shan. I'm sorry if I'm not by your side now. Hindi ko kasi pwedeng iwan ang pag-aaral ko ngayon dahil finals namin. Malalagot ako kay Daddy at kay Josh."

Marami pa kaming pinag-usapan ni Yana kaya nawala sa isip ko ang oras. Ng masulyapan ko ang relo sa braso ko ay nagulat pa ako na ilang minuto na lang umpisa na ng klase.

"I have to go, Yana. I'm going to be late in my class." Paalam ko sa kanya habang nagmamadaling tumayo at naglakad patungo sa hagdan upang makababa ng 2nd floor.

"Call me back, 'kay?" Yana replied.

"Yeah." Tinapos ko na ang tawag. Pinasok ko sa bag ko ang phone at naglalakad na hindi gaanong binigyang pansin ang daan. Mabuti na lang nahagip ng peripheral vision ko ang dalawang estudyante na makakasalubong ko. Sa kasamaang palad busy sila sa kung anumang pinag-uusapan nila kaya hindi rin sila nakatingin sa daan. Nagawa ko silang maiwasan pero nasagi ko ang mesa na malapit sa akin kaya natapon ang pagkain ng estudyante na naka-upo doon.

"I'm sorry," I immediately said. The student looks up and I almost raise my brow when I saw that it was Breena. And base on the look on her face, she will not accept my apology that easily. How unlucky my morning is?

"Sorry? You ruin our breakfast and you're only sorry?" She sarcastically said.

"I didn't mean to ruin your breakfast. I was just trying to avoid bumping to the two students," I pointed the two students that I almost bumped.

"Do you think I will believe that?"

"What? Are you trying to say that I purposely ruin your breakfast?" I said with a knotted forehead.

"You're the one who said that, so, maybe it's true," she replied tauntingly.

Dahil wala ako sa mood makipag-away, inilabas ko ang wallet ko at naglabas ng pera. Sa tingin ko ay hindi pa umabot ng limang daan ang order niya at ng kasama niya. Inilapag ko ang buong isang libo sa harap niy. "Here. Pambayad sa natapong pagkain at pambili na rin. It looks like you haven't eaten your breakfast yet that's why you don't understand what I'm saying."

"I perfectly understand what you've said and I can definitely afford to buy another food. I just don't believe that you didn't do it on purpose." She said smirking.

Unti-unti na ring uminit ang ulo ko sa pinagsasabi niya. Lalo pa at talagang late na ako sa klase ko. Kinalma ko ang sarili ko at baka maputalan ko pa babaeng 'to.

"If you so," I shrugged my shoulder and get back the money. Hindi ko sasayangin ang isang libo para lang sa walang kwentang bagay. "Wala akong rason para sadyaing sagiin upang matapon ang pagkain niyo. If you will excuse me." Tumalikod na ako para umalis. Nagsisimula na kasi kaming panoorin ng mga estudyante. Halos lahat ay tumigil na sa kanilang ginawa at nakatingin na sa amin.

"Not so fast," pigil niya sa akin. "I bet you did this because of Chase. You are jealous of me," she stated.

Biglang napanting ang tenga ko sa narinig. And right there, the control that I've been holding suddenly crash. But still I try to calm down myself before I turn back to her.

"What did you say? I am jealous of you?" I can't help but laugh. "Are you kidding me? Being Chase fiancée is not enough reason for me to be jealous of you." I smirk at her.

I can clearly tell that she's gritting her teeth with what I said. Hindi niya siguro ini-expect na pagtatawanan ko lang ang sinabi niya. Yeah, I don't like the idea of another girl in Chase life but I've never been jealous of her. She maybe is Chase fiancée but she will never have his heart. Chase doesn't love her.

"You're bluffing. I can tell that there is something between you and Chase." She firmly said. "You like him."

"Yes, I am." I confidently admitted. Everyone that heard what I said gasp. They maybe can't believe I won't deny my feelings. "Let me rephrase that since I don't simply like Chase. I do love him."

"Chase is my fiancé and he's mine." She declared but she doesn't sound confident. She's unsure.

"Are you sure? Does Chase tell you that he likes you?" I grinned. "He may be promises to marry you but it doesn't mean that he loves or even, like you. So, what's there to be jealous if I knew that I am still the one he loves?"

I knew that I am over the line but I can't help it. Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang aking sarili at hindi na ako nakapagtimpi pa. I don't want to sound like a b***h but she started it. I'm no damsel in distress. Ako si SF at wala sa bokabularyo ko ang magpaapi. Ang ilang araw na pagtitimpi ay sapat na. I need an outlet for my anger and pain. It's just a pity that Breena will be one to face it. I can be a b***h with someone who is also a b***h.

"What did you say?" Galit na tanong niya.

"You didn't know? Chase loves me." I smirk.

"You!" Galit na kinauha niya ang baso ng tubig at tinapun sa mukha ko.

Napasinghap ako sa pagkabigla ng tumama ang malamig na tubing sa aking mukha. I never expected her to resort this thing. Nasaktan ko marahil ang ego niya dahil may basihan ang mga sinabi ko. Knowing Chase, I'm sure he made it clear with Breena that he loves someone else. He maybe not mentioned my name but still I'm saying things with basis.

Matalim na tingin ang ibinigay ko kay Breena ng makabawi ako sa pagbigla. I know that the look in my face clearly states that I want to hit Breena right there and then. But I can feel the presence of DK and BA around. They may not stop me from doing it but I know that they will be disappointed and so am I. And I also don't want to do something I might regret later. She's still the girl who saved Chase so I have to hold back myself.

"Be thankful that you saved Chase's life because that's the only reason why I held myself." I fiercely said with a deadly look towards her.

Mahigpit na kinuyom ko ang aking kamao saka ako nagmartsa paalis sa lugar na iyon. The students make a way for me to get through. Nilagpasan ko lang din ang BA at DK na maang na nakatayo dun at sinundan ako ng tingin. Wala na akong pakialam kung anuman ang iisipin ng lahat. Ang gusto ko lang ay makaalis agad doon at baka kung anu pa ang magawa ko. Baka tuluyan ko ng hindi mapigilan ang aking sarili at magawa ko ang bagay na magdudulot ng kahihiyan sa pamilya.

Nakita ko si Zander na pasalubong sa akin. Tumakbo at yumakap ako sa kanya ng mahigpit upang kalmahin ang aking sarili.

"Are you alright?" He worriedly asked. "What happened?"

I sigh, "just let me be, for a moment Zan, or else I don't know what I can do. I don't want to do something that I will regret later. Just tell me that everything will be okay, hmm?"

"Alright," he hugged me back and tap my back. "Everything will be okay." He said that over and over again until I can feel that I totally calm down.